Becoming A Butterfly

Becoming A Butterfly

Status: Finished

Genre: Memoir

Details

Status: Finished

Genre: Memoir

Summary

like the caterpillar, I haven't experienced the freedom of spreading my wings and trying to fly. I needed help to do so. He wasn't just a friend, he was like my cocoon. He had his hands wrapped around me, when I needed to be held to grow in his arms. He finally let me go. Now I am free to enjoy life being a butterfly.

Summary

like the caterpillar, I haven't experienced the freedom of spreading my wings and trying to fly. I needed help to do so. He wasn't just a friend, he was like my cocoon. He had his hands wrapped around me, when I needed to be held to grow in his arms. He finally let me go. Now I am free to enjoy life being a butterfly.

Content

Submitted: November 01, 2012

A A A | A A A

Content

Submitted: November 01, 2012

A A A

A A A


 

 

Chapter 1 

 
 
 Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.  
 
 
I sat at the kitchen table looking at my blank piece of paper. I started chewing on my pencil. I was irritated trying to draw a new design for Fashion Week at the school. The frustration was starting to dry me nuts. Working hard on the note pad, pencil breaking between my thick teeth. Open Fashion magasines with outfits circled in a red pen. Ideas for future designs. I let the pencil go because I have nothing flowing to me. How was I ever gonna reach my goal by friday. 4 days, I have 4 days to come up with an idea or get another F for the semester. I couldn't fail myself, again.  My blonde hair was in a mess and my breathing was rapid. It was strainious enough and then  Domino started barking. He was getting to hyper. He only got this hyper when he needed to go out and pee.  I looked over at Jason, who sat on the couch, staring at the TV. 
" Can you take him out?" I asked him. 
" He doesn't like me" 
" Seriously?" I muttered and then got up from the kitchen table. Domino rushed to me, wagging his tail fast. I walked over to the door and opened it for him. He  knocked against me, Causing me to slip and fall against against the door. " Fuc...Domino" I screamed. Domino didn't to care as he hopped out side and decided to mark the bushes in front of the house.  Jason looked up at me. I knew something snarky was going to come out of his mouth. 
" You need to watch out for him"
" Shut up" I said to him rolling my eyes. " Watch him, make sure he doesn't run away again" I grabbed my pad and pencil off the table. My room was the closest to the kitchen, so I decided I needed some quiet time to think. I opened my door, and slammed the door behind me. I plopped down on my bed. I ruffled with my blanket, and fell against my pillow. 
My cellphone rang, Kris. Great! I thought. I sat up and answered the phone. 
"Hey, Kris" I said frustrated.
 " What's wrong?" He quickly asked. 
" Nothing."  
" You should come over, hang out with me you can spend the night relieve all that stress" I took a deep break. I didn't need to be spending then night over at his house. He was a married man. Yes, Kourtney was at her parents. She had been gone for a month,leaving Kris alone, but Kris was still a married man. Then again, maybe it would just be a friendly sleepover. Well actually, With Kris it was never simple like that. 
" Well I don't know if I should.." I said thinking about the first time we spent time together. I fell over and hit my head on my pillow. We almost had sex, and it was I who was with someone else at that time. It was way before Kourtney entered the story. Young and stupid. I couldn't get that out of my head. 
" You need to party, loosen up" 
".... uh Kris I really don't think so" I hesitated. 
" Come on, it will be the last time we can hang out together for a few months"
 " I really don't know, Kris, it's really late" I said looking at my clock. 9:50PM. I would really liked to hang out with him. He is still my best friend. I had been so focus on College that I had been not focusing on friends. " I can't leave Jason home alone". Jason then apeared at my door. 
" Hey, Janey can you take me to Tami's house" I looked up at Jason. Ugh, really, this was weird.  I groaned because lately my car had been on the fritz. It hadn't been working right. I sighed. 
" I will if you don't mind picking me up and dropping Jason off in town"
" No I don't mind at all" he sounded estatic all the sudden. 
 " Okay then" I wondered if he still remembered where I lived. I looked up at Jason. " Kris willl be coming to pick me up, he agreed he will drop you off at Tami's house" I said and Jason nodded.  
" I will be there soon" he said then hanging up on me. 
He was a quiet brother of mind. Since in the last few years, his mind has started to go more. I looked at my shirt, should I change. I didn't wanna get really dressy. It wasn't like Kris was a date. He was just a friend, a married friend. He was still tempting like he was all of those years ago. Jason came back into my room " Can I borrow you're phone" I looked down at it. " Sure" I tossed my phone at him. He took my phone and went back into the living room. I propped up. I fixed my shorts. I strutted in the bathroom and looked at my blonde hair in the mirror. I picked up my curler and my brush. Fixing my hair isn't doing alot to impress Kris. I just combed threw my hair. I stuck my tongue out. " Dang it Janey, you still like him" I said to myself. I went into the living room. Jason was seating on the couch.
 " Kris called He forgot which house" I sighed. " Did you tell him"
" Yes."
 " Good" I then heard a beeping from outside. Kris was here already. I rushed out side, to see his grey car. He waved his hand. I opened the door and pecked my head in. 
" Hey, Janey" He said sweetly. I rolled my eyes.
 " Jason, Kris is here!" I shouted. 
" Woah, I am in no hurry" He said and he smiled at me. I arched my brow and smiled. Jason rushed into the car. 
" Yo!" Jason nodded. 
" Yo!" Kris said back. I got into my seat and put on my seatbelt. I looked at Kris. It seemed like a long drive as Jason and Kris talked cars. I drowned them out. 
Soon Jason was out of the car and Kris was driving to his house. We stopped and he got out as I was unbuckling my seat belt. I looked at him as he waited for me. I opened the door and noticed the beer bottles. " I drink while I work on my cars" 
" Okay" I was nervous. in my 20 years, I had never been at a guys house. I went up his steps. He follewed me. 
" You can just open my door" I grabs the knob and it open. Very unsafe of him, to have the door unlocked. 
 We walked in and I saw his puppy on the couch. Awe cute I went over to the puppy. I plopped down on the couch. He wagged at me and yapped as Kris went into kitchen. I looked at his purple collar on his neck. " Lighting", was the puppy's name.
 " Coke or Pepsi?" I glaced over at him. He was holding a 20 ounce bottle of both in his hands.
" Pepsi"
 " Good choice" He said and then he grabbed a clear bottle. I could tell it was filled with a clear liquid. I thought maybe Vodka. I looked down at Lighting. The black puppy was rolling with his yellow tennis ball. He yapped. Kris placed a drink infront of my face. I looked at the light brown liquid " Here try this" I took a sip. It was gross. 
" Ehh" I said almost gagging and then he pulled away. 
" It's really strong it isn't it" He was smiling like an idiot. 
" It's so nasty" I said sticking my tongue out. He chuckled. 
" Like Surup" We both said at the same time. He walked back into the kitchen. I watched Kris as he poured some of the drinks. He looked so happy, I smiled and blinked. He returned to me. He hand me a glass
. " It taste like Pepsi, I tasted it so it should taste like that to you" He said.
 I tipped the drink to my mouth. It was bitter as it hit my mouth. I choked.I shook my head and placed it on the coffee table. " That was horrible" I said still tasting it in my mouth. I groaned and looked at Kris. He plopped on the couch and turned on the TV. It was Family Guy. The famous Bird is the Word episode. 
 I tried to please Kris as he kept looking at me. I would try to take some of the drink. Kris would smile at every sip. I opened my mouth and chugged some. I heard Kris awe in amazement. " I will drink to that" He said and he chugged some of his. I gritted at him. He smirked. " Want some of mine?" He said and then I shook my head and groaned.
" No" I took a deep breath " Thank you". Soon I started to drink more and more of it. Kris would drink everytime I would. I shook my head. I tried to focus on the Tv. My vision was getting blurry. He looked at me, and raised an eyebrow. 
" Dang, I only put like a pinch of Vhe last few years, his mind has started to go more. I looked at my shirt, should I change. I didn't wanna get really dressy. It wasn't like Kris was a date. He was just a friend, a married friend. He was still tempting like he was all of those years ago. Jason came back into my room " Can I borrow you're phone" I looked down at it. " Sure" I tossed my phone at him. He took my phone and went back into the living room. I propped up. I fixed my shorts. I strutted in the bathroom and looked at my blonde hair in the mirror. I picked up my curler and my brush. Fixing my hair isn't doing alot to impress Kris. I just combed threw my hair. I stuck my tongue out. " Dang it Janey, you still like him" I said to myself. I went into the living room. Jason was seating on the couch.
 " Kris called He forgot which house" I sighed. " Did you tell him"
" Yes."
 " Good" I then heard a beeping from outside. Kris was here already. I rushed out side, to see his grey car. He waved his hand. I opened the door and pecked my head in. 
" Hey, Janey" He said sweetly. I rolled my eyes.
 " Jason, Kris is here!" I shouted. 
" Woah, I am in no hurry" He said and he smiled at me. I arched my brow and smiled. Jason rushed into the car. 
" Yo!" Jason nodded. 
" Yo!" Kris said back. I got into my seat and put on my seatbelt. I looked at Kris. It seemed like a long drive as Jason and Kris talked cars. I drowned them out. 
Soon Jason was out of the car and Kris was driving to his house. We stopped and he got out as I was unbuckling my seat belt. I looked at him as he waited for me. I opened the door and noticed the beer bottles. " I drink while I work on my cars" 
" Okay" I was nervous. in my 20 years, I had never been at a guys house. I went up his steps. He follewed me. 
" You can just open my door" I grabs the knob and it open. Very unsafe of him, to have the door unlocked. 
 We walked in and I saw his puppy on the couch. Awe cute I went over to the puppy. I plopped down on the couch. He wagged at me and yapped as Kris went into kitchen. I looked at his purple collar on his neck. " Lighting", was the puppy's name.
 " Coke or Pepsi?" I glaced over at him. He was holding a 20 ounce bottle of both in his hands.
" Pepsi"
 " Good choice" He said and then he grabbed a clear bottle. I could tell it was filled with a clear liquid. I thought maybe Vodka. I looked down at Lighting. The black puppy was rolling with his yellow tennis ball. He yapped. Kris placed a drink infront of my face. I looked at the light brown liquid " Here try this" I took a sip. It was gross. 
" Ehh" I said almost gagging and then he pulled away. 
" It's really strong it isn't it" He was smiling like an idiot. 
" It's so nasty" I said sticking my tongue out. He chuckled. 
" Like Surup" We both said at the same time. He walked back into the kitchen. I watched Kris as he poured some of the drinks. He looked so happy, I smiled and blinked. He returned to me. He hand me a glass
. " It taste like Pepsi, I tasted it so it should taste like that to you" He said.
 I tipped the drink to my mouth. It was bitter as it hit my mouth. I choked.I shook my head and placed it on the coffee table. " That was horrible" I said still tasting it in my mouth. I groaned and looked at Kris. He plopped on the couch and turned on the TV. It was Family Guy. The famous Bird is the Word episode. 
 I tried to please Kris as he kept looking at me. I would try to take some of the drink. Kris would smile at every sip. I opened my mouth and chugged some. I heard Kris awe in amazement. " I will drink to that" He said and he chugged some of his. I gritted at him. He smirked. " Want some of mine?" He said and then I shook my head and groaned.
" No" I took a deep breath " Thank you". Soon I started to drink more and more of it. Kris would drink everytime I would. I shook my head. I tried to focus on the Tv. My vision was getting blurry. He looked at me, and raised an eyebrow. 
" Dang, I only put like a pinch of Vocka in your drink, I pour to that line on mine" He said pointing to the line marking 25 precent of the cup. I groaned. I swore I could taste more then a pinch. Then again, I had never drank this much.  I had only been aloud to drink Wine Coolers, and that was when I was 12. There was that time when I was 15 and Serena had given me a Mike's Hard Lemonade.  I had just sipped a beer, at my brother's friend's memorial.  This was the strongest drink, I had consumed before.  I didn't expect what was to happen to me after downing this. I could feel my head already spinning. I tried focusing on the show. Kris just jestered in my apearance. I tried taking in the time, I remembered the episode that played. It quickly turned into a game for me and Kris.  We sat there resiting every word and we laughed. I started to have fun, not trying to think about my body getting warm or my legs feeling numb. The episode was over and then my bladder started burning. 
I had to use the bathroom. " Bathroom" I said remembering it was just down the hallway. I stood up, my legs quickly became like jelly. I narrowed down the dark hallway, but my steps were off. I couldn't see much down the hallway. The effects of the Vodka were getting me. I started feeling quessy. The numbness took over my whole body. I opened the door, and flicked on the switch. I wooed as I touched the sink and made my way to the toliet. I plopped down on the bowl and warm liquid poured out of me.   I looked down at my feet. My stomach hurt. I gagged. I could feel the warm liquid rush up my throat. I guess some time had passed cause I heard a knock on the bathroom door. 
 " Janey, you okay in there?" I heard Kris's voice from behind the bathroom door. 
" Yeah, I am fine" I said and then I realized I wasn't. I gagged and then the liquid felt around my mouth. I couldn't get up fast enough. The door opened. As soon as I saw Kris's feet, I puked. He rushed down to beside me.
 " No, Baby you are not fine" He said. " You need to get into the shower" He said. I looked at my grey shirt and saw puke down it. My shorts, still pulled around my waist, were dripped in puke. Not a pretty sight. He grabbed a towel off of the dryer. " Come on, Baby, take your clothes off"
" No" I braced myself. I was holding tight to my breast, even over my clothes. 
" Honey, I won't look when you get naked" He said and some part of me believed him.I swallowed and  pulled my shirt over my head. Kris helped by  pulling down my pants. I couldn't see if his eyes were open or not. I was still embarressed. I had never gotten naked infront of a boy, let alone a man like Kris.  I placed my hands on my purple panties. Kris pulled away from me. I shook out of them. Stepping into his shower, I pulled my bra over my head. I plopped down in the shower. He turned on the water. The water was so warm. I leaned forward. 
Like a child I decided to play with the knobs. The right was hot water, the left was cold. I twisted the hot water knob. Instantly it burned against my leg. I huddled over, and ran my hand threw it. Kris let out a chuckle as he bend down to me. " You're so beatiful, you don't need to hide it" I groaned. Kris was always mister-nice-guy when it came to me. 
" You're very nice" 
" Jane, I am telling the truth" Kris huffed as  bend down to me and had a white towel in his hands. It was a small towel but it would do for a second. He helped me dry off.
 " My purse, I have an extra pair of clothes in them, can you get it for me" 
" Sure thing, babe"  I looked at the ceramic tub floor and tried to keep my head still. I still felt the warmth threw my body. This I knew was do to the vodka I had consumed. 
He returned.  I wobbled in place, trying to keep still.  He handed me my blue jeans. I slipped them on . I snatched my white tee from his hands. I quickly pulled it over my head. I didn't seem to really noticed it was on backwards. I looked up at him and he smiled down at me. Everything was blurrier. My head was spinning. 
I could see he was shirtless. When did he take his shirt off? I question and then he swooped me up into his arms. I tried to make sure my stomach wasn't being left behind. He carried me into the bedroom. The one he shared with Kourtney. I plopped down on the bed. He tossed the blanket over me. " Would you like me to get you some Water?" he asked. I think he wanted to get me the water because I had puked. I didn't know, and I would guess he didn't either at the time that Water is not the best thing to give a drunk person. 
A while later, he returned with a bottle of water in his hands. He lifted me up and handed me the bottle. I grabbed it. " take slow sips". I couldn't take slow sips. I let the water driffed into the back of my throat and I chugged it quickly. " Woah, I said slow". I let the water build up and then it all rushed out. Water went everywhere.
 " I am such a horrible drunk" I slurred. He chuckled and leaned on the bed.
 " Ah your fine" he pulled me up. He tossed the sheets onto the floor. He leaned off and when over to the closet. My head was still spinning. I wipped my mouth. He plopped down in front of me and grabbed my waist. He stripped me of my pants and then my shirt. I was so shocked. He dressed me a pair of light brown boxer shorts and a dingy shirt. I looked at them, judging by the size they wheren't his. These clothes had to be Kourtney's. I sighed and then he laided down beside me. " How do you feel?" He asked. My mind when back to freshman year. I turned and tried to focus on something. Anything would do. I stared at the white wall.
" I loved you, but now you're married to Kourtney" I said staring at the white wall, I felt his grip tighten on my waist. His voice went horsed.
 " I didn't know, you never said anything to me"
 " I wanted you to tell me that I should of choice you over Adam" I choked. He rubbed my neck. 
" Look up at me" I cocked my head to look up at him. He rubbed under my chin and pulled it up to kiss me. Our lips smacked together, the first time I had ever kissed him.  " I don't see why you loved me at all, I am so fat" I chuckled at his words.
" You're not fat, you're sexy" I shook my head and posistioned myself to hold on to his waist. I ran my finger down his chest. He let out a light laugh.
 " Not as sexy as you" He said and then I licked my lips and looked back up at him. He kissed me again, and again. I found it adicting even though my lips started to ache. He kissed me once more, and slide his tongue against my lips. I parted my lips, wanting. I slopped my tongue against him. I knew in the back of my head, this was wrong. He was married now, but I loved him so much. I didn't care. It was blocked out of my mind. I saw by the wall, the crib. I pulled my lips off his.
 " No" I said my heart hurt more then my stomach did. I wanted to just forget it all. His marriage, the kid on the way. I wasn't in my right state of mine. I did have slight control. He rubbed his hand against my belly. He lowered his head and kissed my stomach. I moaned in my mind. I felt my worries start to slip away. I felt something against my leg. That couldn't be. I glanced down and there it was, his penis in full veiw. I groaned and tossed my head back. " You gotta control that" He moved away to cover himself up. I cringed and huddled myself. He pulled me down on my back. He cocked my head and kissed me again.
 " Gosh, your kisses are so addictive" He said holding onto my shoulders. I kissed and pulled at his bottom lip. I smirked in between the kiss. I couldn't stop him, it was like our lips belonged together. 
 " From Reading books" I said turning to face him, I wrapped my legs around his waist. I pulled up and arched my back. Kris gripped my waist. His body wasn't complete all muscly, but he was well toned. He could hold me tight and I felt safe. 
" Ah so there is stuff you can learn from books" I touched Kris's torso and ran my fingers over his light pattern of chest hairs.I nibbled my teeth against his belly button. The slight touch of  chest hair, it was really sexy.  I tossed myself off of him. He moved over and groan. " Teasing" He hissed threw his teeth.
" I learned it all from Romance Novels" I said chuckling him. I grabbed his arms to snuggle against him.I pecked my lips against this ivory skin of his uper arms. " I don't want to be penatrated tonight".  That was really odd of me to say. 
 " You don't have to be" He rubbed his hands over my neck and he pushed my hand down. I felt the russle of his black chest hairs. It ruffed into his pubic hairs. I felt the tuff skin of his penis. I smiled into his chest and touched him. My first time ever touching that private part of a man's body. It felt strange. It felt like smooth leather. I could tell I was close to his balls. He groaned against me and started to jerk his hips. I quickly pulled my hand away. I felt his chin touch the top of my head. " hey, why did you stop" I shifted and kissed his uper arms. I felt instantly like I should bite him. I bite down. He jerked. " don't bite, I like that to much" he said and then I looked up at him and smirked. I smoothed over him. I slide over his arm and bite down on his shoulder. He jerked, this time he decided to teach me a leason. His hand went up and smacked down on my butt.  His hand was cold, and the smack wasn't hard. I groaned. 
"  Kris! Stop!" 
" No, I am getting even" He said and then I bit me lip as he hit my butt one more time. He rubbed it. I was glad I was wearing those shorts. He touched my shoulder as I turned away from him. 
" I am sorry". I didn't wanna look at him. I was throbbing and I was worried that I was gonna lose control. I tried to hold back. My heart pounded and I had already lost to him. I found myself feeling like that day, all those years ago. My heart racing, looking into his eyes. Lost in lust. Araticated and thrilled. 
" Jane, look at me" I tried to keep my eyes on the wall. " Jane, baby" He spoke sweetly. I knew I was not his baby. Kourtney was his baby momma and Kristin Jr was his son.
 " Don't call me baby" " if you couldn't call me that 4 years ago, don't say it now"
" Sorry" He said and then he held onto me. I felt him against me. " Look at me" He cocked my head and he kissed me again. We made out. I couldn't think straight at all. I tried to push him away, but kept getting drawn back into in. He then grabbed my breast. His fingers rubbed against my nibbles. I grabbed his hands and guided them up and down my breast.  He started to fill me up. I moaned and arched my back. He slide his tongue in and our tongues mingled. I was drowning in him. I pushed him away. I stood up off the bed and then feel back down into his arms. He laid me down on the bed. He got over me and I swallowed hard. He kissed my forehead. " I got work in the morning" He grumbled tossing off of me. 
" I am trying to sleep. You keep distracting me"
 " I am distracting you, you're distracting me" He groaned and then grabbed the blanket and tossed it over his head. I chuckled and snuggled against him. He shoved me gently away from him. I turned to face him. He closed his eyes, we were both pretty drossy. He clasped his arms around me and fell asleep. I laid there, trying to sleep. Stuffing my head into the pillow, I smelt Kourtney's scent. I came back to reality again. Kissing him, touching him it was just like being 17 again. I could never be his, he was still married to her. I came then to the realisation that I needed to let Kris go. I knew letting Kris go wouldn't be easy but it was something I would just have to struggle threw. 
After Morning came, I awoke feeling torn. My stomach was in pain. I was dealing with one of the worst headaches I had ever had to deal with.  I looked over, to see Kris. He was balled up, and he was blocking my way of going to the bathroom. I groaned and started to slowly move over him, not to disturb him. Then his hand grabbed my leg. 
" Mmm, now this is the position I like seeing you in" He said still tired. I tried to move away from him but he kept holding on to me. I huffed, and looked down to the notice, that I was basicly straddling him. 
" Of course you do" I said ruffling my already bed hair. I wanted to kiss him then, but I had to stop myself. I finally wiggled out of his hold. " I have to pee" I said and then quickly getting up. I almost feel over, then catching myself. 


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