Lady Tuna Versus The Cosmic CooCoo Clones

Lady Tuna Versus The Cosmic CooCoo Clones

Status: Finished

Genre: Humor

Details

Status: Finished

Genre: Humor

Summary

Lady Tuna is up to her armpits in flesh eating clones of Princess Coo Coo.

Summary

Lady Tuna is up to her armpits in flesh eating clones of
Princess Coo Coo.

Content

Submitted: September 26, 2012

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Content

Submitted: September 26, 2012

A A A

A A A




LADY TUNA VERSUS THE COSMIC COOCOO CLONES

WRITTEN BY

JOSEPH A. SMALL

2010


LADY TUNA lounged around her bed chamber eating pizza pat'e when she heard
the royal 'GONG'...

"Enter!" Was her reply.Chaknee her trusted servant entered the room...

"My Queen,the Booty Hunters are here as you requested."

"Excellent!Let me go and greet them."

Lady Tuna & Chaknee left the bed chamber to the conference area where the
Booty Hunters (Dee Dee CaCa,Rustakoola,Fatty & Cocky Crumbcakes,Jeaneetee Hoostydia,Babka
Babushka,Dawnypoo Bitchy Face,Downey Dula Chipmunkia,and Butter Bean Cuddly Chops) were
seated.Lady Tuna stood in front of the table,and looked them over,she then turned to
Chaknee...

"Is this all you can get?" Lady Tuna asked...

"Under short notice,yes."  Chaknee replied...

"What happened to Skinnytron Boney Toes?"

"She died some years ago."

"Oh."

"She was rather old."

"Uh,huh.It's a shame,she was as wicked as me."

"Yes,and don't bother to look for the Blissa Boolas."

"Oh,shit! Them too?"

"Yes."

Lady Tuna stood back up to the table to face the Booty Hunters...


"Ladies & Gentlemen,and I do use the term loosely.I gathered you all here,
because I need you to do a little task for me.I need you to find Mr.Beaner's missing girl-
friend FIFI BEEBEE."

The Booty Hunters were puzzled.Chaknee was a bit perplexed...

"Excuse me your highness,but wouldn't that be considered an act of kindness,
than a act of evil?"

"You may think so,but no.FiFi has been gone for a very long time.If she is
still alive,she's probably not the hot tomato she once was.Hopefully she'll be as old & fat
as Mrs.Tallahassee."

"Oh, I remember reading about her in Coo Coo Confidential magazine.I think
she is a diplomat now.I have two questions? What if she has aged gracefully? What if Mr.
Beaner would still love her no matter what she looked like?"

"Then we'll use her as a bargaining tool to get what we want from Mr.Beaner.
You need to start using your head,Chaknee,instead of giving head."

"Oh,very funny.The same can be said about you."

"Enough chit chat Chaknee!Now back to my proposition!"

Lady Tuna pushed a button on the table,and activated a holographic image of
Dookyroid-X,and all the charted chambers,passage ways,and caves within it...

"The last known location of FiFi Bee Bee was on Dookyroid-X,which Hubba Dula
used as his hideout,and where he had his shindigs.Anyone who can find her,or any evidence of
her there will be rewarded.Now go."

The Booty Hunters left...

"Lady Tuna how are you going to pay them? We have little money left."

"Not to worry,Chaknee."

"Not to worry?"

"It seems my performance at the theatre was a huge hit,especially the riot
part where the Bee Bees beat the crap out of me at the end.Video copies have been sellin'
like hot cakes throughout the system."

"You mean?..."

"Yeahs!We're doing spiffy."

"Oh,goody!"

"I also auctioned off that pineapple that was stuck up my pussy."

"What?"

"Got a good chunk of cash for it too."

A week had passed since the Booty Hunters embarked on Dookyroid-X,and Lady
Tuna was getting impatient...

"Oh,me can't stand waiting anymore!Sammymede get Chaknee on the intercom."

Sammymede pushes a red button on a console,and Chaknee's face appears on
the small screen...

"Yes,what is it now,you royal pain in the ass?"

"Any word from those Booty Hunters?"

"A coded signal was sent from Dookyroid-X.It'll take a minute for our
computer to translate it,so please stand by."

"Well,hurry up! Me don't got all fuckin' day!"

"Here it is! They did not find anyone there,but they found a woman's hair
brush with hair on it.Yuck!"

"Tell them to bring the brush to me so I can inspect it."

"By your command."

MIDNIGHT ON THE PLANET PLUTON:

PRINCESS COO COO jumped up from her heart shaped bed.A strange cold feeling
came over her as she looked around her dark bed chamber.She got out of bed and walked to
the window of her futuristic fairy tale castle.Staring at the crescented planets of Infratoola
& Aqualooka in the night sky,she wondered why she felt unsettled.She turned away from the
window,and crawled back into bed.


THE BOOTY HUNTERS RETURN:

The day came when the Booty Hunters returned with the hair brush.Lady Tuna
kept her word,and rewarded them with soft serve ice cream.Chaknee looked on in disbelief as
the pleased Booty Hunters left licking thier cones...

"You paid them off with ice cream?" Questioned Chaknee...

"What would you have me do? Spread my legs,and have them 'gang bang' me?"

"Well,that would be more your style."

"It doesn't matter,Chaknee.I have the brush of FiFi Bee Bee,and It's all
mine,Chaknee.It's all mine!"

"How do you know it's hers? It could belong to someone else?"

"The brush is clearly of high quality.I doubt any of the 'Hussies' Hubba
Dula fucked there would own one of such caliber."

"True.I hate to ask what you plan to do with it,now that you have it?"

"Questions!Questions! Just follow me."

Lady Tuna led Chaknee to Sammymede's lair where he was working on a pimped
up Cosmic Coo Coo Cruncher...

"This is Sammymede's latest project." Lady Tuna explained...

"Why it's just a Cosmic Coo Coo Cruncher."

"You mean it used to be one.Sammymede has remodified it's function.Instead
of cracking & destroying meaties on a microscopic scale,it duplicates an exact copy of any
meatie multiple times."

"It makes clones."

"Yeahs!I call it the COSMIC COO COO CLONER."

"But it won't have the same memory,or personality she had."

"Sammymede has built in a special unit that can educate & program any clone
made.We will have a FiFi clone to control,and do our bidding in places that we cannot go."

"Do you think Mr.Beaner could tell the difference?"

"It'll be easy to fool him,since he never payed that much attention to her
in the first place."

"The machine is ready,my queen."

Sammymede informed Lady Tuna.She handed him the brush,and she then walked
over to Chaknee...

"Start the experiment,Sammymede!"

"Oh,with pleasure!" He said in a excited voice.Sammymede proceeded by taking
a hair sample from the brush,and stepped up on the ladder to the top of the machine where he
dropped it into the square opening.He then added a few more ingredients such as Neutron Ookie,
Liquid Eroshina,Sterilized Organi Meaties,Cosmetic Additives,and some plump,juicy raisins to
give it a kick.Lady Tuna & Chaknee put on thier protective goggles...

"Commence with the Clones!"

Sammymede pulled down the lever,and the machine started to go coo coo bananas.
It was making all kinds of noises as it bounced around with bright flashing lights.After a
series of lightning bolts & sparks,something popped out of the machine.Lady Tuna & Chaknee
drew closer to discover a naked doe-eyed woman with a large head,and blonde hair on the floor...
 
"Is that FiFi Bee Bee?" Chaknee asked...

"No,it's not."

"Then who is it?"

"It's a clone of Princess Coo Coo."

"Princess Coo Coo? Oh,dear! Was she on Dookyroid-X?"

"Come to think of it,Chaknee.I do remember the Bitch.She was connected to
Hubba Dula in some way,but it was years ago."

The Princess Coo Coo clone jumped off the floor,and started clucking like a
chicken. A startled & confused Lady Tuna turned around,and looked at Sammymede...

"Why is she doing that,Sammymede?"

"I'm sorry my queen.The programming was accidentally presetted to 'chicken'
when the machine produced the clone. Would you like another one?"

"No,not right now! Shut the fuckin' thing down!"

Sammymede went to pull up the lever when it snapped off,causing the machine
to go berserk.It started to shoot out clones left & right.Lady Tuna was freaking out...

"AAAAH! What the fuck?!"

Lady Tuna screamed as she & Chaknee ran out of the lair as it filled up with
the clones...
"Sammymede,do something!"

Sammymede pulled out his 'weenee',and pissed all over the Cosmic Coo Coo Cloner.
The piss fried the circuits,and shorted it out.Lady Tuna became bewildered by the fifty clones
in the lair,clucking & acting like chickens...

"Oh,my! It's like a massive chicken coop in there!"

Chaknee said to Lady Tuna...

"Well,not for long!"

Lady Tuna activated the security alert.In a matter of seconds her guards
stormed the room armed with laser rifles...

"Destroy those cloned Bitches!"

Lady Tuna commanded.The guards opened fire on them,but they were out numbered.
Angry at being shot at,the clones overpowered the guards.Ripping them apart,and eating their
flesh...
"AAAH! I'm getting the fuck out of here!"

Lady Tuna shouted as she,Chaknee,and Sammymede watched the flesh eating frenzy
in horror.They ran down the corridor screaming until they reached the cafeteria,barricading
themselves inside...

"What do we do now?" A helpless Lady Tuna pleaded...

"I don't know! This is all your fault!"

"My fault?"

"Yes,your fault!'Oh,let's make a FiFi clone'you said! Now this shit happens,
you stupid wacked out Bitch!"

"Don't you fuckin' sassy talk me,you queer Bastard! I'm still head cheese
around here! I'll have that potty mouth of yours washed out with soap,and then have your
sorry ass terminated!"

Lady Tuna fired back...

"You,and what army? The last time I checked the crew of this ship had become
dinner!"
"May I make a suggestion?" Suggested Sammymede...

"If we could lure them to the cargo bay,we could jettison them out the giant
airlock,and into deep space."

"But how are we gonna get them all there?" Lady Tuna asked...

"Well,we are in the cafeteria.Perhaps we can whip up a banquet for them,like
we can serve up Lady Tuna by shoving an apple in her mouth,and stuff her old ass with corn bread
stuffing."
"Go fuck yourself,Chaknee!"

The three quickly got to work in the kitchenette on the feast.Preparing,cooking,
and piling the food onto two serving carts until dawn.

THE NEXT MORNING:

Sammymede carefully moved the tables & chairs away from the doors.All three
did not get an ounce of sleep through the night,and were weak from exhaustion.Lady Tuna &
Chaknee kept their distance as Sammymede opened the door a crack.He took a peak to see what
was out there,but there was nothing.There was only a strong odor of shit in the air that he
noticed.He quietly opened the door the rest of the way,and all three pushed the carts out into
the corridor...

"We should be able to reach the cargo bay from this level,my queen."

Sammymede assured Lady Tuna...

"What's that yummy smell?" Lady Tuna asked...

Chaknee turned around and faced her...

"It's clone shit.You're stepping in it."

Lady Tuna looked down,and sure enough she was standing in a big pile of it...

"AH! Well,that's just fuckin' great!" Lady Tuna yelled out...

"Shhh! Listen?"

They stood there in silence until they could hear the faint sounds of chickens
coming closer...
"They're coming! We must go now!"

The three scurried with the carts of food.and hurried down the dark corridor to
the cargo bay.Smashing into piles of clone shit along the way...

"We should reach the platform elevator that will take us down to the main floor."

"I hope so,Sammymede! I'm up to my ankles in clone crap!"

When they reached the cargo area,they pushed the carts onto the platform elevator.
Sammymede pushed the button to go down,but nothing happened.Some of the systems on the ship had
shut down.Lady Tuna's eyes widened with fright as the bloodied,clucking clones drew near...

"There's a metal ladder on the side.We have to leave the carts here,and climb
down to the control center.We can still suck them out of the ship from up here."

"Let me go down first,because I don't want to get doo doo on my hands from Lady
Tuna's boots."

Chaknee said as he got on the ladder,and started to climb down.Lady Tuna got on
next...
"You have to climb down,my queen."

Lady Tuna followed Chaknee down the ladder...

"Do you even own a pair of panties?"

Chaknee asked as he looked up at Lady Tuna...

"Quit looking up my skirt!"

Sammymede could see the whole corridor filled with the blood thirsty clones just
before he got on the ladder,and climb down.The clones began to eat the food on the carts as Lady
Tuna & Chaknee made it to the main floor...

"What do we do now?"

"Sammymede knows what to do."

Sammymede stepped off the ladder,and walked to Lady Tuna...

"We must get to the control center to open the bay doors."

The three ran to the control center,but it was locked.Lady Tuna picked up a metal
chair...
"Stand back!"

"No Lady Tuna,WAIT!!!"

Lady Tuna smashed the glass window to the control center with the chair...

"The center was our only protection from being sucked out into space when we open
the bay doors!"
Said Sammymede...

"Well,nice going,my queen!" Scorned Chaknee...

"Well,I didn't know!" Pouted Lady Tuna...

"We can't go back! We're going to have to hold on.Now everyone into the room!"

The three hurried into the control center,and braced themselves when Sammymede
found the switch...

"Grab onto something! I'm gonna hit the switch!"

As the cargo bays opened up,the clones too busy eating began getting sucked out
into space...
"It's working!"

When the last of the clones were sucked out,Sammymede attempted to shut the cargo
bay doors,but they were not responding fast enough. Lady Tuna was having difficulty hanging on...

"I'm...slipping!AAAH!"

She cried out as she let go,and was wisked into the cargo bay.Lady Tuna managed to
grab on to a cable as the vaccum of space lifted her off the floor.The doors started to close slowly...
 
"Hang on,my queen! The doors are almost closed!"

Chaknee yelled out to her as he was also struggling to stay inside the control center...

"AAAAAAAH!!!!" Lady Tuna screamed again when the cable snapped,and she was sucked out
under the cargo bay doors as they closed...

"Ooh! Activate the tractor beam!" Chaknee demanded...

"Once she hits space,she's dead." Sammymede reminded him...

"I don't care,Sammymede! I want her back!"

"I'll send out a tracking droid."

Fifteen minutes had passed when the droid returned with Lady Tuna's dead body.Chaknee &
Sammymede walked over,and gloated over her...

"Talk about frozen fish. Everyone is going to cheer & celebrate once word gets out about
her death."
"Unless we could get the Cosmic Coo Coo Cloner up & running again."

"You mean?..."

"Yes,we can make a clone of Lady Tuna that we can give orders to instead of taking them
from her."
"I see what you mean.We will call the shots,and others will think she's doing it.Brilliant!
I'm in!"

TWO DAYS LATER...

Sammymede contacted Chaknee in Lady Tuna's quarters...

"It's ready."

"Oh,I'll be right down." Chaknee responded...

When Chaknee got to the lair,Sammymede stood next to the machine with a wicked grin on his
face...
"Are you ready for the proceedure,Chaknee?"

"As soon as I put my protective goggles on."

Sammymede started the process by throwing in Lady Tuna's cadaver into the machine like a
bag of garbage.He added the same ingredients as he did before when he made the Princess Coo Coo clones.
He then decided to take it a step further when he dropped his pants,and unloaded a fart splattering SHIT
into the machine...

"That should do it!"

He said as he stepped off the ladder,and pulled down the lever.The Cosmic Coo Coo Cloner
started out the way it did before,but then it exploded in a huge fire ball & smoke.Lady Tuna's body was
pooped out of the machine covered in a sticky,icky goo...

"Well,that's it.What should we do now?" Sammymede asked...

"I really don't know? She's dead,the crew is dead,and all the decks are drenched in dooky."

"I guess there's no choice,but to destroy the ship."

"Oh,why not? Tuna Command won't give a crap if she's dead,or not."

The two activated the self-destruct device on the ship,and ejected themselves in the escape
pod. When they reached a safe distance,Lady Tuna's imperial starship exploded in a wave of rainbows...

"Dookyroid-X here we come!"

Chaknee shouted,as the pod headed into deep space.


THE END


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