alternate scene from PRUF

alternate scene from PRUF alternate scene from PRUF

Status: Finished

Genre: Action and Adventure


Status: Finished

Genre: Action and Adventure


Private Theodore Pelzartiggebiet faces off with Mary in order to try to save the universe from being destroyed.


Private Theodore Pelzartiggebiet faces off with Mary in order to try to save the universe from being destroyed.

Chapter1 (v.1) - alternate scene from PRUF

Author Chapter Note

Private Theodore Pelzartiggebiet faces off with Mary in order to try to save the universe from being destroyed.

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: January 24, 2015

Reads: 534

A A A | A A A

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: January 24, 2015



Theodore faces off against Mary, the mother of God. In his defense, he is trying to save his home from being destroyed by her. In her defense, Theodore’s ancestors indirectly killed her only son, Emmanuel. Emmanuel had in fact committed suicide after everything in his life harmed him. It started with his father. He was never physically present thus leaving Emmanuel emotionally damaged. Then, Emmanuel’s best friend, Anu, not only joined his nemesis, but he dared to show his new allegiance by joining in the fight against Emmanuel. Then, the girl, Kilya, broke his heart by denouncing their relationship in front of her brother, Inti. After secluding himself from the rest of this terrible world when he was not working in a hair salon sweeping up hair to raise money to provide food for a dog that he wanted, he got a dog, which soon afterward bit him. Afterward, he purchased a Universe-In-A-Bottle and made a homunculus in his image, in order to spread his word, but the vermin that inhabited the bottle responded to the enlightened being by killing him. Finally, realizing that the world, in which he lived, no longer deserved him, he extracted cyanide from wild cherries and ended his life on his terms.

“Let’s cut the bullshit, Mary. You and I both know that you will no doubt destroy my home.”

“You killed my son. Can you really blame me?”

“Yes. I should not be punished for the sins of my father . . . or in this case, the sins of my distant ancestors.”

“Well, I have to blame someone for my son’s untimely death.”

“No, you really don’t have to.”

“Yes, he was only a little kid. He had a whole life ahead of him.”

“He knew exactly what was doing and why he was doing it. There’s no way that he unintentionally ingested a lethal amount of cyanide.”

“But it kills me that I did not do anything about it. I saw the signs and chose to ignore them.”

“You should not blame yourself.”

“I know, but unless I know exactly why he did it, I’m always going to blame myself, among others, for it.”

“Perhaps it was his only way to free himself from such a cruel world.”

“Perhaps, but I could have done more.”

“But you did not and now there’s nothing you can ever do about it.”

That last statement enrages Mary. She nearly hurls the bottle at the floor, but at the last possible second she stops.

Theodore’s heart nearly drops out of his ass as he came too close to witnessing the biggest mass murder in history. “Don’t! Don’t! I’m sorry,” he says as the words spew out of his mouth after she came to a stop.

“You’re sorry for what?”

“For implying that you were the cause of Emmanuel’s suicide.”

“Are you actually sorry or are you just saying that so I won’t smash the thing to bits?”

“I’m actually sorry,” Theodore lies rather convincingly.

But Mary does not buy it. “I don’t think you actually mean it, so this what I’m going to do, I’m going to toss the bottle in the air. You better hope that you’re good at catching things.”

“I’m not terrible at it.”

Mary acts as if she is about to toss the bottle into the air causing Theodore to flinch. Mary laughs at the pathetic little man, who thinks he can succeed in saving his home from total destruction. She walks away with bottle still in hand. Theodore follows her not knowing at which point in time Mary is going to toss the bottle into the air, but he’s going to be as ready as he possibly can be.

“Little Teddie, do you honestly think that your people is worthy of being saved after everything it has done? I have seen some of the despicable things your people are capable. You steal, rape, and murder each other. And for what? Nothing any of you could possibly obtain while living can transferred with you through death to the afterlife, if any of you are even capable of being worthy of another life.”

“No, but you can’t just let us die like dogs, or else you have then become like us.”

“Sometimes for the sake of compassion for others a person has to put a dog down.”

“But it’s not just one dog that we’re talking about. It’s a whole universe of creatures and not all of them deserve a fate worse than death.”

“Think fast,” Mary says as she acts like she’s tossing the bottle into the air.

Theodore flinches.


“And I’m the cruel one.”

“Well, you’re the one that’s going to kill me over a stupid kid’s toy.”

“That’s only because I have to, to ensure the safety of my people.”

“Well, I gave up on trying to figure out if I should Emmanuel’s work with the toy and I decided to bury it with him, but somebody just had to come back and muck things up.”

“Yeah, that’s right; just blame this whole thing on me.”

“You ruined my son’s funeral.”

“How was I supposed to know that you were in the process of burying my universe?”

“Being stuck in that casket would have been a good indication.”

“Perhaps busting out of the casket and climbing out of that hole probably was not the most respectful thing to do at a funeral, but I was under the impression that you were going to massacre a whole universe of somewhat intelligent creatures. Also, being stuck in a box with a decomposing body was not something I could handle, as I’m sure most people could not either.”

“Do you know I should have done with that bottle?”


“I should have given it to those delinquents so they could use it to demolish that abandoned house because what most people did not know until very recently is that the contents in those bottles are highly flammable.”

“So children here are playing with extremely dangerous toys?”

“Well, anything can be extremely dangerous when used improperly, but the likelihood of accidentally using it as a Molotov cocktail is very unlikely. Someone has to have some idea of what they’re doing to make it into an improvised exploding device.” Mary puts the bottle down on the counter in order to grab something from the fridge, tempting Theodore, but he knows that she must be hiding up her sleeve to leave something like that unattended. Before he can make any move, she grabs the bottle again. “I see you did not takethe obvious opportunity to grab the bottle.”

“Yeah, I thought it might have been a trick for you to just leave it like that.”

“Nope, I just knew that you would overthink it and would not be able to make a go at it before I grabbed it again.”

“Damn. You’re devious.”

“Yep and you gotten to love that.”

“Perhaps under different circumstances I would, but in this instance I don’t.”

“You know I’m not going to do that again.”

“I know.”


“By the way, a magnificent beast came to me in a dream and told me that I would be successful, but there would be 3 things that I will need to look out for.”

“And what would those 3 things be?”

“I don’t know; my boyfriend woke me up for he could tell me. Then, I went to a hypnotherapist and only caught the last part of the conversation. With my luck, he’ll come to me in another dream after the fact.”

“Yeah, with your luck you’d probably go to prison for murdering me.”

“I would not go that far . . . I mean I’m justifiably going to kill you.”

“I’d still call that murder.”

“Poe tay doe, pah tah doe.”

“I’m fairly certain that it’s poe tay toe.”

“Only pretentious assholes enunciate the second t like a t on purpose.”

“Are you calling me an asshole?”

“If the butt-plug fits, then yes.”

“Do you have to be so vulgar?”

“Sorry, I was still thinking along the lines of butts and holes, particularly the holes associated with the former.”

“So you believe since some beast –“

“Not just some beast but a magnificent beast that could probably toot its own whistle, if you know what I mean.”

“There you go again being vulgar. So you believe since some magnificent beast, which can most likely perform fellatio on itself, came to you in a dream and told you that you would be successful in your mission to prevent me from destroying your universe, that you are going to be successful.”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“That does not seem too ridiculous to you?”

“Stranger things have happened.”

“You know dreams aren’t real, don’t you?”

“What is real? This poison tipped knife? That Universe-In-A-Bottle that you’re holding?”

“The answer to the last 2 questions would be yes. Those things are in fact real. But dreams most certainly are not. Dreams are just the products of chemicals interacting in your brain causing sensations that aren’t real.”

“So you’re saying that I dreamt up a magnificent beast that could probably fellate itself because I wish I were able to do that myself?”

“Yes.” Realizing that Theodore was becoming more and more lost in his thoughts, she takes the opportunity to toss the bottle into the air. But somehow her grasp does not loosen enough for the bottle to be released; however, Theodore once again flinches. Mary laughs, disarming Theodore enough for her to grab a knife and stick it into her belt unnoticed.

Theodore gets a feeling that something has now changed, but he can’t quite put a finger on it. The Whistle-Blower will eventually get around to telling him that Mary has armed herself thus creating a somewhat level playing field, but the playing field is still skewed in Theodore’s favor as he’s a trained soldier, even though he’s only the lowest possible rank of an enlisted officer. Sure, he’s got potential to advance through the ranks and his private relationship with the general can’t possibly hurt his chances of climbing the military ladder. On the other hand, if he were to lose the world he knew, he could just buy another Universe-In-A-Bottle and become a god. “Go ahead, Mary. Smash the fucking thing to bits. It’s not as if Emmanuel spent most of his childhood playing with the goddamned thing.”

The tables have turned. Mary is taken aback from the complete 180 that Theodore has just pulled. Theodore does not take the opportunity to wrestle the bottle out of her grasp, as he believed himself for a second. He knows that their deaths would weigh heavily on him and after what happened with Victoria, he would not be able to handle something of that magnitude. It’s been quite a while since Victoria was killed by Michael, who happened to be identical to Theodore, as the two are clones created by the government to perform certain actions. Michael was sent back in time to kill Theodore because the first attempt to save the universe did not go so well for everyone. But Victoria saved Theodore’s life by biting the bullet. Figuratively speaking of course, as the bullet pierced her chest and ripped through her heart. If she had literally attempted to bite the bullet, the bullet would have busted her teeth and sent them tearing through her brain.

Mary’s relieved that Theodore did nothing. She considers the possibility of letting the mongrel have the universe. It would certainly allow her to live her own life again, but she does seem to want to hold on to the memory of Emmanuel for as long as she possibly can. No parent should have to outlive his or her child. It goes against the natural order of things. She knows that at some point that bottle will eventually become lifeless and now is as good as any to put it into the hands of another, but it seems unwise to put it in the hands of someone, whose distant deceased relative had something to do with the death of God personified, which, as Mary accurately believes, but does not currently have the proof, led to Emmanuel’s suicide. “You can have it.”

She has completely turned the tables on him, effectively paralyzing him long enough to miss the huge window of opportunity, before changing her mind once again. Theodore realizes how much easier this would be if he had some help. Mary remembers that Mama Qoca is supposed to be coming over in a few minutes. Something that Mary decides to keep to herself hoping that it would benefit her more. Theodore becomes increasingly aware that if he does not act quickly enough, then the universe will most likely perish. Mary’s grip on the bottle loosens as her hands become increasingly sweatier. Theodore watches in horror as the bottle falls to the floor; however, it’s going to have to take more than just the force of gravity to break the bottle. In fact, the amount of force needed to create the chain reaction inside the bottle that creates the big bang is bigger than just the force of gravity, but still significantly less than the force needed to break the bottle. Mary manages to pick up the bottle before Theodore is able to pick up his chin off the floor, let alone making any attempt to grab the bottle. “We nearly lost your precious little universe there.”

“You better hope that does not happen again or I am going to kill you.”

“If you were going to kill me, then you would have done it already.”

“Well, there is still a chance, granted a very small chance, that we could come out of this with both of us winning.”

“You get your precious little universe back and I get what? Not being killed? I’m fairly certain that my life is worth more than the googol that is in that stupid bottle.”

“I know at least 7 billion people that would disagree with you on that.”

“You may think that your lives are just as important as mine or anybody else’s in Poing, but you’re nothing more than sea monkeys in our eyes, which is why nobody has a problem with using your precious little universe as an IED.”

“You know what, Mary? Once I kill you, I’m going to destroy this place.”

“Then, you’ll destroy your own universe in the process.”

“I think I would be okay with that.”

“What about the other 7 billion people you seem to represent?”

“They’d be dead. Ergo, their opinions would not matter,” Theodore says trying to turn the table around again in his favor.

Mary is absolutely shocked at Theodore’s new attitude. “You would send your own people down the river.”

“Yes. I think anyone in my position would destroy this godforsaken place, even if it means dying in the process.”

“I think you’re wrong about that and doing so would be impossible anyhow.”

“I’m sure that I could find a way.”

“It’s absolutely impossible to destroy this place. Its creator made sure that no one could ever destroy it.”

“Surely he would have created a self-destructing mechanism if he deemed the property inadequate for living at any point in time.”

“Trust me, she did not. If she had, then we would have found it by now.”

“Perhaps, you’re just not that good at looking for things.”

“There’s no way for you to figure out where this alleged self-mechanism is, if does in fact exist.”

“No one could possibly be naïve not to include a failsafe in case of an emergency,” Theodore says remembering his experience with failsafes and how they nearly got him killed. More accurately, how they nearly killed him. One of the assassins even disguised himself as delivery boy, who pretended to be delivering a gyro, which Theodore told Michael he wanted as his last meal, knowing that Michael had to kill him in order for the universe to be saved, as Theodore is indirectly involved with the destruction of the universe. However, finding that self-destructing mechanism is not the focal point of Theodore’s current situation. The focal point is retrieving that bottle with the least resistance as possible and Mary still does not look as if she’s going to give in soon. She’s looking for the perfect opportunity to tease Theodore with the bottle while shoving that knife as far into him as it will possibly go. If she does it right, then the knife would go all the way through him and slice open some vital organ in the process. But chances are that she won’t, considering Theodore’s experience in hand-to-hand combat, which is virtually unsubstantial, is far superior to Mary’s. If only Mama Qoca would get there before an opening appears allowing Theodore to save the universe, then Mary might have some advantage.

“Waiting for someone?”

“No, why would you think that?”

“I just think having another person show up could only help your chances of getting out of this situation alive.”

“I think you’re underestimating my ability to kill another person. You saw what I did to those atheist piglets.”

“I did, but you did that in my universe. We both know you don’t have the ability to do that here. Because you see here you’re just like everyone else. In my universe, you could only do that that because you’re from a higher dimension. And now I’m just like everybody else.”

“But you’re not like everybody else, you have an underdeveloped brain. Your cognitive function is far less than mine, or even the second stupidest person here, as you clearly hold the title to that honor now.”

The doorbell rings. “I should probably get that or people will begin to suspect that something is wrong.” Realizing that now’s the perfect opportunity for her to do something, she tosses the bottle into the air as she spins around grabbing the knife that’s been tucked into her belt as well as opening the door. When she makes it full circle, she realizes that to her misfortune Theodore has indeed caught the bottle, but she’s not worried as she shoves the knife into Theodore, who manages to hold on to the bottle. He gives her a devilish grin as he takes his own knife, which ingeniously is smeared with a viscous poison that speed up the dying process in case he had missed any vital organs. He had not; he successfully managed to inflict the worst possible damage by cutting into her heart.

All Mama Qoca can do is watch in horror while holding a casserole.

“I have no quarrel with you, ma’am.” Theodore sprints out of the house with the bottle still in hand, successfully completing his mission.

© Copyright 2018 Norberto Cancioneta. All rights reserved.


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