A Game of "Truth or Dare"

A Game of "Truth or Dare"

Status: Finished

Genre: Non-Fiction

Details

Status: Finished

Genre: Non-Fiction

Summary

In 2002, I was nothing short of a pregnant slut, engaging in all sorts of illicit activities. This is the very short tale of one night that showed me how badly my habits needed stop in the name of the future...

Summary

In 2002, I was nothing short of a pregnant slut, engaging in all sorts of illicit activities. This is the very short tale of one night that showed me how badly my habits needed stop in the name of the future...

Content

Submitted: February 18, 2010

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Content

Submitted: February 18, 2010

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It was the summer of 2002. It had proven to be quite a hot one, with several long heat waves, but also with a great deal of rain. After Jacci’s miscarriage, she and Ed broke up, not that they hadn’t broken up a million times before. This was the one that stuck, especially since he had gotten another girl pregnant around the same time. Jacci, Laura and I were spending a significant amount of time at bars singing karaoke. Sometimes, my husband Steve would tag along after a long day of work, and Laura’s brother-in-law Phil was the main stimulus for the bar trips. He was obsessed with karaoke, with his beautiful tenor voice, and planned to try out for the then emergent American Idol. He introduced me to Josh Groban that summer and a whole lot more.
When I stayed at Villanova for the Governor’s Institute, we kept in touch. When I went back to Millersville for a week, I picked him up and he spent several days with me. The atmosphere at Blue Rock was romantic and tranquil, with its beautiful stone steps, blossoming wildflowers, and the oh-so-rustic apartment we were staying in. Bees were buzzing everywhere, the sun shone everyday, and the summer breeze was delicate and scented like the country. He helped me through a bloodbath of a cycle that was the precursor to my pregnancy; all that summer, we made sweet love countless times and in the most interesting of places.
As that summer went on, Phil and I grew closer and closer. We were being together quite often, to the point that I stopped doing so with Steve. I bought 5 tickets to see “Les Miserables” on Broadway for us and some friends; the train ride up involved the whole group teasing and playing while we put on our make-up and finished our hair. For that occasion, I bought him a gorgeous khaki suit at the Salvation Army store on New Falls Road, a bright blue dress shirt, and a pale green, gold and black tie that actually went with the whole ensemble quite well. It looked far more stunning than it sounds. It was a summer full of adventure funded by my School District of Philadelphia salary. I even made the down payment on a bright blue 1993 Chevrolet Cavalier Z-24 for him. Times were good, or so I thought.
Since Jacci had just gotten a small but cute one-bedroom above an adjuster’s office in Croydon, and she had dumped Ed, we often found ourselves retreating there after nights of heavy drinking and partying at the karaoke bar. During that time, I got reacquainted with a well-endowed old high school flame, Dave, and she got reacquainted with his buddy, her old high school flame, Tom. Every night at the bar and her place became an all-out, balls-to-the-wall blowout.  Although throughout mine and Steve’s marriage I had slept around, all to his knowledge and acceptance, that summer was the apex of my now non-existent slutiness.
One September evening before I returned to work, one of which Steve had graced with his presence,  Dave, his sister Donna, Jacci, Tom, Steve, Phil and myself went back to Jacci’s place already blitzed after a night at the bar. We bought more liquor on the way home, and one of us had a ¼ on them. For the first little while, we simply bullshited and imbibed our substances. That turned into us sitting in a circle for a game of truth or dare. During the game, Jacci and I made out, pussies were licked, and dicks were sucked. Steve refused to play, but sat on the loveseat, casually watching and laughing at us. That turned into me sleeping with Phil on the living room floor, and Dave in the bathroom, my first –unwanted, mind you-  experience with anal sex. Jacci and Tom retreated to the bedroom; Donna had left halfway through the initial game. I did not yet realize that I was already pregnant.  
Once discovering that I was pregnant, my days as a slut ended. It was sleeping around that had gotten me into that situation and led to Phil breaking my heart. Steve and I split up less than a year later, both of us realizing that a marriage with stronger emotional ties to other people than to each other would not do. The miscarriage was simply more than I could handle and ended my career with SDP, not just my relationships. Christmas time has been tainted ever since – I had lost the baby on December 17, 2002 in addition to my family then losing my childhood home. What had been a summer of fun and games turned into a fall and winter of despair. For the longest time, I hung around our old haunts getting drunk alone, hoping to run into Phil. I remarried far too quickly to someone who didn’t want or deserve my love, only a couple of years later marrying the man I have been with for the past 5 years, the man who is now my saving grace.
Looking back on that summer, I realize that my childhood abuse had turned me into a sex monster, a creature that needed to die and soon after did. I realize that Steve and I just might have made it to February 15, 2010 –what would have been our 13th wedding anniversary- had I not been such a ho. Today, I am working towards significant goals with the help of my current husband while Steve dwells in loneliness and darkness, clinging tightly to the same childish negativity and opposition he did when I met him at age 14. I felt I was not the woman who could save him and needed to free him for him to find someone who could. My high school years, also tainted with dozens of bouts of slutiness, were merely a precursor to an adulthood of slavery to my sexuality. In reflection, I could have done many things differently. That night in Jacci’s apartment just proved to me that I had serious problems. Today, I am a faithful, loyal and devoted wife, and, were my husband to die, I would continue life in a totally chaste and devout manner. Three husbands is too many, but the train ends here. I do not even really drink anymore, even though I still imbibe in other, far more harmless substances. I once cherished the idea of motherhood, but when given the chance, I threw it away to indiscretions. I no longer want children, and neither does my husband. I no longer want extramarital sex. They say that it’s never too late to change, and I did. Anyone can change at any time. But instead of letting ourselves slide into depravity or despair, we can make ourselves better not just for ourselves, but for those we love. I learned many valuable lessons from that summer; I can only hope that everyone else can spot self-destruction and stop it in its tracks…
 
2.18.10


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