Scandal X-Rated: Sexy Rihanna

Rihanna’s grungy, sexy, under-wraps memo blown wide open

On the heels or rear of those schmick, voguish, and flashy magazine—who would have conjectured and worked out that this music big shot and mega star holds dear and clings on to grotty, erotic, and hidden mannerisms and practices. At the winding up of a jam-packed and populous concert on the vociferous and boisterous prairies of London, Lady Ri took her high-priced and plush panties off as flash and colorful lights were subfuscating and paling out, and having grasped and clasped them in the intense blackness, she all of a sudden hurled and flung them off to a stirred and tumultuously aflame follower, who, upon seizing and snatching them to himself, spotted the coming note and let fall his eyes and teeth after perusing it:

This is my listing of three nasty, skuzzy, and skanky habits that no one else besides me has knowledge and perception about.

1. I go on fifty-fifty and share my clothes and wardrobe with my new-found bitch (or girl dog) pet, Karey; I have her clothe on my bra and slacks and panties and stilettos whenever I am having fun and sporting indoors with her at my house. Why do I do such an unheard-of, queer, left-field, and eccentric thing? The incentive is clear and straightforward. This is a world of fair treatment and fairness and one sameness. Everyone out there is cold-blooded and hard-hearted and inhuman with their dogs and beasts; notably Chris Brown! Dogs, just like every creature, have spot-on rights and entitlements and prerogatives. I think it is time pets should start instituting legal proceedings against their hellish possessors and masters and mistresses. I mean yes—even a dog to is entitled to independence and democracy and being and birthrights too.

2. Carrying wallets or money bags—outstandingly for a heavenly body STAR like me is not any secure and impregnable. So the best way I stash and hole up my silver and loot? Is by gift-wrapping and enfolding it all up in a shred and scrap of loo tissue and then prop and deposit it in the safeguards and safeness of my ass some moment thereafter. Before I make any deposit or installment at any Apple’s or Wal-Mart store, I rush and scoot my way to the gents—sorry, ladies—where in isolation and retreat from wide-awake bandits and shoplifters, I withdraw and extract out my priceless coins and tins in that exact style and fashion.

3. I can never hold out against singing whenever I orgasm. Be it at my toy boy’s suite or penthouse or in the dreariness and desertedness of my own room or office when I am jacking and jerking it off all on my own. Yes. With melody and tunes, I orgasm all the doubled and twofold! Toy Boy every time bitches and fusses out that he finds my randomly and unsystematically crooning while reveling in sex terrible and offensive—but I do not give a fuckin’ shit about it. Music is everything, doesn’t he know that?

What do you surmise ‘bout Ri’s memo? Is she jocular enough to make it to the 10 Best Female Card Jokers of the month—or not?

INTERROGATING THE SOUGHT-AFTER, FAVE PORN STAR—SASHA GRAY

It is bleak and shivery and wintry. I quake in my boots and shudder and teeter as I work and toddle my way towards her. She is stooled and pewed by herself and individually, peeping and gazing about as if to get a load of that tarrying guardian cherub who she is relying on her advent and turning up. I am that very spiritual archangel in case you didn’t know… and a little mite while afterwards…

“You are itching and greedy and desirous to fuck Boko Haram, we hear so? Is it truthful?”

“Yes. I wish he had hold me to ransom along with a couple few other diligent and sedulous bitches in the porno industry. Kidnapping and stealing; chains, guns, knives, and whips; boots, enslavement, and bondages. That is the genre and order of things that we are definitely and enthusiastically into.”

“I hear Boko Haram has got bunches and bands of equipped, fortified men. Can you be able to manage and feed them all with your few, keen-on-being-romped-up slappers?”

“Nothing is out of the possible if you take it as gospel that you can do it. My damsels and I can accomplish and get done anything that we feel like doing. So can you too, we thus believe!”

“How many smut flicks and motions have you zapped on camera this past week?”

“Forty.”

“All with clashing actors and in streets-apart whereabouts!”

“Precisely!”