Never Give All The Heart

Never Give All The Heart Never Give All The Heart

Status: Finished

Genre: Romance

Details

Status: Finished

Genre: Romance

Summary

Sometimes two people are separated even though they are made for each other.

Summary

Sometimes two people are separated even though they are made for each other.

Content

Submitted: January 24, 2017

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Content

Submitted: January 24, 2017

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Sipping his tea Rakesh looked at me and smiled. 

 

“So,” he said, “you're glowing, Kunal suits you.”

 

“What,” I snapped back, almost choking on my tea, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

 

“Ohh come on, Zaisha,” Rakesh grinned. “I know”

 

“You know what,” I shot back giving him a dirty look.

 

“It’s written all over your face Zaisha, you're fucking Kunal.”

 

“Damn,” was all that I could say and bury my face in my hands. 

 

“It’s that obvious huh?”

 

“You're in a better mood these days and we are not arguing on petty issues.” he said.

 

“Well, Kunal knows how to keep me satiated.” I smiled back. 

 

“Aha,” he said with a grin on his face which I wanted to slap. “There is nothing emotional going on between Kunal and me, we fuck.” I blurted out with a deep sigh.

 

“I know you Zaisha, it always starts with a fuck and then you end up getting all emotional,” he said.

 

“And, I am not in love with him.” I shot back irritated.

 

“Is Kunal in love with you?” Rakesh asked me, “Because I think he is.”

 

Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes.  “Yes,” I answered him in a soft manner. “At least his actions says so and sometimes so does his words.”

 

“Are you in love with him too, Zaisha,” Rakesh asks me again.

 

“Stop putting things in my head, ok.” I could feel the tears building up in my eyes now and Iflushed with anger and pain. 

 

I looked at Rakesh, words were difficult to find. “I like being with Kunal. He is good in bed.” I replied with a faint smile.

 

“Ouch, that hurt,” Rakesh mockingly put his right hand to his heart. I smiled back with relief. Jeez, what is it with me getting emotional with all my fuck buddies. 

 

Rakesh was a colleague. What started off as casual sex had metamorphosed into a beautiful friendship. Hanging out together was something we did a lot. Sometimes we would have sex too. We didn't have the stress of a romantic relationship which led us to build a beautiful emotional bond.

 

This was the last conversation I had with my him until I heard from Kunal about his car accident. Everything seemed so surreal tears poured down my face and wouldn't stop. Even when we reached the hospital it was like I was on auto-pilot. I was thankful for having Kunal besides me. A staff member provided the number of Rakesh’s room. 

 

When I stepped into Rakesh’s room and saw him, my heart shattered and my knees felt weak. Rakesh was a man who looked divine on any day of his life, and here he was right now lying immobile in a hospital bed. The man I thought as the best friend I would ever have was physically so broken. He had his head bandaged and his eyes blackened. One of his arms had an intravenous line. I wouldn't have recognised him if I hadn't known who he was.

 

I glanced at Kunal with a helpless look on my face. “I’ll check what the doctor has to say,” he said and stepped away. 

 

I was almost the only family Rakesh ever had and I was not available when he needed me the most. Guilt filled my heart. I had spent the entire weekend with Kunal and had forgotten to charge my iPhone. On my return home I was so tired after the marathon sex we had the previous night, that after a hot shower I dropped dead on the bed, forgetting all about charging my phone. I don’t even know how Kunal got the message about Rakesh. 

 

I stared at Rakesh, Oh! How frightened he must have been finding himself in pain and with no one to hold his hand. However macho we consider ourselves in times like these we all need someone at least to hold our hand.

 

I sensed Kunal behind me, his breath on my neck and his arm tightening around my waist to hold me up. I realised I was still sobbing, my thoughts only making it worse, “Fuck man, he looks terrible,” I said between sobs. 

 

“He’s not hit bad,” Kunal said. “He’s got a nasty concussion and two cracked ribs.”

Kunal pulled me closer and pressed his lips to my forehead. “The doctor said Raks can go home within two-three days”. “Thank you,” I hugged him hard.

 

Rakesh must have heard me crying or sensed me when we returned back to his room. His eyelid fluttered then opened. His eyes were bloodshot and unfocused. He took a minute to find me. When he did, he blinked a few times and then tears rolled down his temples. 

 

“Raks,” I rushed to him and slipped my hand in his. “I’m here.” 

 

He gripped me so hard it was painful.

 

“I’m sorry I took so long. I didn’t charge my phone. I would've been here if I’d known.”

 

“It’s okay, You're here now.” He licked his dry lips. “God …….. everything hurts.”

“I’ll get a doctor,” Kunal said running his hand down my back before slipping out of the room.

 

“Does it hurt to talk,” I asked him afraid to do anything to cause him pain.

 

“Not much and I always love talking to you,” Rakesh said with a small smile.

 

Seeing him smile I relaxed and held his hand tighter. He relaxed with a sigh, “You’re beautiful baby girl.”

 

“Stop it, What’s with all this flirting.” I was blushing as I was not so good with compliments or flirting.

 

Just then the doctor came in wearing his white overcoat and a stethoscope. He was holding a blood pressure machine. He checked Rakesh’s blood pressure and gave him an intravenous analgesic. 

 

“Shit. I’m exhausted.” Rakesh whispered. “Please stay beside me until I fall asleep. Don't go.” 

 

“In fact, I will be right here when you wake up.” I bent over to kiss his forehead. 

 

“I love you, Zaisha always have please don’t leave me” 

 

“What”?

 

Wide-eyed I watched as Rakesh’s eyes drifted shut and a moment later it was clear he was sleeping. I looked around and sighed in relief when I saw that Kunal was not in the room. He had sent the doctor in but where was he? 

 

I found him in the corridor, I hugged him.“Kunal”

 

“Hmm”

 

I pulled back to look at him. Tiptoeing I reached up to him and kissed his lips. One of his hands gripped my nape, and the other dug into my waist. “Goodnight, take care”

 

“Goodnight, to you too” 

 

I arranged for a pillow and a blanket and slept on the couch. My mind drifted to Rakesh’s words, my mind told me it was the analgesic talking but my heart sensed his real feelings for me. I had caught him many times staring at me but choose not to acknowledge it. 

 

Somewhere on a subconscious level, I knew he had feelings for me, I knew he is in love with me, I have a lot of baggage from my previous relationship and I have trust issues. I had built this wall around me which keeps me safe and unhurt. I was scared to bring the wall down. 

 

Also, I was high maintenance and Rakesh was a man of limited means. I was being practical, him and me we wouldn't last long, wouldn't survive this economic gap between us. 

 

I didn't sleep well all night. I tossed and turned, drifting in and out of consciousness. The frequent nurse visits to check on Rakesh woke me up. Just before five I gave up and got out of bed and headed to the cafeteria for a cup of tea. 

 

When I returned back to the room, Rakesh was awake and looked much better than the night before although he looked tired and weak.

 

“I think about you a lot when you are not around,” he said.

 

“Come on man, I don’t understand why now? We knew since the beginning we would not get into the romantic stuff.”

 

He licked his lips, “I understand what I’m to you but that does not mean I can’t fall in love with you.” 

 

I stared at him for a long time, my heart beating faster in my chest. 

 

“We had it going on for six years Zaisha, the longest I’ve ever been with someone.”

 

“But we weren't with each other,” I said irritated. “Besides it was just sex”

 

“For you, not for me, I’ve had no one since the day I first had you.” He scratched his nose, 

 

“I didn't have the balls to own up how I felt about you, I didn’t want to loose you. I know we are not compatible financially and I know how you feel about it. That’s why I made it about sex, which was what you wanted. I wanted you to accept me. I was ready to accept you in whatever way I got you.” 

 

I forced a lump down my throat.

 

“Now I can’t, I have gotten greedy, I want you for myself. It fucking hurts to see you date other guys. I know you and Kunal are contemplating taking your relationship to the next level and it fucking hurts. The accident made me realise that I should tell you, whether you accept me or leave me is your choice. I want you to know how I feel about you.” 

 

Rakesh glanced up caught me in his gaze. We stared at each other. My heart kicked into a mad beat, a combination of excitement and apprehension. 

 

“Hey,” he said, the sound of his voice sent adrenaline through me. Rakesh caught me by the arm and jerked me down to sit facing him.

 

“What are —”

 

He kissed me. He had the softest lips, and he sealed them with mine and kissed me. By the time I registered what was happening I kissed him back, and he took my mouth with all the passion he had.

I jerked away with a gasp. “Shit, this is so not right.”

 

I took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself down. 

 

He reached out and caught my hand. “Why? the way you kissed me now ….”

 

“Was pure lust, don’t read too much into it,” I completed his sentence, my hands clenched beside me, “I’m not the right woman for you Raks. I don’t fit your lifestyle I’m too high maintenance. You don’t know me, you don’t know what it would take to have a relationship with me. All this is good in the initial phases, but later on, the things we liked about each other will kill us. Don’t do this man, don’t ruin what we had”

 

“I know,” he said hoarsely, “I’ve already ruined what we had, a man can dream, can’t he.”

 

I flushed, what kind of a person had I become, or was I always like this. I’ve chosen money over love. Kunal was a corporate superstar and rich. He could afford my lifestyle. I would get the financial security with him I craved for. 

 

“We shouldn’t meet, it’s not healthy for the both of us, I cannot give you what you want and you cannot give me what I want.”

 

I leant forward and kissed Rakesh on the cheeks, “Sometimes love ain’t enough,” I whispered in his ears. 

 

I held him in a tight embrace I could feel his body tighten as he held me so tight I couldn't breathe, with his head down between my neck and shoulders. His hug soothed me. I don’t know how long we held each other like that. With tears welling up in my eyes I kissed him first on his neck, his ear lobes and then on his warm soft lips.

 

“So this is it then, I’m bad at goodbyes,” I whispered breaking away from the kiss.

 

“Yeah,” saying so he kissed me tenderly on my lips with tears in his eyes. 

 

I could feel his hand behind the nape of my neck. I didn't want him to stop touching me. I will miss him. I closed my eyes. 

 

“I love you.” 

 

I froze, my heart pounding. Linking our fingers together he set them on his thigh.

 

I felt a bolt of cold air on my face and suffocated, my nose choked up and I tried to fight back my tears with all the strength I had. I stood, grabbed my purse from the chair and left. Not once did I look back. I couldn't bear to see the face of the man whose heart I broke.

 

A few moments later I finished my descent to the ground floor and slid into the back of a Uber I had called when I was in the elevator. The driver slid smoothly into the sea of other vehicles on the street. 

 

The Uber guy was listening to one of Salman Khan’s songs, and the song was very apt for the situation I was in. I closed my eyes and rested my head back and hummed the song ……. 

 

“Ik dooje se huye judaa, jab ik dooje ke liye bane Teri meri, meri teri prem kahani hai mushqil Do lafzon mein yeh Bayaan na ho paaye……” (We’re separated though we are made for each other, Our love story is difficult and it’s impossible to convey it in a few words.) 


© Copyright 2017 Princess Kiran. All rights reserved.

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