It was my Immagination

It was my Immagination It was my Immagination

Status: Finished

Genre: Gay and Lesbian

Details

Status: Finished

Genre: Gay and Lesbian

Summary

What is really the root of promuscoustivity? Well here is mine.. day dream + rejection + insecurity and bring you to a good and long list of one night standers. Just like heroin addict I was left serching to find the first feeling a brand new loves leave you behind.

Summary

What is really the root of promuscoustivity? Well here is mine.. day dream + rejection + insecurity and bring you to a good and long list of one night standers. Just like heroin addict I was left serching to find the first feeling a brand new loves leave you behind.

Content

Submitted: December 05, 2011

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Content

Submitted: December 05, 2011

A A A

A A A


Its a Late afternoon in the quiet and breazy section of Hampton Virginia. The Evening is glazedoverby the sun rays beaming down and bouncing in the sky.. deep and orange shades all over my view of my confortable porch. Im just relaxing on drinking some Cream of sherry with a black and mild cigarrate. my porch chair never felt this good before. the cars where passing by ever so slowly and my neighbors are gossping as usual, but I dont mind because their conversation keep me well informed on the latest on the neighboor hood watch. My radio is playing a list of slow Jams. But within minutes I started to trance when the Temptations came along .. The Sexy voice Eddy Kendricks is on lead and started to sing his best hit "just my immagination" The song make his intro and I fall deep in though. This song bring me back to a similar situation. I've been on his shoes, I've had daydream and imagined a love just like he had, so much that I can call it an obsession.

"hurry up, We gonna be late to Luis Party" Toto loudly and directly yell across the room. "hell, I gotta take a damn shower, I like to stay fresh...you know I dont roll like that!" Igot even louder with my words. Its about 4:30 in the after noon back in a windy October of 1999. TOTO had convince me to go to a get togheter of one of his close friends Luis. He work in the same ship and I had bump to him once or twice but did not care to start converstation because I felt like he was .......well kinda fake and phony. I got my clothes set and i will be using my new and love fragance this evening. I had found a good one at the mall last week Diesel Plus Plus.. it smell so sweet and sexual, just like me."everyone is already there, dont go on and take your time I dont think they will care on what you wear!" Toto impensialy try to hurry me up with no sucess because I was clearly ignoring him. "look Im almost Done Im about to take a shower " I yell back at him. I kinda rush and grab my towell and headed to the shower room conviniantly at the end of the bunk room. As I got closer to the door I heard the delithfull sounds of Joe "I wanna know" was playing from someone radio in the shower. I got in and directly look at the cd player and speekers laid on one of the sink, the innitial carved in the top of the cd player as a thief anti messuraments. the innitials DDS carved deep and clear. I proceded to brush my teeth but my eyes got gravitionally deviated from the mirrow to the steamy shower at the end of the room. The water had stop and the shower curtain swon open, the remaining steam trap in the shower scaped rapidaly and evaporated revealing a massive 6'2" well develop and chisolm body. the time literally and intentionally stop. there in that steamy shower was the men of my dreams. A well muscular souther bald guy was dirrectly stealing my sight. he had massive and muscular pecs. his abs where on point, the belly button and happy trail where so dangerously invitiong my sight to follow it down to that chocolate coco coated skin with a massive center peice hanging there Like a piece of Sunday icecream waiting to be lick. My eyes regainded control and I look up at his well dimentionally correct masculine face. If his dick was not perfect then that smile was.. so bright with little defects so bright and sparkling matching those light brown eyes. If I could just leave in moment of my life in a loop well that will be the moment I've choose.

He slowly grab his towel like If I was not there and slowly dried his awsome atletic body. I was so weak at my knews and somehow my heart beat has risen and I felt a wierd sencetion of an overage of oxygen in my lungs. I finish brushing my teeth and proceded to jump in the shower. mesmorize by the site all I could think in that shower was him. Within minutes the music got lower and stop. I finished got dress and left with Toto to the get together hopping I will see him again. all the way to the party I wonder why did I felt so weak about someone like him and why he smiled. was I look funny? or he was pleased with my figure and round onion shaped booty? get it together I told my self. We parked and walk to Luis apt. "now luis is a bitch, he might say mean stuff and try to make fun of you and people in the room, but not take it personal he cant help it " toto warned me. F'him I say to my self. Luis was as shady as ever. He loved the attention of his guess and demanded compliments to his thin eyebrows and pencil mustache. " child, this is how we do in Cristopher street and krash" luis excagerated an drag voice. he continued to brag about walking the street to the east village and the money he collected by giving favor to nice paying gentlemen. I sure he was very proud of it but I could not care much because I had no idea of the places and clubs he was talking about. in the room there was other people, Tony a mixed kid with questionable tasted of clothes. all night he was tuning to Luis stories kinda idolizing him. Rudy a mid 30 puertorician was there making faces at Luis like he was irritated at some of the stuff he said. I had my running with him previous that night.. He work in the same place we did in charge of payroll. Just a week ago I had gone there inquiring about a bonus I was expected but as quicly as I got there I whent out the door. the queen gave attitude, face and let me had a big plate of get the F out of here. Now Alex was the most adorable and aprochable of them all.He was Luis roommate and good friend. As the night when on the stories continued and I continued to get lost and lost by the minutes.

Within months Rudy, toto, alex , Luis and Tony had become confortable wiht each other and continue to meet and exchange comming out stories and views on gaydars, men, etc. I was in the look out for that southern men whom had steal my pressance in earth. One morning during the tedious cleaning routine i bump into him again. there he was standing tall, shoulder straight wearing an old school sking tight NAVY standard issue dungeres and a nice fitted thin turtle kneck shirt. He look my way but his attention was defer by one of his friends shouting at him . Damn I say to my self, Like if I was gonna start conversation with him. But I could not even if I wanted too because my mouth had a knott tied up. His name tag read Sumers, I daydream of me getting call wiht the same last name. "hello, are we working or what!" Toto got in my ear. I was into the daydream that I fail to see that good for nothing but sucking dick friend of mined. I shook it off and grin at him " why in hell is you messing up wiht my day, You better have a damn good story to tell me" he raised one eye brow and said " In matter of fact I do" he quicly grab a chair and waited for me to get confotable before he spelt the tea. He whent on an told me in detail how he had trown a party this weekend. He had the nerve to pay a young 18 year boy for silence as he politely put it. In lame turn the young supost to be straigh guy let him get suck for money. trusting Toto not to realese his identity and hopping to make more profit for it. I was so stunt how he was able to have his 60 year old parent in the same house and bring stranger to their house and lets not forget they where under 21. this bitch got balls i said to my self.

As the time pass by the snow came and melted, spring produced those nice lime green color everywhere in that semi small town.. but soon it was replaced with a scorned hot summer and I was no where near talking to the men on my dreams. I was so lost that I decided to share it to my new close friend Luis. Toto kinda warned me not to tell anyone else but fail to tell me why. Luis was all ears and he was so excited for me and gave me a few pointers." You must be poise and ready for the occation. every men can be turn if you know their weak points" he advice me. I was sure he was right how could he not be.. he had tons of offers and was quite popular at the local gay club. after all he was from NYC the mekka of all gay living. two years after there was no progress. yes two years and all I knew about him was his last name and I was quite sure he did not even know my name. I was bussy chasing after dick points for a sick game me and Toto had started that Summer during a military deployment that summer.

we was two weeks out from hittin a port call in Spain. I was so excited. Toto had promised me I will enjoyed my self and proposition will fall in my lap at the blues. I was confused but never the less excited on visiting a foreing port. One night before I hit the gym he approach me. there he was in front of my loocker "hey, I heard you have a mini disc player? can I borrow it?" he ask me in a low deep voice. I look at him wearing nothing but a set of shorts exposing his abs and define chest. "of course' quickly I said, I had no saying in this any way because he could had ask me for a kidney and I would still had given it. that was the highlight of that week. I was so excided and I did not resist the urge to tell my good close friend Luis. He did not said much in fact he wa kinda quiet but still listen to be go on and on about it.

finally Spain was here. the place was beutiful and cheap.. who knew that 20 dollars will give you beer and delosious food for the whole night. I spend time wiht coworkers letting my hair down and not thinkin of anything. "now you must not get drunk again, not to the point of not carrying your self with composure!" Toto helm my elbow thigh with a forcefull grip " you are breaking a rule, never ever let you guard down and let you opportunities pass you on by!"I look at him pussled " Im just having fun with my fellow airmen. whats wrong wiht that?" he got a little furious.. "look at me and listen, and listen to me very well. This might not make much sence right now and mihgt not make sence until you get some rank and responsibilities but we do not operate witht he same rules as everyone else." I shook him off I got me in the shower and hit my bunk. In the morning I work up with a mojor hand over and compleatly forgot Toto long and boring speach. I did not know what was that about but I sure he was just blah blah balhing me. That night I had guard all day and hump stores. I was tired and got into bed around 8 pm. withing minutes I was in deed sleep but shortly it was interupted with a hand tapping me in my shoulded. I was woke up by the men on my dreams " are you returning my mini disc player?' I ask puzzled. he quickly put his finger in his lips singnalling me to be quiet and call me over. I got up and follow him outside in one of the walk ways in the outside of the ship. "whats wrong?" I ask but I got the scence of henessey in his breath. He is drunk I ask my self, but he had not ever drink before.. it was kinda odd. "Imma gonna tell you something, I dont know how... but " he drunkly said to me. he stop talking and rought reach out for my shoulders and drag me close to him. My heart started to raised . we was so close i could feel his chest and his pulse for that mater. that was not the only thing that surprice me. I felt his menhood hard as a brig thru his pants.As much tempting the situation was I stop him.. hell anybody could had walk on us. I could just hear Toto"what in the hell where you thinking,, that not how we do" I look up at him and told him " Not here" he kinda try to stop wabbling and said "tell me where, you know what I want"

At that moment It was like I was in a dream. hell I pintch my skin once or twice just to make sure it was not. we end up in a secluted quiet spot onboard the ship. I try to gain a kiss from him but he was not having it and kinda got agressive with it. he lift up his shirt and dominated me to get on my knews he unbottom his pants and let them drop to the floor. with no time his dick was all over my mouth. I took my time with it. hell how often you get what you been longing for years. he enjoyed the slow strokes of my tounge and the warmness of my mouth but that quicly turn into a fast and agressive phase. he f my mouth like it wa a pocket pussy and I did not mind at all. I was willing to do anything he wanted. A warm liquid spill from his shaft and I savor it and swoll it with no second thoughs about it. It was an ackward silence that took over, but we where having a conversations with out talking.. I knew he was concern on keeping this ordeal on the down low. not because he cared for most of the people but because he had family on the same ship and was not willing to face all that mess. I felt he was conflicted with all of this and quite frankly I was two.. for over two years most of my close friend had told me to stop daydream but I had always felt a conection. He gasp and look directly at me giving me a deep focus look of shut the f about this and we will do it again. "I understand " quietly scaped out my mouth.

Next day I had a glow or so I feelt like it. but I had a even huge urge to tell someone for the sake of someone congradulating me on my well paid off patience. with no time to waste I was telling Toto whom told my friend whom told my other friend. Some how Luis got a hold on the internal conversation going around the group. This was the moment when we malice and jelousy took over with a vengance. Luis is use of been the center of attention but day by day he was witnessing how menacing I was becoming to his self steem and ability of demand attention. I had absorbed many of the best thing from all of them and used it for my advantage. I was bold and willing to take chances, I could hold my liquor , I walk the club like I own it and look good. been 5'8 round well put together face. fulled lips bright white teeth with cut arms and slim bodysuggar cinammon kiss skin sure I was to be boud for popularity by looks alone. But I was getting ahead of my self.

Shy of been xmas I heard the news... "You need to walk out to the weather decks with me" Toto told me and pulling me out. "what is wrong wiht you, its 3:30 no way you had action you old fox" i look at him weird. but I notice he was kinda concern with my reaction will be after the tea will be spill. "Look what Im going to tell you its not easy and quite foul. I heard from a good friend of your that he had the same plessure you had" Toto stop and waited for my reaction "had... plessure? who?" I ask puzzled. "All Im saying is some people should be off limits to other queen if one had already claim it. but Luis had broke the rules" that when I feltthe mixture of anger, confusion, betrayal and insecurity all at once. The full power of the dark side ran thrue me. How could had he.. he was supost to be on my side. but as we all know people are not always transparent clear, add inmaturity and jelousy it will result into a great mess. I was angry for months, Luis became my nemesis and I became his. But it was too late for him I had expanded my network to the point of cutting his well dry. as per him I did not wanted to even acknoldge him. I was really tempted to reach out to his family but I could bring my self to that desperate level.

Two other months has passed and Im had the delightfull duty of de-wax and wax an 40 year old blue tile deck. There was no point on continuing trying to get the wax out. it was so old that the tile it self was pealing.. I was at it for at least one hour and it was past 10 pm on a sunday night. I was pondering on where did imposible janatirial duties was a real important part of my work in a military unit. The door of the office was wide open to circulate the almost not existant air. "I dont like you wack ass, punk ass, dirty muddy non wax having floor" I said it like if the floor would kinda hear me.. yes I know it kinda crazy bipolar behavior but sometimes saying stuff to non living elements help. I notice a shadow in the conner on my eye. I quickly turn around but it was gone.. ten minutes later it happen again. it freak me out so I close the door but left the knob unlock. as I continued been in four legs over that white and dull looking tile floor I heard the door slam. I gasp and turn around. but there was no ghost but a monster. a vile and evil charracter that not long ago was the men of my dreams. " you look so good when you cleaning" summer said with a grin on his face. "right, I bet you like that, but Im really sure is not me looking good its the dirty floor you like the most. we know you like dirty and ugly things!" sarcastically I said. "look, why you dont talk to me anymore?" he asked me like he had no clue on why. "what, please summers dont play you know why." he knew what but play it off with Im the men here so take your role and be quiet about it. "look how bout we go back in the closet room behind you and talk about this. "nope, nope .. nope......" childishly I expressed my disagritment. he just bounce it up grab me by my arm and drag me to the closset room. "stop playing hard to get, you know I can tell what you really feel, lets us not waist time." I was so mad but so turn on by his agresiness behavior.. so manly danm got me feeling like tina..hell I like the abuse. My heart was speeding up again... second by second... I felt so right been so close to him, I luv the feeling of that six pack and pecs on my face .. He unbutton his pants letting that good southern snake run free, not quite because soon it found his home at the base of my mouth. Here I was again, pleasing him like he was my only priority, nothing else did matter did not care if the door was unlock, the consequences I would face if I was caught on my knees. All I wanted was him and all his attention. I like the way he tease me, I loved the way he touch my head why I pleased him. the minutes when on by but the was planning going all thru the night, my body was acking wanted evrything he got. but fate was making a joke out the situation. In the mid of our encounter the bells started to ring. they rang while love was dripping down my chin. He had bust a mother load so much wetness was all in my mouth I could not contain it.. but the bell got louder and soon we realize the ship was entering into General Quaters. Soon we had to face our fate. we was in the closet and by now the office would had been full of discruntal sailors awake by the bells ready to get on their general stations. We look at each other and we open the door. To my surprice the office was empty. I was puzzled and relieved. I look at a window facing the helicopter hanger where most of my co-workers where gathering. Summer left the office look at me and quickly whisper "kill the attitude and everything between us will be alright"

His birthday was comming up.. I remind my self. I gotta buy something special."Knock, knock you there?" sarcastically toto disrupted my daze. "you f ing funny, Im thinking. I got to go to the Mall and buy something, well hope Italy got malls" Toto shook his head.. "Ofcourse they do, but the question is what are you going to buy and for whom" I was startle by his question. I had not tell anyone I was back to my shinanigans with Summers, but toto knew or atleast was suspectiing it. A lil devil got inside of me and I decided to Inderectly pass along a message"Yes you know who .... there is no lying about it.. I planning to go out with Him next port period for his birth day and go all the way" I waited for Toto to swallow the whole info down.. I knew he will share it with my nemesis. Luis was not doing good.. He had a bad fall out wiht one of his supost to be love of his life. He was so down wiht low self esteem issues. He try to do a make over which end up been a disaster.. I dont know why but he injected his lips wiht collegen for a fuller lip effect and bleach his hair. when his boss saw him immidiatly repremend it him and not soon his coworkers where having a field day with him.. making jokes about him (rupaul transformation has gone bad) I did not care.. I been there before but not those extremities. well I dye my hair cooper red. ....

Wednesday was here and I had managed to schedule a day wiht summers and I.. the end of the day did not came fast.. it was painfully long real long ... damn is was real slow.. 3:30 Finally came.. I rush out the office in a hurry and got my clothes ready but I notice Summers was not around. I've look for him but they told me he was already gone they saw him leaving with a group of co-worker and Luis. Not again I told my self.. deja vu.. I fixed my liberty plans I hit the street wiht Rudy... Now Rudy was good company but not what I had plan for.. I had a drink in every bar I Pass own by.. it was like I was trying to drawn every let down i felt. Not long I was more than typsy and was not having much fun. I plan my return after a quick dinner stop. When I got back I saw him.. in the Helicopter hanger just sitting confortably in a fold in chair watching dudes playing basket ball. Something got a hold over me and I storm to his chair and got on his ear, angerly told him " this is how you do me! you got me looking for you, I done making all sorts of plan......." I got interupted by him . he got heated and got up and drag me out the place because I was real close to form a brawl in from of everyone. "look at you, This is why I can deal wiht you!" he paused "you most had lost your mind" I was real emotional.. " I cant ... I cant either" I try to end this painfull situation. I wanted to say much more but I felt like I had drink honey and vinager and could not really talk. "lets go somewhere else" he cut me out and leaded the way. soon I was back in the that quiet spot we had enjoy my first time. He grab my hand and place it on his private. letting me feel what I been most likely really wanted .. he was feeling on my booty. he turn me around and pull down my pants but I stop him. He was not going to get all of this after how he had left me alone the whole evening. he guided me to my knew and gave up and perform oral on him. It was not like the other time this time he was quick about it , like he knew what it will take to turn down my temperamental behavior. he nutted and that was it.. we walk away with not saying any words..

It was summer and the ship was returned to the States. It was the end of that journey and we was sitting in our white uniform over looking the bay around virgina chessapeke.. within 30 minutes we will be back.. it was funny to see him there.. a month has pass by and we avoided each other, yet everytime I sat to eat at the cafeteria of the ship I could feel his presence across the room, when I hit the gym I will be at one side of the gym and he will be in the oposite side. "I think Im gonna get marry soon" he said. "to whom" that when I learn about her. that when I realize I was just a flint a near substitude for when he was away from her. as hard as the reality sounded I was not mad nor made a big fuss like I would had done previously.. it was unreal to me. we where talking like friend "she is in School and will be done soon"he told me and faced the ocean. I turn around and standed next to him not really looking at him but both of us share the view of the seagulls playing with each other in the bay. "I'm gonna have me some kids" I took a quiet inhale I knew where this was going.. he wanted to give me an explination of why he would not be seeing me anymore..and it was fine with me.. I could not go on trying to lie to my self.. waiting for something tha was ment to be keep under the darkness and quietness of a secret. "dont go have too many of them,, they are expensive you hear me" a said it with a force smile. He grunted and I took one look at that men on his fine white dress uniform I walk away and headed to take my spot at the parade of rest. I did not look back I could it.. It was a zenfull moment and I did not wanted to ruin it. It was all my imagination I told my self.. I day dream for so long that I lost grip of the reality.

"damn where is the cd store" i talk to my self once again.. I was mad bussy trying to do my shopping before I hit the road to DC with my new friends.. Luis had moved out the states and decided to try a new life in London. Yeah we patch things up but it was never the same.. hell I will never, ever ever trust him... Toto left too.. he was excided to move to Japan where they where real kinky he asure me berfore he left. Rudy was gonne too.. not physically but mentally. Life had been harsh on him and he had fall into alcohism and drug use. So here I was a year later on my Own. I had fill my ranks of friends with new ones with less drama ofcourse. "there you are, damn who will place this cd in the conner!' I said to my self.. I made a turn into the isle dirrectly to the CD store and as I glance to the end of the corridor, there he was.. Walking wiht his pregnant wife on his arm. we was directly on each other path. tha moment of my life imidiatly turn into a slow motion. I saw his face and he saw mines. She had a smile on her face glancing around for special not noticing how me and him simply had lock eyes for one last time. we walk next to each other acting like we where strangers. I keept going, Lord I kept going continue my path to the CD store not looking back he walk right pass me and out of my life. I never saw him again nor I wanted to. He was happy and I had to try to find my own.


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