William Makes A Freudian Penn Mistake

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksiesilk Classic Group

A Tongue-In-Cheek Look At Penn State And Psychosis


Old School, Former Berkeley Psychology “Masters Degree Recipient” Professor, Dr. Vincent Morgan, while on Sabbatical at Penn State, heard something “out of order,” while passing among the grand and milling crowds thronging those academic and acoustical halls of wonder.

As a young lady passed by on the cell phone, hair done up in Sixties pigtails, a detached voice, which, “did not quite appear to” be emanating from the passing cell user, made the following Sixties insinuation in a Backwoods Style Kentucky Lingo.

“Mommy, please, I only want go home. Funny, old Fullbright Psychology Professor stare at me, right now. Call Police, and you come, too. OK?”

Dr. Vincent Morgan decided to keep “staring at the Sixties Birthday Party Invitation Rap Artist, all the same,” just so the little lady and her cell phone Ventriloquism Stunt might “get the idea” that there was no “Penn Mistake” that this University had a “Public Hearing Problem,” if they didn’t then.

Dr. Morgan had his “Brady Hunch Voice Actress by the pigtails,” this time around, with regards to a problem, and he wasn’t sure just how to “assuage” the little lady’s “concerns” as she headed off towards Gym Class in order to further her acoustically-delivered “I don’t know who the hell is talking to me from the acoustical backdrop echo, in here, and I sure as hell look and sound like I don’t want to, either, don’t I?” Stunt.

Dr. Vincent Morgan, as he recalled a Fifties Horror Flick or two to mind, had a far “better idea” about what was going on in the modern “college background social scenario,” at that particular point, if it wasn’t going on, then, than he ever did before, and, calmly watched his “Little Brady Hunch” disappear down the hallway to Gym Class.

Then, he turned to the wall, and remarked, without particularly appearing to be doing so.

“Miss, I don’t have to be ‘Dr. Vincent Christ,’ here, without a ‘Pendulum of a Problem in the World regarding who’s doing the Invisible Woman’s Corridor Voice Dubbing’ to know ‘where the Script is supposed to disappear to from here.’ So, We will talk about this, later.”

Lo and Behold:

That very evening, in Penn State Study Hall, one could have heard a “William Penn drop,” when it seemed the same “conveniently-confused Female Cell Phone Artist” was convinced, even then, at that very moment, that she was making no Drive-In Horror Movie “Penn Mistake,” this time, from the Fifties, as she repetitivle insisted to “Mommy and Daddy” that “Dr. Vincent Christ” and the “Woofman” were “out to get her” with a very suspicious and intense-sounding  “Psychiatric Civil War Of Voices” and to “call Police at Vicksburg, soon.”

However, not a prehensile finger in Vicksburg was lifted to assist “the little deer.”

She was, so to speak, at the mercy of her own “Southern Indiscretion.”

Not a man in the South stirred a leaf with a rake to burn her bonfire.

The entire world and the Police seemed “strangely and unresponsively” at peace with the “little deer’s” precicament.

She stared, meanwhile, idiotically and blankly ahead, as her meandering cell phone conversational scam-on-the-phone, continued.



Dr. Vincent Morgan, then, upon observing the fact of non-responsiveness to her ‘plea for help,’ calmly “reassured her,” from twenty feet away, that “both of them,” knew EXACTLY WHO THEY WERE ROCKING WITH, over there on the cell phone.”

The “confused little Kentucky deer,” trying very hard to look like she still “had no idea anyone was not talking to anyone just outside of Louisville,” turned vaguely towards him, although “trying very hard not to appear to be doing so,” when a “female voice from Pluto,” suddenly, seemed to ask from outer space, “And which Rock Group would we be rocking with over there?”

Dr. Vincent Morgan, whom was on Sabbatical, and whom was, also, a former Berkeley University Fellow, after the fact of his timely degree, (fictitiously speaking) simply responded as follows:

“We Psychologists and Psychiatrists like to call it ‘non-reactive, Musical Group Therapy in the Backdrop that Rocks.’”

“Oh, OK. Right on!” the formerly mentioned Voice Actress responded, “How in the world is that supposed to rock me or anyone, if no one’s there to groove the scene?”

Dr. Vincent appeared “non-plussed” for a moment for some strange reason. Then, “It will Rock you and Rock with you,” he responded, mysteriously, after a brief Sixties pause, “We just need to acknowledge our ‘signifant Presence on the cell phone,’ over there, first, without ‘appearing to have to do with any directly corresponding PA problem anywhere in particular.’”

That was when even Lewis Carrol’s “Father William” could have heard his own “Penn” dropped, while rocking the whole Assembly Floor with the Cell Phone “Call,” “to simply attest and declare” He, too, was there.”

“The Man Who Would Be Paul Revere,” standing at the study hall doorway at Penn State, however,  hadn’t yet “announced Who was NOT THERE, YET.” Because, They were “said to be still coming.”

“Paul,” by the way, was “just, casually, contributing to a conversation or two” prior to “voice-acting” his “History-Making Announcement” to the world.

What in the world could be “politically incorrect” about that?

This was really all Dr. Morgan “needed to know and observe,”  before “just deciding to look like he was NOT going to ACT politically correct, either.”

In fact, He was going to “Rock Penn State’s Entire Cell Tower of Power, while he and “the rest of them rolled on the cell phone, for a while.”

He already knew the name of his Sixties Radar-Run “Radio Station,” too. It was called “Planet Earth.

And, even Cool Hand Luke might admit that there seemed to be a Communication(s) problem there, even IF his hands were a little too “COOL” to lift a protest sign, admitting to the former, while on the cell phone with his “brother.”

And no one named “William,” he continued musing, humorously, was required to be present in order to “sign and declare” in attestation of Dr. Morgan’s own “Mental Declaration of Independence” when he had already “declared it.”

Besides, the good, old Doctor mused, lewdly, he knew EXACTLY where to “find his ‘Patience,” these days.”

Upstairs, in the Self-Reference Department with the “rest of his Patience Problem.”

Dr. Morgan hadn’t admitted, yet, to the possibility of confessing the full “retention of In-Patience,” were the former “issue” to come into question.

And, if, according to “Paul Revere,” still standing by the study hall door, the “British were still coming to do the same thing he was,” by God, give someone named George a “heads up at Mt. Rushmore” to the fact that “a little trippy cell phone user with the ‘radio handle’ of ‘Medusa’” “had warned him of what would happen if he turned around too many times and stared back at Her after leaving the White House.”

After all, He’s still “up there on the facial ascent,” even to this day, isn’t he?

Medusa must “keep them all spellbound amongst the stones, while the Pebbles whistle Dixie, musn’t she?” The good Doctor Morgan continued musing, with poetic distraction.

For, unless the good Dr. Morgan was “not in error of judgment with regards to the figurative Medusa,” he was looking at the same “Cellular Witch who slammed the Cell Towers And Stones of Sodom and Gomorrah With a Single Glance Backwards” right across the damn study hall.

They, both, simply needed to “work out that Identity Disassociation of Self Problem,” before proceeding to the “rest of the Collective Cell Phone Disassociation of Self Issue.”

They were all “doing it,” weren’t they?

However, even Dr. Morgan wasn’t entirely sure what the hell the phrase “doing it” meant if Medusa “didn’t fess up to the “You’re nuts if you think I’m talking at you over here by the wall on the cell phone when we both KNOW that you’re overdrawn at the bank, already, anyway” problem, first.

The “rest of the Disassociation of the Cell Phone Self Voice-Throwing  Problem” was “present,” in the room, too.

They just “needed to ‘know that little fact” and achieve Freudian Cognition with regard to the same aforementioned “temporary, though necessary Psychiatric Inconvenience, with regard to who they thought they were talking to, here and there and why.”

“Medusa,” however, Dr. Morgan thoughtfully concluded, Freudian Enemy of the Self’s Autonomy, was first up to be “in the Psychiatric Admissions Area.”

Because “She” needed to start “admitting,” before the fact of “the obvious.”

For even the “Mortal, Finite Gods that walk among us,” the good Doctor continued musing, “must, in time, acknowledge the beast they provoke within themselves and in the minds of those whom walk at unrest among us.”

And Dr. Morgan knew, unapologetically, whom he “wasn’t required to be” for being so wisely, though, momentarily inclined.

However, when the good Doctor, again, looked up, too see where “Medusa” was, she was gone.

Instead, “Aphrodite and Hecate,” diametrically opposed him from across the room, conversing with him in between muttered lines of “CONMAN-Verse-ation.”

The “Undifferentiated Third” Person in the Mythic Triad, had vanished to walk amidst our Freudian Stones.

However, the Doctor acknowledged to himself, (without giving in to Defeatism, prior to consulting Freud and Jung) as the Philosopher Pogo might be paraphrased to suit the occasion:

“We have met the Enemy, and “HE” is OUR JUNGIAN-FREUDIAN SELF.”

Yes, Dr. Vincent Morgan knew EXACTLY what he was looking at:

It was simply “the rest of the enemy of the Self” that he hadn’t been entirely “in Cognition of,” prior to the departure of “The Goddess that, undifferentiatingly, Got Away,” a concept  Dr. Morgan was certain even Poe would appreciate, had he lived long enough to remarry.


Submitted: April 23, 2015

© Copyright 2023 the omega man. All rights reserved.

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