not another rant

not another rant

Status: Finished

Genre: Romance

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Status: Finished

Genre: Romance

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Submitted: May 07, 2017

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Submitted: May 07, 2017

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Totally a freak out rant. I've held this in too long and really just want to write it down finally and get it out. Don't worry you are NOT about to read that I just killed my neighbor or something (Though they are queationable lol) I honestly just want to scream to the world that I messed up. It's all my fault and while I am totaly cool with what happened It doesn't stop me from idk trying?

I knew a guy who I will only refer to as H.L he was.. scratch that IS the best guy I have ever known and I never knew how to say this to him. He is the ONLY guy I have EVER LOVED (sorry exs) and I never stopped idk yearning. Maybe for just a chance to explain why I broke his heart UNINTENTIONALLY. My family (not my family) was racist. They would do a lot of mean shit and it really got in the way of me being with him. I thought I was helpg him by cutting the drama out of his life and so I broke up with him. I never stopped thinking and talking about him and year after year we would meet yo then ose contact and it's just because I always had something more like SOMEONE in my way and I didn't want to hurt him or complicate his life.

Eventually I finally got away and I could talk to him without anyone bothering me or purposefully trying to sabatoge us but then idk I guess because I sent so long in my own thoughts about things (I NEVER TOLD HIM WHY I BROKE UP I WAS UNDER STRICT PPL SO I COULDNT EVEN TALK ON THE PHONE TO HIM AND HE ASSUMED I JUST NEVER TALKED TO HIM AFTER THE BREAKUP) But he wouldnt listen. I tries to finally tell h the story and he acted as if he already knew what it was about but he didnt. He asked me for time and I wouldnt mind giving him that it was just literally for like 7 years I had to figure out how to get to him to tell him i didnt just dump him cuz i didnt like him or anything but because i thought it was right.

I don't even know why this tears me up so bad now more than ever but it does and it sucks becayse its like that horrible family won. they took the one thing i cared about and he won't even let me talk it just makes me shallow inside and I think thats why now I feel so wound up about it all because finally I see just how shallow I am and Im not a douche bag or anything i just dont let ppl close to me at ALL not even my best friends. No this rant probably wont make much sense or maybe to some of you it will. I kinda hope no one reads it so that when I feel a little more idk normal? I can silently take it down and ... -Krea


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