TheCurious

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TheCurious

Location: Chicago, United States

Gender: F

Member Since: March 2017

Last online: August 2017

Open for read requests: Yes

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Last Updated Apr 20, 2017

Great writers are suicidal !! Visit my profile page and read more !!

Hello everyone, 

Let me address a very serious issue. Not sure how to tell you all nicely so..  Go to my profile page, read and repost! 

Please read to the end because I promise it will change you! 

Comments are welcomed ! 


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Great writers are suicidal!!  Repost this if you think suicide should be understood and prevented!!

I still remember the day my aunt talked about the suicide of her neighbor: “She was only 15 years old. I don’t know what she was thinking to do such things. You don’t know what the kids are thinking these days. What could be going on for a 15 year old?!”

To me that was the problem. Not that people did not understand suicide but people did not try to understand the person before they committed such act. They were shocked, maybe because they were not even slightly aware of the problem beneath the cover. Maybe they simply let a person slip out of their reach, by avoiding the cause, by brushing off the signs that needed to be addressed. 

Guess what, s/he was forever gone. While you were busy consuming in your own world, s/he was barely hanging on. S/he let go. No one fought for him/her to stay and s/he  thought he/she wasn’t worth fighting for. S/he let go. 

Now I know it is harsh to put all the responsibility on a bystander, but let me offer my story. 

I remembered hesitating when my psychiatrist asked me, “Any thoughts of suicide?” The answer was yes and I was not ashamed. 

She then asked, “Do you have any plans?” I hesitated again. I knew all the thing I could do to end this life but never had the courage to do them. Courage, I called it. Taking action needed courage and I did not have the courage to take my own life. 

At that point, I thought of all the possibilities of being gone and was not a bit afraid of the afterlife. I did not care about what would happen if I died. I cared about what would happen to this world if I died. Funny wasn't it.

I thought about how my parents would be famous on newspaper, flooded with shame and criticism, that they raised a 'coward', a 'loser', who gave up, who didn't fight, who was foolish enough to end her life.

I also thought about my funeral, empty chairs and parents standing alone in the rain, embarrassed once again by the 'friends' I made. If I was gone, I would be nothing but quiet silence, blown away by the wind. 

I thought if I didn’t want to live for myself, then there were no other I should live for either. 

 

Let’s me back up a bit. What is suicide?

Suicide is an immensely complex interplay of social, psychological, neurological, biological and cultural variable. The problem is that these variables carry unequal weights and no single one has been demonstrated to be necessary or sufficient to cause an individual to take their life. This made suicide very hard to predict and prevent, but we know the number one cause is Depression.

Most people found Depression very abstract, and never accepted the fact that Depression is hard to overcome with solitary efforts. No, s/he could not change the way s/he thought about life, just like you haven’t changed your perception of them. All the responsibilities were blamed that they were not making a change. 

And here is what I said my doctors:

"I couldn't meet the basic expectation (to be happy) and I couldn't even get over the smallest hurdle(Depression). I was looked down upon and being labeled as the ones failed to be ‘normal’. I am letting people down."

Well the truth is suicide takes courage. You are letting her/him down, because she gave up on you. She thought suicide was the only way out. She didn't think you could help.

A psychologist who works at a crisis center in Arizona, pointed out that taking your own life is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, yet many do so nevertheless. It made me wonder, was it failure, or was it fear, or was it something bigger more difficult to deal with?  Was it what you think? Why would a person give in. Here is the answer. 

Because I didn’t believe the problem would change for the better. Because I was too  preoccupied with feelings of distress and others disgust that I forgot to hope. No, I didn’t forget. It was simply taken away from me. It wasn’t a temporary problem and I didn’t believe it would get better. I lost faith in myself and mostly others. I was no longer myself. I no longer had what it took to solve the temporary problem. To me that was the problem, the permanent problem. 

I remembered sitting in a room by myself staring off to the walls with nothing in mind but a doomed feeling. Nothing bad happened that day. That was just the feeling. It was a feeling I couldn't get rid off. However, I was saved. I was saved because I was sent to the hospital in time. I was save because the psychiatrists understood the problem. They accepted who I was. They accepted Depression. They accepted the fact that it wasn’t a down day, or a low week, or a painful month, but an ongoing problem needed to be solved. They looked at the problem and told me it was temporary. 

I was put on pills and well treated by therapists who saw 'me' regardless of Depression. They did not look down on me. They did not judge. They told me my worth, strength and power. 

What can you do? Can you tell if someone has Depression? The answer is: it depends. Some hid the fact that they are indeed struggling. For that reason, some didn’t get help. Some signs were gone unnoticed. Some committed suicide. 

My circumstance was hidden, because I was told Depression should be ashamed of. Depression was no excuse. 

Guess what, maybe that was why they chose to die. Maybe your every comment made her feel a little less. So today, let us make a change. 

Let us listen with an open mind. Let us pay more attention to details. Please, all you needed to do really was to understand or accept. You don’t need to take great action to raise awareness or start a campaign, but there will be people all around you that suffers from Depression. So please, let them tell their story.

 

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