Lucinda Paige Profile

5/10/19

Never give up, never surrender! I love that movie so much, and the sentiment has become my battle cry. Life's been rough, really, really, rough, but I'm picking myself up and fighting for me and my family. Thanks to those who've reached out, its meant the world to me. I've been writing, but with how things were my writing reflected my reality. Dark. I will probably publish The Fourth Horesman, at least one day. But only after I finsih my other stories. Its good to be back! 

First of the tests done and no breast cancer! It's been stressful with the multiple appointments and constant fear, but thankfully I can breathe a sigh of relief, and I did. In fact I cried in relief and thanked the powers that be, and now my daughter is making me dinner.Only a few tests left and hopefully everything will finally be done and settled, the problems identified and taken care of. As you can understand writing under that cloud has been impossible.The other tests aren't as terrifying so fingers crossed. My despression is lifting which, Is. Awesome! I did actually rewrite the last chapter I posted of Surviving the Rich and will upload it soon. I made some changes to make it flow better, and I'm really excited about the chapters to come. Killian and Rae have some ups and downs ahead, and I can't wait for you to read them. I know readers are waiting for the next Clans of the Moon chapter and I'm on it but honestly struggling a bit. Everything is coming to a head and I'm trying to hit the sequence just right. Its all in my head and most of it written but the timeline needs some tweaking. Otherwise I hope you're all doing great and living life to the fullest. Love ya!

And it effected me deeply. The surgery I underwent last April was supposed to bring an end to the problems and pain, at least that's what I thought. Instead the pain morphed into something else and worsened. I went back to the surgeon, twice. He prescribed antibiotics and it seemed to help. I thought I was on the road to recovery. I wasn't. I went to the doctor and she wanted me to take a bunch of tests I couldn't really afford but also suggested an over the counter allergy medication to help, in her words, loosen things up. It actually worked, the awful knot in my throat disappeared and I chalked up the neck, shoulder, and chest pain to muscle issues. But the knot was eventually replaced by a dry patch on one side of my throat, and the throbbing and shooting pains got worse. I went to the dentist, thinking maybe the surgeon missed something but the dentist saw nothing wrong and the pain got worse. I sunk into a depression and got very scared the doctors were missing something. My grandmother died from lung cancer and an uncle died from throat cancer, and some of my symptoms were similar to theirs. I tried to fight the fear and depression, writing was a refuge that had helped me in the past. But not this time. The pain seeped into every aspect of my life, including my writing. When I managed to sit down in front of my computer to write I just stared at the screen. When I did type a couple paragraphs I usually ended up deleting them or dissolving into tears, hating every word and thinking I should really just stop, delete my profile and give up writing. The depression had truly sunk its claws into me, but pain 24/7 will do that.

When people messaged me asking when the next chapters would be posted I'd give an answer telling myself that I wouldn't let them down, seeing it as a goal I could accomplish, for my readers. Obviously that didn't work which just made me feel that much worse. 

Then, one day, I drove by Killian's office. Obviously it's not really Killian's office but the building I set his office in. I pictured him up there on the top floor looking out over the city and I desperately wanted to get back to myself, to my refuge. I missed my characters and their stories. So in December I saw another doctor, and she prescribed a nerve medication thinking I may have developed a condition from the surgery. So far it seems to be working. I still get aches here and there, but the dry patch is gone, the constant thobbing and shooting pains have dissipated or disappeared all together, and I'm not getting the migraine like headaches. Day by day I've been clawing myself out of the darkness the pain threw me into and I've been able to write. It's slow going, but it's going.

Thanks to those who've stuck with me. I know it's frustrating when you're in the middle of a story and it just stops. I'm back and should have a chapter posted soon. My goal is to make 2018 a year of great things, joy, and writing, writing, writing. 

Here's to all of us getting everything we want from this new year!

I don't mean to be. When I say I'm going to publish a chapter on a certain day I fully intend too. I truly believed I'd be done with Survivng The Rich and Clans of the Moon by now. So I apologize profusely for the long stretches between chapters. I'm trying to manage my time better, although I freely admit I am not as fast a writer as some on this site. Looking at you Kitty. Its a skill I wish I posessed. Unfortunately my life these days is not very conducive to writing. But I'm working on it. 

My next chapter update will be for Surviving the Rich. I'm back on track with that one after someone threw me off. I'll explain later. 

Love you all!