The Player Meets the Coach
Short Story by: floralonskie
Reads: 3026 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 20
The Player Meets the Coach
In a hot summertime, where everyone got all so fired up with the things they thought and planned to do; meeting new friends and creating memorable experiences. Exceptionally, there’s this certain girl named, Fiona Cruz that does not even bother herself or taking concern of what she’ll supposedly do to seize and enjoy summer. She’s an attractive teenage girl, aged 17. She’s explicitly an ideal girl to be dated with. She has a high-bridged nose, beautiful tantalizing brown eyes, shapely kissable red lips any guy would highly cling and aspire to get a chance of putting their lips next to Fiona’s lips.
Fiona’s popularity is at wide range of knowing. Who would not recognize a hot appealing girl like her? Whenever she walked and passed you by, her sweet scent will get through your nose, directly gets into your brain, and leaving an addiction state you can’t handle to resist. Her white complexion that is so eye-catching that makes her terribly outstanding than the rest of the people that surrounds her. Guys go crazy in her kind of signature walk that is so passionately sexy, accompanied by the pleasing movement of her beautiful shiny black hair that serves as her shining glory. A lot of girls most likely admire and love Fiona’s simplicity in terms of her preferred clothes to wear. Her style is out of the box, distinctly adorable and suitable in her own special way of carrying herself. Everyone might have thought of her as a model, a rich kid, and totally out of reach. But the truth, she’s just an ordinary college student that has an excellent I.Q., living in an average lifestyle with her family in Manila. Remarkably, head turner Fiona has been receiving a lot of offers from different modeling companies, yet she has no interest to become a model that’s why from time to time, she would just refuse and reject their offers.
Fiona is the only child of her parents named, Ramon Cruz, aged 52, and Sophia Valdez-Cruz, aged 50. They’re both self-employed, selling various products just to raise and provide the needs and wants of Fiona. They’re both hardworking and they tenderly love Fiona immensely. They were a happy family until an unexpected event occurred. Fiona’s father, Ramon encountered a car incident and has acquired such severe injuries and wounds causing extensive blood loss that had lead him into a sudden death. Due to the tragic demise of Fiona’s father, Fiona swiftly and vastly learns how to stand on her own and not to depend any longer to her mother. Like Fiona’s mother, Fiona has been dealing with the pain and sadness out of the death of her father, yet she manageably and toughly puts a strong front to cover up the weakness in her.
In order to help and not to become a burden to her mother, Fiona has decided to accept a prestigious offer from Athena Detee, a huge competitive modeling company. Though Fiona has no interest in modeling, she re-considers doing so. At first, Fiona finds it hard to manage her time as a student, a model, and a daughter at the same time, yet as time passes by, she has got used to it. Fiona’s mother, Sophia has always been proud to whatever accomplishment, whether big or small, Fiona can ever achieve.
Fiona is a rising star in the world of modeling. Day by day, her followers in social sites likely in Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram have gradually been increasing. She’s not only dealing with the rising number of followers in social sites but as well as the rapid number of suitors from different places. Majority of Fiona’s suitors come from a wealthy family. Fiona isn’t a type of a girl that is particular with the status, whether rich or poor, she’ll fairly treat you like everyone else.
Beforehand, dating has always been Fiona’s silly thing. She’ll date guys that she finds cute and interesting with nice sense of humor. She’s never been into romantic serious relationship, yet had a childhood love interest way back when she’s 7-years of age. Devastatingly, Fiona’s childhood love interest suddenly disappeared with no trace of his whereabouts. Fiona started dating when she reached the age of 13. She might have been going out with different random boys but no one has ever kissed her precious sacred lips. Fiona has her own suave move that makes her irresistible. Cautiously, Fiona can distinguishably know a person that is sincere and a person that is insincere and playful to such feelings of girls. Though Fiona has never experienced getting fooled and played by anyone, yet her ability of being a keen observer, her sharp analysis, connecting every dots of any prior behavior of a person, vigilantly apprises and guards herself from any difficult and troublesome situation. To simplify, whatever a foolish guy might do to win her will only be gone to waste.
In Fiona’s simple, yet strikingly modern look home, she has received a phone call from Suzette, a modeling colleague of her in Athena Detee. Fiona has been invited to a beach party at Laiya Beach in San Juan, one of the most attractive beaches near Manila. Since Fiona hasn’t thought of any plans for summer, so she merely accepts Suzettes’ thoughtful invitation. Upon arriving at the area of Laiya Beach, Fiona trying to call Suzette suddenly bumped into a guy, wearing a black leather jacket, an expensive Jag jeans, a black Rusty Lopez shoes, and attractively wearing a Police brand of shades. Fiona directly asks an apology when she realizes that the guy has already been staring at her passionately. Interruptedly, Suzette arrived and has noticed the guy standing right next to Fiona, only to realize that it’s Dwayne Langley.
Dwayne Langley is the only child of his parents named, Robert Langley, aged 53 and Bulma Dwazon-Langley, aged 52, owner of the Laiya Beach resort. Dwayne comes from a wealthy family. He is a good looking guy with fair complexion. He is tall, 5’11 in height. He is a womanizer as everyone might know. He loves to date and mingle with various hot appealing girls. Dwayne can easily get a girl he wants in a short time. The moment Dwayne has placed his eyes to Fiona, an impulsive idea of having her as one of his toys has been planned not knowing Fiona’s inert state in terms of dating and dealing numerous guys like him.
Dwayne has been acting like a dog, tailing wherever Fiona would go. Irritably, Fiona asks Dwayne of until when he will be following her and what does he wants from her. Directly, Fiona receives an impulsive answer from Dwayne that he wants to date her. At first, Fiona rejected Dwayne’s deceitful invitation but later on decides to get along with Dwayne. They have been strolling and walking by themselves together all day long at the resort. As the sun gradually says it goodbye, Dwayne feels like expressing his gratitude of being with Fiona. Feeling the breeze of the wind; seeing the gradual wave of the ocean; Dwayne has been feeling not at ease with his unusual accelerating heartbeat as he happens to spend time with Fiona for the first time. This has made him to think that he might have been accidentally fallen to Fiona. Noticeably, Dwayne’s facial gesture of confusion has made Fiona to tease him. Later on, Dwayne somehow managed to express his feelings to Fiona. He gradually initiated a kiss when someone has come along and called Fiona from behind, only to find out that it’s Fiona’s childhood love interest named, Nikko who had grown taller and handsome with great body build figure. Surprisingly, Dwayne did not see this coming. Dwayne has no idea who the guy is. All he know is everything he has planned, out of the blue got ruined. Excitedly, Fiona embraces Nikko and together they left Dwayne with a downhearted state.
Submitted: April 06, 2015
© Copyright 2023 floralonskie. All rights reserved.
Comments
I really enjoy the tone of your writing! Very good! I look forward to reading what comes next!
Mon, April 6th, 2015 5:45pm
Author
Reply
Thank you Elizabeth Red. Your feedback gives me confidence and positive vibes. It means a lot. Keep in touch. :)
Mon, April 6th, 2015 6:32pm
I like the way you potrayed your characters. You described them amazingly. Keep going. You are doing good.:)
Wed, April 8th, 2015 7:32pm
Author
Reply
Thank you! :) I'm still exploring and hoping to get amazing results though. I'm happy to be hearing positive feedback. :)
Wed, April 8th, 2015 7:01pm
Very good. I liked the simplicity of the story as well as the tone of the piece. I also enjoyed how well you described the characters. Keep up the good work, and I can't wait to see what comes next. :)
Wed, April 8th, 2015 8:47pm
Author
Reply
Wow! Thank you! I'm greatly happy of how you see my work. I'm really into simplicity and not overdoing my work. :)
Wed, April 8th, 2015 7:16pm
Look forward to seeing where it leads when she turns 18. :)
Thu, April 9th, 2015 1:50am
Author
Reply
We will see. Keep in touch to what comes next. :)
Wed, April 8th, 2015 7:36pm
I enjoyed your writing so far, Flora. This reads like a mix of character intros/background and story thus far to me, as though it were building up to something. Know what I mean? In any event, it will be interesting to see where this leads. I agree with Aly; if English isn't your first language, then you're certainly putting in effort. I'd suggest lots of reading for sentence structure, diction, adjective use, and so on. The font used was difficult to read, so maybe you want to use Arial or TNR or a sans serif? Keep writing and keep reading.:)
Thu, April 9th, 2015 10:29am
Author
Reply
Thank you a lot! Yes, English isn't my first language but I'm really working on it. I really love writing and I'm learning day by day. I appreciate your suggestion and I'll take that. Keep in touch. :)
Thu, April 9th, 2015 3:41am
English is also my second language and I know how difficult it can be to learn a new language. I think with this story you have shown it is possible and I think you did a wonderful job on it. You didn't overwrite it and kept it simple. Well done!
Sat, April 11th, 2015 4:21am
Author
Reply
THANK YOU! ^_^ I am overwhelmed and pleased that you stated I did a wonderful job on this piece of mine. It greatly increased my motivation in writing more stuff to share. :)
Fri, April 10th, 2015 9:35pm
So far I am loving this. It has been pointed out that English perhaps is not your first language but I adore the simplicity that has it's own detail you have added. Looking forward to reading more from you; best of luck, and keep going.
- Angel
Author
Reply
THANK YOU Angel! :) I appreciate a lot your positive feedback. Keep in touch. ^_^
Sat, April 11th, 2015 7:25pm
Hell, I'm ready to get married to her. I just need to change my name to Nikko and I'm all in. XD Anyways! I really liked your story! I was going to read it a really long time ago but i forgot D: sorry about that. haha! I couldn't help but be happy with the ending. Having history with a person is more important than looks. I was happy she didn't end with him. Karma hit him. V
Sun, April 19th, 2015 6:59pm
Author
Reply
woohoo! Thank you for reading and commenting my dear Kael! Glad you liked the story. You'll meet your Fiona very soon and you'll be her Nikko! :D
Sun, April 19th, 2015 6:12pm
Nice read. You have a way with words.
Sat, April 25th, 2015 3:48am
Author
Reply
Thank you my dear LovelyRita! Gladly appreciated you coming by reading and commenting. :-)
Fri, April 24th, 2015 9:00pm
I like your background writing, how the characters look and are inside :-)
Fri, May 8th, 2015 3:43pm
Author
Reply
Thank you, Jenny! Greatly appreciated you coming by reading and commenting. :)
Fri, May 8th, 2015 7:30pm
an enjoyable read - i look forward to more
Mon, May 25th, 2015 3:48pm
Author
Reply
Thank you for appreciating my work! :-)
Mon, May 25th, 2015 10:20am
Everyone has mentioned the simplicity of your writing but i think they failed to mention how much detail you added to the description of everything in it. As for english not being your first language, i think that helped to keep your writing constant and easier to read without having to figure out the meanings of slang. Very good.
Wed, June 17th, 2015 8:05am
Author
Reply
Thank you, Josalyn! I'm pleased that you noticed even the single thing of my piece. I'm really glad that you appreciated my work. Have a great day! :-) Love, flora.
Wed, June 17th, 2015 6:37am
Got your post on my wall! This is nicely done! Love the descriptions. Something I have to work on too. Hopefully I'll get to read some dialogues between the two. Make it steamy please! Just my shout out! o
Sat, August 22nd, 2015 9:17pm
Great story, quite realistic for some of us.
Mon, September 14th, 2015 10:17am
By the flow and the wording, this sounds much more like an outline or a brief character sketch of a story you plan writing later on; rather than an actually short story. I strongly recommended to revisit this and maybe rewrite your story in first person. Tell the story from Fiona's point-of-view. Make the reader feel as if they are Fiona and not some by-stander; otherwise, you will continue to have a lot more telling than showing taking place throughout your entire piece.
Wed, October 7th, 2015 7:55am
Yeah Floralonskie, I'm grigor mcgregor and accept you invitation to comment on an example of your writing. I think you are going okay but the direction appears a little confusing at times. In reading your short story about the player meeting the coach I found some of your wording rather cute and guess that's because you were writing in English that probably is not your primary language. Well that's okay, just keep on writing and gradually it should flow more easily. The main thing you are experiencing is the satisfaction of getting the words down to be read by others. Perhaps you should think about getting your thoughts in a more orderly arrangement to achieve greater clarity and become a little more slicker when moving to each point you wish to make. One way of achieving this is to try to picture what you wish to say and then write it and it should be less verbose but still being descriptive, interesting and you can still inject passion. Don't be worried about running out of ideas because if you have an ounce of creativity untapped the next story will surely come to you. I can remember starting to write fiction I once started several times and was unhappy with what I had written and each time started again. Finally I just wrote one word - The and looked at the otherwise blank page for perhaps twenty or more minutes, scratched an ear, had a drink of water and then I began to stare at the word The. My mind drifted and suddently I felt inspired and began to write, and that's how I came to write The Unpublished Author of 830 KB. I've written more than 4000 short stories and a few novelettes and a perhaps six of novel length. I sometime get a story idea just before I awake. If you can do that make sure you write that thought down as soon as you really awake otherwise it may be lost forever. Good luck and initially think you only have to write stuff that makes you happy to read to justify writing a story or poem. You will then progress from there. Also a universal tip is to read what other writers you like create and consider their style, phrasing, wording and try to note how the story progresses. Grigor.
Tue, January 17th, 2017 8:19amBoosted Content from Premium Members
Book / BDSM
Short Story / General Erotica
Book / General Erotica
Short Story / Erotic Flash
Other Content by floralonskie
Short Story / Adult Romance
Article / Adult Romance
Poem / Poetry
Alyson Williams
I like the simplicity of your storyline and writing style. It appears that English is your second language. If so, it was well done and I hope you continue writing because you will only improve in the process. Just a suggestion, if things heat up to a sexual encounter with either Nikko or Dwayne, Fiona needs to have a birthday. She needs to turn 18, a consensual adult age. Look forward to your next post.
Mon, April 6th, 2015 2:00pmAuthor
Reply
Thank you for the positive feedback Alyson Williams. Your comment means a lot. I really appreciate it. Surely, Fiona will have her 18th birthday before anything happens like heating up with either Nikko or Dwayne. Keep in touch. :)
Mon, April 6th, 2015 8:19am