Dark Side Of The Tuna

Dark Side Of The Tuna

Status: Finished

Genre: Humor

Details

Status: Finished

Genre: Humor

Summary

Lady Tuna,Chaknee,and Sammymede end up in a alternate,parallel universe where the good characters turn out to be the bad guys.

Summary

Lady Tuna,Chaknee,and Sammymede end up in a alternate,parallel
universe where the good characters turn out to be the bad guys.

Content

Submitted: September 26, 2012

A A A | A A A

Content

Submitted: September 26, 2012

A A A

A A A




DARK SIDE OF THE TUNA

WRITTEN BY

JOSEPH A. SMALL

2010



QUEEN CHAKNEE was putting on the finishing touches on his make up when
he heard the royal 'GONG'...

"Please enter!"

Sammymede entered with a smile on his face...

"Ah,Sammymede.Did you & your team of scientists have the time machine
hooked up to the ship?"

"Yes,my queen.Are you sure you want to bring Lady Tuna back? After all,
she was a real pain in the ass."

"I know,but she was OUR pain in the ass.I hate to say this,but I miss
her.She made my life so eventful,especially those wild pancake breakfast sex orgies.Oh,I could
write volumes about those syrup dripping adventures of hers."

"You do realize that if I go back in time,and bring us back to the present,
the timeline will be altered? Your reign as Queen of Tunakia will be erased from history."

"I understand,but I'm willing to throw it all away.I thought being Tunakia's
first male queen was going to be fun & a bag of laughs,but now it's just boring & empty.
I really need Lady Tuna back into my life."

"Very well,my queen.I shall do what you have requested,even if it means
to fuck up the timeline."

"Excellent!I shall have my royal chef pack a lunch for your departure."

Sammymede left Queen Chaknee's chambers,and headed back to his lair to
warm up the device known as the RETRO MEATIE PARTICLE TRANSPORTER.When activated,the device
breaks down the ship's meaties into micro-meatie particles that are projected through time,
space,and other dimensions.When Sammymede left to go back into the past,Queen Chaknee's very
existence faded away...

ROAR OF THE TUNA (1985):

THE FORTREXA was about to give the Tuna Star the final blast that would
destroy it when everything in the Coo Coo universe had frozen in time.A huge glowing purple
vortex appeared in Coo Coo space.Sammymede's space craft came through it,and headed towards
the Tuna Star.Sammymede landed his ship on to one of the landing decks of the Tuna Star,and
quickly headed to where Lady Tuna was at the time.Finding her was easy since he helped design
it,and served on board.When he found her,she,and Chaknee were in some sort of power struggle.
With a huge novelty pair of tweezers,he plucked them off the fabric of time,along with his
younger counterpart,and headed back to the ship before the vortex closed.

ENTER THE NEGA-MEATIE UNIVERSE:

The universe began to move slowly as they zipped by a fleet of Boo Boo
class vessels,and into the vortex.Lady Tuna,Chaknee,and Sammymede II became animated again...

"What's all this shit?" Lady Tuna demanded...

"I'm Sammymede Prime.I came back to save you from the Tuna Star,and now
I plan to take you back to the future."

"Huh?"

"Look at them,my queen? They're identical,except one is older looking."

Chaknee pointed out as he looked at the two Sammymedes...

"Me guess he's tellin' the truth,Chaknee."

"I believe he is."

"So my Tuna Star was a failure against the Coo Coo forces?"

"I think that's what he is saying."

"Well,that's just fuckin' great!"

"Well,look at the bright side.You now have two Sammymedes to serve you."

"Mmmmm,sweet!"

As the ship was traveling through the time tunnel,there was a malfunction
with the controls.The ship had hit a snag between time & space,causing them to shift to one
side,and then the other...

"AAAAAAH!!!" Lady Tuna screamed as her skirt flew up,revealing she wasn't
wearing any panties...

"We have to shut down the time warp."

The ship came out of warp,and headed to what appeared to be the Funkoo
system...
"Is that Funkoo?" Lady Tuna asked...

"It appears to be.It has the exact planets.The Boo Boo Cluster is there.
The only difference is that there is a giant brown cube in the center of the system,instead
of the Great Cosmic Egg."

"You think we should investigate it?" Questioned Chaknee...

"Usually,I don't give a shit,but me want to know what it is."

Lady Tuna added.

When they arrived at the cube,it appeared to be a golden brown color.
The ship had to keep a certain distance from it,because of the high levels of Eroshina it
produced.Sammymede Prime began to run a test on it with the voice activated computer...

"Computer? Scan the cube that is outside the ship?"

COMPUTER: SCANNING:
ANALYZING:
FINDINGS: TOASTED GOLDEN BROWN
CRISPY,CRUNCHY,FLAKY LAYERS
SEASONED WITH HERBS AND SPICES
HIGH EMISSION LEVELS OF PURE EROSHINA
CONCLUSION: CROUTON

"A crouton?!" Lady Tuna pondered...

"A Great Cosmic Crouton." Concluded Chaknee.

Suddenly everyone jumped when the red alert was set off.Sammymede Prime
checked the controls...

"Scanners are picking up a very massive object heading towards us!"

"Could it be the Fortrexa?" Sammymede II asked...

"No,it's different."

Everyone looked out of the window.They could see the large object coming
closer & closer.Chaknee could make out some of the details...

"Why it looks like a giant butt."

"Everything looks like a butt to you,Chaknee...Wait a minute,you're right!
It's a huge hinny!"
Lady Tuna pointed out.The ass shaped object grew larger as it got closer,
overshadowing the small space craft...

"Holy Turd Puffs,that's a big ass!"

Lady Tuna shouted as she marveled at the gigantic space station that looked
like a robot's butt.Lady Tuna always thought she was the most evil person in the galaxy.Little
did she know there were beings on board more darker than she...

PRINCESS CACA (PRINCESS COO COO) sat on her throne/captain's chair wearing
a hot pink fairytale princess gown & jeweled tiara,observing Lady Tuna's space ship.DR.BEANER
(MR.BEANER) stood by her side.He was a bald man who wore teal colored scrubs,a white lab coat,
and a monocle...
"What kind of ship is that,Dookylamoo?" Princess CaCa asked...

"It's some kind of Tunakian ship.Very unusual,possibly a prototype."

Said DOOKYLAMOO (COOKYLAMOO),a voluptuous woman who wore a black strapless
dress,black gloves,black harlequin glasses,and a blonde beehive hairdo.Sitting next to her at
the other helm console was BETSY BOO BOO (BETTY BOO BOO).She had the same 'Boo Boos' as Betty
(Red,Blue,and Yellow),but she sported a bright orange Mohawk,and wore a black eye patch over
her left eye...
"Dookylamoo,scan for lifeforms." Princess CaCa instructed...

"There are four meatie signatures aboard.One female,three males.Two of the
males have identical meaties."

"Well done,Dookylamoo.Betsy,activate the SONIC FART RESONATOR to throw
them off coarse."

On Lady Tuna's ship,Chaknee noticed some sort of distorted wave coming out
of the space station...

"I say,what is that coming out of the butt crack?"

Chaknee pointed out.Before anyone could respond,the fart wave hit the ship.
The interior vibrated with loud fart noises as it battered everyone around inside...

"AAAAAH! What the fuck was that?!"

Lady Tuna cried out,as she was fluttered about...

"It's some sort of fart distortion ray! We can't take another hit like that!
It will cause a breach in the haul!"

ON THE ANAL STAR:
"Phoebe,open a channel."

"Aye,Princess CaCa."

PHOEBE BEE BEE (FIFI BEE BEE) activated the controls on the communications
console...
"Tunakian vessel,you will surrender to the Coo Coo Empire."

Lady Tuna looks on the video screen,and sees who she thinks is Princess
Coo Coo...
"Who does that little Bitch thinks she is?!"

"Be careful at what you say to her,my queen.Remember what Sammymede Prime
said about getting hit again."

"Oh,alright!Alright!SHIT!"

Lady Tuna pushes the button on the intercom...

"Listen Princess Coo Coo,from a warriors' perspective I admire the balls it
took for you to attack me,but if you think I'm gonna surrender to some smart mouth little tart
like yourself,or that floating asshole you call a space station? THINK AGAIN!"

"How dare you speak to me in that manner! I am Princess CaCa! You will address
me as such,you crude vagabonds!"

"Vagabonds?! Why that!..."

"Temper,my queen!"

"Oh,fuck her,Chaknee! She can go suck my ass!"

Lady Tuna reaches for the intercom again...

"You hear me you royal cunt?! YOU CAN SUCK MY ASS,YOU PINT SIZE BITCH!!!"

Princess CaCa became so angry,she stood up from her chair...

"FIRE ALL WEAPONS!!!" She shouted to her crew.Suddenly,Lady Tuna's ship was
showered with a cascade of lasers,missiles,and farts...

"Oh,now look at what you've done?!We'll be destroyed for sure!"

Chaknee feared...

"Oh,put a plug in your poop shoot,Chaknee! Sammymede Prime,do you have any hand
weapons aboard?"
"Yes,Lady Tuna."

"Goody! Set a coarse for that butt crack!I'm gonna give those fuckers a suppository
they'll never forget! Tee,Hee,Hee!"

"You're not actually going inside?"

"It's an asshole isn't it? That tingay must have a opening of some kind."

INSIDE THE ANAL STAR:

"The ship is headed towards the rectum,Princess CaCa!" Betsy reported...

"Close the iris doors of the asshole,Betsy!"

Lady Tuna's ship streamed into the rectum's landing bay as the iris began to close...

"The turd cutter is closing up! AAAAAH!"

The ship made it through just before it sealed up.Sliding across the grid on the floor
until it came to a screeching halt.Princess CaCa's Fanny Troopers headed by TURD DROID 2 (2T2),and FRANCESCA
FLABLICKER (FLORENCE JEAN FLABLICKER) surrounded Lady Tuna's ship with laser rifles.Francesca looked like a
militant version of Florence.She had the same dark shades she wore,only her blonde hair was cut short...

"Unauthorized vessel,surrender yourselves,or die!"

Princess CaCa voiced over the intercom.Without a word Lady Tuna,Chaknee,and the two
Sammymedes ran out of the ship,firing their weapons.Francesca was shot & stunned as TD2,and the Fanny
Troopers went in persuit...

"After them!" Commanded TD2...

"Move your ass,Chaknee!" Lady Tuna shouted out...

"Oh,it's these shoes!"

Chaknee responded as he sashayed with great haste.It was no use running any further,
because they had hit a dead end.TD2 stood behind them with his gun pointed at their backs...

"Drop your weapons!" TD2 said in a cold electronic voice.Lady Tuna,and the others
dropped their guns...
"We have them,Princess CaCa."

"Excellent TD2!Take them to the detention brig."

"What do you plan to do with them,Princess?" Dr.Beaner asked...

"I want them interrogated.Starting with that ugly,bad mouth Bitch with the big hair
puffs.I want to know if Lady Booshayla sent them here to sabotage our efforts."

IN THE DETENTION CELL:

Lady Tuna and the others sat & waited with uncertainty...

"Now what?" Chaknee wondered...

"What me like to know is why you brought us here to this strange place
Sammymede Prime? Why do those people look familiar,but yet are so different?"

"I'm not really sure.There are two possibilities I'm aware of.When the
Retro Meatie Particle Transporter malfunctioned it may have altered the timeline,or it propelled
us into some kind of parallel universe.I have a strong feeling that it is the later outcome."

"So Princess Coo Coo isn't the same one I knew?"

"No.There may be counterparts of everyone we know,including ourselves."

Sammymede Prime informed them...

"Oh,please tell me there's not another Lady Tuna in this universe? Having
just one around is bad enough." Chaknee pleaded...

"Piss off,Chaknee!"

"Shh! Someone's coming!"

Dr.Beaner,and the Fanny Troopers entered the cell...

"Bring the woman."

The Fanny Troopers cuffed Lady Tuna,and escorted her to Dr.Beaner's lab.
When they arrived,the guards uncuffed her,and stripped her naked...

"Ooh! Now that's what I'm talking about!"

Lady Tuna shouted,she really enjoyed it.Dr.Beaner went up to her,and
slapped her across the face,but it only excited her even more...

"Ooooh! So rough,but I like!"

Dr.Beaner pointed at the metal examination table...

"I want you to lay down on that table!"

"Okay,you're the boss!"

Without hesitation,Lady Tuna hopped onto the table,and layed back with
her legs spread apart.With a stern look over his face,Dr.Beaner shoved her legs together...

"I don't want to look at that!" Snapped Dr.Beaner...

After strapping Lady Tuna's wrists & ankles to the table.Dr.Beaner reached
over to one of the lab counters,and picked up a futuristic headset...

"Do you know what this is?" Dr.Beaner asked...

"Will it get me off?" Was her response...

"NO!What I am holding is a special lie detector.This one kills if the
subject does not tell me the truth.It would be wise for you to be completely honest with me
once I place this on your head."

Dr.Beaner put the detector on Lady Tuna's head,and sat next to her with
a clipboard in his hand...

"Now I'm going to ask you a few questions,starting with your name."

"It's Lady Tuna."

"Lady Tuna? Hmmm.Are you Tunakian?"

"Yes.I am the leader."

"No you are not! Lady Booshayla is the leader!"

"Who the fuck is Lady Booshayla?"

"You mean to tell me you are a Tunakian,and you do not know who Lady
Booshayla is?"
"No,me don't!"

"She did not send you here?"

"No."

"What do you know about the Anal Star?"

"Is that some kind of butt plug?"

"No.Why are you here?"

"It's Sammymede Prime's fault.He brought us here,and now he keeps going
on about other universes."

"Other universes?"

"Alternate universes."

"I see.So your from another universe?"

"Yes."

"What did you do there?"

"I was the evil ruler of Tunakia,and all around sexpot.I bent on conquering
the Funkoo system,and take revenge on the man that I lusted after for many years...MR.BEANER."

"Mr.Beaner?"

"Yes.He looked just like you,except he ain't as smart,or severe as you are."

"Really? What was it about him that you desired?"

"He had a really big...SHLONG."

"You mean like this one?"

Dr.Beaner undid his scrub pants,and displayed his WANG to her.Lady Tuna's
slanted eyes widened so at the salacious sight,that she became quite aroused & moist...

"Ooh,doctor! Take me now!"

She shouted as Dr.Beaner unfastened her bonds,and climbed onto the table in
front of her.She raised her legs up & back,and placed her ankles behind her ears...

"OOOOOOH!!!" Lady Tuna moaned as he drove his manhood into her cha cha.


AFTER THE FUCKING:

An hour had passed,and Princess CaCa had sent Phoebe Bee Bee to check on
Dr.Beaner's progress with Lady Tuna.When she arrived at the lab,the door was locked.Phoebe did
not like this at all,and became suspicious...

"Ooh,I bet he's doing something naughty with her in there!"

She thought to herself as she vaporized the door with her ray gun...

"What is that nasty smell?"

She thought to herself again,while sniffing the air as she entered the lab.
The room was filled with the heavy aroma of stank,pootang,and booty.As she pulled back the curtain,
she was shocked to see Dr.Beaner & Lady Tuna in the act of sexual intercourse...

"What do you think you're doing,Doctor?"

Phoebe demanded in a soft,but hyper voice...

"Playing 'Doctor'?"

Phoebe picked up a beaker off the counter,and threw it at Dr.Beaner...

"Eh!" Dr.Beaner yelped,as the beaker missed his head,and smashed against the
wall...
"How could you hootchy cootchy that filthy whore?!"

"AAAAAAAH!!!" Lady Tuna screamed out,as she jumped off the table,and attacked
Phoebe.Phoebe grabbed Lady Tuna's hair puffs in mid air.Swinging her to the side until she slammed
into a wall.Just then Princess CaCa entered the lab...

"ENOUGH!" She shouted...

"Guards,take that vile smelling vamp back to her cell,and as for you two,make
yourselves presentable,before I have you punished! Dr.Beaner I'm expecting that report within the
hour!"

Princess CaCa left the lab,as the two guards picked up Lady Tuna,and dragged
her out.Phoebe turned to Dr.Beaner,and gave him a scolding look.

BACK TO THE CELL:

Chaknee & the two Sammymedes jumped up from the benches when Lady Tuna was
brought back to the cell...

"Phew! She smells of sweat & sushi!"

Chaknee complained as he covered his nose with a hankey...

"We are in terrible trouble.We have to try to get back to the ship."

Sammymede Prime told Chaknee...

"I think we would have been better off on the Tuna Star then here."

Said Chaknee.

PRINCESS CACA'S CHANGE OF HEART:

Dr.Beaner returned to the bridge with his report.He stood next to Princess
CaCa and handed it to her...

"She told you the truth?" Princess CaCa asked as she looked over the report...

"The detector never makes a 'boo boo'." Dr.Beaner told her...

"Perhaps I've been too harsh.I should be more hospitable towards our guests.
Have them cleaned up & dressed for din din tonight.I would like to meet this Lady Tuna."

Princess CaCa's Fanny Troopers entered the cell,and forced Lady Tuna,Chaknee,
and the two Sammymedes into the showers where they were scrubbed down with soap & hot water.Once
they were cleaned & dried,they were taken to the wardrobe department where a group of beauty &
fashion specialists made sure they were formally dressed for Princess CaCa's seal of approval.

They were escorted to the main dining room,and seated at the long table
next to Princess CaCa's empty chair.The guests & crew gave Lady Tuna a rude look over...

"Whatcha lookin' at,Bitches?" Lady Tuna sneered at them...

"Try to be a little civilized,my queen." Chaknee pointed out...

"Well,they keep staring at me like I'm last weeks' pot roast!"

"Then don't look at them.Try concentrating on that supersized glazed ham in
the center of the table."

"Me don't want to look at that ham!"

"Why do you have to be difficult?"

Lady Tuna was about to say something to Chaknee when the royal trumpets sounded
off,startling her.Everyone at the table stood up as the curtains at the front of the room where pulled
back,revealing Princess CaCa...

"Presenting her royal highness,Princess CaCa,Ruler of Funkoo!"

Princess CaCa entered the dining room wearing a peach taffata gown with puffy
shoulders,long cream colored gloves with jeweled bracelets.Her blonde hair was put up with a gem
encrusted tiara...

"I wonder if she is hiring? I could use a career change."

Chaknee joked. Lady Tuna gave him a dirty look...

"I'll ask her! Would you like that,Chaknee,huh?!" She said sarcasticly...

"Please be seated." Princess CaCa told everyone as she took her place at the
table.While undoing her serviette,she turned her attentions towards Lady Tuna...

"Ah,Lady Tuna.We meet at last.I'm very sorry that we got off on the wrong foot,
but you see I have to keep my guard up when someone new comes into my midst."

"Uh,huh."

"According to the good doctor,it is my understanding that you have a bad reputation
of being a sinister slut in your universe?"

"You betcha tiny tits I am!"

Everyone was shocked at how Lady Tuna spoke to Princess CaCa,but the princess just
giggled,and fanned her chest...

"Oh,such bluntness! I like! So Lady Tuna, just how naughty are you?"

Without a word,Lady Tuna took her dinner plate,and placed it on the floor. With a
hardy grunt,she took a dump on the plate,and placed it back on the table.Savorring her long turd like a
succulent sausage.Princess CaCa's face turned beet red from laughing so hard while holding her nose...

"Ha,ha,ha! You're so deliciously dirty!" The princess told her.Betsy Boo Boo was not
impressed...

"Eating shit is one thing,but can you conquer,and rule a planet?"

Betsy demanded to know...

"Yes I can,you inflated Butch! I ruled Tunakia for many years with a iron fist..."

"And with a iron dildo in the other."

Chaknee interrupted.Everyone at the table laughed...

"How would you like to rule the Tunakia in our universe,Lady Tuna?"

Princess CaCa proposed.Lady Tuna was perplexed...

"Whatcha mean?"

"Well,as you know Lady Booshayla is the ruler of Tunakia now. For many years we've
been at war with her.Her wholesome stance on being a 'Goody Goody' has created a huge struggle in our
naughty way of life.What I like to do is to have you get rid of her,and take her place as leader.Bringing
order to our galaxy."

"How am I supposed to do that? It's not that simple."

"Our sources tells us that she,and her Tunakian forces are on thier way here to confront
us.Because you are Tunakian,and have a Tunakian ship,you can pretend to be stranded,and in need of assistence.
It's possible for you to get close enough to her than any of us can."

Princess CaCa had one of her assistants hand Lady Tuna a folder which she opened up...

"This is a file we have on Lady Booshayla as well as a photograph of her."

"I'll do it! Tee,hee,hee!"

Chaknee gleered over to the two Sammymedes,and shook his head.None of them were too happy
about Lady Tuna's decision to stay.

THE CONFRONTATION:

After din din,Princess CaCa was so impressed by Lady Tuna that she granted them a pardon,
and were now guests aboard the Anal Star,and were given luxury quarters to stay in...

"Oh,isn't this room great,Chaknee? I could have orgies here."

Lady Tuna said as she spun around the room with glee.When she didn't get a response,she
stopped,and looked over to Chaknee who was frowning at her...

"Well,what the fuck is your problem?!"

Lady Tuna snapped with her hands on her hips...

"We're not staying here!"

"What's that,Chaknee?"

"You heard me! This is not our home,and we don't like it here! This place is too strange
& very unsafe.We are going back to our rightful universe!"

"Oh,no you're not!"

"Oh,yes we are! I stood up to you before,and I'm standing up to you now!"

"Is that so?"

"Yes it is,you horrible hag!"

"Keep it up,Chaknee! Fuckin' keep it up!"

"I plan to! Oh,this awful place! It even smells like an asshole!"

"So you don't like it here? Tough shit! I am among my own kind!"

"Have you taken a good look at that picture Princess CaCa gave you?"

"No me did not!"

"It's a picture of you!"

"You're Coo Coo Bananas,Chaknee!"

"It's true! You are Lady Booshayla!"

"Well,I don't fuckin' care! I'm stayin',and that is that!"

Lady Tuna lifts the back of her skirt,and flashes Chaknee her ass.She storms out of the
room,and then gives him the 'finger'.Chaknee looks over to the two Sammymedes...

"We must stop her from making another boo boo!"

"I agree.Now that we can roam the station I can access our ship,and re-calibrate the
coo coo matrix of the Retro Meatie Particle Transporter."

Sammymede Prime told Chaknee...

"Goody,you do that.I'll try to find a weapon,and force Lady Tuna to go with us,even if
I have to drag her by her hair puffs."

ON THE TUNAKIAN FLAG SHIP:

LADY BOOSHAYLA (LADY TUNA) was taking a bubble bath when her trusted lesbian atache
CHICKEE (CHAKNEE) entered her royal bath chamber...

"What is it,Chickee?"

"I'm here to inform you that we are in range of the Anal Star."

"Excellent! Hand me my bathrobe.Finally,my showdown with Princess CaCa draws near."

BACK ON THE ANAL STAR:

Princess CaCa arrived at the landing bay where Lady Tuna was waiting for her instructions...

"Ah,Lady Tuna. Are you ready to put our plan in motion?"

"Yes,I am. I want to thank you for giving me this generous opportunity.If you were a DYKE,
I would go down on your pussy to show you my gratitude."

"Oh,how sweet of you to say...I guess.Well,here are your plans to bring down Lady Booshayla."

"Thank you.Tee,hee,hee."

"Um,where are your companions?"

"It seems they don't share our vision on me becoming ruler of Tunakia in this universe."

"Oh?"

"Yes,and because of thier insubordinate naughtiness,I might have to have them terminated &
replaced."

Both Princess CaCa & Lady Tuna jumped when a line of laser fire shot up the Fanny Troopers
that were guarding them.Lady Tuna opened the hatch to her ship only to find Sammymede Prime standing there...

"Sammymede?!"

Lady Tuna called out in shock.Chaknee & Sammymede II came out of the shadows with laser
rifles pointed at the two women...

"How dare you point that gun at me!" Princess CaCa shouted at Chaknee...

"Oh,shut up you heifer! You're not the queen of me!" Chaknee shouted back...

"Oh,you rude little fucker!"


© Copyright 2018 Joseph Small. All rights reserved.

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