The Love That Cannot Be

The Love That Cannot Be The Love That Cannot Be

Status: Finished

Genre: True Confessions

Details

Status: Finished

Genre: True Confessions

Summary

Personal story related to someone I love but cannot be with, simply because I'm already taken.

Summary

Personal story related to someone I love but cannot be with, simply because I'm already taken.

Content

Submitted: February 10, 2011

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Content

Submitted: February 10, 2011

A A A

A A A


  It started years ago, back when we were just kids. Two teenage high schoolers labeled as "losers" or "goths", but we weren't. We were the rocker kids with old souls and brillant minds that would make you say "wow". I met Addie our Freshman year. He was quite and mysterious, he had a PDA and he always seemed to be playing a game and not attention to class, which I thought was remarkable since he always made straight A's. I began noticing how cute he was. Eventually I dropped my pencil and we nearly buttheads trying to pick it up. "Oh I'm sorry, here" Addie said very softly. "Thanks." I replied gazing at him. He spoke again

"So you're Steve's girl right?" he said.

"Yeah." I replied.

"Cool, I'm Addie in case you didn't know."

I smiled back and said "I'm Roxy."

From then on we started talking, every single day. Time passed and sexual puns were made, I dated people while he was dating the same chick. We talked music mostly. All the old classic songs and bands. We hit things off wonderfully. I didn't realize how much I cared for him at the time. I started dating another guy named Seth. Seth was great for a while. I had fallen for him hard. We talked every night and things were great. I still chatted with Addie on the net, and we remained great friends. Years flew by things happened and my heart was broke by Seth several times. He had lied to me twice, and I nearly had enough. I turned to the one person I could trust...Addie. We got together one night and had sex. It was awkward, he wasn't as good as he'd alwayed bragged, but it was nice just being there with someone who cared for me if only for a little while. Weekes afterward I moved to town. Told Seth everything that happened with Addie, he got so upset and nearly broke things off, but he remembered just how forgiving I was with him and he returned the favor. Things were fine. I called Addie and told him that I told Seth. He went crazy... "Why'd you do that?" he yelled. "Addie I had to, I was feeling so guilty, he's been so good to me lately." The converstaion ended shortly after that and we didn't speak for weeks.

A month or so later Addie messaged me. "Hey, we should go see a movie or something and catch up, let me know when you're free I'll come pick you up." So I did and that Friday he came to my house and we went to a movie. After the movie he drove me home and started talking to me about Seth. "He treats you like shit and you put up with it. You can find someone better." "All the guys I know are jerks anymore" I said. He continued on and on and eventually I stopped talking. I got out of the car and he said "Hey, no hug?" so I leaned over and hugged him and he drove off. I went inside crying. All of this was too much. I called Seth and he came over. We made love that night and I felt better in the morning.

 Months and months passed by before I heard from Addie again. He messaged me and asked me how things were. I told him things were up and down with Seth, and he then told me that the last summer he really wanted to be with me. He wanted to run away. I couldn't believe it. Isat there in shock. I didn't have much else to say so I ended the conversation stunned, and went to bed crying. He wanted me? He never said so. I would have done anything to be with him then. Even leaving Seth, because he had lied once again to me. I cried myself to sleep.

Several months passed again. I got a new job and he had a new girl. I still had Seth. I wasn't fond of her, but he was pretty happy. She actually began working with me, and things got awakward. I became friends with her but still didn't really like that she was with him. He started having problems with her, and started drinking, then went downhill to depression. He finally broke it off..

A few weeks later he tells me that he and his Ex Amellia are planning to get back together. I knew he still loved her. I always knew. He never could part himself from thinking of her. Weeks later he messaged me and told me that he nearly killed himself because she didn't want to be with him anymore. I was so very concerned at that point. I talked to him everyday after that.

Weeks went by, and he was in town. He invited me over to watch a movie, that night was no good for me. So we resceduled for a Tuesday. I got all dolled up even though I knew it was wrong, and put on my best outfit and headed over. I got inside his place and we went to his room. He lit an incent and came towards me. He started kissing my neck and the next thing I knew we were making out in the middle of the room. I knew in my heart it was wrong, but it seemed right. I kept thinking about Seth and how he'd murder both of us if he found out. There was something intoxicating about the way Addie kissed all over me. He was so passionate. He trhew me on the bed and said "I haven't been able to figure out for the life of me why you are still wearing clothes, you look cute and all but they gotta go." He took off my shirt and proceed to kiss me grabbing my breast. He flipped me over on top of him and I slid down to starting giving him head. He began saying my name over and over, "Oh god Roxy, mmm yeah." I kept going on and on, He pulled me back up and pushed me back on the bed and took my pants and underwear off. He shoved his member inside of me and thrusted like never before. He was ten times what he was before. He made me scream and moan the whole time. Eventually he cam, and we snuggled down on his bed. He began speakin his thoughts about everything. He was so brillant it was hard to believe he was crazy. I knew he was, but he had a glorious mind and he spoke well. We had "The Black Keys" playing in the background, incents burnings, it was almost like something out of a movie. I looked at his gorgeous face and into those deep eyes. I could have melted away right then. I knew I loved him. He began talking about how suicide was okay in his book. "I think if you feel like your ready to go, then you should be able to if you want. I mean I'd say I live a pretty good life." I tried to explain to him that it's a scary thing. You arent prepared to die young. I had had a near death experiecene and I knew what he'd face. He said he had too, but I didn't believe him. The time flew by we snuggled and talked more, I mainly listened and stared at his face thinking about how amazing and smart he was. I left around 6 am then went home to sleep.

Days after, I messeaged Addie. "So I think Seth is going to prepose."

"What? Oh no you can't say yes. He'll never learn."

We agrued over and over, Addie still held on to his view and I still held on to my love for Seth.

On the 20th of that month, Seth preposed. I of course said yes. I posted it to my facebook, and as soon as I did Addie messaged me. "You're going to be walked all over for the rest of your life." and he went on and on. I did what I felt was right. Weeks passed and Addie was still complaining about me being engaged. I had had enough of the constant complaing from Addie. I told him to stop, or I'd end our friendship. Oh course I already knew Addie would get up set. I ended our friendship and almost felt relieved. I was happier and more focused on our wedding. Although I haven't talked to Addie since. I do check up on him. Wondering how he is. I thought I'd stopped thinking about him, but it's only gotten worse. I can't help wonder if he's okay, and if he's thinking of me. I get on his blog everyday and read everything he writes. I feel lost without him. I hate feeling like I'm in love with him. I know I love Seth, but he's broken my heart so many times. And when I get upset I run to Addie, but he's not there. I don't want him to hate me, because I love him more than he knows, and I hate that about myself. He's been so arogant and such an asshole. It kills me that we aren't speaking. I want this feeling to die. Or I don't think I'll ever be happy. My problem is.... I see myself with Seth having children. I don't see a future of any kind with Addie, but I have such strong feelings for him.


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