Strange comedy

Strange comedy Strange comedy

Status: Finished

Genre: Other

Details

Status: Finished

Genre: Other

Summary

This based on the conversations I had while writing some of my more 'sick' stories I hope it amuses you as much as it did me while writing it. I apologize for the grammar as I wrote it as a joke originally and will upload more serious stuff from now on...unless someone says they like this and not to be too serious

Summary

This based on the conversations I had while writing some of my more 'sick' stories I hope it amuses you as much as it did me while writing it.
I apologize for the grammar as I wrote it as a joke originally and will upload more serious stuff from now on...unless someone says they like this and not to be too serious

Content

Submitted: July 17, 2012

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Content

Submitted: July 17, 2012

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IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE READING AS THIS CONTAINS SENSITIVE SUBJECT MATTER.

ok by sensitive I mean I may mention real people/events and I apologize to people who may know or have been effected by this events...

 

 

 

Hello my name is Madeline McCann and this is my story,

“Michael! You cannot write a story about her!”

“Why? It’s just a story, it’s not like i have her tied up in my basement to a radiator...”

“Michael, as your lawyer i seriously advise against writing this, you will offend millions of people, and well i can’t defend you if you use the plot about her getting sold to Joseph Fritzel and passed around between him, Gary Glitter, a Serbian man and Michael Jackson”

“Fine what story can i do? How about one where a retarded Muslim thinks September 11th is bring a plane to work day and things go horribly wrong!”

“Along with the millions of other problems with this you may cause offence to retards and plane makers and we don’t want that. And the other suggestions you sent me including a Purple rabbit, cancer patients and Jesus’ resurrection and orgy with school children are not allowed either”

“So all my ideas are too vile for public release? What about a story in which a child meets up with a abusive family who are named after alphabet letters? Their mum A, Dad B, Daughter D and Charlie Q and Baby...”

“No, just stop i mean come on?”

“What about... Some kids rob a house, rape the tenants then they all get eaten by psychotic llamas?”

“Cut down on the drugs... no”

“Okay i already wrote the rabbit stories all three, just read them, they mentally scarred two people already in the focus group but they won’t be suing out of fear of giant rabbit knife rape...”

“*Vomiting sound* you wrote these? What The Fuck is wrong with you?!”

“Nothing the fact you don’t like them tells me you have no sense of humour what so ever”

“No sense of humour? Wow, you speak about a child being gang raped in a knife wound and skull fucked!”

“Hilarious!”

“Michael what are you eating? Wait has that chicken got a tattoo?”

“oh yeah it’s not chicken, it’s your wife and trust me eating her after cooking her is so much better than her pussy when its raw”

“Okay your joking right? That is not my wife? Her tattoo was on her right arm and showed our wedding date and that says...oh Jesus no...What is *more vomiting*”

“Look my books get published or i will be personally cutting your daughter into thin meat slices and she will be making a nice sandwich, then i will go dig up your granddad and sell his corpse to gay necrophiliacs. Do you understand?”

“*goes to punch Michael* you bastard! I will kill you!”

“No, no you won’t, if you do then you full family will die i mean your wife has only lost one limb, don’t let her head roll”

“Fine write what you want be as sick a fuck as you wish”

“Good lawyer, now your Jewish right? *nods* right security send him to the showers.”

R.I.P to my lawyer, who died from a tragic mix up with the water and gas connections, he died cradling his six month old baby in his arms, as the gas took affect they began to cry tears of high PH acid which melted their tear ducts and eyes as they died. A tragic loss, the full video is available on my website for just £4.00.

 

Now to the story, this will be i hope my sickest yet

James, wake up, WAKE UP! Yelled the priest, “now choir boy you fell asleep in the church after rehearsal so i brought you back to my house as i didn’t know where you lived” “oh thank you father Smith but where are my clothes?” “you had fever and i wanted to cool you down, i hope you don’t mind” “of course not, but why does my bum hurt? And why is there blood on the bed?” “Well son you have started you period you’re a big boy now being 12 years old and all, best ask your parents” “ok father i best go home now” Little James, naive and young walked home that day unaware of the violation of his ass he had suffered for around a week.

“James! Where have you been! We were so worried” screamed his mother “yeah where did you go son!” asked his dad. James explained he had fallen asleep, started his period and been ill so the priest at the church had helped him. Ten minutes later a mob had formed all the parents in the area surrounded the peado house and launched petrol bombs and bricks through the windows and at the cars....

“Michael allow me to interject, this is nightmare on Elm Street well very similar and from what you’ve told me it’s going to be too similar for us to evade copyright law”

Attempt 2

Take it, you will like it he thought, as he applied the small pieces of paper to his tongue, D.M.T the most powerful hallucinogenic drug available and as he was already munching magic mushrooms all day things were about to get extra insane for this boy. He ran from his house in his favourite bunny costume that he had wore so many times before he ran and he ran through the pink and gold world of London where the buildings spoke to him and shared their wisdom about the coming economic depression, conspiracy theories and the coming apocalypse. Little Terry listened to them all he knew what to do; he would become a super hero and protect the world.

He upgraded his kid’s bunny outfit into a 6 foot armoured purple rabbit monster. After eradicating the lizard people of the fourth dimension (actually they were just employees at the store) he set out to help the world. He hopped in his car (he saw it more as a giant mechanical bear) and headed around the town “Terry its Big Ben the woman there is stealing time and storing it her child, save time!” Terry drove up to the woman “excuse me miss are you stealing time?” he enquired the woman stood shocked as to why a man in a Vauxhall corsa was in a rabbit costume with frying pans stuck on as a strange childish armour “no i am not” “I knew you would lie!” Terry hopped out of the car and stabbed the woman in the stomach ten times with a butcher’s knife, he then grabbed the child and took a carrot from his satchel and choked the child to death with it.

“Thank you terry you have saved time” declared big Ben. “Terry its Downing Street dragons are attacking and zombies oh god it’s insane!” said Downing Street number ten. Terry hopped in his bear and saw as he got closer the fathers for justice team approaching the gates to Downing Street “oh god there are thousands of dragon zombies! I will need more weapons!” With that Terry stopped near some armed police and proceeded to stab the two men repeatedly and took their pistols and smgs or in his head a dragon killing rocket launcher and a anti dragon cat shooter. He thought valiantly and through the blood and pain not one man was stood by the end of the battle. And Terry was celebrating by teabaggin a dragon corpse.

 

Right something like this would never happen, its not even fucking surreal Michael try harder!

Okay god right attempt 3

Terry the retarded fucking postman and his abused child, ride around in a white van, delivering the post to the town of Leeds.

“Well kid it’s another day and well people need post” he said uncuffing the child from the bed, “ok but please no more killing people!” “I will try”

They drove their white van all the way to the first house and shat through the letter box, they then drove to the second house and shat through the letter box, and to third house they shat through the letter box, and the fourth, fifth and sixth they shat through them all.

Then Terry went to the final house, ad put his dick through the letter box and a dog bit it clean off, the moral of this story is, don’t let abused children work with retards as they will shit through your door i say they loosely as after the first house Terry had sold the kid to a old man who had literally spit roasted the child and wore the kids face as a mask around his arse and shat through his mouth.

WRITE A FUCKING STORY!

Okay once upon a time a princess was locked in a tower for years waiting for her prince charming, but as the tower was in the middle of nowhere after three days of no food and drink the dragon ate her and flew away. Prince Charming arrived to find the castle was now part of a nice council estate, he was stabbed and his armour was sold for scrap and his horse now belongs to a gypsy family.

Hansel and Gretel were abused for many years and then on a holiday to Portugal one escaped and left the other to suffer alone or so she thought, the family is now happy from selling the story with their millions of pounds and brain surgeon money, Gretel was kidnapped by the witch and with no brother to help her she died. Hansel now has a larger bedroom and the spare room was converted to a gym almost immediately after, the movie rights are still being decided.

Shrek and Fiona ate donkey with a side of puss in boots, and had ogre babies for dessert.

Goldilocks was subjected to gang rape by a black family after breaking into their house in downtown Compton, LA and has not been seen since, presumed dead or a crack whore no one is sure as of yet.

Cinderella remained in the under the stairs cupboard, little did you know she was actually a black slave and her ugly sisters were the enforcers of work and the step mother was a slave owner. She was later sold at an auction and her story was retold as a fairy tale.

Snow white and the seven dwarves is actually about a polygamist woman and her seven husbands who eventually were out ranked by someone of a normal human size, they later sued Snow white for discrimination to little people she tried making claims of abuse and the husbands raping her but it was seven to one and she lost handing over half of prince charming’s estate to the horny dwarves.


© Copyright 2018 Mic94. All rights reserved.

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