Please critique

Please critique Please critique

Status: Finished

Genre: Other

Details

Status: Finished

Genre: Other

Summary

I wrote two paragraphs from two different short story ideas. I would like everyone to comment on what you think. Tell me which is your favorite and why. I will continue to post more.

Summary

I wrote two paragraphs from two different short story ideas. I would like everyone to comment on what you think.
Tell me which is your favorite and why.
I will continue to post more.

Content

Submitted: January 12, 2015

A A A | A A A

Content

Submitted: January 12, 2015

A A A

A A A


Abruptly turned around to see her in the loosely flowing red silk dress reflectively shining under the low lit chandelier. The red seem to glow from the aura of lust she was exuding. 

 

 

Unexpectedly caught like a deer in the headlight by the handsome six foot tall rugged looking squared jaw gentleman standing at the other end of the bar, drinking a beer minding his own business. Until a couple of long moments he couldn't no longer pretend he didn't notice her. He turns around looking straight back at her. Trying not to chuckle at her drop-jawed look she gave. She quickly caught herself but it was definitely too late. Feeling embarrassed how should must've looked to the Adonis. A quick step to the bar to hide herself behind a customer who then steps back to allow her to be seen.


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