What I Want

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Sci-Fi and Fantasy Erotica  |  House: Booksiesilk Classic Group

Brace yourselves, cause you are about to know about the deepest darkest secrets about me. Are you ready?

I want what I want. Brace yourselves, cause you're about to know about the darkest side of me. 

I don't why I'm writing this. Part of me reasons that what I want is wrong, even thinking about is a sin. The other part of me, the part which I like, says its me, my body. There's nothing wrong if I want something else, with my body. No absolutely not. So, its decided, I'm gonna tell you the darkest secret about me, the one no one knows, not even you. Brace yourselves, cause you are about to witness the dark side of me. 

It started when I was really young, probably 6 or 7. My mom went out to get some groceries leaving me alone. I was the always energetic kind of kid but if you give me a TV remote, cause back then we the phones had nothing, I'd be quiet as dead. And like any mom, she was paranoid to leave me on my own, so she did the best thing, handed me the TV remote. I was thrilled to watch spongebob and didn't even care that my mom wasn't home. 

Somehow, I pressed a different button and it was not spongebob. I don't even remember the name of whatever it was showing, but all I could focus was the girl chained up in a dark room. 

She had her arms chained above her head, a white clothe running between her teeth, it looked real tight and her legs were chained together too. I literally remember every detail of that girl. How she was fighting against the chains, her muffled screams through that gag and how her body was bruised when someone rescued her. I remember everything. 

Right then, I decided I wanted that. That I wanted to be in the place of that girl. Now, looking back at my 6 or 7 year self, I realize that all I wanted was to be tied up. That's all. I had zero knowledge about sex or BDSM. 

Years passed and my interest of getting tied up increased. Still I didn't tell anyone, not even my best friend. 

I was 14 by then. And I liked everything a normal teenage girl likes. I fangirled over one direction, had the hugest crush on Zach Efron and got asked out too. I was pretty much like everyone. Well that's a lie. My wants to be tied up hard only grew more and more everyday. It was around that time I read about bondage online. I googled 'girls tied up' and got jealous of the girls in the photographs. I wanted to be them. I wanted to be chained or tied up with a rope in a dark room. 

Then, one day, I got the perfect opportunity to try it out. My parents were gone for a whole day leaving me on my own. I was beaming, literally felt butterflies in my stomach. I couldn't wait for them to leave and as soon as they did, I locked the door and dashed for my room. 

I had duct tape already and my pair of my scarves. I felt my nerves going wild said to myself, 'lets do it'. 

The first thing I did was wrap the duct tape around my ankles. And true enough, that was the first time I got wet. I could feel my panties getting wet and it was a got feeling, the itchy thing actually felt good.

I was done tying my ankles pretty tight and I swear my heart was beating at an abnormal rate. I loved it. Since I was alone, I couldn't actually tie my hands good, but I did an awesome job gagging myself. I put the scarf in between my teeth and tied it behind my head real tight. I could feel the corners of my mouth hurting from tying myself that tight, but I liked it. By that time, I was too much wet, I actually had to check if I did wet the whole bed. 

Next were my hands. I tied the scarf around my left wrist leaving a small space and wiggled my right hand through it, in my back. It hurt and it was super tight, but I got in. It was a scarf so I didn't worry about getting stuck and was actually thrilled when I was done. I carefully hopped towards the mirror and saw myself. 

I was wearing a tank top and short and God I loved myself. The gag between my teeth looked like it belonged there, my hands behind my back l felt the need to stay there forever and my legs screamed, 'never free us'. Weird, but that's how I felt. 

I threw myself on my bed and tried to scream. Struggled against my bindings and tried wiggling around on my bed. 

I stayed like that for at least 40 minutes before feeling like it was enough for the first time. 

Since then, it hasn't changed. I do it almost every time I am on my own. No one knows. I have a special scarf to gag myself. And a white piece of clothe to blindfold myself. 

One day, I was again on my own. Its about a month ago, mom was at her sister's place and dad was on a trip. I was tired but I also needed it. So I gagged and blindfolded myself before going to sleep. I know its not safe, but I did it anyway. 

Waking up, when I couldn't see a thing and could feel my mouth moving, it was actually the greatest feeling in the world. Weird, but I liked it. 

So yeah, that's a part of my dark side. 

PS- If anyone's gonna kidnap me, don't forget to bind me, I might be your best hostage ever ;)

Submitted: May 18, 2020

© Copyright 2021 Kaylax. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:



I bet it feels good to have somewhere you can post your dark desires. It’s worth exploring but be very cautious when experimenting because the wrong person can ruin a good time. Find someone you can trust explicitly and you wil only grow to love it more.
This is a great post. You have a few grammatical errors but over all it’s a nice read. Welcome to BooksieSilk.

Tue, May 19th, 2020 12:03pm


Thank you so much and I completely agree with you. And actually english is not my first language but practice improves us, right?

Tue, May 19th, 2020 6:16am

Amy F. Turner

Well relayed like a confessional as one navigates what excites for future reference of course. I completely agree with the others that there is nothing wrong with indulging in your desires as long as they don't hurt anyone. While the protagonist here engages in experimenting alone, it will be even more fulfilling to have a partner to share in this who may find it equally satisfying and can ensure safety.

Wed, May 20th, 2020 4:42am

Dick Wood

Being vulnerable and tied up. Having someone else be in control. Nothing wrong in it. As long as you are with a person that you know and trust. Never put yourself in a situation that could turn unpleasant.

Fri, May 29th, 2020 2:52am


Yes, completely agreed.

Fri, May 29th, 2020 10:23pm


Wowww. The way you satisfy yourself is really hot and interesting. I cant say i didnt turn on reading this hidden fantasy of yours. You are doing something wonderful that you ve found yojr secret desires and live them on your own????????????

Sun, July 19th, 2020 12:22pm


Maybe you could write a second chapter about your own bondage sessions?

Fri, July 31st, 2020 4:24am

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