A Bear Halloween

Reads: 400  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Naked and Funny

What a girl will do to win a teddy bear

A Bear Halloween


It would have been all right if the bear hadn't needed a ticket. At least I think it would have been all right. Anyway who ever heard of a bear needing a ticket.




I once read that at one time people used to do things like apple bobbing and conkers at Halloween, possibly by the light of turnip lanterns. How boring! How much more fun to dress up in skimpy costumes and go round trick or treating.


Not that you'd expect two primary school teachers in their prime (that is to say early twenties) to be out trick or treating, but why be hidebound by convention, that's what I say.


Me and Lisa were going trick or treating at any rate. The rest of the old fuddy-duddies at Bogg Lane Juniors (not its real name) could mess around with apples and turnips. We knew how to have fun.


Lisa was my flatmate as well as working with me at Bogg Lane, and she was what is generally described as a madcap; life was never straightforward with Lisa.


The question of costumes was a problem. Lisa was going as Superman, which was only a question of wearing red knickers over a pair of blue tights and buying a Superman tee-shirt.


I was going as Wonder Woman. The costume posed a problem. I eventually ended up in a pair of navy gym knickers with a star sewn on the front, a sports bra and an imitation diamond tiara.


The fact that I was basically wandering round the streets in my underwear didn't really occur to me at the time.


Lisa looked splendid in her outfit.


"You look great!" I said, waiting for her to return the compliment.


"Thanks Sandra," she said, "You look..."


I waited.


"...what can I say?"


As compliments go it was totally underwhelming.


"Yeah, whatever," I said. I thought I looked quite smart anyway. I mean I'm a good looking girl, five foot six, slim where it counts and ample where it counts, a face which some have described as pretty, green eyes and short hazel brown hair. I thought I looked good.


"Right, let's get going," said Lisa.


"Where?" I hadn't really given it any thought. Offering tricks around the Bogg Lane estate was open to serious misinterpretation.


"Dene Park," said Lisa.


"What! Where the posh people live?"


"There not all posh nowadays. Mainly footballers and D list celebs."


"Why do we want to go there then? I doubt they'll be handing out much by way of sweeties."


"Sweeties! What are you going on about girl!"


"Well isn't that what you go trick or treating for?"


"If you're six years old it probably is. We're going where the action is."


"What action?"




"What? Halloween parties? Apple bobbing and turnip lanterns?"


"Apple bobbing! Turnip lanterns! Where have you been this millennium? It's all fun and games now."


"Oh! I see! We're going to gatecrash."


"Got it in one girl. We are gatecrashers anonymous!"


Dene Park was one of those modern estates for the nouveau riche. You know the sort - four bedrooms all with en-suite, decking in the garden and room for three four by fours. It was also five miles from the centre of town where we lived.


A taxi might have been judicious. On the other hand we were skint. We were always skint. It was the way we lived. We'd take the tram out.


The tram system was new to the city; a sort of cross between a rapid transit and an underground railway, it mainly travelled above ground. You were, of course, supposed to buy a ticket before getting on, but you never saw ticket inspectors in the evening. Like never.


I was a bit self-conscious sitting on the tram, suddenly aware that as far as the other passengers were concerned I was not Wonder Woman, I was a girl who'd gone out in her bra and pants. Still, at least I didn't have to pay for a ticket.


We got off at the Dene Park stop and walked along Dene Avenue, the main street of the estate. Large posh houses loomed on either side. We were on the lookout for signs of a party. Surely D list celebrities would be partying at Halloween.


"Let's try that one," said Lisa.


"Can't see any sign of a party," I said.


"No, but that posh looking car's got tinted windows. Must be a footballer."




Joe's Blog 31st October 2012


Bloody Halloween. I hate it. I blame it on the Americans, and television, I mean kids didn't go round pretending to be scary and cadging sweets off strangers when I was little. We'd have got a clip round the ear if we had.


Trick or treat indeed. They'll get short shrift off me if they try that on!


I'm for a shower and an early trip to Bedfordshire. Early shift tomorrow! And in that bloody awful car with the stupid tinted windows that Wayne thinks is smart. I mean, people will think I'm a footballer.




A nerdy looking bloke with wet hair answered the door. He was too skinny for a footballer and too nerdy for a D list celebrity. As he was dressed only in a towel and looked as if he'd just got out the shower it didn't look as if there was much of a party going on.


I was all for legging it but Lisa piped up.


"Trick or treat!"


He scowled.


"I'll have a trick please. What sort do you do? Not conjuring tricks?"


Thank God we weren't down Bogg Lane!


"Trick or treat!" piped up Lisa again, and he slammed the door shut.


"Rude bu...," said Lisa, stopping herself just in time from uttering an expletive unbecoming a polite young lady.


"Come on," I said, "better luck next time."


"What do you mean 'Come on'? He didn't give us a treat! It's time for a trick."


I couldn't stop her. She'd rung the door bell again.




Joe's Blog 31st October 2012


I might have known it. I might have bloody well known it! No sooner had I got in the shower than the door bell rang. I stormed to the door ready to give the little horrors an ear-wigging and what do you think. There's a bloody pair of girls, one apparently dressed in nothing but her underwear, chanting the ridiculous 'Trick or treat'.


I told them though! "I'll have a conjuring trick please," I said. That shut them up good and proper. They'll not be back.


Ruddy hell. There's the bloody doorbell again.




"You wanted a conjuring trick?" said Lisa as the nerd opened the door again.


He looked nonplussed for a second, then said, "Yes."


"Well here's the disappearing towel trick!"


And she snatched the towel off him leaving him stark naked in the doorway.


I've never laughed so much in my life! The look on his face was a picture! For about five seconds he just stood there starkers in his doorway with a hand over his naughties and a look of horror on his face; then as Lisa ran off up his drive with his towel he suddenly clamped both hands over his willy and ran after her. I can tell you there is nothing funnier in this world than the sight of a man running down the street in his birthday suit with his hands clamped over his willy shouting ‘Stop’ at the top of his voice. It rather attracts attention. And his willy didn’t take much hiding. Well yes I did look – well you do don’t you. I mean the sight of a nice willy cheers a girl up no end. Perhaps it was a bit mean of me to close the door behind him, but if I hadn’t burglars might have got in and there was no reason for him to quite so frantic trying to get back in. I mean the crowd were enjoying the sight no end as well.




Joe’s Blog 31st October 2012


Oh no! Oh no! I don’t know what I was thinking about. I was just in the shower when those two girls came back and I answered the door with just a towel round me and one of them said she’d come to play her trick and she whipped the towel off me leaving me starkers in the doorway and she ran off up the drive. I don’t know what I was thinking about because I ran after her. With nothing on! Shouting for her to stop! And when I got back, without getting my towel of course, they’d locked me out and half the street had come out to see what all the commotion was about and I was completely nude and everyone was roaring and laughing and I didn’t know what to do till Mrs Thing from next door came round with my spare key. Mrs Thingy’s seen my willy! I’ll never live it down!



So the evening was getting good and was soon to get even better.


"Love your costume," the comment came from a smooth talking hulk who had joined in the crowd jeering at the naked nerd, "Let me see. You must be Superman and..." Turning to me, "You must be....?"


"Wonder Woman," I said, miffed at not being instantly recognisable.


"Yes of course. Underwear Woman. You must have some interesting special powers."


I tried to tell him I was Wonder Woman but he wasn't listening.


"You coming to the party?" He asked.


What party? Who was this guy? A footballer? A D list celebrity? We didn't know, but a party was a party.


"Yes!" We chorused and followed him to the house at the end of the street, already beginning to throb to the sound of the music.


There was music, loud, insistent, rhythmical; there was alcohol; there was dancing and there were games.


We had expected games, of course what would Halloween be without games, mind you I hadn't been expecting apple bobbing and I hadn't expected that I would get chosen to compete, not with all those footballers' wives and Z list celebrities there


But they held a competition for the best fancy dress. There was a fantastic selection of costumes there. There were loads of fantastic looking girls there, all in skimpy costumes, many in more than skimpy costumes and one girl whose costume appeared to have been painted on. Closer inspection indicated that it had indeed been painted on. Little tart (I thought).


So it was an immense surprise when the winner was announced to be...


"Underwear Woman!"


"Dressed only in her underwear!" announced the guy who might have been a footballer, "She goes forth and strips men naked in the cause of justice!"


I suppose it was post-ironic.


Anyway my team (ie me and Lisa) were pitted against Batman and girl painted to look like Robin in the apple bobbing competition. The prize! An enormous life size teddy bear! When I say life size I don't mean the size of an actual bear I mean the size you'd expect a life size teddy bear to be - that is pretty enormous.


I fell in love with it straightaway. I just had to have it and I had to win it in, of all things, the apple bobbing competition.


Do you know how to do apple bobbing? No? Neither did I. Well you float an apple (or apples) in a bowl of water on the ground, then you go down on your hands and knees blindfold and (without using your hands) try and pick up an apple with your teeth. At least that was how they played it there. It might be different elsewhere, but the temptation of getting a girl wearing nothing but a layer of paint bobbing up and down on her hands and knees with her bottom in the air was probably too much for the organisers.


The winner was the first to come up with an apple. The job of the other team member was to put the opposing bobber-girl off by whatever means possible.


So there I was. On hands and knees, blindfolded, bum in air, face in water chasing those apples with all my might. There was Cedric (as I had already named the bear) to be won.


I don't know what I had expected Batman to do to try and put me off. What I hadn't expected was to get my feet tickled. Of course, down there on all fours the soles of my feet were exposed and I'm really tickly.


I yelled and hollered and kicked my feet, and still I went after that apple like a thing possessed. My concentration on the apple was total. Even when the tickling crept up my legs. I shrieked and wiggled my bum but still I went after that apple. Even when the tickling reached my ribs, I screamed and shook my boobs and continued bobbing. Even when the tickling reached my titties and my bum I....




How was he tickling my titties? How was he tickling my bum? I screamed even louder, stood up and tore off the blindfold.


"What have you done with my knickers?" I yelled.


I was stark naked!


"Underwear Woman defeated," announced Batman, "stripped naked by the very foe she had come to vanquish."


I looked wildly round. My Wonder Woman costume had vanished and Painted Robin had an apple between her teeth.


I had lost my clothes, the competition, Cedric and my dignity all in the space of five minutes. I'd even had a total wax recently. There wasn't a shred of cover to hide anything! I clamped my hands over my naughties, now it was my turn to adopt the silly knock-kneed hide the naughties pose. Serve me right I suppose.


"What happened to my knickers?" I yelled again, "and my bra."


"You wriggled out of them," said Batman all innocent like. Of course I hadn't. He'd pulled them off when I was distracted by the tickling and the apple quest.


“Where’s my knickers?” I yelled again, but it was in vain, my bra and knickers had vanished.


“Don’t worry,” said Batman, “I’ll paint them on you.”


“Paint them! What do you mean ‘Paint them on me’?”


“Like her,” he said pointing at the girl painted as Robin.


“I can’t do that,” I cried, more and more desperate. I was stark naked, red faced and the butt of giggles and laughter.


“Please, please, can’t I just have my knickers back?” I pleaded.


“I tell you what,” he said, “You can have the teddy bear if you go home in your painted outfit.”


And I so wanted that bear.


Having clothes painted on me seemed the only option, and after all I wouldn’t be the only one. It turned out that it was Batman’s house and his party and he had his tubes of body pain there. And all I could do was stand there and be painted with everyone watching. But of course he had to paint everywhere, like between my legs and like everywhere. Which meant showing everybody everything. I could have died from embarrassment when it came to painting, well you know where, with like everybody watching.


And I’d look good as Wonder Woman, or so I thought, it was only when he’d finished and I looked at what he’d produced that I realised what he’d done. He’d painted on a bra and panties and labelled me Underwear Woman.


It’s funny though what a few voddies will do. I was soon dancing away in my bra and panties, except of course I’d forgotten they weren’t real bra and panties at all.


Everybody was asleep by six. Except Lisa and me who had to catch the tram back to our place.


Oh dear! It had been one thing travelling out on the tram on Halloween in my bra and knickers. Travelling in with the early commuters, even if carrying a lifesized teddy bear, was something else entirely. Still, I hardly had an option had I?


"Can I have my bra and pants back," I asked a by now rather dishevelled Batman.


His reply knocked me for six.


"They've gone," he said, "You swapped them for the teddy bear if you remember."


And it all came back to me. I'd said I'd go home in my painted outfit, and my painted outfit was my skin.


"Come on," said Lisa, "Don't worry. Nobody will notice. It looks just like the real thing. From a distance."


In the dusk with the light behind me, more like it, I thought. And it wasn't even dusk.


I crept out of the house. It was still blessedly dark at that time of the day in November, but already the first glimmers of dawn were becoming visible in the east. So there I was travelling home in my skin with a daft girl, a teddy bear and no ticket. Still there were never any ticket inspectors about at that time of day were there...



Joe’s Blog 05.30 1st November 2012


How awful. Got caught absolutely starkers by everybody in the street. What was I doing running down the street in the nude shouting. Why did I ever come house sitting for my sister and her ridiculous ‘husband’. How does he get paid such a ridiculous amount for being second reserve goalkeeper. They’ll hear all about it. I’ll never hear the end of it. Still early shift today. The life of a ticket inspector is all go as they say!




I walked the four hundred yards to the tram stop horribly conscious of the fact that I had absolutely nothing on. It was a cold breezy November morning and I was soon covered in goose bumps and my nipples stood out like rocks. Stares! Did I get stares! Boy was my face red!


"Don't worry," said Lisa, "They just think you’re a girl going home from a party with a bear..."


"With a bare what," I said, "That's the trouble. With a bare everything."


Have you ever walked through the streets nude on a chilly, breezy morning? You can feel the cool wind blowing over the whole of your naked body so that you are constantly aware of your nudity. Red face! It was crimson by the tram came.


At least when I was on the tram I could sit on the seat and put Cedric on my knee to keep me covered up. That was until....




Joe's Blog November 1st 2012


"Tickets please!"


I do so love saying it and seeing the look of panic on the faces of the ones that haven't got tickets. They're going to be marched to the front of the tram, told off in front of everybody and made to pay a penalty fare.


There were two girls there this morning, one with a giant teddy bear; from the look on their faces they clearly hadn't got tickets. The one with the bear was blushing as red as a tomato.


When I got to her I realised why. She was stripped down to her bra and knickers.


"Tickets please," I said.




Lisa had a ticket. She actually had a ticket, so much for being a madcap, and she didn't give it to me. She thought it was really funny.


I looked at the nerdy looking ticket inspector. He looked familiar, and then with a growing sense of horror I realised who he was. He was the guy we'd stripped the previous night. I saw recognition dawn on his face. I was in for it now. I was really in for it.


"No ticket?" He asked.


I shook my head.


"Penalty fare then," he said.


"Lend me a twenty, Lisa, please," I begged.


Reluctantly she handed it over.


"It's forty," he said with a mean look on his face, "he needs one too," and he pointed at Cedric.


"He's a bear!"


"And he should be in his own seat and paying for a ticket."


"But I haven't got the money."


"Well then," he said, "Front of the tram please."




Joe's Blog Nov 1st 2012


Yes, I do so love it when they can't pay the penalty fare. I march them down to the front of the tram and make them recite their name and address in a loud voice so everybody can hear who they are. How much more fun when they are only dressed in bra and knickers.


I had recognised her at once. The girl with the bear! Embarrassment! She hadn't known the meaning of the word before now! She was going to have to stand in front of everybody in her knickers and shout out her name.




You have to give your name and address when you can't pay the penalty fare. And he made me stand up in front of everybody to give it.


I might just about have got away with it if it hadn't been for the child. Well children do like Teddy Bears don’t they. Anyway the wretched urchin piped up with, “Why has the bear lady gone to the front.”


I think that drew everybody’s attention. Well it would wouldn’t it. When the lady really is bare.



Joe’s Blog November 1st 2012


Travelling naked on the city trams is not permitted. It’s contrary to Bye Law something or other. At least I think it is. The girl in the knickers and bra wasn’t wearing knickers and bra at all! They were painted on her. The illusion – what they call a ‘Trompe l’oeil’- was so good that I don’t think anybody would have noticed until a child said something about a bear lady and we all thought she’d said ‘bare’ lady and then we could see she really was bare. Once you saw it, it was obvious. I mean, well, her, well you know, breasts and nipples were really quite obvious.


“Off the tram!” I said.


“But what about Cedric?” she asked, meaning the bear I presumed.


“He can stay on,” I said, “I’ve decided to be lenient.”



So in the end I got chucked off the tram for committing an offence against public order or some such tommy rot.


It was starting to rain.


I stood and watched Cedric’s mournful face as he looked back at me out of the rear window of the tram and I looked down at myself. The costume was already starting to wash off and there was a three mile walk back home.

Submitted: October 15, 2020

© Copyright 2022 Joex. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:

Other Content by Joex