The Pursuit of Giant Talking Balls

The Pursuit of Giant Talking Balls The Pursuit of Giant Talking Balls
Details

Status: Finished

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Summary

The story of Jordan Pike, The Infanticidal Maniac and the Balls that changed his life.

Summary

The story of Jordan Pike, The Infanticidal Maniac and the Balls that changed his life.

Content

Submitted: March 01, 2013

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Content

Submitted: March 01, 2013

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This is a story about a very evil, twisted man, and also about a beatiful romance between two souls when society said it could never be.
In a town not too far from yours, was a man. A very sick man. The kind of man that makes Stalin look like a saint. 
His name, was Jordan Pike.
He was an ugly man, one of the ugliest ever born. He reaked of cheese all the time, didn't shower for weeks at a time. Never shaved, or brushed his teeth, he was the definition of dirty. Also, his penis was very small.
Eventually, the insanity took him. Realizing his life was going no where, that it had no meaning, he decided he would be remembered until the end of recorded history.
His rise to infamy all began on a cool windy night in the summer. He was walking back home after going to the local depatment store, where he needed tissues and doritos. As he walked back home, he noticed a woman walking her baby in the stroler. He knew this was his chance to be famous forever.
Jordan ran as fast as he could to the woman, stopping feet in front of her, with a look of panic in his eyes. The woman stopped, and started to stare at him, not knowing what was going on. "Are you okay?" asked the woman.
The look of panic dissapeared off of Jordans face. In seconds, he had his pants down with two fingers up his butt. 
The woman paniced as she turned around wuth her baby and ran for her life, and the life of her child, screaming for help. But no one could hear.
Jordan continued to chase her down the street with his pants around his ankles, two fingers still in his butt, and his small, dirty, small, flacid penis swinging quickly from side to side. Jordan's penis was very small. 
The woman ran, and ran, and ran, until she innevitably slipped on a bannana peel. The woman was knocked unconsious, the baby however was unharmed. Jordan took the crying babe from his mothers arm, took his fingers out of his butt, pulled his pants up, and kicked this baby. 
Jordan liked what he had done. He liked it so much, that he went from town to town, killing one baby in each. His penis was still very small. For years he continued, until one day, his life changed forever. 
He woke up from a terrible dream of racing clowns down the sewers in toilet bowls, but when he opened his eyes, all he could see were balls. 
Now these were no normal balls, Jordan knew, these were some sort of magical balls. These Balls would be be the key to Jordan Pikes future. These very large balls would change his life, unlike his own, that were very small like his penis.
These magical balls began talking to him. Mummbles mostly, but some words he could make out. ' Zoo', the voice said. 'Toronto.' Jordan understood. He must travel to The Land of the Zoo of Toronto. 'Small Dick', the voice said, but Jordan already knew.
He fallowed the voice, to Toronto, to the Zoo, past zebras, and baboons, and even tiny spider monkeys, who also had small penises, but due to relative size, theres are much bigger than his because they are small monkeys. 
Jordan made his way through the various exotic spices untill he saw the source of the voice. There, beyond the fence, standing magestically in the sun light, was a gazzelle. But this was no normal Gazzelle. Instead of horns, this Gazelle had two giant balls on his head. 
A tear shed Jordans eye. What had he done with his life? He had ruined it by killing to many babies, instead of just a few babies like abortion doctors and bad moms. He had nothing to live for then, but now he did. As he watched the Gazzelle suck the giant balls that hang from his head, Jordan realized that he didn't want to be remembered as a ruthless infanticidal maniac with a small penis. He just wanted to spend his life with a beautiful, strong Gazzelle named Christian that could suck his on giant balls since they were on his head, along with never forgetting that he had a small penis.
 


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