Our Darkest Secret (Being Revised)

Our Darkest Secret (Being Revised)

Status: Finished

Genre: Erotica


Status: Finished

Genre: Erotica


(Being Revised and Re-edited)


(Being Revised and Re-edited)

Chapter1 (v.1) - Our Darkest Secret

Author Chapter Note

(Being Revised and Edited)

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: August 17, 2013

Reads: 4630

Comments: 8

A A A | A A A

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: August 17, 2013



Author’s Note, Hey guys. This is my new story. I hope you like it. Things will start out kind of slow but I hope you will still enjoy.

Chapter 1: An open book

I buttoned up my white shirt that was slightly big for me. It was long sleeved and loose.

As I buttoned it, in the reflection of the mirror, my husband was in the background, stirring around on the bed, part of his naked body showing.

I looked away from him and back to myself in the mirror.

“Where are you going?” He croaked.

My eyes met his in the mirror again. His brown, dead eyes looked to mine.

“Work.” I answered.

“What time are you getting back?”

“Ten.” I say dryly.

“I’m going to be spending the night with Brendynn tonight.” He says in monotone.

I literally feel the disgusted drop in my stomach and heart as he mentions her name.

“Fine.” My voice cracks.

He sits up, his body facing the mirror, his naked body reflected in the mirror as he turns so his feet are lying flat on the floor. “Does that bother you?”

“Does what bother me?” I mouth.

“The fact that I’m fucking someone else.” He answered.

I turn to look at him. “Do whatever you want, Tony.” I turn back and walk out of the room.

As I’m walking pass, I knock on my son’s door. “Come on, Charlie, I got to take you to school soon. And you haven’t ate your breakfast yet.”

“I’m coming, mom! I just have to put my shoes on.”


I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. I got out a bowl and spoon for Charlie and set it at the table and then got out his favorite cereal, Frosted Flakes.

I poured some milk in and put it away just as Charlie walked into the room.

Charlie was twelve years old.

He had dirty blonde hair like Tony and he had my dark gray eyes.

He has a birthmark that was covering half of his face.

He’s had it since he was born obviously.

I smiled at him. “Hi, baby.”

He smiled. “Hey, mom.” He sat down at the table and began eating his cereal and I watched him.

“Are the kids still making fun of you?” I asked.

He was never truthful when it came to people bullying on him because of his birthmark.

Because he looked different, he gets picked on and this happens at every school he’s transferred to.

I don’t see his birthmark as a flaw, like everyone else. I think its beautiful.

He looks down at his cereal.

“Charlie,” I walked over to him and sat down. “Look at me.”

He slowly does, his eyes watering.

“Honey, I am so sorry. If I can make it stop, I would. You know that because I love you more than anything. More than my life. But you cannot keep skipping school, baby. You just can’t.”

“They hate me.” He whispered.

I shook my head. “They don’t understand you. You’re different, Charlie. You’re special. Do not let them take you away from learning.”

“You don’t get it. Only because you go to work. You don’t get it!” He stood up.

I reached out for him. “Charlie,” He snatched his arm away and left out of the kitchen.

I sighed and buried my head in my hands.

I heard feet walking into the kitchen and I looked up.

Tony was shirtless, walking in only his boxers.

“I think we need to put Charlie to home schooling.” I say.

“The kid is fine.”

“You don’t know what’s happening at his school, Tony. You don’t pay any attention.”

“Beck, the boy is overreacting. So he’s ugly. So are a lot of fucking kids in America.”

“What the hell did you just say about my son?” I asked, my brow furrowing as anger settled into the pit of my stomach.

He turned to look at me as he opened the refrigerator. “So the boy’s ugly. He’ll get over it. As long as he’s not dumb, there shouldn’t be a problem why he can’t go to school. He’ll be fine.”

I opened my mouth to say something but snapped it shut.

Instead, I ignored him and stood up to go to the living room where my sister was. She was naked. “God, fuck, Annemariee, where the fuck are your clothes?”

She stood there, blankly.

I grabbed her. “What did you take?” I asked her.

She looked at me. “Everything.”

I sighed and pulled her upstairs with me. Charlie’s door was closed, thank god so I pulled Anne into me and Tony’s room and shut the door.

I sat her down on the bed while I went to the dresser and grabbed her a big t-shirt of mine.

I walked over to her. “Arms up.”

She did as I told her, a blank expression on her face.

When the shirt was on her, I got down on my knees to look at her. “Did you take your meds?”

She shook her head, no. A high look on her face.

I sighed. “Anne, you cannot avoid them.”

“I don’t need them. Don’t want them.” She shook her head, closing her eyes.

“It doesn’t matter, you still have to take them.”

“I need to sleep.”

“No, you don’t. You stay awake, Anne or I’m taking you back to the hospital.”

She met my eyes, hers are brown, dead to the world. “I’m never going back there.”

“Then stay awake. I’m going to be calling. Checking on you.”

“Can I go with you?”


Her face scrunched up as if she was in pain.

“Anne? What’s wrong?”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to be here.”

“I have nowhere else to take you, Anne. I’m sorry.”

She looked away from me, blankly out the window.

Anne’s been like this for three years, blank, dead, oblivious. Unaware. How did this happen? I don’t know. Do I want to know why? Yes. Yet, I’m remaining untold. I’ve taken her to psychiatrists, therapists, facilities, centers all over the country to get her help but she always ends up back here.

I couldn’t be her therapist although that is my job, because I too am her sister. And I have a feeling that she rather tell her thoughts to a complete stranger than me.

“Is Tony the reason you don’t want to be here?” I asked.

The second I said his name, I hit a nerve.

Her eyes jotted back down to me. “You’re going to be late for work.” She whispers.

“Anne…tell me what’s wrong.”

She shook her head.

My eyes went to the clock on the wall and I saw the time was cutting close to Charlie having to be in school.

I stood up and looked down at her. “We’ll talk about this more, later.” She didn’t respond.

I turned, my heart breaking at having to leave her alone like this. I walked out to the hallway and grabbed the handle to Charlie’s door.

I turned it and opened his door. He was sitting on his bed, looking down.

“Come on, hon, time to go.”

He stood, making sure not to look at me as he walked pass me out of the room.

My household was tumbling down….tumbling, and its just sad as a mother, I’m not able to fix it.

I got outside and opened the backdoor for Charlie.

He got in and grabbed the handle of the door and slammed it shut.

I looked at him through the window. Those innocent brown eyes. His dark hair.

I wish I could change all of his problems. I really do.

I go to the other side and get into the car.

I start it up and drive onto the road.

“Do you want to stop somewhere and get some breakfast?” I asked.

I didn’t get an answer at first.


“No thank you.”

“Baby, I promise I’m going to do all I can to fix what’s happening. I’m thinking about you being home schooled.”

“What about my friend?”

“You can still see him afterwards. It’ll be fine. It’s just…..you know…something I’m thinking of.” I look at him thought the rear view mirror and he’s frowning while looking out the window.

I sigh and focus on the road.

When I get to his school, I stop at the front and turn to look at Charlie. “Your dad will be here to pick you up at 3.”

He doesn’t say anything as he opens the door, grabs his bag and slams it shut.

I watch him as he makes his way across the yard to the school. I hate he had to go through this everyday and the principal is too fuck-tarded to realize it.

I was off after, grabbing my coffee from Starbucks and arrived at work.

The name of my building was called Sunbrooke.

I walked up the stairs and into the building.

My receptionist, Lya waved at me and I waved back to her as I went up another set of stairs to get to my office. As I arrive to the floor, sitting on a navy blue couch waiting by my door is a man.

He’s wearing a navy blue suit and black shoes.

His hair is chocolate brown, tossed everywhere and he looks deep in thought.

His elbows are resting on his knees and his hand is covering his mouth.

This must be my new patient.

He suddenly looks over at me and I see his eyes are blue and bright.

He sits up straight. “Are you…Dr. Wright?” He asked. His voice was so deep and throaty.

I nod, swallowing. “Yeah…I’m…her.”

He stands up, much taller than I thought he’d be. He’s about a 6 foot 4 or something. “I called you for an appointment a week ago.”

I nod. “Oh, right. Mr. Kennedy.”

“Just call me Brendan.” He says.

I nod. “Okay, Brendan.” I go to my door and pull my key from my jacket pocket. I unlock the door and he follows me in and I hear him shut the door.

I put my purse on my desk and slightly turn my head to look at him.

He’s assessing the room, silently walking over to the window, looking out.

“Did you have to wait long?” I asked.

“Twenty minutes but it’s okay.”

“I’m sorry, I had to drop my son off at school.” I take my jacket off and put it on the desk and then turn to him, I didn’t realize he was already looking at me.

“You have a son?”

I nod as I sit in a burgundy chair. I cross my legs as I look up at him.

His eyes roam over me before he comes over to sit across from me in the dark green chair.

He crosses his ankle over his knee and his blue eyes are on mine.

“So…how would you like to start?” I asked.

He shrugs. “You’re the doctor. You start.” He says.

I nod. “Um...okay. So…we didn’t really discuss over the phone why you felt like you had to come here.”

“Mainly for two things.”

“What are those two things?”

“I’ve been diagnosed with depression….and-” He stopped.

“Are you ashamed of the other thing or in denial?”

His blue eyes met mine. “I don’t know.”

“If you’re ashamed, I want you to know that everything in here is completely confidential. Saying that, if this other thing would be something against the law, I’d have to report that.”

“It’s nothing against the law.”

“Okay. Then go on.”

“According to a few doctors I’ve gone to, I am…a sex addict.”

I never dealt with this kind of situation. I licked my lips. “You didn’t consider going to a center?”

He shrugs. “I don’t feel comfortable sitting in a circle telling my business to strangers who don’t give a fuck.”

“What makes you think that?”

“I’m not stupid. I know how people are.”

“Okay.” I study him as I sit back. “So you say doctors have said you’re a sex addict?”

He nods.

“Do you think you are?”

He breaks the eye contact and looks down to the floor, looking deep in thought. After a few seconds, he looks into my eyes. “I don’t know.”

“What makes you not so sure?”

“I…I think I am…because….sex is something that I feel like I need.”

“Do you feel like the addiction is what’s causing your depression?”

“If I don’t get it, which is very rare, then yeah.”

“How often…let’s say….a week, do you have sex?”

He bit down on his lip and for a moment, it was very distracting.

I looked down to the floor.

“I’d say, maybe…ten times a week?”

I looked up at him, my eyes widening. Shit, was that even possible?

“Ten times?”

He nods. “Give or take.”

I can tell I have a look of shock on my face, because he’s looking into my eyes, smirking. “What’s wrong, Dr? Don’t fuck that often?”

My look of shock changed to embarrassment. I needed to change the subject. “All the times you do it, is it to make you personally satisfied or to kill the feeling of depression.”

“I’d say a little bit a both.”

I nod. “Okay. So your goal is stop it.”

He nods.

“Which is more serious? The addiction or the depression?”

“The depression is because of the addiction. That’s what’s fucking me up. So my goal is to get the addiction….down.”

I stare at him, trying to study him, trying to look through him like I normally can my other patients. But I couldn’t. It’s normally easy to see right through first visit.

“Look, Dr. Wright, I probably won’t come back here after today. I don’t know about,” He ran his fingers through his hair. “All of this shit yet.”

“You haven’t gave me a chance.”

“And I don’t think I will. I don’t like spilling out my personal shit to people, especially strangers. I only came here because my friend recommended therapy for me.”

“Are you ever…um…driven by peer pressure?”

“What are you getting at?”

“Sex….were you at a young age, driven by peer pressure and that is how you became involved with the activity and to keep your status up, you’ve done it so much to the point where it’s become an addiction.”

He stares at me for a long time, and for a moment, I see a slight smile on his face, then he frowns. “No one…ever pressures me to do anything. No one influences me. Ever. So no, I don’t believe in peer pressure…well not for me. And right now, your guessing on trying to figure me out is…very, very irritating.”

“How else am I supposed to figure you out, Brendan?”

He runs his fingers through his hair. “You can’t. But I can look at you…and I see through you.”

“Can you?”

He sits back in his seat, staring into my eyes. “You’re a married woman.”

I raised my hand to show him the ring. “Could easily be seen.”

“I haven’t been focused on the ring on your finger. However now that you brought it to my attention, it’s very expensive looking, I’m guessing your husband is very rich, I’d say…a doctor….or a lawyer. And you have a son. He’s having problems and you’re becoming stressed out from his problems.” He eyes roam to my outfit. “Now, telling from your clothing which is quite messy and sloppy, you don’t give shit what you wear and given, you probably don’t because no matter what you wear, you don’t feel sexy and I’m sure your husband is the reason for that.”

I shift uncomfortably in my seat, feeling more than a little exposed. As if he’s violating my mind.

“Your husband treats you like shit. Another thing that’s stressing you out, along with a complicated relationship with one of your parents.”

My dad. I look down into the carpet. Me and my dad are like strangers. He doesn’t acknowledge me or Annemariee’s existence.

My eyes flitted back to Brendan.

He nods. “And along with that, you hate this job. You think its fucking boring but feel you have to set an example for your kid. And all you wonder is when you’ll be able to do some shit for yourself.” He says.

I can’t say anything. I’m speechless.

He looks amused. “You know Dr., I thought you’d be much harder to read. But you’re too much of an open book. It’s a shame, the patient shouldn’t be able to read the Dr. more than the Dr. can read the patient. Sounds like you’re not doing something right or….you’re distracted by me.”


“People think I’m very attractive. I wouldn’t be surprised if my own doctor thought so too.”

“I do but that has nothing to do with this session.”

“This session that is now over.” He stands.

“Where are you going?” I ask as he head over to the door. “Look, I don’t know if this is going to work. Not that you’re not doing your job, its just that I’m still feeling a little weird about having to share every fucking thought that enters my head. So…” He opens the door.

“Will you come back?”

He shrugs. “Maybe…maybe not.” He walks out the door before slamming it shut.

I sighed and laid my head back against the back of my chair.

Although I found a hint of attraction in the man, I couldn’t ask him to come back.

I can only help those who wants to be helped. And if he felt like I couldn’t help him, then that’s not my fault.

I was still both weirded out and amazed, I couldn’t penetrate his mind at all, yet he got through mine easily. In so little time. He slid right into me, with no trouble at all, not giving a damn about my personal situations or my privacy. More than anything I felt annoyance because of it. I didn’t agree to meet him so that he can point out my problems, or judge me for them.

I looked down at my clothing. It wasn’t that sloppy, was it? Did I look like a mess?

I feel my cheeks burn with embarrassment.

He was right….everything he said was right. I don’t feel sexy and my husband doesn’t think I am so what would be the point in dressing otherwise?

I wish I was as an open to him, as I am to Tony. He doesn’t know me at all. Or at least he use to and lost his interest. Yet Tony’s an open book to me. A lot of people are….except for this man I just met.

I just wondered if he was coming back. There’s more I’d like to know about him. More I’d like to see.


When I got off work, I came home and put my purse on the couch.

“Charlie?” I called.

I heard loud steps upstairs and then he stopped on the top stair.

“Hi, honey, how was school?” I asked.

“Fine.” He said dryly and then ran back up the stairs.

I nodded. “I’m sure it was.” I muttered to myself.

I walked upstairs and to Charlie’s room and opened the door. “Charlie…”

“WHAT?” he snapped.

He was at his desk writing something and he had a glare on his face as he looked up at me.

“What happened today?”

“The kids called me a fag….okay?”


“Mom…just leave it alone.”

“No…I’m not going to leave it alone. I’m going to your school with tomorrow and I’m going to talk with your principal.”

“She’s not going to do anything.” His voice drops down low.

“I’ll make sure she does something this time. Did your dad leave yet?”

He shrugs, no longer paying attention to me.

“Want anything specific for dinner?”


I watch him for a few more seconds before I close the door.

I go back downstairs and get prepared to get dinner made.

I take out the chicken from the fridge I put in the night before.

“Where you been?” Asked a low voice with a slight southern accent.

“Work, Tony.” I say.


I rolled my eyes as I peeled the plastic back from the package.

I turned my head to look at him. “You’re going to watch me cook?” I asked.

He shook his head, walking towards me. “No. You’re not cooking right now.”

He placed his hands on my hips, and began grinding against me from behind, already I feel he’s hard.

I place my hands over his and take them from my hips.

“What?” He asks.

“Don’t touch me.” I muttered as I began to place the chicken on a plate next to the package.

“What the hell do you mean don’t touch you?”

“I’m sorry, don’t you have another woman you can go to tonight?”

“Brendynn had to go see her mom in Milwaukee.”

“Regardless if she was home or not, do not touch me.” I say and then go over to seasonings and grab the seasoning salt.

He grabs it from me and pulls me back against him.

“Just a quickie.” He whispers.

“No.” I attempt to get out of his hold. He forcefully pushes me against the fridge

“I have to make dinner.” I said.

He shakes his head. “That shit can wait.”

“No…it can’t.” I try to move him aside.

He grabs both of my wrists and hold them.

“Tony, let me go. Please.”

His eyes are dark gray, staring into mine, a bit of a scowl on his face as his grip tightened on my wrists.

I stare at him, giving out most pleading look as he keeps a tight grip on me.

Tony smirks and shakes his head. “You’re a worthless bitch.” He lets go of me and slowly walks out of the kitchen.

I swallow the nerves I had.

I close my eyes and sink to the floor of the kitchen and cover my face with my hands.

All I could think was this would be a repeat of the night he came home drunk.

That really messed up night he came home drunk and forced himself on me.

After that, a few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. And I was so stressed out from the situation, I miscarried.

Ever since that, I haven’t had any sex with Tony.

I couldn’t.

The man puts nothing but fear and resentment in me.

I just hope sooner rather than later, I can find the strength to leave him.

© Copyright 2019 IceBreaker. All rights reserved.


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