War Of The Turdbots (Continued)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksiesilk Classic Group

The Turdbot saga continues...

"No,I need you in medical. We still have to stay with the fleet to fight off the Turdbots. Dismissed!"

As Captain Picante wrapped up the meeting, he pulled Professor Makimoomoo aside...

"Professor,I want you to stay very close to Lady Tuna. If she lets out the slightest fart, I want it recorded,
and documented."

The Cosma Muffaletta took it's place with the fleet of Boo Boos as they moved in on the vast clouds of Turdbots
that have made their way to the outer bands of Isakoola.Captain Boo Boo sat in the captain's chair of the Piccadilly Chilli...

"Captain Boo Boo,we are picking up large Boo Boo style spaceships out there among the Turdbots."

Lana Loo Loo informed the crew...

"Are you sure,Lana? We might be picking up ourselves being reflected off the Turdbots?"

"No. Our readings show that these Boo Boos are different. They are made from petrified shit."

"Petrified shit? The only known substance that comes close to it is...Dookyroids."


"Yes! Cookylamoo, open a channel to the other Boo Boos."

"Aye,Captain Boo Boo."

Captains Beaner,Flablicker,and Picante appear on the video screen that's split up in three ways...

"What is it,Captain Boo Boo?"

"We have information that the Turdbots have constructed their own Boo Boos made from Dookyroids."

"Is the Dookyroid Field still there?"

"We have no way of detecting it due to interference from the Turdbots."

"We must attack them now. They are getting out of hand." Captain Picante warned them...

"I agree. Let's get our forces together and strike." Said Captain Boo Boo.

The sirens went off on the Isakoolian air strip as Bronco Bee Bee,and the other secondary characters got into
the Hyper Fighters to join the rest of the fleet in battle...On Cookamungus-X,the Booty Hunters were setting up their arsenal
before the Turdbots attack...On the Cosma Muffaletta,Lady Tuna was escorted back to her quarters after a series of tests in
the science lab. Chaknee got up to attend to her...

"How did it go,my queen?"

"Oh it was terrible,Chaknee! They had me on my hands & knees,protruding my fanny out,while that nasty Professor
Makimoomoo kept looking at it with a giant magnifying glass. I thought I would go fuckin' wacky!"

"Gosh,I wish a man would pay that much attention to my ass,even if it was for science."


Suddenly something had hit the ship hard,knocking Lady Tuna & Chaknee to one side of the room as the alarm went
"Red alert! All battle stations! We have engaged the Turdbots!"

Captain Picante alerted the crew. Lady Tuna & Chaknee rushed to one of the windows to watch the Coo Coo,Cumbus,
Clausins,and the Turdbots entangled in a intergalactic fuckfest of laser blasts,explosions,and feces...

"Oh,this is terrible! What's going to happen next?!" Chaknee wondered...

"I think it's gonna get a whole lot worse!" Lady Tuna told him...

"What do you mean?" Chaknee asked as he turned to her...

"I have to take a wicked SHIT!"

Lady Tuna's slanted eyes widened,as her tummy started to gurgle. Chaknee gasped as he looked at her...

"Please tell me this is all a very bad dream?!" Chaknee begged.


Captain Boo Boo clunged to her chair as the Piccadilly Chilli fired it's laser weapons head on into one of the
Dookyroidic Boo Boos. Unfortunately it was a mistake as a huge chunk of molded Dookyrite broke off and smashed into the front
of the Piccadilly Chilli. Penny Pop N'Fresh was killed instantly as damaged machinery fell on top of her. The whole bridge
went haywire...

"Captain Boo Boo,I can't control anything! All the systems are fucked up!"

Shouted a frustrated Quadoofa...

"Communications are out too! Including contact with the rest of the ship!"

Cookylamoo informed the crew. The Piccadilly Chilli shifted away from the rest of the fleet as they were losing
control. A batch of Turdbots were on their tail...

"Lana,is there any safe planetoids nearby that we can land on?" Captain Boo Boo asked...

"Yes. There's a man-made one called 'The Planet Of Meat'. The problem is the Turdbots will follow."

Olivia Neutron Bomb stood up,and faced the crew...

"Launch me out into space. I can distract the Turdbots from the Piccadilly Chilli." Olivia requested...

"No Olivia,I can't have you make such a sacrifice for us.We'll find another way. Quadoofa can you navigate our
Boo Boo to the Planet Of Meat?"

"I can try,Captain Boo Boo."

"Okay,now Olivia?...Where's Olivia?" Captain Boo Boo wondered. Everyone looked around,but Olivia was gone.

Lana Loo Loo spotted something on the scanners...

"Oh,no! Olivia is outside the ship! She launched herself from one of the torpedo tubes! She's going to kill
herself! AAAH!!!"

Lana screamed. Olivia flew passed the view screen,and winked at the outside video cameras,just before heading
out towards a swarm of Turdbots...

"Here I come you nasty turds! WEEEEEEE!!!!"

Olivia shouted as she flew deep into a formation of Turdbots. She then detonated herself into a cheap animated
construction paper explosion. Betty clutched her red Boo Boo in despair...

"Oh,poor Olivia! First Penny,and now her! We must make it to the Planet Of Meat!"

Captain Boo Boo pleaded. The damaged Piccadilly Chilli drifted towards the meat based planetoid until it was
pulled into it's gravitational field...

"Everyone hang on! We're going in for a crash landing!"

Quadoofa informed the crew. The Boo Boo plunged partially into the soft,moist surface of meat...

"Is everyone alright?"

A concerned Captain Boo Boo asked...

"Yes!" Everyone shouted in unison...

"Lana,are the scanners still working?"

"Yes,they're picking up only meat. Beef,Pork,Chicken,Turkey.Yuck! I think it's disgusting! Where did all this
meat come from? Why is it still fresh?"

"I don't know,Lana. What I don't understand is why the Turdbots haven't invaded this place?"

"I'm picking up a Coo Coo lifeform on top of that hill."

"Lana,can you magnify the image on screen?"

"Of course,Captain."

As Lana Loo Loo super imposed the female figure on screen. Everyone jumped back in disbelief...

"The computer has identified her as FIFI BEE BEE." Lana told the crew...

"FiFi Bee Bee?"

"Yes. She was reported missing on Pluton back in the 1980s."

"Let's put a team together to meet with her,also pack plenty of steak & BBQ sauces in case we have to eat our
way to her location."


As the Boo Boos blasted away at each other,Bronco Bee Bee lasered away at the Turdbots that tried to cling
themselves to the ships. He was also trying to get the others to do the same. None of them had any training to fight,and
were reluctant to do so...

"Sally Sibbles fire your weapons!" Bronco shouted...

"I know how to do it,so you don't have to yell!" Sally shouted back...

"Poopa,you have Turdbots all over the top of your cockpit!"

"I know! I can't get them off! AAAH!!!"

The Turdbots tore off Poopa's cockpit cover,exposing her to outer space. Her tomato head inflated like a big
red balloon filled with chunky tomato sauce. Hildagard Van Higgles was on a super fast direct course towards it...

"Hildagard,watch out!"

Bronco yelled out,but it was too late. Hildagard's Hyper plunged right into the giant tomato,causing Poopa's
head to pop & explode into globs of tomato sauce. Poopa was dead...

"Pull up,you stupid Bitch!" Bronco continued to yell at Hildagard...

"Ooh! I can't see where I'm going!"

Hildagard's Hyper was covered in tomato sauce as it spun out of control...

"AAAH!!!" Hildagard screamed in horror until her Hyper crashed into one of the Turdbots' Boo Boos,killing her
as well. Bronco was pissed off...

"That's it! You Motherfuckers can look out for yourselves! I'm out of here!"

Bronco Bee Bee flew off from the rest of the Hypers to fight the Turdbots on his own.


Everyone scattered around as the Cosma Muffaletta was put on high alert,because Lady Tuna was about to have a
ass erruption...


The nasaled woman's voice shouted over the loud speaker as Lady Tuna was rushed down the corridor on a gurney
to the lab where the scientists are making preparations to receive her nano enriched shit...

"Oh,the cramps! The bloating!" Lady Tuna moaned...

"Don't worry my queen! Once you poop out that dooky,you'll feel better."

Chaknee assured her. When they got to the lab,Lady Tuna was placed on a examination table with her legs put up
in stirrups to expose her rectum to Professor Makimoomoo,who pulled out his giant lighted magnifying glass to observe her
bowel movement...

"Okay,Lady Tuna. I want you to relax your sphincter muscle,and try to ease your dooky out like soft serve
chocolate ice cream."

Professor Makimoomoo suggested in a calm voice...

"Ooh,I can't! It feels like a hard jagged rock jammed up my ass! Can you lubricate it with something? Lard,
butter,spit,axel grease,grape jelly,anything?!"

"No. You must evacuate the shit out naturally in order to keep the nano meaties active.Now push."


Lady Tuna screamed as she tried to force the shit out. Professor Makimoomoo could see the crowning of the
large turd as it stretched out Lady Tuna's asshole wider. It looked like a large meatball was lodged in her puckered poop
"Ah! The pain! I never knew taking a shit would hurt so bad!" Lady Tuna paniced...

"Now really,my queen? After all the tingays I've seen you shove up your ass over the years,and you're telling
us you can't take a simple dooky?"

"That's easy for you to say,Chaknee! You like things going in & out of your butt! OOH! UHH! OH! THE SHIT IS

After a series of loud splashy,squishy farts. Lady Tuna grunted out a monster load of hot,steaming shit into
a stainless steel bowl...

"Congratulations,my queen! You just gave birth to a seven pound turd!" Chaknee joked...

"Uh! Remind me to never eat dooky again!"

Said a exhausted Lady Tuna who was having the sweat patted off her forhead,and the doo doo wiped off her
"I'll make a note of it."

Professor Makimoomoo had Lady Tuna's feces gingerly placed in a sealed container to be analyzed by the scientists
to find a antidote to the Turdbot crisis.


Everyone returned to Isakoola when it was reported that Professor Makimoomoo had found a way to wipe out the
Turdbots. Sadly,the millions of Coo Coo,Cumbus,Clausins had dwindled down to the thousands as the Turdbots gained control of
most of Funkoo. Now Betty Boo Boo stood at the podium to talk to the crowd...

"Ladies & gentlemen,we called you here today,because we have some good news,and some bad news about our current
Betty turns to Professor Makimoomoo who is sitting behind her...

"Professor Makimoomoo could you come up to the podium to discuss your findings?"

"Oh,yes. Of coarse,Betty."

The professor came up to the podium...

"By studying the nano meaties in Lady Tuna's feces we have successfully created anti meaties that not only
terminate the nano meaties,but vaporize the fecal matter into a harmless gas that smells like fresh baked apple cinnamon

"Oooohs!" & "Aaaaahs!" could be heard throughout the assembly after hearing that. Professor Makimoomoo

"We inject these anti meaties into the matrix of secondary micro boo boos. These micro boo boos are then stored
in a special disburstment unit that can be fired out of any torpedo tube. Once the unit is shot into a field of Turdbots it
can wipe them out completely."

Everyone cheered & applauded over the professor's progress,but things got quiet when Betty Boo Boo returned to
the podium again...

"And now the bad news. Due to budget cuts,and the depleation of our resources. We don't have enough materials
to produce anti meaties or micro boo boos to put an end to the over population of Turdbots. I hate to say this,but we are all

Everyone was in dismay. Princess Coo Coo approached Betty...

"Betty,is there any hope for us?"

"I really don't know,Princess Coo Coo. In time as the Turdbots continue to multiply in greater numbers,our
galaxy will become thicker,fuller,and more dense with dooky to the point where it will look like a massive cow pie in space."

"Oh,dear!" Despaired Princess Coo Coo...

"I really don't know what good this would do,but perhaps if we all pray to the goddess Katheela it might make
us feel better."

Betty suggested. Everyone bow their heads in prayer. A few minutes later everything lit up in bright vivid

"Eh, Look up there?!"

Mr.Beaner told everyone as six glowing spheres in colors of peach,pink,purple,gold,green,and brown descended
from the skies. They landed on the stage in a circle. The spheres faded away to reveal six immortals. Gagoo Gagoo the god of
war, Oliva the goddess of nature, Samantha the goddess of death & resurrection, Katheela the central goddess of goodness,
Bar Bar the naughty god of mischief,and Squaticus the fecal god of feces & farts. Every Coo Coo,Cumbus,Clausin,including
Lady Tuna bowed their heads to them.

The six immortals combined thier powers to create a energy wave throughout the galaxy. Soon things were getting
rather funky as the mortal Coo Coo universe were experiencing a sort of altered state of mind. Everyone began to scream &
panic as thier surroundings became warped,distorted,and twisted. Thier reality expanded & condensed out of proportion in waves.
People were having visions & speaking in tongues.

-Florence Jean Flablicker was seeing a infinity of fried chicken & buttermilk biscuits.

-Herbert Hinzburgh found himself naked,and rolling around in imaginary chocolate pudding.

-Betty's "Boo Boos" doubled in size,and vibrated wildly.

-Lady Tuna's hair puffs supersized to the point she couldn't support them on her head.

"AAAAH!!!" She screamed,falling back on to the cold floor. Everyone ran in different directions as they were
freaking out. The energy wave of the immortals pulsated out of the planet of Isakoola,and throughout Funkoo. Vaporizing every
single Turdbot to oblivion. The deep blue waters of Aqualooka were restored. The Booty Hunters & the Cookamungians witness
the vegetation return to Cookamungus-X. The threat of the Turdbots were gone.


Lady Tuna jumped out of her bed in shock...

"What the...?"

Chaknee entered the bedroom with a pot of tea,and a big smile on his face...

"Good morning,my queen!"

Lady Tuna was disoriented & confused...

"Chaknee,what's going on? Where are we?"

"Oh,you blacked out,and missed all the fun. The immortals got rid of those pesty Turdbots,and now everything
is just peachy here on Tunakia."


"Yes. Now that Mister Tuna is presumed dead,the Tunakians have agreed to let us come back home,but on one
"And what's dat?"

"They made it perfectly clear that you can no longer be ruler of this planet ever again. Isn't that nice?"

"What?...What am I gonna do now?"

"I thought about that as I watched you for two days passed out with your legs spread apart. You could have a
career as a interstellar porn star."

"A interstellar porn star?"

"Sure. You're somewhat famous throughout the galaxy,and you have years of experience when it comes to having
sex with various Coo Coo,Cumbus,Clausins."

"Me don't know about dat,Chaknee?"

"Oh,come on? You know perfectly well you want to?"

"Well,that's true. Tee,hee,hee!"



Submitted: September 27, 2012

© Copyright 2023 Joseph Small. All rights reserved.

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