Finding Piece

Let's be honest. The most powerful human urge is sex. There's a reason for that, survival! Every decision or choice we all make is either directly or indirectly related to sex. Sexual relations are the ultimate in intimacy. If you have had a sexual relationship with someone then you have shared your soul with them. You are forever tied to that person at a spiritual level and that tie is forever unbroken! At least that is true for me because I feel having sex with someone is a breaking and a sharing of your souls, akin to communion.

I have not had that many sexual partners even though I grew up in the age of sexual freedom. I was taught at an early age that sex and guilt were linked. Being raised a Southern Baptist, while going through puberty I was convinced I was doomed to burn in Hell! Our hellfire and brimstone preacher would lay it on thick and specifically single out teenage boys. Mexico was only a 30 minute drive from our town and I'm sure he realized how easy it was for a young man to lose his virginity in a Mexican whore house, along with the possibility of getting a dose of the clap.

 At 13 years of age when that stiff curly brown fuzz began to grow around my balls and my dick was constantly hard and of course I was jerking off two or three times a day I just knew my dick was going to explode. I had my first orgasum in the bath tub, my dick was so hard I stuck it in the finger of a rubber glove and jacked it up and down until I squirted my first cum! I remember thinking what it would be like to put my pecker in a girl's pussy. I was both excited and scared to death of having sex with a girl. I especially remember one school bus band trip to an away game when I was about 14. It was my first real sexual encounter with a girl. I sat next to a cute little blond girl a year younger than me on the way home in the darkened bus. We started out holding hands, then began to kiss and I started to feel her off though her jeans. Amazingly she seemed to like what I was doing to her and would hump against my finger! She got so wet I could smell her scent on my fingers for several hours afterward. I began to car date at about age 16 at a time when my testosterone was raging and my dick stayed hard all the time! I was in love with a cute little brown eyed Italian girl who was a year younger than me. One night after going to get a Coke I parked my dad's pickup truck on a back street and we began to made out. She humped and ground her pussy against my dick, through our clothes of course until she had an orgasium. I wasn't sure what had happened but she was very happy! I once had a date with a girl from a neighboring town. We went to a Christmas dance and at one point my date and I sneaked out into the parking lot and got into the back seat of my car. We started making out and I could tell she was horny! She humped my dick through my jeans until it was raw from rubbing against my zipper! She must have cummed at least three or four times! So you see, I guess I probably could have fucked someone while I was still in high school but I remained a virgin due to guilt and inexperience.

Things got better in college! My freshman year I had several dates with a senior girl. I was told by the guy who was dating her sorority sister that she was a virgin and that she wanted me to break her cherry. She did everything but pull my pants down and rape me! I had my first ejackulation with a girl when I was with her one night while making out on her friend's apartment floor. I was on top of her humping her skinny little pussy and squired my load into my pants. I wish I had fucked her pussy that night and came in her instead of  jizzing in my pants. I guess she choose poorly. I wonder if she ever did find someone to break her cherry?

After that I began dating a cute little brown eyed girl with a sexy walk who I met and fell in love with while in the college dorm caferteria. After several dates we went to a drive in movie. She was wearing a pair of loose fitting pants and I slowly moved my hand from her stomach down to her crotch and slipped my finger into her tight little pussy. I can still remember how she raised her pelvis up to press against my hand when my fingers touched her cliterous. She instantly came when I slipped my index finger into her wet tight vaginal canal just past her hymen. The next night she asked if I minded if she did the same to me. Of course I said I wouldn't mind it at all!  While we were watching TV at my sister's apartment that evening we pulled each other's pants down exposing our genitals. My first look at a live pussy! The sight of it got me so hot I almost came. I began to finger her sweet little trianglular pie and she gently reached down with her small smooth hand and slowly felt my hardened prick until I squirted cum up and all over her hand and then running down onto my balls! Damn, I'm hard now just writing about it. The guilt thing raised it's ugly head and I got scared and told her I thought maybe we should stop seeing each other. When I told her that she was very upset and confused. Soon after one of her older sorority sisters called me and said we must talk! I met with her and she explained to me that it was perfectly normal for a boy and girl our age to have sex. She said since we were sexually attracted to each other we should explore our sexuality and find out what we liked. I can't even remember that girl's name but I will forever be indebted to her. Wherever you are, bless you! My girlfriend and and I fell deeper and deeper in love and lust and had many nights and days of complete sexual bliss. Although I never completely inserted my penis into her vagina I would insert just the head of my dick and pump her little cunt in and out feeling her wetness and warmth at the end of my organ. She learned to carry a bottle of Vasoline Intensive Care cream in her purse and would apply liberal amounts to my dick and her hand and give me the most wonderful hand jobs. Occasionally I would squirt some on my finger and insert it into her snatch, pumping in and out until she moaned with pleasure and reached a climax. Oh how I wish I had fucked her completely and deeply with my penis wholely inserted into her sweet little twat! I still want her and even fantsize about her when I masturbe now. Unfortunately I broke up with her when my cousin died and I moved back home as my family was in crisis.

After moving home and enrolling in a small community college I met a girl who was unlike anyone I had ever known. She was tall, almost six foot, had beautiful copper colored hair, freckles, a beautiful body with large boobs and an outgoing personality. Everyone loved her and wanted to be with her. She was what I would call a very charismatic person.  I fell hard, harder than I had for any girl. It was a whirlwind romance. We were so sexually attracked to each other I'm pretty sure everyone around us knew we were engaged in sexual activities.  The sex was awesome. She would urge me, almost beg me to fuck her pussy. She was what I would now describe as hyper sexual but still my guilt would not allow me to go all the way with her. Everything except for full insertion of my throbbing penis into her dripping, steaming cunt and those big tits! Oh my! They were so much fun! She never gave me a blow job either. I had never had one but that was to cum later with a very special girl. My red headed girl friend and I fell so in love we became engaged. She said she wanted four kids but sadly that was not to happen. I began to realize that she had extreme mood and even personality changes. She went off to school in another town and I enrolled in college at a neighboring town when I finished at the two year community college.

One night while asleep at my apartment I got a bizarre phone call from her at about 2 AM. I jumped into my car and drove the thirty minutes to her apartment in the neighboring town. Her telephone had been knocked off the wall and she began telling this wild story about how she had been attacked by a heroin addict who was trying to rape her. She said she broke the phone off the wall and hit him in the head, killing him. I stayed with her the rest of the night and then got up and went to class the next day at my college in the neighboring town. Something just didn't add up about her story so I decided to call the local police and make an inquiry. My call was directed to a homicide investigator who was very suspicious of me until I told him the whole story. He assured me that if my girlfriend had killed someone she would still be at the police station answering questions. He then advised me to have my girl friend get some counseling as this story was most assuredly an attention getting scheme. I knew then that she had emotional problems. I began to check with some of her friends including her roommate who said that her behavior was getting very strange and agreed that her story didn't add up. I was told by one mutual friend that she had been going out with other guys. During this time and before we had been having our near intercourse with me inserting just the head of my penis between the lips of her labia until we both had orgasiums. I confronted her with my suspicions that her story was a lie and she threw a fit! I then told her I had talked to the police and she broke down and began sobbing and apologizing. When she said she was going to kill herself I urged her to seek counseling and she agreed that she would. Of course that never happened.That is a shame because from bits and pieces of what she had told me over our relationship I was convinced that she had been both sexually and physically abused by her father who had been diagnosed with schizophrenia. About this same time I began to notice a stain on my underwater upon arising in the morning accompanied by a discharge dripping out my urethura at the end of my penis. My urethura began to burn when I pissed so I knew I had a problem that required medical attention. The result of my smear test confirmed that I had contracted gonorrhea or "the clap" just as my hellfire and brimstone preacher had warned so many years earlier. Because my red headed fiancé was the only person I had sexual relations with and because we had been engaged for over a year I knew she was sleeping around on me. I had to let her know she needed to get treatment but because she was in such a fragile mental and emotional state I didn't think it would be prudent to tell her I knew she was fucking other guys at that point.So I made up a story about going to Mexico and getting drunk and sleeping with a Mexican whore. Dumb I know but I was a very young and naive 19 year old from a small town in the sticks. We agreed to begin seeing other people and to call off the engagement and just let things be for a while. My heart had been broken by the girl I had fallen the hardest for. I wish now I had gone ahead and had full coitus with her!

During this time I began dating as many girls as I could, trying to distract myself from the heart ache I was feeling. I had never been as totally in love with anyone as I had been with my red headed fiance and I was in a lot of pain. It was during this time I met the girl I would marry. She was a "good girl", she fit the template I had in my mind for the "perfect wife" and I knew in order to spend my whole life with one person there had to be more than just the sexual part.I began to love her but the sexual chemistry just wasn't as stong as it had been with the girl that broke my heart. We fooled around a little but it was more like my high school days than my college days when clothes stayed on and there was some gentle humping and grinding. Not like college as with my freshman girl friend when we pulled our pants down with genitals exposed and finger fucking and jacking off or as it was with my red headed fiance with both being totally naked lying in bed with the head of my penis going in and out of the lips of her cunt and her begging me to scew her completely! We were still dating other people at this point and were not totally exclusive but we were getting more serious and were dating on a regular basis. As luck would have it I met this girl that rocked my world! She was this cute petite blonde with a perfect sexy body and freckles. The first time together we had unbelievable sex with full penis insertion! It was mind blowing sex! My body and brain were in an altered state with the release of all the endorphins from the extreme fucking we engaged in! When we made love it was for hours at a time. She even gave me my first blow job, it was awesome! It makes me hard just remembering how wonderful it was. Even better she let me eat her pussy! It was the first time I had ever tasted a girl's pussy and I was addicted! Her juices tasted like sweet tea and her clit got so hard when I licked and tounged it! I could suck and lick and put my tounge in her pussy hole for hours. The main thing was that I felt like we were totally in synce with each other. Not only would we have orgasiums at the same time but she knew what I liked and wanted and I knew what she liked and wanted instinctively. After we fucked and fucked we would fall asleep in each others arms and then wake up and fuck all over again! Then we would talk and talk about everthing, it was if she were a part of me and I a part of her!  Unfortunately she was engaged to be married shortly and I thought this was just a final fling for her so we broke it off. I haven't been able to forget her. I still think about the sex we had together and usually have to masturbate so my erection will go down. I can still remember how it felt when my hardened meat entered her wet, slippery, tight vagina for the first time and she shivered and moaned and orgasumed almost immediately. It's as near as I've ever been to Heaven on earth! I pounded her tight little cunt as hard as I could with her moaning and writhing and thrusting her pelvis towards my stiff dick. When I came I filled her jucy twat with my sticky cum until it ran out of her pussy. The best sex I have ever had before or since! Without a doubt at age 21 I had finally found my piece.......and then I let it go.