Janine's Secret Blog

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Naked and Funny

Janine the joker

Janine's Secret Blog October 1st

 

Hooray! We're going to Lanzarote for Christmas. So shucks to you cousin Lisa aka THE NERD. She wanted to go to Scotland. I mean SCOTLAND. Who wants to get cold and wet and eat haggis? The NERD that's who. Just because she thinks she's clever and goes to Cambridge she thinks she so posh. But we're going Lanzarote so there.

 

I mean every year we have to have Christmas together because according to stupid people like parents, families are supposed to have Christmas together so me and the NERD can be friends. Ha!

 

Janine's Secret Blog December 1st

 

How to get the NERD this year that's the question. Like the NERD is supposed to be so clever but I can get her every year. I mean there's nothing so funny as practical jokes is there. But do you know what? The NERD never finds them funny. And she really falls for them every time so she can't be that clever can she?

 

I mean like the time I got her three years ago. There's like this tradition in the family that me and the NERD buy our Christmas presents together and we like buy each other the same thing. Not my idea I may say but the parents thought it up when we were little like so there wouldn't be any more like fights on Christmas day. As if.

 

So three years ago we decide to buy perfume for each other. Not that cheap stuff, real posh perfume like Chanel. You see that’s the important thing with a practical joke, not to skimp on the money. People never think you’d spend loads of money on a practical joke and that’s how they get caught. So I like bought two bottles. There was one proper one to lull her into a false sense of security. Then there was the one I doctored. I spent ages finding the stuff on the internet. Stuff that looked colourless but turned purple when it was sprayed on the skin. She looked absolutely hilarious when she came down to Christmas dinner. Great purple splodges everywhere, and the big joke was she didn’t realize for ages till somebody said something. And then she was MORTIFIED! Turned out she’d sprayed it up her girly bits and they’d turned bright purple as well and her boyfriend James (who was a right fit bloke) roared and laughed when he saw her with a bright purple whatsit and she couldn’t go out with him after that and that was so funny. And it took ages to wear off and everybody could see that she'd been got and she couldn't go back to Cambridge like for weeks and flunked some exam and that was really FUNNY! *LOL*

 

I’ll have to think of a good way to get her this year. Got to keep up the tradition. That’s what Christmas is all about.

 

Janine's Secret Blog December 8th

 

Got an idea how to get the NERD this year. It's really good. Funnier even than when I got her two years ago. Though she didn't see the funny side. That's the trouble with the NERD. No sense of humour. Can't laugh at herself even though there's plenty to laugh at.

 

Two years ago we bought each other dusting powder. The sort you dust yourself with after a bath or whatever. Well the NERD thought she'd been so clever because it had a TAMPER PROOF seal on and she thought I couldn't get her with it.

 

Well Miss SMARTY KNICKERS who thinks she's cleverer than me cos she goes to Cambridge and everything I really got you that time.

 

Because you see the thing about a really good practical joke is that you can spend days in careful planning to catch A NERD. And if you get them when they really think they're safe that's what's really FUNNY!

 

So I know this girl who like works in the factory where they make this dusting powder and her boyfriend took these pictures of her like TOTALLY NUDE and I bought them off him and told her I would post them on the website where they post like pictures of nude girls and send the link to everyone at work if she didn't do what I said. And she did so I had an identical dusting powder specially prepared.

 

Like she was totally stupid. As if I wasn't going to post the pictures anyway after what I'd paid for them.

 

So the NERD thought she was totally safe cos the tamper proof seal wasn't broken but I'd had the contents replaced with ITCHING POWDER. The sort that gets in EVERYWHERE. And she'd put it on everywhere even up her WHATSIT! *LOL*

 

It was a scream! She was scratching EVERYWHERE! And she tried to wash it off and it had got up her WHATSIT and stuck there and she was scratching and scratching and scratching there all through Christmas dinner. What a hoot. *LOL*

 

And her boyfriend Rufus (stupid name for a stupid bloke) came round Boxing Day and he was scratching his thing and it was obvious WHAT THEY'D BEEN UP TO! *LOL*. No wonder the NERD went all red when I pointed this out!

 

It was priceless but the stupid NERD didn't see the funny side and her studying something or other at Cambridge. I thought Cambridge people were all supposed to be comedians.

 

Janine's Secret Blog December 15th

 

Preparations for getting the NERD again going well. She must be quaking in her shoes how she's going to be got this year. She must know however safe she thinks she is that she's in for TOTAL HUMILIATION.

 

She must know it after last year when she thought she was safe and I really got her!

 

The thing about a good practical joke is the lengths you are prepared to go to to get it to work and to make sure that the the NERD has no idea until it happens. Last year the NERD suggested we buy each other a blouse. She must have thought there was nothing I could do with that.

 

Well she was wrong. I needed an identical blouse, but with SPECIAL PROPERTIES. So I got the material for it off of this supplier of jokes off e-bay.

 

Then I had to get it made up into an identical blouse. I can't sew for toffee apples but there's this dressmaker bloke near us and he has this kink like what everybody knows about but he doesn't know that. He likes to have his bum spanked with a table tennis bat. Well each to their own I say.

 

And when you want to set up a good practical joke to get people like the NERD you have to be good at getting people to do what you want. Well he was happy for me to spank his bum. Not so happy when I suggested sending the video to all his friends. Didn't see the funny side at all. Still I got the blouse made up perfectly.

 

You see the material looked normal, but with a flash photograph it looked just about transparent. And the NERD has these silly firm little conical boobs with nipples as big as coat pegs. Indeed I've heard you can hang a coat from them (and like her boyfriend Wayne - Wayne I ask you - often did).

 

And when people printed off their pictures there were her conical boobies with their coat pegs sticking out for all to see. She was MORTIFIED. Complained to the parents about them and they made me take them off the internet. So she must know she's going to get it with a vengeance this year.

 

Still I know how it's going to be done now. She's suggested buying bikinis as like we're going to Lanzarote where it's hot at Christmas and we're both going to buy our own - identical of course. Little does she know!

 

Janine's Secret Blog December 22nd

 

It's all set up. The secret of a good practical joke is in the planning. The NERD think's she's safe because she's bought her own bikini, but I bought two and the doctored one is wrapped identically to hers.

 

Pity I had to waste time resewing the swimsuit myself. If I'd thought I wouldn't have posted those pictures of that dressmaker bloke. He had to leave town after that (*LOL*).

 

Had to bribe snotty nosed NERD's brother Jimmy to get details of wrapping. But everything is set now.

 

We're off to Lanzarote tomorrow. Can't wait for the TOTAL HUMILIATION OF THE NERD on Christmas day!

 

Janine's Secret Blog 25th December

 

It worked. Perfection. TOTAL HUMILIATION!!! After I swapped the bikinis around she had no idea that the one she had had SPECIAL properties. She even suggested going in the sea for a swim. I couldn’t wait to see what happened. Then the screams started. The bikini had completely disintegrated in the water! It had been sewn together with water soluble thread! The waves had carried it away and she was left in the sea absolutely stark naked! She had to run out the sea with everyone roaring and laughing. Trying to hide those big tits of hers bouncing up and down with one hand while covering her girly bits with the other. And we wouldn’t even let her get her clothes back – I'd told Jimmy to run off with them. And she ran backwards and forwards as we tossed her towel from person to person and she had to jump up and down totally starkers like piggy in the middle trying to catch it. *LOL*

 

She was totally red and bawling and yelling. It's funny how practical jokers can't see the funny side when a joke is played on them!

 

She should perhaps have found out what I was studying at Cambridge, then she would have know it was computer programming and realized I could get into her stupid so-called ‘Secret Blog! *LOL* It took about two minutes to hack into it and take it over.

 

As if I was bothered by her so-called jokes! All I had to do then was make sure she got her own ‘doctored’ bikini and wait for the fun.

 

Then the others arrived and she was totally screwed! Hoist by her own petard doesn't start to describe it. She couldn't admit that she had been trying to get me and had fallen for her own prank! So she had to claim that she wanted to try skinny dipping.

 

"Do you think that's quite seemly?" asked that stupid mother of hers who spoils her rotten, "I mean with..."

 

"Oh shut up mother," says Janine, blushing furiously, and dug herself deeper with every word, "what do you know! Everybody's relaxed about nudity now and I happen to enjoy it. And I'll be nude if I want to."

 

"Well if you say so dear. You stay nude all the time. I'm sure we're not old fashioned here!"

 

So now she's trapped in the nude all holiday. It couldn't be FUNNIER. I really GOT HER this time! *LOL*.

 

What next? Oh yes. The pictures. Let me see. How do I upload them to this blog? Janine’s followers will be really keen to see them.


Submitted: August 30, 2020

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