my exposed life

my exposed life my exposed life

Status: Finished

Genre: Poetry

Details

Status: Finished

Genre: Poetry

Summary

this poetry is my words an writting bout my multipersonalities disorder i suffer.... tell me what you think thanks.

Summary

this poetry is my words an writting bout my multipersonalities disorder i suffer.... tell me what you think thanks.

Content

Submitted: December 14, 2011

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Content

Submitted: December 14, 2011

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A A A


 November 9th 2011


I remember everything, what have I become my sweetest friend. Everyone I know goes away in the end for some reason. You give me it all, but somehow it feels like I'm getting let down, and you will and are making me hurt. If I could start again a million miles away. I would help you keep your self, and I would find away. Thinking to myself about how I feel, I have failed you. Nothing can stop me now, cause I just don't care anymore! Maybe life for me is just meant to be me an my other personality. An who knows maybe in some alternative universe she'll make me commit some psychotic suicide. Sometimes I wonder if I am even meant to be happy or have a happy fairytale ending, with the man of my dreams. But for some reason it's like he don't even comprehend I even exist. Well this is how it feels to me an what I believe from what I see. Considering I'm living with him an always right next to him. Everything's blue in this world except the black, full of broken thoughts I can't repair. You can have it all I hear in my head. My empire of dirt. I wear this crown of shit, upon my lairs chair. The stains of time, the feelings disappear you are someone else an I am still right here. There's that voice in my head,that tells me gray would be the color if I had a heart. It's the voice that makes me hate makes me hear the other voices like cries of lost an hopelessly broken souls. Its always telling me I need to hurt or hurt other people in order for me to be something. But I know different cause my heavenly lord is my father. Back to this....it makes me think I'm the lover in his bed that's not really there. It's just an illusion of what I wish was happening. I feel myself spacing out just listening to it tell me to jump. Maybe if I just tried an felt something...anything. But what I wanna know is how are you able to feel anything when nothings all you have ever felt. Confusing...deal with it. Its like trying anything an everything to be noticed. But in doing so I make all the wrong mistakes over an over. Basically does no damn good what so ever. I look into his eyes an wonder to myself if he can hear it to, or see all the terror as I do. Its just an opening door to the start of being afraid so I don't know can you tell me? Its like something is hoovering right over me impaling my urge to breathe waiting for the right moment to strike. It takes you were you wanna go. The voice in my head that controls me an that's all it will let me know. I like to think of it as my own self destruct. It says it don't mean to do this to me but its the way it goes. Its the high I can't sustain. The proof in witch I run, the end of all my dreams. The bullet in the gun. Its all the denial guilt,an fear. The lie that makes you believe that's its really here she is really here. But then there's that voice again saying its my own self destruct an it takes me were I wanna go. Its like I bow down before this thing I serve. I'd rather die than to let it have or take control any longer. It can't take that away from me. Its like my heads in a hole, but all its tells me is I'm getting what I deserve. Don't take this away from me. I need someone to hold onto me. Please Dustin I need you to hold onto your all I have. I just want someone to believe. I have nothing left to hide.


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