Passage To Beebaria

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksiesilk Classic Group

Lady Tuna & Chaknee are exiled on the Bee Bee moon of Beebaria
to face murder charges of thousands of Bee Bees. Meanwhile,
Sammymede is forced to work in a lab that may create a new
threat to the galaxy of Funkoo.






After our horrible ordeal with Princess CaCa and the Nega Meatie Universe,
we finally reached our own universe.I'm afraid to report that Lady Tuna is not too happy
about it,nor is she pleased with me and Sammymede on what we've done.She just sat there in
silence,keeping to herself as Sammymede set a coarse to Tunakia.

"We're almost home,my queen."

I said,trying to warm up to her.

"Well,whippy fuckin' doo!"

She snapped at me.What a fucking ungrateful Bitch! I was only looking out
for her best interest.I mean once Lady Booshayla was out of the way,they would have turned
on her too sooner,or later.I tried to explain that to her,and she was like...

"How the fuck do you know that,Chaknee?"

I told her that I wasn't sure,and she just rolled her eyes at me in disbelief
and said...

"Get away from me,Chaknee!"

She's such a crab ass!


Arriving at Tunakia after 27 years was a real eye opener.Everything has
changed since Lady Tuna's mockery,oh! I mean monarchy.It seems after the fall of the Tuna
Star,Tunakia was taken over by a corporate conglomerate run by the mysterious MISTER TUNA.
When we landed on deck 69 at the Tunakian Space Port,Lady Tuna was in shock,and she was
very angry to see no one there to greet her upon her arrival.No fanfare,no red carpet,no
groupies,no wannabes,no nothing! With a fiery rage building up in her belly,she belted out
a monsterous growl,and stormed off the ship.I was startled at what I heard outside next...

"What the fuck is wrong with you people?! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I AM

She screamed at the top of her lungs,stomping up & down like a child having
a tantrum.I dare not go out there,and try to reason with her about her dignity,because she
didn't have any to begin with.I did sneak a peeky poo out of the cockpit window,and watched
passerbys gawking at her like she was some wacked out crazy bitch.As far as they were concern
Lady Tuna was dead.It was tragically funny in a way.


When the Tunakian police arrived at the space port,Lady Tuna was still making
a scene.Chaknee & Sammymede came out of the ship to calm her down...

"Get the fuck away from me!"

Lady Tuna shouted.The police pulled out a bazooka shaped weapon at them...

"I am Lady Tuna! You will lower that weapon,and bow before me!"

The weapon fired out what looked like a wad of red silk cloth.It covered over
Lady Tuna,Chaknee,and Sammymede,which then wadded them up into a huge ball.The police rolled
them onto one of thier transports,and took them away...A few hours later they were taken to a
dark room with a large video screen on the wall.On the screen was some black & white surveillance
video taken from the flight recorder of the Tuna Star just before it was destroyed years ago.
The footage showed Lady Tuna,Chaknee,and Sammymede jumping into the vortex of a time portal...

"I knew one day you would return to Tunakia."

A man's voice echoed throughout the room which startled them.They could see a
shadow on the back wall...

"Who are you? Show yourself to me?" Lady Tuna demanded...

The figure came out of the shadows,and it was MISTER TUNA...

"You know who I am?" Lady Tuna asked...

"Yes." Mister Tuna responded...

"Then return Tunakia back to me!" demanded Lady Tuna.Mister Tuna laughed at her...

"I'm afraid not.You see,you've been away for a very long time.Things have changed
here.You are no longer queen.You're nothing more but a historical relic of Tunakia's dark ages!"

"What the fuck did you say to me,Asshole?!" A pissed off Lady Tuna questioned.
She then turned to Chaknee who was stumped...

"Did you hear that shit,Chaknee?"

"Yes,I did. I'm speechless."

"Speechless? Is that all you have to say after hearing all that? Really,Chaknee?
If I said something like that you would ride up my ass with that razor sharp wit of yours!"

"Well,what could Chaknee say about the truth. He knows you're finished here."

Mister Tuna told Lady Tuna.A group of guards entered the room,and surrounded
Lady Tuna,Chaknee,and Sammymede...

"And now I plan to send you to the very place you hate the most.The very place
you wouldn't be caught dead wearing a pair of pumps while eating a chocolate sundae."

"You mean?..."


"Oh,no!Not that?!"

"Oh,yes! Both you & Chaknee will live out your funky little lives in exile among
the Bee Bees!"

"And what about Sammymede?"  Chaknee wondered...

"I plan to keep him here. His keen knowledge of Coo Coo,Cumbus,Clausin sciences
will be a huge asset to me."

"You dirty fucker! I'll have my revenge!" Lady Tuna threatened...

"I think not! Guards,take them away!" Mister Tuna commanded...


A Tunakian shuttle landed near a forested valley on Beebaria.The shuttle's door
opened up,and someone inside booted Lady Tuna & Chaknee out on the ground,along with a basket of

"AAAH! Get off me,Chaknee!"

Lady Tuna screamed.As the two got on thier feet,the shuttle ascended back to

"Well it was nice of them to leave us something to eat."

Chaknee said as he picked up the muffin basket...

"Give me one,Chaknee."

"Here." Chaknee handed her one of the muffins.She then took a bite out of it...

"Mmm! Tasty!There's something familiar about the flavor of these little brown
tingays peppered inside them that I can't put my finger on."

"Yes,they are quite yummy.The muffins are packed with so many of them."

Chaknee found a note inside the basket...

"Look? There's a note."

"What does it say,Chaknee?"

"It says 'Welcome to your new home,Bitch! Hugs & Kisses,Mister'."

"That Bastard!"

"Wait.There's more.'P.S. The muffins are full of RAT TURDS'."

Chaknee spitted out what was in his mouth,but Lady Tuna continued to eat them.


Mister Tuna brought Sammymede to his laboratories...

"This is your new work station,Sammymede.Here you will find some of the greatest
minds of Tunakia & Funkoo."

Sammymede looked around the lab at all the scientists & equipment. A Cookamungian
scientist came forward, and greeted him & Mister Tuna...

"This is our head scientist Orivar Dunkydoodoo.You'll be instructed by him when
working in the lab."

Mister Tuna informed him...

"Ah,Sammymede.I am honored to finally meet the scientific legend.I've studied
your schematics & diagrams in bio meatie engineering for many years."

Dr.Dunkydoodoo complimented Sammymede...

"Oh,why thank you."

"Come in Sammymede.Let me show you what we are doing here."

Sammymede followed Dr.Dunkydoodoo into the lab.They walked over to a giant clear
container filled with tiny shiny tingays floating around inside...

"What are those?" Sammymede asked...

"Those are nano meaties.The same kind used in the gyro meaties,mecha meaties,and
robo meaties in most Clausins.These have been altered."

"Altered?" Sammymede questioned.

Dr.Dunkydoodoo opened a door to another part of the lab.Sammymede covered his nose
as he was hit with the strong smell of shit.Peering inside,he could see a huge ice cream scoop
digging into a mountain of feces.It was scooping it up,and dumping it on to a conveyor in equally
portioned mounds.The next step was the sprayer.It was spraying a substance that contained the nano-
meaties on to the dooky,giving it a glistened sheen...

"Are you revitalizing the dooky to be used as a super fertilizer?"

Sammymede asked...

"No,to revive and re-animate."

"Re-animate? You want to bring life to the dooky?"


"For what purpose?"

Without a word,Dr.Dunkydoodoo pushed a button on a console to activate a large metal
door to open.Sammymede's eyes widened in shock at what he saw inside...


Sammymede watched in dismay as the shit loaves were implanted into clear plastic
capsules of what looked like toy robots.There were rows & rows of them on the assembly lines...

"Mister Tuna had them made to fight in the Coo Coo,Cumbus,Clausin Wars in order to
spare Tunakian lives,and to put the T.U.R.D. in thier place."

"The T.U.R.D.?"

"The Tunakian Underground Rebel Division.A group of radicals that don't share the
same views as Mister Tuna."


Lady Tuna & Chaknee ran and hid in a forest of Sassafras trees.They were afraid of
getting caught by the Bee Bees...

"Oh,my queen we need to find shelter.Are there any caves on Beebaria?" Chaknee asked...

"Me don't know,Chaknee.Just super large fruits & vegetables that they eat and use for

"What about animals? Are there any dangerous wild animals?"

"Chaknee,me don't know! When my Storm Poopers did sweeps of this moon.The goal was
to harvest Bee Bees. Me wasn't interested in anything else.You should know that."

"I must of been on vacation."

Out of the blue a tiny voice startled them...


"Who...who said that?" Lady Tuna wondered...

"I don't know?" Chaknee answered. Both Lady Tuna & Chaknee looked around,scared out
of thier wits...
"Please tell me this place isn't haunted by Ghost meaties?" Chaknee pleaded...

"Or,Phantom meaties!"

"Phantom meaties?!"

"No,you Sillies.Look down here?" Said the tiny voice.They both looked down,and jumped
back.Right in front of them was a very small girl Bee Bee with big bright eyes,and a over-sized purple
bow on her head...

"Oh look,my queen? A little Bee Bee."

"Oh,yeah.Should I eat her?"


"Yeah,you're right.They taste bland at that age."

"No.That's not what I mean.If something that precious looking turns up missing.The
Bee Bees will have a posse searching for her,and I don't think you want them finding us here."

"Oh,me see whatcha mean,Chaknee."

"My name is Bitsy Bee Bee.What's your name?" The Bee Bee introduced herself.Perplexed,
Lady Tuna looked over at Chaknee...

"Um...I'm Miss Goody Goody,and this is my friend...Chester."

Lady Tuna lied to Bitsy...

"Chester?" Chaknee said,giving Lady Tuna a funny look...

"Shhh! Yes,your name is Chester!" Lady Tuna nudged Chaknee...

"What are you doing out here,away from the city?" Bitsy asked...

"Oh,um...We are..."

"TOURISTS!" Chaknee blurted out...

"Yes,Tourists." Lady Tuna agreed with a strained smile...

"Would you like a radish? I have plenty of them in my basket." Bitsy offered...

"No,thank you." Lady Tuna politely turned down...

"Oh,I hope you don't mind if I have one."

Bitsy told them.She took one out of the basket,and began eating it.Lady Tuna &
Chaknee stood by and watched her.Suddenly Bitsy let out a huge thunderous burp.The shockwave sent them
rolling & tumbling through the trees...

"AAAH,Chaknee!!! Oh,I mean Chester!"


They finally crashed into a bush in a confused state of mind...

"What the fuck just happened?!" A dizzy Lady Tuna shrieked...

"I don't know! The power of that little Bee Bee's burp knocked us on our fannies!"

With her little basket in tow,and her big purple bow.Bitsy skipped gleefully to
Lady Tuna & Chaknee...

"Excuse me.Tee,hee,hee." Bitsy said with a giggle.Before Lady Tuna could respond
she noticed what looked like a swarm of bees coming their way from a distance,but it wasn't bees.
They were flying Bee Bees...

"Don't look now 'Chester',but we are in deep dooky again!"

"Oh,what else is new?"

Chaknee looked up to see a squadron of Bee Bees overhead.They were wearing red
helmets & protective goggles.On their backs were rocket powered packs.They were also armed with
electrified staffs...


From the Bee Bees' bird's eye view we could see Lady Tuna & Chaknee running into
the woods in a shakey motion like from a jittery movie camera.One of the flying Bee Bees swooped
down on Bitsy,and wisked her away to safety,while the others charged up their staffs in heavy
pursuit of LADY TUNA...

"Chaknee,move your ass!"

"I'm trying!"

As they were running, several Bee Bees flew right in front of them,and dropped a
net.Lady Tuna & Chaknee fell as they were snagged & tangled up in it.The Bee Bees landed & surrounded
them.Lady Tuna's slanted eyes widened with fear as she looked at the blue electrical sparks coming
out of the staffs.


Sammymede was working closely with Dr.Dunkydoodoo on getting the TURDBOTS up and
"We must get the right balance of Eroshina levels in each Turdbot,Sammymede."

Dr.Dunkydoodoo said as he went around inspecting the Eroshina stimulant emiters
of each Turdbot in the lab.Sammymede went along with the doctor's plans,but didn't approve of what
he was doing.He was afraid to say,or do anything for fear he would end up like Lady Tuna & Chaknee.
Mister Tuna contacted them to check on their progress through the communications monitor...

"How are things working out?" Mister Tuna asked...

"Quite well,sir.Sammymede has been a big help in the preparations of the Turdbots."

"Excellent! When can we expect them to be up and running?"

"If the emiters check out,we should start the activation phase tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" A worried Sammymede thought to himself.


After being captured by the Bee Bees,Lady Tuna & Chaknee were taken to the Eggplant
Towers.They were being detained there until their hearing with the Grandmammies Of Funk at the Gourd
Of Gooda to face charges for the genecide of hundreds of Bee Bees,including the Bee Bee Queen 27
years ago...

"It's amazing at what they can do with gigantic fruits & vegetables."

Chaknee said as he looked out at the skyline of the Bee Bee city from his and Lady
Tuna's holding cell...

"I really don't care,Chaknee!"

"You have a visitor!" The Bee Bee guard shouted as he escorted a sophisicated female
Bee Bee with red hair & glasses.Lady Tuna & Chaknee stood up to greet her...

"Hello.My name is Betty Bee Bee,and I'm your defense lawyer."

"Did you just say your name is Betty Boo Boo?" A puzzled Lady Tuna asked...

"No,I am not Betty Boo Boo! I'm Betty Bee Bee! Now please be seated. We have a lot
of work to do."
"What's going to happen to us?" Chaknee asked...

"Well,it doesn't look good. Most Bee Bees want to see Lady Tuna ground into mulch,
and used for fertilizer,but Beebaria doesn't have a death penalty."

"Is that good?"

"No,it is not.We can still cut off your limbs & appendages,and put them on display.
You will be publicly humiliated as your decorated torsos are used as props in endless parades &

After hearing that,Lady Tuna let out a agonizing wail.Betty Bee Bee paused for a
few seconds,and continued talking...

"Anyway,they should go easy on you Chaknee since you didn't do anything,but follow
her orders,because your life depended on it.You were nothing more but a garnish in Lady Tuna's
fiendish salad.Our priority now is to try and convince the Grandmammies that Lady Tuna is insane."

"But how?" Chaknee wondered...

"What I would like to do is give Lady Tuna a psychological evaluation to determine
if she really is one sick fucked up Bitch."


Lady Tuna was taken to a small room,and sat down at the table inside.After a few
momments a Bee Bee in a lab coat entered the room,and introduced himself...

"Hello,my name is Dr.Bungalow Bee Bee,and I'm here to talk to you,and observe."

"Oh,here me go again!" Lady Tuna responded,as she hopped on the table,lifted her
skirt,and spread her legs apart.Dr.Bungalow turned away in disgust...

"Stop that! Put your skirt down,and get off that table! What possessed you to do
"Well,the last doctor..."

"Oh,never mind! What I would like to know is why you are not wearing any underwear?"

"Easy access.Tee,hee,hee!"

"I see."

Dr.Bungalow pulls out a deck of picture cards with fruits & vegetables on them...

"I have some pictures I would like to show you,and I would like you to tell me
what you see?"

Dr.Bungalow holds up a picture of a cuccumber...

"A dildo." Lady Tuna answered...

Dr.Bungalow holds up a picture of a banana...

"A curved dildo."

Dr.Bungalow holds up a picture of a zucchini...

"Another dildo."

"Lady Tuna, do you get sexually aroused by fruits & vegetables?"


"And what about Bee Bees?"

"Oooh! Yeahs!"

"I've noticed you are getting excited when I mentioned Bee Bees.What exactly do you
do with them,sexually once you have one in your grasp?"

"Me like to insert them in me pussy,and if the mood takes me,shove them up me asshole
as well."
"You like to eat Bee Bees too?"


"What do Bee Bees taste like to you?"

"They taste like taters.Tee,hee,hee!"

"What other tingays do you like to eat?"

"Ah,eating shit is something new that I've been doing."

"And when you do this does it turn you on?"

"It's exciting. I do get a kick out of other people's reaction to it.So,I guess...yes."

After an hour of talking to Lady Tuna,Dr.Bungalow entered the next room where Betty Bee
Bee was waiting...

"Doctor,did you find out anything to help in Lady Tuna's defense?"

"Plenty.I've determined that she is deeply disturbed."


"Yes.She is clearly a slave of her own lust & madness.Not to mention the fact that she
is a Fecal-philiac, and a vegan-sexual."

"What about her obsession with us Bee Bees?"

"Well,things don't seem to be what they are in Lady Tuna's warped imagination. Fruits &
vegetables materialize as sex toys.Bee Bees manifest into potatoes,and because she sees us as such things.
She has the twisted tendencies to use us for food,or sexual release.I could write a text book on the various
ways she envisions excrement."

"That's remarkable,doctor." Betty Bee Bee concluded.


Mister Tuna arrived at the nursery anticipating the activation of his army of Turdbots.
As he entered the lab he was greeted by Dr.Dunkydoodoo...

"Ah, Mister Tuna.We managed to stabilize the Eroshina generator.We are now ready to
activate the Turdbots,and put Project Defecation into effect."

"Oh,goody! Soon I'll do what Lady Tuna failed to do by crushing the Coo Coo,Cumbus,Clausin
Federation,and bring Funkoo to a halt."

"Sammymede,are you ready?"

"Yes.I just have to make one last tiny adjustment,and we'll be ready."


Little did anyone know that Sammymede had erased the data that would give Mister Tuna full
command over the Turdbots,hoping that they will turn into mindless drones...

"I'm ready!" Sammymede shouted...

"Activate the first level hexagon on the Eroshina generator,Sammymede."

Sammymede pressed the yellow hexagon,causing the generator to hum,and pulsate a bright lime
wave of Eroshina energy over the many rows of Turdbots.Dr.Dunkydoodoo was quite pleased...

"Take it up to the next level."

Sammymede pushed the orange hexagon,bringing the grid of Eroshina waves higher,as it was
being absorbed into the stimulant emiters of the Turdbots' fecalized nano meaties...

"It's working!" Mister Tuna became excited as the Turdbots began to move...

"And the final stage!"

"Sammymede pressed the red hexagon which triggered an alarm,because the Eroshina levels
were too high.The whole lab pulsated a bright green as the Turdbots came to life.Their arms outstretched
as they looked around the lab. Mister Tuna looked at them with a 'shit eating' grin...

"Soon the Defecation Agenda will be a reality!"

Said Mister Tuna,but Dr.Dunkydoodoo was concern about the proceedings.He spotted a problem...

"Something is wrong.They should not be acting independantly.They should be in a more orderly
uniformed fashion."

"Nonsense! You're overreacting.Once I give my first command they will be just fine!"

Mister Tuna snapped at him with a cocky attitude.Dr.Dunkydoodoo turned towards Sammymede...

"What did you do,Sammymede?"

"I took out the commands,so the Turdbots can function on their own."

"But why,Sammymede? But,why?"

"Do you think I would betray Lady Tuna,and take sides with that pompous asshole?"

"No.I think I understand."

"But I don't! Stop them! Stop them now!" Mister Tuna interrupted...

"I can't! Nothing can stop them as far as I know,nor can you control them!"

Sammymede pulled down the lever to release the Turdbots...

"NOOO!!!" Mister Tuna cried out as the Turdbots went on a rampage of mayhem & shit.


Lady Tuna was secretly brought to the Gourde Of Gooda in shackles to face charges of
genecide against the Bee Bees.With Chaknee & her defense attorney Betty Bee Bee by her side,she was taken
to the main court where the Grandmammies Of Funk presided...

"ENTER!" A loud echoing Bee Bee voice announced.Lady Tuna entered a very large rounded
dark chamber where the only source of light was in the center of the room where she had to stand under.
In front of her was a large bench with three old female Bee Bees in robes were looking down on her...

"Lady Tuna,former leader of Tunakia.You are here because you are responsible for the
deaths of the Bee Bees listed in these documents provided by the current Tunakian government.So let the
trial begin."


"Yes,on behalf of all Bee Bees we believe that Lady Tuna be severely punished to the
full extent of Bee Bee law for the atrocities she put hundreds of Bee Bees through during her reign."


"Yes,it's true that Lady Tuna did some terrible naughty things,but we have reason to
believe that she is mentally disturbed,and had no comprehension of what she was doing.We ask the mercy
of the court to give Lady Tuna a lenient sentence for her crimes."

"Objection! How can I put this lightly,but to say that Lady Tuna is a murderess,a slut,
a whore,a bimbo,a hussy,a harlot,a floozy,a jezebel,a skank,a dictator,a tyrant,a pervert,a deviant,a
sadist,a lesbo,a cunt,and a bitch,but despite what I had listed here I strongly believe that Lady Tuna
is mentally sound,and knew exactly what she was doing to those poor helpless Bee Bees."

"Now I have to object! The prosecutor clearly expressed an opinion than a observation
when it came to my client."

"Sustain! Prosecutor,you need to present the facts without being bias."

"Understood.High Council,I would like to call a witness to the stand?"


"I call Lady Tuna's former henchman CAPTAIN NORNOOLA to the stand."

"Captain Nornoola?"

Lady Tuna thought as a feeling of dread came over her.She turned around and saw what
looked like an old lady taking the stand...

"That can't be Captain Nornoola?"

"Oh,but it is. Nornoola had a sex change operation shortly after you disappeared."

Betty Bee Bee told her...

"But how did he survive? I was certain he was dead."

"I really don't know."

"Betty Bee Bee.You and Lady Tuna please be quiet during these proceedings."

One of the Grandmammies warned her.The prosecutor walked up to Captain Nornoola in
the witness stand...

"Captain Nornoola you served Lady Tuna when she ruled Tunakia,correct?"


"Under her command, did you witness Lady Tuna torture,kill,dismember,and eat Bee Bees?"

"Yes I did! She was a ruthless evil cunt!"

"Fuck you,you back stabbing Bitch,or Bastard! I should of made sure you were dead!"

Lady Tuna stood up,and shouted at Captain Nornoola.One of the Grandmammies banged her
stone on the bench...

"Betty Bee Bee, please restrain your client,or she will be gagged!"

"Yes,High Council."


"And did Lady Tuna rip off your penis & testicles with her bare hands,and ate them for
her breakfast?"
"Oh, yes she did! It was horrible! I was left with no choice,but to become a woman."

Captain Nornoola told the court...

"And a ugly ass one at that!" Lady Tuna disrupted the court again...

"Guards! Gag that Tunakian Bitch!"

Two guards ran over to Lady Tuna,and strapped a very large strawberry to her mouth.
Betty Bee Bee was outraged by the way her client was treated...

"High Council I must protest this! Lady Tuna is not on trial for what she did to
Captain Nornoola!"

"Perhaps not,but Captain Nornoola may give the court some insight as to how fiendish,
and wicked Lady Tuna really is."

The prosecutor told the court...

"What she did to Captain Nornoola's balls is further proof that Lady Tuna is very sick
and needs help!"
Betty Bee Bee pleaded.Suddenly Bronco Bee Bee stormed the Gourde Of Gooda...

"Bronco Bee Bee, we are in a middle of a trial." A Grandmammy told him...

"I'm very sorry,High Council,but something is wrong with the planet Tunakia."


All the Bee Bees stormed out of the Gourde Of Gooda,and faced the planet Tunakia.
Lady Tuna & Chaknee also looked up to the Beebarian sky to find their home world transformed into
a massive lumpy brown ball of SHIT.



Submitted: September 27, 2012

© Copyright 2022 Joseph Small. All rights reserved.

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