Holding Fire

Holding Fire

Status: Finished

Genre: Fantasy


Status: Finished

Genre: Fantasy


It starts with a girl who is forced to act insane,to save her own life.But is more about a girl wandering around in a world that she doesn't understand,a boy who found love in a hopeless place but most of all th imminence of tragedy.This is not just a book,I sprnt 2 years pouring my heart into it...so enjoy!


It starts with a girl who is forced to act insane,to save her own life.But is more about a girl wandering around in a world that she doesn't understand,a boy who found love in a hopeless place but most of all th imminence of tragedy.This is not just a book,I sprnt 2 years pouring my heart into it...so enjoy!

Chapter1 (v.1) - Holding Fire

Author Chapter Note

It starts with a girl who is forced to act insane,to save her own life.But is more about a girl wandering around in a world that she doesn't understand,a boy who found love in a hopeless place but most of all th imminence of tragedy.This is not just a book,I sprnt 2 years pouring my heart into it...so enjoy!

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: November 14, 2011

Reads: 452

A A A | A A A

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: November 14, 2011




G. T. Cue

I’m running down the empty hallway. My feet can’t move too fast because the water slows my speed.

Around the corner a light flickers and I follow it without thinking. The water freezes like ice against my skin as I splash and try to keep a steady rhythm.

It seems like I have been running for days, but the clock ticks three minutes to four as I reach yet another long hallway.

My stomach is aching with all the things I’ve just heard, maybe I shouldn’t have left him there . . . maybe I should have saved him as well.

But it’s too late now, I have to get out of here and get Andrew.

I come to a halt. The water only reaches my ankles but it still makes my whole body cold.

The girl claps her hands against the walls making the water burst. Jennifer keeps on running.

I shiver as smoky clouds come out of my mouth and I feel my hands getting colder. My lungs beg for air.

Then I do what I do. I run. I run until I know what to do. I run until I feel better. I run until the things I have to do make sense and I run until I’m forced to stop.

A smile reaches across my cheeks. I’m going to live again. I’m going to get off this mountain and be free. I want to live. I want to breathe. And I want to be happy again.

With a small hand outstretched in the distance Jennifer has a glimpse of the girl wanting her to stop. She doesn’t touch the water but only hovers above it like magic. Before Jennifer reaches her she is gone.

My feet pass each other around a corner and down some slippery stairs. My soaked blue dress makes my body heavy. But I’m still running as I reach an even longer hallway.

And then without watching my feet, I fall. Face down into the freezing water.


I can’t get up because it feels as though my body has gone extremely heavy. I lift my head for air.

The girl sits on the water shaking her head she won’t help Jennifer tonight. She stays looking at her, crying.

The lights are still flickering and I can only hear sounds of dripping water fill the rest of my father’s building.

And then I decide that I won’t get up. I’ll just wait for death to happen.

My head starts to feel heavy and I let it into the cold water again. It makes my neck shiver.

I need some more air. But this time I can’t get up. The water smells like old wood.

This is it: I am going to die.

They say that your life is supposed to flash before your eyes the moment you die. But all I can see is moments of the year that has passed burn through my spine and force my head even deeper into the guilty water.

End of


‘Are you the girl?’


‘You look a lot younger than 20.’

Her black eyes stare at me as she plots herself on a chair; she sits back and starts writing. I watch her bony fingers and red nails write my name with self-confidence.

‘You killed three men?’

I stare at her red lips; they seem to form the words so easily, as if it happens every day. My neck jolts a line of pain towards my eyes. She’s just like all the other lawyers; she’s just doing it for the money.

‘Yes, three men and twelve women.’ She says the last part more sternly.

I have nothing to say.

I stare in silence. I want to brush my hands and teeth. My mouth tastes like blood.

‘You’ll have to start talking sooner or later . . . I don’t have all day.’ Her eyes throw small strings of irritation as she rolls them towards the ceiling.

I had enough.

‘Then go back to your fancy cars, and stinking diamonds and rotten money . . . and tell my dad to send me another lawyer. I don’t like you!!!’

The white walls have gone three shades darker.

She twitches her back and whispers, ‘But I am your third lawyer and your father has already paid me . . . you don’t have a choice anymore.’

Her words sound so familiar. I want to cry, but I’ve stopped crying, I realized it doesn’t help. It’s only weakness flowing out of the body. And anyway I’m not intending to cry over a silly lawyer. Instead I do the only thing I can do, I stand up and leave.

She stiffens and her large eyes follow my back out of the room. I feel Miss Cronx pitying eyes, she doesn’t say anything but simply continues folding up the laundry.

My mom looks pretty, but I don’t really care. She smells the same, her husband looks satisfied.

‘Dad told me you like the new lawyer.’

‘Tell dad to stop screwing my lawyers.’

She stares down at her hands, when she looks up I know this is not the reason she has come.

‘We’re going to London. James got a promotion.’

Silence. I hear his breathing. She continues.

‘ . . . I’m sorry it has to be now, but your court case could go on for at least two years.’

I realize that they aren’t planning to come back soon. Not after the shame I brought over her family. It’s just like her to run away.

She’s so weak.

‘I’m going to my room, goodbye mother.’

I kiss her on the cheek. She softly whispers.

‘I love you.’

‘Yes, I know. But you’ll always love that son of a bitch more!’

I stand up and walk out. I can feel James’s grin run through the back of my head; I think I could kill him. I won’t. She loves him.

Maybe I should tell her. No.

‘It’s past ten; you’d better wake-up.’

I yawn. Miss Cronx eyes smile down at me.

Miss Cronx is my only friend in BerryviewHOUSE, Home for Mental Dysfunctions and Instabilities (or rather Maddies as the rest of Berryview calls it).

Miss Cronx is divorced with one son, Jacke’s. She never gets angry, aggressive or anxious. She is the closest thing I’ve ever known to an angel. Except she’s a heavyweight ex-ballet dancer. (This sometimes seems disturbing.)

My white room reflects the sun perfectly and I can’t help but wonder for how many days I must still live here. It’s better than jail though.

‘I told Jackes yesterday he should stop eating so many sweeties, he’ll end up just like me.’

‘You’re not that fat.’ I lie.

‘Yes, I am. I’ve stopped dieting because I seem to end up double the size as soon as I start eating normal again. Jacke said he didn’t care if I’m fat, he likes it more than when I was a skinny ballerina. I’ll never tell him; but the only reason I stopped dancing was because he showed up and popped right into my dancing career!’

I silently listen to the dazzling sound of birds chirping freely outside.

‘There came a man earlier to see you, about eight o’clock.’

My head suddenly feels every chirp and chuckle the dam birds outside are hooting. I push every thought pounding inside my head away.

‘Remember his name?’

‘Andrew or something.’

‘Paul? Jam? William? Roger?’

No. More like. . . Andrew.’

‘O. ok.’

My heart makes a few leaps in the air.

Know him?’


‘I think he said something about coming back next week it’s about your stepfather or something. He was in a hurry and wanted to get to the airport.’


She puts her muscular hands on my hair and smoothes it casually. I sit awkwardly.

‘You’re not having a breakdown yet?’



She leaves the room.

It’s Thursday. I’ve been here for four days and I’ve stopped thinking. I’ve stopped talking.

But my mind isn’t filled with all their dead eyes staring into space any more. Dad ordered Miss Cronx to give me a double dose of sleeping pills. It feels as though I’m not really here.

I’m waiting in the visitor’s room for my father; it seems that this room is the only place that brings back people from my past. The only place that isn’t pure white. The dark blue curtains seem a cliché.

I feel someone walking in behind me.


‘Hi, dad.’

I turn around. It’s not the face I was expecting. He looks shocked to see me too. It’s probably because I haven’t eaten properly in 5 days.

‘Hi, I’m Jennifer. Jennifer Clandon.’

I hesitate. But he looks me straight in the eyes. My heart leaps.

‘Just call me Jen.’

‘Listen. I know things have been cranky lately but . . . well I didn’t think they could get worse. . .’

‘Who are you?’

His hands slide across the white couch. I can barely hear his voice.

‘There’s been an accident.’

My hands fall onto my lap. I wasn’t ready for this.

‘Your mother and James didn’t make it to the airport this morning . . . they were shot.’

I stare back at him. His strong hands crunch together and he leans forward.

Jennifer catches a glimpse of the white wings running behind the couch up and down, up and down.

‘They’re both dead. Your father went to pick up your brothers at the police station. He can’t come today.’

‘Who did it?’

But he doesn’t have to answer I already know the truth.

Up and down, up and down the girl runs with water in her eyes.

I just sit there. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to feel. I just didn’t expect it to happen this way. I just sit and stare.

Then his arms cover my body. The warmth and innocence of comfort fills my soul. I smell his strong manly hood.

‘I’m William.’

‘I know. I remember you.’

I burst into tears.

The white wings run up and down across the floor until Jennifer leaves the room. She leaves the child running in search of her mother, who is now: dead.

I’m screaming. I’m sweating and I’m hungry. It must be past midnight. But my hunger is not only for food, it’s rather for a chance to tell the truth, a chance to get the weight of my shoulders. It makes my tummy hollow.

My body starts shaking and I scream.

The night nurse rushes in and holds my palms down . . . I start breathing again. My body is over flown with sweat. I try scratching some of the scab of my arms it starts bleeding again.

The small girl moves closer to Jennifer to look at the blood. Jennifer sees the rain in her eyes drop and immediately stops scratching. The nurse doesn’t notice the younger one placing her small hands on Jennifers’ arm.

The doctor arrives and instructs the nurse to give me food. I’m forced to eat it.

‘I’m not hungry.’

‘You haven’t eaten anything since you came here. And the nuts don’t count! Besides I will not have an Auston die in my presence.’

‘I . . .’

I take the buns and throw a blanket over my tender legs. The bread is warm and fresh.

The night nurse doesn’t leave. She stands and waits awkwardly until I finish both buns.

‘Would you like some milk?’

I feel better. But I can’t seem to swallow the hollow feeling down my throat.

‘You’ll feel better in the morning?’

‘Where’s Miss Cronx?’

‘She’s at home.’

‘That’s good.’

  • .

After the nurse leaves my room I force myself to the window. There are no stars out tonight, probably because it’s been raining so much lately. My head hurts. My body hurts.

I wipe away my tears and stand up reaching toward my diary underneath the cushion.

My head slides across the dark front pages, until I reach the past:

‘Amber, get out of my way!’

She turns around and gives one glance at my legs before making way. I barge past her and open the shower. My body screams from the cold water, it’s like ice against my bloody legs. I wash. I wash.

I rub and rub.

But even though several hours of intense washing pass, I still feel dirty.

‘That’s enough.’

Amber comes in and closes the shower water. I stare openly at her with a blank expression.

‘You’d better get dressed. Their putting the lights on, it’s your turn to make breakfast . . .’

I can’t believe my ears. My body is still in such shock.

‘It hurts so much . . . BREAKFAST?’

She stares down at her hands.

‘You’re not the only one who saw it happen Jennifer.’

‘I know but I felt it too.’

Berryview City has about two kinds of people: The people who go to church, and the people who doesn’t give a shit about anyone except themselves and their money. My father goes to church, but likes screwing around to show himself he’s only human.

He’s standing at the window when I come in. I sit down but my eyes can’t let go of his back.

‘Your mother’s funeral is Monday morning.’

‘Is James being burried with her?’


‘I’m not interested.’

‘I thought so. But she ís your mother . . .’

‘I’m not going, they probably won’t let me go anyway.’

We sit in silence. I wonder how long he searched for me. We have so much to say but no words. Finally I say something, anything to not make him go.

‘She . . . mother, could never stop talking. She always knew what not to say, and still said it . . . her words were so empty. I remember when she found out what you had done and simply looked at me and said that she cheated on you anyway and I shouldn’t worry because I was getting a new dad.’

I can see his guilty eyes follow the marks across my arms.

‘We always loved you. I just started to like my planes more than I liked her. But you, darling will always be my number one reason for living.’

He smiles a weak smile but his eyes stay hollow.

‘After your divorce I cried about not being able to see you every night. I could hear mom standing at the door. She never came in. I wish I could just talk to her once. Just talk.’

‘Catherine, I mean your lawyer is coming back this afternoon to see you. I have a meeting so I’m not coming but you’d better start telling her what happened. She’s a beautiful and intelligent woman, best in her class.’

It’s the first time I have seen him in 5 months and he wants to talk about my lawyer. I won’t talk.

The morning sun fills me with a sadness before it dissapears behind a cloud again.

He stands up, kisses me on the head, and says, ‘ You have two days untill the funeral, if you want to go I’ll ask the judge to let security and a nurse escort you. Rob and John is still in shock, they’ll finish their school year in Berryview and then probably move to Fanckle to stay at their aunt.’

I smile. ‘Tell them I might see them soon. . . and I miss them.’

‘Yes, I’ll tell them. Rob made a card for you, but I forgot it in the car, I’ll bring it next time . . .’

‘I’ll go to the funeral. If the judge let’s me though . . . since he’s an old frend of mom he might let me go. But I doubt it.’

‘I’ll see what I can do.’

He stands-up, smiles and walks back from where he came. After staring at the curtains for a few minutes I stand up and walk in a trance back to my room. I open my cupboard and pull out the top drawer. I gently open my box full of crayons, but only take the black and blue ones . . . my tears flow as I close the closet and sit infront of the wall . . . their names come naturally. It can’t stop.

The light purple dress of the small child is dancing in the morning sun as the girl twirls round and round close to the window. But Jennifer ignores her as always. She doesn’t see the girls smoked cheeks glowing like stars, the two rivers flowing between the coal mines.

Over and over. They keep screaming in my head with their blood stained black shirts.

Kate, Iris, Frita, Hanna, Mary-Allen, Jane, Julia, Samantha, Amber, Haley, Ruby, Page and Michelle.

  • .

I’m sitting in the pshycologist rosy room.

‘I especially came in today to see you. It is Saturday the 26th of September and you have been at Maddies for 6 days and there has been minor communication between you and anyone. Maybe you should tell me the whole story from the start.’

I stare at her ashblond hair, pale skin and redish nose. She looks like someone who wasted their lives working day after day but staying unfulfilled. A month ago I was quite a different person. I realize I’m supposed to say something.

‘There’s nothing to tell.’

‘Let’s begin with the names. Yes, you wrote thirteen names 68 times across your entire room. You don’t respond to anyone asking you what you are doing but still keep at it untill we are forced to make you stop. And in this whole proses you ruined your whole floor. And still your sitting there telling me that there’s nothing wrong?’

I’m not meant to answer. She continues non-stop. I hate Saturdays.

‘I studied in London for 5 years and know the best solutions to all your problems in circumstances like these. I am only here to help you. Remember I am your friend. But if you don’t co-operate I might tell the judge it’s all an act and they can proceed with normal hearings.’

She reminds me of my mother.

I take a go at her, ‘ I didn’t know you were my friend. And with all your qualifications you must realy be someone to look up to! You could be making millions! But since you are stuck with me and want to help me so badly you can easily be a friend and bring them all back to life!!’

My eyes feel watery. I wait for her to replay the whole scenario so she could say the right words. But she stayes relaxed. After a while. . .

‘There’s thriteen names.’

I challenge her with my eyes.

‘What I mean to say is that you only killed, I mean only twelve girls bodies were found. Who’s the last one?’

‘Michelle killed herself, I had nothing to do with it.’

She looks solemly at me. I ignore her and continue.

‘You get weak. They almost hypnotize you into believing everything they were going to make us do was right. . . and then one day you wake up and realize you can ’t go on. You won’t go on! And you give up.’

I suddenly can’t look her in the eyes.

‘When did she kill herself?’

‘Michelle killed herself two weeks after I met everyone, the 23rd of May.’

‘What did they do with her body?’

I look at my nails, they need a cut.

‘I’m not sure.’ I lie.

I force myself to talk.

‘On the second night I came there they fastened us on a wooden table. Fourteen women, naked. All we could do was pray. Then they poured ice and water into the fridge-like room. Ice cold water started filling the freezer. The cold burned. We had about a minute to get out before we would freeze to death. All I kept praying was that one of us would survive so they could tell my dad I didn’t cry. We survived. And I knew that night that everything had changed. I knew that I would never be the same again.’

I sat back shocked at how quickly it came.

Before I get to go she hands me another diary.

‘I’m not finished with the first one my dad sent me.’

‘It’s not a diary. It’s for when you feel like writting names.’

I wish my mother could be more like her.


Saturday after dinner. I’m in the visitors room waiting for the red lipped lawyer. She enters in a neat black suite, her dark hair seems effortless. She smiles and sits down.

‘Sorry, I think we started off on the wrong foot, I’m Catherine Gleeson your lawyer.’

‘I’m Jen.’

She looks at me with confidence. She forces me to think she’s beautiful, I need her and everything has only just begun.

‘I guess we have to get the small facts right first.’

She stops and look if I’m following her words and then keeps at it.

‘Your mother and father were divorced when you were 7 years old?’

I wish someone could throw me with water.


‘Your mother remarried twice and had two children with her third husband, Mr. James Tycker?’

It feels asif my mother is still alive, like nothing has happened.

‘Yes, but. . .she. . .he and . . .’

‘I heard about it.’

‘Oh, but they wouldn’t have been here anyway so don’t worry.’

I feel uncomfortable that she doesn’t even seem worried about their death.

‘You stayed with your mother and grandfather before the kidnapping?’


She looks at me, smiles and continues.

‘You look a lot like your father.’

I keep quiet. I only let my eyebrows lift to show her she’d better stop. But the silly woman continues.

‘Yes, your dark hair, blue eyes, lips. . .’

‘Maybe we should get to the point.’

It wasn’t supposed to come out so rude.

‘You claim that you were kidnapped by a certain Khön-regime?’


‘Is there any evidence of people who abused you? Isn’t there any one who was part of the plan that can prove that you actually were there?’

‘I told every one before Roger and Jam Michaels planned it all.’

‘Well there must be someone else . . . Jennifer you know they have dissapeared.’

‘Doesn’t it prove that they’re guilty.’

‘No it only proves that you could be innocent.’

She wants to do this the easy way. She writes something. Looks up and continues. I sigh.

‘I’m really tired. I didn’t sleep much last night.’

‘Maybe you should stop writing your victims names in diaries and on the floor and start writing letters to their families to tell them how sorry you are. It would give a good impression.’

I stamp my feet in a rythmic way. And gaze at her with wide eyes.

‘They say this is a place for crazy people. And in the news they say I killed 15 humans. Just do your job and stay out of my personal life.’

‘That’s exactly what I’m intending to do.’

I stand up and leave, pulling my snowy gown tighter against my frail middle.

Before I’m entirelly out of the room. I turn around, run to her and whisper, ‘And leave my father alone. I might call someone to kill you.’


I only ate the mango and chicken pieces of my salad. It’s Monday.

It’s the first time they’ve let me interact with the other nutty people. Eventhough I’m in the garden two gaurds and Miss Cronx are watching me from the back porch.

My cold feet touches the green grass and I feel as if everything that has ever happened to me fade away. The wind dances through my hair and I pray that God could somehow lift me into the sky to a place far far away.

But everything comes back when he walkes towards me. His blond hair and dark eyes looks as though he’s seen a ghost, and somewhere in between everything I remember how it was to love him.

‘Let’s sit under that tree.’

I stay were I am.

The 6 year old is standing close by, she makes star jumps between the flowers. Only her face stays unhappy.

‘I’m surprised they let you come this far.’

He glances at the lake. And then back at me.

‘I came to ask you something. And I need the truth.’


‘Did you kill them?’

‘You just spoiled my day. How was the funeral? The judge didn’t let me go.’

‘Your farther told me. Rob and John asked me when they’ll see you again, they asked me to give you this.’

He reaches into his pocket and a blue and green card appears. I take it. He takes it back.

‘You must first answer my question.’


‘You know I still love you and no matter what happens I . . .’

‘But what if I did kill them? Will you feel the same then? Will you even come visit me again?’

Jennifer glances at the girl and sees the familiar burn holes crusted into the purple dress.

‘Yes, you know I would do anything for you. I love you.’

He sounds like a gramaphone. I look at him blankly and say the words that will crush him.

‘It will never be the same again, I don’t love you anymore. I don’t know if I even know what love is anymore.’

His hand hesitates and gently takes my finger tips.

‘Let me show you how to love again.’

I take my hand away, I want him to get out of my life. He reminds me of a sweet smell I used know but now only burns my nostrils.

The young girl has started crying.

She blows kisses at the birds up in the tree but doesn’t stop crying. The older girl turns her head away, knowing no one can see it but her. No one is left smiling.

‘William, it’s over. We were over the moment I got pushed into that black car.’

I know he won’t leave me, but I want him to scream at me and hurt me but he only stands looking at the dum lake.

‘William, you need to let go of me. Remember what we had but too many things has happened to me since then. I’ll probably be spending the rest of my life in jail or worse get the death sentence.’

‘They know you were in an awful situation. Jen, I’m not going to leave you.’

‘They don’t believe me, there’s no evidence against Roger Will.’

We stand in silence and I feel the refreshing air beat with my heart and head.

The girl now blows kisses at Jennifer, who doesn’t even notice.

‘Here take the card.’

I slowly take it. On the outside there is a picture of three misformed people with brown spots on them.

‘They told me it was when they threw mud at you.’

My legs feel heavy, and my eyes fill with tears. I can’t seem to stand up straight. I steadily colapse on the grass.

‘Jenni . . .’

Slower and slower the kisses are blown as more and more tears are thrown to the ground.

I slowly sit up straight. My head is still throwing hoolahoops across the sky. Miss Cronx and the guards didn’t seem to notice anything strange. William collapses next to me.

‘Are you alright? Luckily nobody noticed. Maybe you should go inside again.’

‘I’ll go now, I just want to read the card first.’

The card lacks any words or frazes. In the middle there is only one big shapeless ice-cream. Warm and friendly its eyes stare at me and the smootched grin across it’s cone fills the air with sunshine.

One of the guards come towards us and I slowly stand up.

‘Sir you’d better be going now, times up.’

I feel relieved and William also seems happy to get away.

‘Jen, I’ll walk you in?’

The guard frowns.

‘No, the Miss must be kept here . . .’

But before he gets a chance to finish his sentence I’m running. I barge past the crazy man who can’t remember his own name. I feel

Miss. Cronx’s amazement shreeks and slurps follow me down the blue hallway.

I take a glance back and see William and the two guards following me. Miss Cronx lumpy figure wobbles far behind.

The girl is already waiting in the elevator and holds her hands together almost as if she’s saying a prayer.

I reach the elevator. I press ‘up’ four times, still trying to catch my breath.

Maybe I should have taken the stairs. The elevator opens and I feel Williams hand grasping for my jersey. I’m too quick.

‘Jenni . . .’

His words get smothered by the elevator going towards the fifth floor.

Jennifer stares down at the child, she wish she could make her go away. But no remorse for Jennifer Clandon she has to listen to the childs sobs filling the lift.

Before the door is entirely open I’m out. I dash towards my room. I turn right twice and finally let my hand grip the knob of my bedroom door.

I was right. There sits the two-faced shrink. Her face jurks up from my diary in amazement.

We both freeze.

The fairy girl screams behind Jennifer.

She claps the diary shut and tries to smile. I don’t give a dam. I throw myself at her and try grabbing the diary from her.

Finally she lets go and I bow over the green book while my hands tear the pages apart. Each page I destroy burns inside me with rage and anger that I didn’t even know I had.

The purple dress is thrown to the ground. The small girl jumps on it with only her white iron wings attached to her naked body.

Then I hear a sob.

‘How could you just destroy all my evidence like that?’

Jennifer tears the pages. The girl destroys her dress.

I don’t care about the guards or William who have come out of breath into my doorway.

Jennifer cries. The girl screams.

Everyone looks in silence as I tear page after page into thousands of pieces. All the words and memories seem scrambled on the floor.

Memories I had before the kidnapping, before I started working on the berryfarms. Memories of the people I murdered. Memories of the times I let the world destroy me.

‘Jennifer, let go.’

Miss. Cronxs fat hand touches my shoulder. She slowly takes the front and back covers of the broken book and puts it at my bedside.

As Jennifer looks toward the window the fairy is sitting on the windowsill. Just as before fully dressed in purple and white. Unhappy. But calm. Waiting for Jennifer to kill her as well.

Tuesday morning, the galloping clouds are perfectly showing their shapes across my window. A gentle sound of whooshing can be heard as a worker cleans the hallway floors.

I sigh. Maybe it’s good that the diary was destroyed. Maybe it should have happened. Because now I have a plan.

The lake is gently standing in the shades of Willow trees. And the wind plays with their branches making plaits and patterns to ensure they don’t go unnoticed.

Most people who got genius ideas didn’t ask for it. I didn’t ask for my plan to come. It just came when the doctor gave me more calming pills last night.

I feel the sudden movement of a door being shut in the hallway and my white walls draw stripes of yellow on themselves.

I slowly take what’s left of my diary.

The door opens.

‘Are you alright sweatheart?’

‘Yes, thank you.’

Miss Cronx peeks in through the door with a smiling face.

‘What are you thinking about?’


‘That’s boring. Then there’s probably no use in thinking today is worthwhile?’

‘No. Not today. Miss Cronx if you knew someone loved you but you can never love them back. How can you make them move on?’

She frowns and thinks for a few moments.

‘Well, for starters I won’t make them move on, I’d let them.’

She nods and closes the door again.

The walls could just as well be spitting fire.

My plan will make sure I don’t go to jail. And certainly not die. And eventhough it didn’t work the first time I tried to run away, this time it will.

This time I will escape and no one will stop me. I hope dad will help me.

3 January

Dear Diary

Last night Will and I went near the end of the Peacon River and had a dip . . . when I drove back to the house I didn’t see a jackal crossing the road and stopped too fast. When I came around I was in the grass, and the cars wheels were still spinning upside down and Will was standing with his phone . . . then I fainted. Will called father to come and help us, and I was taken to the hospital in a hurry.

I guess having Auston blood in me is rather a huge privilege; Will had me see a doctor before twelve other waiting patients. Dad didn’t like it though.

Fortunately I only got two scrapes across my legs and Will a broken arm. This morning I cried a lot and swore at mom for not coming when I phoned last night.

After dad drove me to the house John asked me to help him with his holiday homework: a boring essay. Great! I should probably go now.

The girl is back. In the car crash I saw her again, she was flying with me through the air. She had the same burnt purple fairy dress and white wings on as the night I first saw her. She was as happy as always laughing as the car swirled through the air.

But before the accident... me and Will had a deep discussion and I think things are getting serious. I mean it’s been 5 years since we went on our first date.

But the real reason why I’m writing to you is because I want to tell you about me and dads new deal: I can get any dress I want for the September Berryfeast if I help dad design and build one of his new planes. I know, at first I also thought that this is part of dad thinking or wishing I was a boy. But I decided to do it anyway because it will give me an excuse to see him more often.

So each Friday from now on I will be a professional plane builder. Dad even said I can choose the designer and materials for my gown next week! And he’s buying me a new car if we finish the plane before August.

Maybe (if I’m lucky) William will propose to me at the Berryfeast! I really hope we get married I can’t wait to get out of this house and away from mother and her evil James.

Johnny has to hand in an essay about the History of Berryview so I have to go and help him. It could be quite interesting.

I’m off


A Short History of Berryview.

Berryview is known for its delicious black- and raspberries that grow from mid June till early October on its surrounding farms. Berryview is found in the East side of Shelan, on the Verde Mountain, making part of the well known Haill Mountains.

There have been many debates in Victor High Court about who found Berryview first. But according to my knowledge and research it is General S. Khön who in 1586 first found the wild berry fields when looking for his lost daughter on the Verde Mountain. Shortly after, General Khön and his entire family came back and farmed with the berries building their well known Khön Home on the West peak of Verde.

In the late 1680’s there were heavy rains and most of the berry fields were swept away. The Khön family (then consisting of 62 members) were bankrupt and sold all 2300 acres of land to the well known politician of that time Victor Auston and his brother Samuel.

The two brothers build the Auston Residence next to the Peacen River looking over some of their land. They also started The Brothers Berries in 1672 which included letting farmers hire all the land and buying the farmers berries back for the same price. The Brothers Berries made millions between 1678 and 1693 because no other country in the world could produce their quality or number of berries at that time.

It is a pity that Victor Auston only had one daughter, Vicky Auston and Samuel had no children. Vicky Auston inherited all the land and bought the rest of the Verde Mountain (East and North sides) which consisted of 9400 acres. However, Vicky spent most of her money on building a motel, church and grocery shop 15 km from the Auston residence. Vicky never married; but had 7 children which all had the reddish nose and blond hair trademark of an Auston.

The Khön family however made a lot of money in the wool industry and S. Khön’s great great-grandson, Sam Khön, came back in 1755 offering Vicky Auston a estimated 90 000 Dollars (now estimated at $490 million). She accepted the offer (but rumour has it) was killed before receiving all the money.

By 1803 Berryview had an estimated 17000 inhabitants and had its own police station, school, barber and court. The numbers increased to 71000, untill 1869 when another flood took the South-Verde side and cost the Khön-family $230000. Vicky Auston’s eldest son, Victor D. Auston, and second youngest son, Benjamin Auston, claimed all the land back from the Khön-family in 1816.

The Khön and Auston families have been debating in Victor High Court for the past 200 years about the fields. Both claim they discovered Berryview and the farms first. The High Court decided in 1931 that the South side would be given to the Khön-family and in 1933 that the Auston-family should receive the North, mainly because of the Austons established Residence.

Since Shelan is not part of America, Berryview is its capital city and also has been described as ‘The City in the Clouds’ or ‘Berry heaven’.

Meanwhile Berryview has grown to become one of the most beautiful cities in the worl

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