So Long
We were once a loving pair
Suddenly, had ended up with despair
You're a jerk and very unfair
Don't deny, it's your flair
Everything we had turned out as a broken fairytale
Darn! our fiction story made me pale
Your behaviour best describes you as an immature male
Exhaustingly, I need some fresh air to inhale
Please don't get me wrong
But our relationship wasn't too strong
It's too weak, we can't go along
Now, all that's left to say is "so long".
03/01/14
floralonskie
Submitted: April 08, 2015
© Copyright 2023 floralonskie. All rights reserved.
Comments
Dope! Can definitely relate
Wed, April 8th, 2015 6:29pm
Author
Reply
Wow! The feels is mutual, right? Well, that's how it is. Thanks for dropping by. You can read more poems of mine. :)
Wed, April 8th, 2015 11:34am
This was good! I can relate to it. Going to read more!
Wed, April 8th, 2015 7:21pm
Author
Reply
Thank you! :) I look forward to be reading more comments from you as I'll be posting more poems. Keep in touch. ^_^
Wed, April 8th, 2015 6:46pm
this is great.
Wed, April 8th, 2015 7:36pm
Author
Reply
Thank you! :)
Wed, April 8th, 2015 7:01pm
Good work.
Wed, April 8th, 2015 8:25pm
Author
Reply
Thank you! :)
Wed, April 8th, 2015 7:02pm
Sometimes goodbye is the only way. It's hard for me to say it though, so that probably makes me a hypocrite.....good poem though.
Wed, April 8th, 2015 9:35pm
Author
Reply
Sometimes, saying goodbye is freaking hard to do and say. But it's the only way to end up things between you and the person that doesn't give a damn. I'm glad you like the poem. Thank you. :)
Wed, April 8th, 2015 7:22pm
That went straight to my gut. You do extremely well in expressing yourself. I have poetry of my own if you'd like to check it out as well. It was very well written.
Wed, April 8th, 2015 9:42pm
Author
Reply
Thank you! ^_^ I'm pleased of how you see my work. I'll be checking out your poems. :)
Wed, April 8th, 2015 7:25pm
I have a soft spot for poetry that comes from the heart and gets under my skin, and you have that talent.
Thu, April 9th, 2015 12:13am
Author
Reply
Oh my! What else can I say but THANK YOU! I'll be posting more poems. Keep in touch. :)
Wed, April 8th, 2015 7:34pm
Nice, it says it all.
Thu, April 9th, 2015 1:09am
Author
Reply
Yes! Thank you! ^_^
Wed, April 8th, 2015 7:35pm
URGH! I really want to be helpful, but I the only thing i can say is that i like it:C Okay, here goes my attempt (sad thing is that i love poetry, but i... i'm just bad) Well I recently came from a break up, and this is exactly how you feel. Specially when you break up because your forced to. Argh okay. Hope that helps in a way? I really do like the way you write, so please when you post something new, do tell me :) I's sorry i can't be a good critic, but i do enjoy reading your things. Just want you to know that.
Mon, April 13th, 2015 3:32pm
Author
Reply
Oh my, Shiwang! I do appreciate you reading and commenting my stuff. Thank you! I don't know how to comfort you right now but this poem is totally intended for break up. I don't need a good critic though. I just need a sincere feedback that will lead me to know whether my piece makes sense or not. And I'm glad that you enjoyed reading my work and that you liked the way I do and write my stuff. :)
Mon, April 13th, 2015 8:47am
Very good. It's short but written so that the emotion is there. No layers of metaphors and or complicated symbolism. Your message is there, clear as day.
I love it.
Author
Reply
Thank you, Emerald! I'm grateful you coming by reading and commenting! Love, flora :-)
Sun, April 19th, 2015 11:46pm
Aww, this is sad =(
Mon, April 20th, 2015 2:17pm
Author
Reply
It is. :-( But thanks for coming by reading and commenting. :-)
Mon, April 20th, 2015 8:53am
I like it. You might hate me, but my advice is to vary the rhyming words so it will be more interesting for the readers. Well done. :)
Tue, October 6th, 2015 3:42am
Looks like you've kicked your ex's butt with this one..!! Nice one!!
Fri, January 8th, 2016 2:32pm
Commendable! Excellent! You have really invoked the feelings of a broken heart and in so little words. I salute you.
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Alyson Williams
Emotional! Well written. Poetry that goes right to the heart.
Wed, April 8th, 2015 1:50pmAuthor
Reply
Thank you Alyson! :) Knowing that someone appreciates my work is a great deal. I'll be posting more poems. Keep in touch. :)
Wed, April 8th, 2015 7:12am