Just now

Poem by: Lizziewolf

Reads: 171 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 1 | Comments: 4

Just now I remembered you,

years have not faded your memory,

time has not killed my feelings,

desire flows through muy veins

and my spirit remains indómitable.

You gave me once the gift of lust,

of laughter in the face of time,

of love wrapped in companionship

and that stays in me,untarnished,

just like the scent of your skin

in the long nights of solitude,

in the fading seconds,in the lost hours.

Submitted: October 17, 2020

Adult Romance desire love longing

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DampKitten

My favorite line "Love wrapped in companionship"
The theme of this is fab...this lingering intensity, not just a simple recollection. The end of the piece is hugely important because there's a bit of exasperation implied; the loss of love in the emptiness of time. As short as this piece may be, there are still a few extra words I'd erase. I like a compact piece like this which is direct and sharp. I like succinctness.

Sat, October 17th, 2020 8:10pm

Author
Reply

Thank you. I appreciate your input but it stays as written. Love,Lizzie.

Sat, October 17th, 2020 4:52pm

DampKitten

options for flow

You gave me once the gift of lust,
of laughter in the face of time,
love wrapped in companionship
embedded in me, untarnished,
like the scent of your skin
during long nights of solitude,
of fading seconds,
of lost hours.

Just a different look slightly streamlined

Sat, October 17th, 2020 8:55pm

Author
Reply

Thank you but it stays as written.Love, Lizzie.

Sat, October 17th, 2020 4:50pm