Two years and an uncertain future

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Adult Romance  |  House: Booksiesilk Classic Group

Time goes on and our story persists. Two years of long distance relationship full of dreams and passion with huge uncertainty in the future.

I could start by retelling everything we have done these two years ‘together’, perhaps the most important is that we are still trying despite distance, time and obstacles.

Two years since he touched my hand, kissed me and made me feel alive again. I wouldn't changed a single minute in my life since that moment. These two years have been like no other in my life, it has been a real eye opener to look at myself from a different perspective. Two years since I decided to be happy, to satisfy my needs and desires, be a bit selfish and enjoy the parallel life I have with my lover.

There has been two years experiencing emotions to the limit, I’ve loved as I didn’t know I could, and I’ve suffered to the point to have pain. This mix of intense feelings have made me feel truly alive. I’ve done everything possible and almost impossible to keep us together, to keep us going, not because I want but because I need him.

If I count all the times we’ve been together, it would be enough with the fingers in my hands, less frequent in the past year and actually none in the past six months. But, every single of those times, we’ve had the most natural connection, we’ve been perfect together in many ways. We enjoyed each other as much as possible, making the most of every hour, every minute and every second. Every moment has been very intense, full of love and passion that has been just enough to wait for the next time. We give everything we can, and we take everything we can, unconditionally without taking anything back.

Yet sometimes I wonder, whether we can or should keep trying. Sometimes is frustrating, sometimes I really would like to stop, sometimes it feels so difficult and unreal, but then it's  just enough to remember what we have lived, I hear him over the phone so cool and unconcerned, and everything become real again and worth to try. Why shouldn’t we keep trying if we still can dream and have hope.

Days, weeks and months have passed and I can’t stop thinking of every moment at his side. I close my eyes and remember how it is to be with him, I still can remember how I feel, how he makes me desire him, how strongly I want to fulfil our fantasies, to be his woman, his lover, his whore. I still feel how my body gets tense when having an orgasm, how satisfying it is to enjoy the pleasure and passion to the limit.

Not long ago, I read a phrase in a book by Nick Horby, “sex, great sex, it is about trust and vulnerability… never any judgment, any hesitation, any doubt… You don’t get that often in life. Maybe once or twice. Most likely, never”. Well, that’s exactly what we have, we don't follow an agenda, we just want to please and get pleased, be selfish and enjoy giving joy. And I’m grateful that I have found this in my life, something so unexpected that I didn’t know I could have. And now, I feel so complete, so happy to feel alive that I can live waiting for the next time together, I live dreaming with the future, thinking that next time will be a bonus and if we don’t have that, then I’m content for what we’ve had.

OMG… the sex, it is absolutely mind blowing, we undoubtedly have chemistry. The way I feel just by seeing him, how my senses react when he touches me, how we enjoy when we make love. I don’t even know how to describe what I feel when we are together, I lose control and just enjoy every moment. When I feel him inside me I can feel every part of my body heating and my heart accelerating, I just let my body miss out entirely and let the passion and desire over take and lead the way I move and act.

I can’t describe the intensity and pleasure of having sex. Every time better and every time different. I’ve enjoyed every moment so much that always feels like never before. I never had such intensity having sex before, I’ve had the most amazing orgasms ever, I’ve experienced multiple orgasms, one after the other without stopping, to climax until getting really wet. To feel how he is coming with me, how we enjoy the experience together, how we connect to the end has been so exciting. It is incredible how we make love until losing my breath, until can’t physically move anymore, not even scream, like losing my body to the highest pleasure experienced.

What we do in bed has been so unexpected, we are really good together, we have reached climax far too many times. I think we are just perfect for each other, at least I feel he is my perfect match. It is not difficult for us to reach the top and it is amazing how long we can stay there. We’ve been together to the end without pause, experiencing our desire at every moment and every position, at unison from the more innocent kiss to the most exciting moment. I can’t forget any of our moments, I recall how I feel with him inside me and I get crazy for him, for having him once more, I feel too much desire.

What I found with him, it is something definitely I never had before and can’t believe could happen again, like the way a thunder can't strike twice. For the first time, after more than 40 years of life, I started to enjoy sex, I left my body, mind and soul to enjoy without boundaries, I drop any fears and hesitations and learnt how to make love with real passion until I’m completely out of myself, when I surpass all the limits to the point I just can cry because all my senses has been put to the limit.

For me it is not only sex, of course this is utterly great, but probably the reason I’ve completely fall for this relationship is because I needed to have something for only me, I like him and feel happy with him, so I decided gamble and let things happen without taking anything back, with no hesitations, I wanted to be open and have trust and confidence in something new. I felt secure and free and overjoyed and I felt in love on what we have and what I feel. I probably have romanticise the relationship and my rational strong side is always pushing me down, but I’ve always been so in control in my life that this relationship is something that I was missing and I'm enjoying.

There are many different things in me since we are together. I have overcome all my inhibitions. There is virtually nothing that I’m not open to experience with him. Every time we have sex is better than the time before, it is like everything is new and old at the same time, with the fascination of experiencing something for the first time but feeling that we have mastering every move and every caress. I can’t stop enjoying, when we stop fucking is only because is physically impossible to continue, there are times that I virtually I’m out of me, I really can see myself enjoying.

He has become my deepest weakness, I sometimes don’t recognise myself, I would never imagined be capable to do all what I’m doing with him and for him, I fell completely in-love, I’m absolutely crazy for him. I’ve been capable of so many things to being with him which I would never imagined to do, not even in the craziest of my dreams. It has been very difficult for me to balance what it is this relationship, I would really like to have something more than sex and probably we could if we both were in a different situation. Our long distance relationship makes it difficult, and perhaps we alseo are very different, we have unalike lives, plans, projects, we have so many responsibilities. Still I like to dream, if only we could be together, I would love to make him happy. But for now, it seems that the only thing we can have to hold on this relation is sex, fabulous and incredible sex.

I’m just worried that sex won’t be enough to hold us together for many years. I really want our relationship to keep going. I feel really happy with him and can’t find enough ways to let him know. I just do what I can and probably is not enough, and probably he doesn’t even notice. Sometimes I think we are falling apart and it destroys me. He is sometimes very distant and I don’t want to be so controlling, I have tried to be respectful of his space, we don’t have any ties any compromises, but sometimes I would like to have something more, to have a plan or a project to look forward to.

Being in a long distance relationship hasn’t been easy at all, there has been too many ups and downs, at least for me, I still don’t get how he keeps its cool and sometimes I wonder if he cares. I probably overthink too much and I’ve tried not to but it is really difficult, constantly trying to manage my life and our secret life, constantly trying to balance how and when we can communicate, for how long. I’m always thinking what to say and then I stay speechless when we are on the phone. It has being so hard to try to build the relationship and let the adventure behind, I've dreamt too much with us and that is getting me crazy, it is sweet to dream but too sour when awake. We always like to say, we don’t know where we are going but we like where we are and what we’ve done, would this be enough?

However the rhythm of the relationship has definitely changed. Back in the first days, we used to talk over the phone for hours, we texted each other constantly and we had many plans aligned to be together. And now, it seems that talking for five minutes is a luxury, that a message answered after two or three days is as quick as we can have and it seems impossible to plan the future. But my love is still the same, as intense as the first day we were together, the desire has doubled for not being able to see each other and the love I feel has not changed at all.

When I think about the ups and downs these two years, it is not only our relationship, I’ve lived so much in these two crazy years, lost my father, had a ski accident, have two full-time jobs, as a mom of two lovely children and workholic, which is very demanding but I love it. And the big elephant in the room, is to deal with my husband, which probably deserves a whole book.

As I can rant up here without hesitation, it can be healthy to share my dreadful marital life. I just think that as many couples we fell apart a few years ago, not only the normal issues of routine and children but he has so many mid-life crisis that probably is the result of many other issues in his past. Anyway, we haven’t been a couple for years, perhaps we try to live as polite and happy as possible, try to do the best for our children, not always successfully and having lots of disagreements now and then. I’ve tried all to help him but you can't help who doesn’t want to be helped, so that’s why I’m carrying on with my life. I have talked him several times, about counselling, separation, open marriage, etc. nothing seems to fit him, so we are stuck.

He knew about my infidelity over a year ago, and I have talked him out of it over and over again, making bigger lies every time. Every time since then, he has been over vigilant about what I do. At every trip I do, whether to work or secretly to see my lover, it has been a constant struggle for me to hide the evidence if it is a secret trip and fabricate evidence to make it look like a work trip. He has spent endless nights to try to find out the true. I’ve tried to be so careful but there is always a missing link that he founds during my trip or later, or like in my latest failed planned trip, he found evidence before and I had to cancel.

The fact that my husband acknowledges I have a lover has been surreal. He had an adventure before me so he couldn’t really blame me at the beginning, but my adventure became a relationship and this has been so hard on him that I sometimes feel bad. I have tried but I can’t find a way to connect with him anymore, there are so many things I can’t stand now. It’s been so difficult to live with someone that I just don’t love anymore, I’ve honestly tried to level up the relationship but I just simple don’t have a connection and it feels like we have actually part ways.

Besides this, my life these two years hasn’t been perfect or better but has been happier and complete to the limit with my lover. I can’t wait for two or four or ten more years when hopefully I can still feel the intensity of this love I’m feeling for my man, my lover, my owner. I can’t wait to see him again, to become hers again, to feel him inside me, to enjoy him to the limit, to become one once more. I really miss to be with him in bed, to huge him, kiss him, enjoy him. I’ll keep dreaming and fighting for this love, and hoping he feels the same or at least he lets me know if don't.


Submitted: July 28, 2020

© Copyright 2021 Sky Blossom. All rights reserved.

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Comments

DampKitten

Holy Hell, what a confessional that is, Sky. I'm speechless. (That's rare) ASK ANYBODY.
There are some issues with grammar here and there, you might go back and proof when you can. I picture myself across from you sipping coffee, my eyes bulging out of my head, listening to you spilling your guts on the table.

I'm reminded of that song by Garth Brooks, The Dance. I'm sure you've heard it, and it seems relevant if not practical here. What I gather is that you're trapped in an emotionless relationship, or at least you've fallen out of love. You perceive yourself as being in love with a man that you see very rarely, and the basis of your perception is passion. Otherwise, communication between the two of you has dwindled significantly since you met two years ago, and your lives are so different that it's inconceivable to legitimize anything more than clandestine liaisons in secret locations.

This man fills a hole; he fills an emptiness for you...and because you're so empty, you think of him constantly. That's not to suggest you have idle time to dream but rather to confirm a need that's not being met. I have a strong suspicion he's married just like you.

Sky, I think you know intuitively how this relationship will go. If not, listen to the song I've referenced and know that moments of joy and satisfaction are to be savored for what they are worth. Still, you've reflected on a very difficult situation. You have two children whom I assume are old enough to understand infidelity (given that you're over 40). Are you prepared for them to find out about this?

Let me throw this at you - both you and your lover have reconciled that circumstances will not allow for a more permanent relationship at present. You both use that as an excuse to enjoy the moment and 'dream' about the possibilities. The truth is that enduring relationships don't just fall into place and circumstances don't haphazardly come together like the moon and stars. Everyone has to put down what they are doing and make the necessary sacrifices to establish what they want - that is to say, if it's going to happen. You haven't pushed that button because you're not ready and neither is he...and probably never will be. So, you have to ask yourself if the risk is worthwhile. Maybe he is at risk too.

From your note, I gather your husband had an affair first. Is your affair something that started as reciprocity for his actions? Is it payback? I'm just wondering.

If you've talked to your husband about open marriage, I think the writing is on the wall. A conversation like that is going to headline your interests elsewhere, even if he was previously unaware of your lover. I'm just curious why he wants to stay together, which he apparently does. Is it for the children? Or does he love you?

I understand he doesn't give you what you need, but men can love their wives and be physically as well as emotionally lacking. None the less, if you've offered counseling as an option and he's been unwilling to consider it, that speaks volumes towards his dedication. He's willing to spend the time and energy to police you and investigate you, but he won't put in the same energy towards the relationship. By the way, what's he going to do when he catches you? The same thing you already want? A divorce? Did you mention that?

It's strange the way you describe this...that your husband knows about your infidelity, that he 'acknowledges your lover'. Yet, he's searching for proof? I don't understand. I assume you mean he 'strongly suspects' but your lies imply that you don't openly discuss it.

Anyway, this is quite a confession and I wish you the best, Sky.

Sat, August 29th, 2020 8:45pm

DampKitten

I had to come back and say some things...though it doesn't look like you return here often to respond. If you're wondering, I recover from being speechless far too quickly. Ask Anybody.

Don't feel obligated to answer this, Sky, but are you by chance originally from India? Your dialect implies it. I'm from North Carolina. My neighbors were from India - lovely people. One of their kids is in an arranged marriage while the other married someone from Switzerland I believe. Their children are gorgeous, but I digress. The reason I ask is because I was wondering if your marriage was arranged. I'm told arranged marriages do far better than spontaneous ones, but I'm thinking that may be due to cultural obligation.

Regardless, I've read your entire two chapter monologue and loved it. The intensity of your love is inspiring. You've truly found a soul mate. What an unfortunate circumstance for both of you. Were it not for the children, I sense the two of you would have long ago made a run for it. I gather you both are waiting for your kids to achieve some magically independent age when they can comprehend each of your decisions to leave your respective spouses for one another. Unfortunately, I doubt that will be easier at any point in the future than it would be today...for what that's worth.

You can never turn back time. You can't buy back the time you are presently losing. As exciting as you find infidelity to be, you seem convinced that the essence of this man is more elating than the process of secrecy. You believe you're in love, not simply mesmerized by this 'adventure' as you call it. That's an important distinction, by the way - something you've clearly revisited in your heart (being pragmatic). It's important to clarify your feelings, to understand what drives your emotions.

It's hard for me to suggest you leave your family. It's a selfish decision, no argument. Still, people deserve love and happiness. I can't tell if you're just in a boring totalitarian relationship with your husband or if he might be abusive. I just can't read into that. All I can gather is that you're not happy at home, but I get the feeling that your unhappiness was suddenly apparent when you met and kissed your new lover. If that's the case, this whole thing makes me uneasy (perhaps the same opinion as your brother). You describe a platonic marriage...not ideal but not something you suggest to friends as being maniacal and unbearable.

Your adventure is enormously alluring to read, so I must expect it's a thousand times more exciting to experience and equally impossible to dismiss. As little time as the two of you have actually spent together, it's conceivable that you are mistaking love for desire, but the intensity and emotion are obviously far beyond anything you've experienced before - so no matter what it is, you'll hold on till the last. That's clear enough.

Your husband was staying in the hotel room with his mother? Not your room? Now that's crazy. Something weird with that picture - though, I don't hear you complaining. I'm wondering what you felt when you called him that night. Were you already at your lover's hotel or just on the way? What time did you finally get back to your hotel? Were you alone in your room or were the kids staying with you?

There's a certain combination of guilt and elation all swirled together isn't there? When you call from the hotel already undressed - you're just 'checking in'....maybe you've already made love. You're sweaty and scented in sex. You're giving your husband some story or trying to act interested in what he is saying. Cum is trickling out of you. There's a smirk on your face and your lover is wandering in and out of the bathroom, passing you something to drink. He's pulling the sheet down, exposing your body. He's running his hands over your breasts. You giggle inadvertently, then explain it was something on television. Your husband pauses. There's that tightness in your chest until the conversation continues. He's heard that giggle before but you dismiss it. Hopefully, he does the same.

When you finally hang up, your lover is already hard. You open your mouth and let him slide it in. He's ready for you. You're ready for him. You don't need to suck him, but you like it. He prefers you use your mouth on his dick rather than talking to your husband. In a few moments, the people in the room next door will hear you moaning for the second time tonight. In your mind, you imagine your husband is listening, oblivious that it's you - and it makes you cum harder.

Sun, August 30th, 2020 2:50am

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