JenniferWells

JenniferWells Profile


JenniferWells

Location: Orion's Belt, United States

Member Since: June 2015

Last online: January 2017

Open for read requests: Yes

Profile Information

At age 5, I invented peas and mashed potatoes. Prior to this event, people ate their peas willy nilly. They were all over the place. It was mass histeria. So I said to my mom, I said, "Why don't you just stick that shit in mashed potatoes?" to which she replied, "Stop swearing! And take your hands out of your pants!" I chose to do neither. 

 

15 years later I joined the sexlympics, where I won gold by successfully completing a triple backcrunch noodle slide with only one hand. 

 

After that, I went to college, where I experimented with my sexuality. Sometimes as a man, sometimes as a woman, sometimes as Tyranasaurus Rex. Sexsasaurus Rex, that's what they called me... until the day I went mysteriously missing. 

 

Where I went from there? Nobody knows. Perhaps I wondered from town to town, fixing the wrongs of the world. Perhaps I discovered porn on the internet and spent years locked in my room masturbating furiously. 

 

Either way, one day I was found, naked, hanging from a tree, in the Northern Canadian Jungle. I leaped from that tree, and crawled sixty miles back to civilization, battling dire cobras, dire bears, and dire wolves all along the way. When I finally made it into a local Holiday Inn, I'll never forget the first words that they said to me. "Why are you naked?...Eh?" 

 

From there, I returned to civilization, and after a brief stint in jail for regicide, I got an account on booksie. And thus I decided to write a book on this site. and you know the rest. 

 

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