Science of Fear

Science of Fear Science of Fear

Status: Finished

Genre: Mystery and Crime

Details

Status: Finished

Genre: Mystery and Crime

Summary

Sometimes we are all afraid of what the future may hold...

Summary

Sometimes we are all afraid of what the future may hold...

Content

Submitted: December 02, 2012

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Content

Submitted: December 02, 2012

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There was a blood on her hands. She was running fast through the empty corridors... The doors she passed seemed to stare at her ironically. There was a sound of soft whisper surrounding everything...

A gun. Sparkling, silver gun. She looked at it with curiosity, wondering how a gun can lie on the floor inside the hospital. It can’t... Someone should take it from here...

Click. The setting changes. Now she’s standing in the OR. There are no people here, everything is so spotlessly clean and... This silence. She loves it. It was one of the reasons why she wanted to be a surgeon. The magic of the ORs... Incredible.

After a while when she relished the view of the room, she went out. Slowly taking steps, her sneakers were making barely heard noise. Click, click.

Bathroom. Tall, dusty mirror. She looked in it with the enormous desire to explore every piece of her soul...

She was staring at a skinny woman with long dark hair and eyes so bright that they resembled a clear sky. Her navy scrubs were covered in a thick red substance. Blood. Blood, blood… Red, tasty, dense. It’s like a kryptonite for a surgeon. Blood… Essence of a surgeon’s life.

Click. Now she’s standing in the main hall. She raised her hand, squeezing a gun. She wasn’t shaking, being as calm as always during surgeries. That was her power. To save lives. And to take them away…

She put a gun to her stomach, grinned to herself and closed her eyes…

Was she scared? She should be. Fear is somehow an indicator of our humanity. How can a fear be defined anyway? It’s not anything material, we can’t touch it or even explain. THIS feeling. Fear of the unknown. Fear of not being understood by the others – there’s no difference between our beloved ones or complete strangers. Social acceptance is a key to one of the level of pyramid of the needs. It isn’t fundamental like easing a hunger or thirst. But… Isn’t it, really? Fear leads to panic. Panic leads to depression. BANG! That’s it. On the other hand, depression leads to constant fear. More and more. Life’s scary. Vicious circle. Unbreakable.

Muscles’ stiffness, being under a false impression that there are hands clanged on our throats.

She could feel the pressure of the gun’s trigger through the scrubs’ material on her bare skin. Eyes closed, stomach squeezed. Mind dried out of memories, out of feelings. Expect one.

Would it end, then? Everything she hates? Every reason why she was so extremely unhappy? Would THIS make her a pleasure, the last during her existence on Earth? It should. There were evenings, late nights when she was lying awake on her back, on the floor. Staring at the ceiling. Dark blue, navy. When she was six years old, her dad painted an ocean of mini stars there. They seemed to smile to her every single time, made of glitter, special paint. All of her dreams, all of her hopes and beliefs were born on that floor in that very room while gazing at the artificial sky. She did feel safe there. Immortal. Like nothing could ever go wrong…

The death of her best friend when she was just sixteen years old made it all go away. That idle image of life. That was the very first time when her fear transformed from being a rare guest to a constant unwelcome visitor. Since then, it accompanied her anywhere she went.

Blood. Behind calm eyelashes she could recall an image of blood. It felt so good, so right. To have a blood on her hands…

What did she do back then, still being a teenager with all that fear? The most obvious thing one could do being at the same boat. She ran away. Moved out to different city, met new people. Tried to forget everything. Death, blood, divorce, blood. Holding a hand of her dying great grandmother, who practically raised her. Those accusing looks from the others members of the family… Why? Because she didn’t cry in front of everyone. She was as calm as always which made her look unnatural in such a difficult situation. Showing off her emotions was equal to lying on the table all of her weaknesses. She wasn’t stupid. If anyone knows one’s weaknesses, it’ll be much easier to ultimately hurt that person. Fear fulfilled her soul and stoic calmness, even though it wasn’t sincere, was a better option. A safer one.

Death is peaceful. After death there is nothing left. Only the grave and the sadness of people who may miss you… Wait. Who would miss her? Her unpredictable mother who felt superior to normal people and her motherhood started and ended on giving her money? It wasn’t even an act of love, but that was a condition of a divorce with, let’s name her Sarah, a father. She was kind of insane. Never cared and never will. Sad but so horribly true…

There were pluses. She won’t make another unbearable mistake during surgery. She won’t be a disappointment, no one will break her heart again. No decision would have to be made. Nothingness. Complete emptiness. And… The most important thing is… She’ll get rid of all that fear culminated inside her bloodstream. For now, it was so intense she could almost feel it floating in her veins…

Sarah pulled the trigger. Bang, bang. The floor started to cover in blood really quickly. Thick, dense, red… Sweet.

She was dead. And free.

 


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