When Eunice Woke

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Naked and Funny

An adventure on a train

When Eunice woke on the five-thirty express from Kings Cross to Edinburgh she was surprised to find that she was quite naked. Indeed so surprised that had she not glanced down and seen her large erect nipples and the goose pimples on her bare bosoms she would not have believed her senses.

She had this belief that she ought not to be naked, that she had boarded the five-thirty express dressed, but she could not for the life of her remember what she was doing on the train or why she should be going to Edinburgh, or why, indeed, she should be quite naked.

She looked around the carriage and was relieved to see that she was travelling first class but somewhat bemused to find that the other passengers, intent on their copies of the Financial Times or working hard on their laptops were not naked. If she was naked, why should they not be.

She was seated at one of the table seats and she stared across at the man opposite her.

He looked intently back. He was of an indeterminate appearance with short sleeked back black hair, a sallow face and a small toothbrush moustache.

He looked at her quizzically, "Do you know, Madame,..." he asked in a severe tone. Eunice was expecting him to allude to her state of nakedness, which she felt somehow was not appropriate to the first class carriage of the five-thirty from Kings Cross to Edinburgh, but he continued, "...what is the current time."

Of course. One never spoke to strangers on a train except to ask the time.

Eunice looked down at her wrist. Should she not have a watch? She felt she ought to have a watch, but her wrist was quite as bare as the rest of her body.

"I'm afraid I seem to have left my watch behind," she replied.

"Indeed," said the man, removing a large pocket watch from his waistcoat pocket, "then let me tell you it wants but thirteen minutes of the half hour."

"Indeed," said Eunice; it seemed, under the circumstances, to be the only thing that she could say. 

Under her seemingly calm exterior Eunice felt an undercurrent of doubt. Surely it was not right that she should be nude. She felt inexplicably vulnerable without a stitch of clothing to cover her and the eyes of the man opposite boring into her naked breasts.

Surely it was not right.

"Excuse me," she said.

"Yes?"

"Ought I to be naked?" 

She had to know.

The man did not seem surprised to be asked a question not relating to the time.

"Of course."

Eunice gave a start. She was supposed to be naked! Surely not.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you are naked. And you are as you ought to be not as you may want to be."

"But how did I get naked?"

"The explanation for that is quite simple," replied the man.

"Of course," said Eunice, relieved, "I had thought it might not be.

"All things in this train have a simple explanation, even if, at first sight, the opposite appears to appertain."

"Indeed," said Eunice, why had she ever thought otherwise.

"But how did I get naked?"

"The usual way."

Eunice breathed a sigh of relief. At least she hadn't got naked in an unusual way. Still, "In what way was it usual?"

"You took all your clothes off."

She tried to think. Had she boarded the train naked? She was on the five-thirty express to Edinburgh but she had no idea why.

She determined upon a course of action. She would walk to the end of the carriage and back. If no-one remarked, she must conclude that it was normal for her to be naked. If they did remark then the simple explanation might become apparent.

Upon first embarking upon this venture she had considered it but a simple exercise, but once standing, her whole body revealed to the passengers, she suddenly felt a sort of strange anxiety.

An anxiety which was accompanied by the feeling that her face had flushed, by the racing of her heart, by the erection of her nipples.

Why did she experience such feelings? She looked around the carriage. Every pair of eyes was fixed intently upon her. Slowly she walked down the carriage. She obviously was a sight which attracted the attention of all. But no-one said a word. She could feel each pair of eyes boring into her bare skin, drinking in the sight of her naked body; and the more the eyes bored, the more her face burned. But she did not know why.

All remained silent. Presumably they knew the time. They all knew the time. Except Eunice.

She regained her seat.

"Why do people stare?" she asked the man opposite.

"Because you are naked," replied the man.

"Why does my face burn?"

"Because you are naked," replied the man.

Eunice understood. She was naked so that people could look at her and her face burned because people looked at her, and she was as she was because it was right that she should be as she was.

"Tickets please. All tickets from Kings Cross."

Eunice's hand went instinctively for her pocket but met only bare flesh. She hadn't got a pocket. She hadn't got a ticket. She hadn't got any money. She went redder than ever as the ticket inspector inspected her.

"Tickets please," he demanded.

"I haven't got a ticket. I seem to have lost it."

"That's what they all say. 'I dropped it'. 'Somebody must have stolen it'. That's what they all say."

"But I just woke and all my things had gone. Even my clothes."

"That is no excuse Madame. You can't travel on a train with no clothes on just to get out of buying a ticket can you? Even if it is not yet past the half hour. I mean everybody would be doing it if you could. I'm afraid I will have to give you a chitty."

"A chitty?"

"Yes a chitty requiring you to pay a penalty fare. Name please?"

"Eunice."

"Eunice what?"

"That's it."

The inspector laboriously wrote on a piece of paper 'Eunice Watt. No ticket. No clothes. £100'."

He handed it to Eunice.

She put it on the table in front of her and looked across at the man opposite,

"It is time," he said.

When Eunice woke the train was just drawing into Edinburgh. The four hour journey seemed to have flashed by. Then she remembered. She had no clothes on.

What was she going to do? How was she going to get home naked! She looked down and saw she was wearing her smart grey business suit, her handbag was on the table before her. The man with the little moustache opposite stood up and nodded. He didn't say anything, after all one never spoke to strangers on a train and all knew the time.

Eunice got up and followed him off the train, how strange to think she had been naked. What fanciful ideas one got when sleeping.

She fumbleld in her bag for her ticket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. Puzzled she opened it up and read it.

It said "Eunice Watt. No ticket. No clothes. £100'."


Submitted: February 19, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Joex. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Amy F. Turner

Uh oh...was that a dream or reality? One may never know save everyone else on the train!!!! I was smiling throughout this, J. Thanks so much for sharing. Very enjoyable piece here.

Sun, February 21st, 2021 3:58pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for the comment. I’ve posted a couple more comic pastiches - Chocolate and Miss Martin which you might enjoy.

Wed, February 24th, 2021 10:54pm

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