Hold These Nuts (Ch.4-6)

Hold These Nuts (Ch.4-6) Hold These Nuts (Ch.4-6)

Status: Finished

Genre: Humor


Status: Finished

Genre: Humor


Chapters 4-6


Chapters 4-6

Chapter1 (v.1) - Hold These Nuts (Ch.4-6)

Author Chapter Note

Chapters 4-6

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: May 19, 2012

Reads: 548

A A A | A A A

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: May 19, 2012



Chapter Four


Meth put the glass on his tray and walked over to the new customer who’d just entered the dining room. He smelled the lingering sulfur smell from the glass of water he carried, it reminded him of water. He was working the lunch shift for Alexa who was letting him stay with her and the other girls in exchange for picking up the hours for her. The other waitresses working today looked about as plain as he did. He only had the one dress that Alexa was letting him borrow. For lunch he’d be back in a belly t-shirt and cutoffs.

“Water, Ms. Something?” Meth asked and set it gently down beside Adi’s arm. They really pushed the water on the patrons because it was so expensive.

Adi was looking out the window, lost in her thoughts. She replied without turning to look him in the eyes, “Yes, I trust this time you will allow me to drink it instead of dumping it on me. If you are intent on dumping I’d ask you let me fetch a poncho and fisherman’s cap or some other sort of moisture prevention device.”

“No worries, ma’am, as long as you keep your fingers out of my ass.”

“Fine with me, my finger still stinks from the last time I did it.”

“Then it’s settled then isn’t it?”

“And thanks for fucking up my suit.”

Meth thought she was joking around with him this whole time. He felt a bout of the vapors coming upon him. When Adi finally looked up Meth could see some glimmering magicalness in her eyes, which guaranteed the vapors coming on hard.

“Damn you vapors,” Meth whispered to himself.

The glimmeringness faded from her eyes replacing it with a darker glisten. She wasn’t joking. The vapors died. He needed Adi to teach him Go Fish and arguing would not get him there. “What would you fancy for lunch, ma’am?”

“Two bowls of Oat-Sub.[1]

Meth went to the window in the kitchen and called out to the cook Adi’s order. He thought it was wise she only had Oat-Sub since she only needed to lose about ten pounds to really seal her hotness. Coming back from the window he saw Zoot enter the restaurant and wave to her. He liked Zoot; she seemed like a real levelheaded woman. Meth took her a glass of water.

“Hello, Meth. Have you and Adi been at it yet today?”

“Not quite. I can tell she really hates me.”

“I’m sure it’ll all work itself out over time.”

Meth put his hands on his hips, “The one thing I don’t have is time.”

“So you’re in need of the money sooner rather than later, huh?”

Meth puckered out his bottom lip and shook his head up and down. “Will you teach me?”

Zoot shook her head, “Adi is the only one who can. My advice would be to use your obvious vast amounts of deceptiveness and persuade her to teach you. I can see you are a very persuasive boy.”

After the shift ended Meth went back to his room. A few of the girls were already up getting ready for the evening. He needed a nap. He was sleeping on the floor in the back corner of the room, with the dust and hair. All he had was a sheet and he used that on the steel floor. He took his shirt off. Using it as a pillow balled up under his head he lay down on his back, crossed his arms across his chest so his hands wouldn’t get stepped on and closed his eyes. The pirate blackmailer had said he looked persuasive too, he never considered himself that though. What was he doing to make himself look like this?

This was the longest he’d ever been away from home and unbeknownst to his daddy his boy was a waitress on a gambling ship working to save his life. He was no closer to the fifty-eight million then he was when he first started.

The sheet didn’t keep the cold sting from the steel floor off his skin and he hadn’t slept well since he started living on the ship. The short break between lunch and dinner was running out and he needed to get in his women’s clothes again. He rose from the floor and folded his sheet and shirt up and placed them in the narrow gap between the dresser and the wall. He also put his cut-offs there. Hanging on a hook on the wall was the red dress Alexa was letting him borrow. He ran his hand down the length of it the silk was smooth and comforting to his fingers. At the vanity he applied makeup on a Taco Larry scale and brushed his hair until it was untangled and straight. After he was done he pulled on the stuffed bra, squeezed into the dress and put on the heels. With a higopt he put his hair up into a bun.

“Well, Ms. Adi Something, here comes Seth Michael.”


Adi sat at a table playing her game. The game she’d been playing since she was a child in Eastern Kentucky. She didn’t know when it happened, but her ability to read people came over time. Having eyesight good enough to read reflections in people’s eyes from across the table was just something she was born with. But most card players kept their cards down, so she often relied on former skill as well as her nearly photographic memory. Keeping up with the other players tendencies required concentration, something she’d lacked ever since meeting that boy Meth. She didn’t quite get why he was on her mind so much. He definitely was too dainty for her taste, but something about him hit her right in the spot, the spot where vapors come from.

She’d just missed a card from the man sitting at the opposite side of the table from her. She could have sworn he had kings, but he told her to go fish. From the pile she took the king of spades – giving her three kings and two nines. She knew she could win when it came back around to her and if not that turn then the next. At this point in the game, where she could see a victorious ending for herself, usually her heart began to race. Tonight though her heart had been racing almost the whole time. Because it had started when she saw Meth Sichael enter the room. He was stunning. She found herself constantly following him around the room as she played. She saw his eyes shimmering like a dewy field when the sun first breaks upon it. He was the kind of man that someone would try to kidnap.

Another player at the table had just completed two sets on his turn, pushing his total set count to one above Adi’s. This was a development she hadn’t expected. Luckily, he missed on his next guess, asking Adi for sevens.

“Go fish,” she told the man. Looking up from the table again to find Meth she saw him coming right for her table. He’d done a better job with his fake breasts and they pushed out in both a playful and even way from under his red dress. Adi cleared her throat and shifted her gaze down towards the table. Hopefully he hadn’t seen her checking him out. Vapors.

This wasn’t the way to win games. Adi cleared her throat again and honed back in on the game. Two players had no chance of winning, one an outside chance, the one who’d just pulled off two sets to take the lead in one turn was her only threat. She’d played with him before. He was a good card player. She wouldn’t have been surprised if he was outed as a robot. She had the benefit of having more cards and so more of a chance of taking the lead back.

“Top of the morning to you, lovely humans and Ms. Something,” Meth said to the table and giggled.

The players acknowledged him and one reminded him it was evening, not morning. Another one ordered water.

“A water too for me, waitress,” Adi said, not even bothering to look up at him.

The man beside her was up and he was taking his time. He was the only one that could screw this for her. He had one card left. A few seconds of silence was all it took for Adi to recall that he was the one with the other king. It wasn’t going to matter if he found the other kings, he wasn’t going to win. Adi was studying her opponents. What else had she missed? A woman at the table picked up her cards and looked closely at them. This gave Adi clear sight and she saw the two nines mixed in her hand. There it is! Now if the man would finally go.

Meth had returned with the water. He served the other man before Adi. But when he walked over to Adi he saw both her cards and the man’s beside her. “That’s good isn’t it? Three of the guys with the crown? All you need is the fourth one, right? Four is good isn’t it? I think I heard that around the room from other folks.”

Adi grimaced at the words. Acidic bile pooled in the back of her throat. She swallowed it back down.

The man beside her looked up from his card to Adi, “Do you have any kings?”

Adi threw down the three kings. Game over. She slid back in her chair, stood, took Meth by the ear and pulled him out to the back deck. All she wanted to do was throw him over the deck into the river.

“Golly, what’s your problem?” Meth asked. “Did I mess you up in your little card game?”

“Yes, a one hundred thousand dollar mess-up to be exact. So again, yes, you fucking messed up my game.”

“How was I supposed to know? No one has ever teached me no card games,” he said and gave her his best sad face. “You can’t blame little old me.”

“The fuck?!”

“It’s true. If someone would teach me I wouldn’t make mistakes like that again,” Meth said staring out into the night, apparently looking for that person. “If I don’t learn soon I’m so worried it could happen again and again and again. I would hate to ruin games for you again.”

Adi knew he had her. There was nothing she could do. He would be around every night. The pit boss didn’t like her because she had sex with his wife before, so he wouldn’t help. Fuck.

“Fine, fuck it,” Adi said and clapped, “You fucking win.” She held out her hands to him.

Meth grinned widely. “Yes! So, so, so—you will teach me? For reals?”


“I’ve already been thinking about it, check it. I don’t make a lot of money in tips, you know, just a little. I can for sure give you some, but here’s the awesome part. I will share my winnings with you. Say in one night I win ten million, well I will give you one million.”

“Ten percent then?”

“Oh, sure whatever that means.”

“I do not desire your money, Meth,” Adi said, dropping her voice off all seductive like.

“Sweet! Free lessons! Dude, I’m so jacked right now. I’m floating.”

“I said I didn’t want money. I didn’t say the lessons would be free.”

She watched Meth swallow. She invaded his personal space again and set her eyes directly into his. The flickering of the lanterns behind him put a burning flame in each of his worried eyes. She felt the vapors boiling. For a moment she let herself wonder if he felt the vapors too.

Meth’s penis grew harder with each second. He could feel it push forward against the front of the dress. He’d forgotten to tape it to his leg or up under his taint.

Adi wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled him into her. She felt his member against her body setting the vapors loose. “If you want lessons, all I ask for is one night with you,” Adi said as she licked at his ear.

His vapors came on like the sickness when he felt her hot tongue on his ear.

Adi stepped back from him. They both almost fainted. She regained her equilibrium sooner and waited for him to freak out again. It took him a few extra seconds. He thought about it: he had never been with a woman and was nervous. “Okay,” he said, wiping the wetness from his ear with his fingers. “Deal.”

Adi smiled, “I’m pleased, yet honestly surprised you have agreed.”

“I have some rules.”

“No kissing?”

“Not that…”

“So kissing is good? I love me some making out before getting down to business. And I insist on using my strap-on and I want vaginal intercourse.”

“Yes, strap-ons are fine and the other thing. I don’t care. Kissing too is fine. I’m actually a pretty good kisser.”

“I’m sure you are,” Adi said and gave him a wink.

“Can I talk now?” he waited for her to nod to him. “You will only get my sausage if I win the fifty-eight million in Cincinnati. If I don’t win that’s just totally a ton of evidence that you are a lousy teacher.”

Adi should have known his rule was going to be dumb. She was going to win the tournament. This whole setup made no sense. If she taught him and some how made him into a Go Fish prodigy then she was screwing herself with her own strap-on, because then he would beat her.

The vapors are a powerful thing. “Sure, fine, deal.”

“Until tomorrow then, Ms. Something,” Meth said.

Adi watched him adjust his bra, smooth the dress down coaxing his slightly erect penis back down and make his way back into the gaming room.

“What a fucking stupid dude,” she said walking over to the rail and looking out over into the night. “I’m losing it. That guy just owned me. Guess I’m the stupid one.”












Chapter Five


Adi jerked awake from a nightmare. She kept her cabin in complete darkness. Her hand reached for the light switch on the lamp on the nightstand. Her fingers turned the switch. It lit up dimly at first. She sat up and rubbed her face. The nightmare was a familiar one. She knew she wouldn’t be falling back asleep so she pulled on her breeches.

She rubbed her fingers into her eyes…The thick dust of that afternoon burned her eyes and nostrils. She hadn’t been there. She was only told of the explosion. The tapping and whimpering still ruined most days. Even though she wasn’t there – she didn’t see it happen, she didn’t hear the haunting sounds, didn’t dig at the rocks and dirt until her fingers bled, didn’t see the swollen, beaten and dead bodies as they were pulled from their temporary grave much too late – her mind could play every awful possible vision. Every scenario of the final moments of their lives, bleeding and suffocating. Later she was told that they had been holding hands the entire time. A small condolence which she didn’t believe. She wished she could have been there. She wished she could have died with them.

She stepped out the door onto the deck into another humid night on the river. The ship was on the move and glided above the river, inching closer to Cincinnati. She leaned over the rail and let the light breeze play against her face. Over and over again she kept telling herself to stop thinking about it. Swallow it down and think about it later. Give her a break from the pain. The quiet of the night and the constant hum of the ship eased her thoughts. She was able to switch off for a moment and just stand in the moment.

Since she heard of their death she’d spent most nights being tormented by these thoughts only finding slight relief from sex or drugs. For two and half years she’d been searching for the man or robot responsible. She stepped back off the rail and sat down on the bench beside her door. The cold steel felt good on her bare back. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall. In the morning they’d be in Portsmouth and again she’d search the town for the murderer. She thought about revenge. The revenge that kept eluding her.


Meth was up too. He was surprised when Adi came out onto the deck. He thought she would be in her room having sex with someone she just met. It also surprised him that she wasn’t wearing a bra. Then he remembered the first time they met. She must be topless a lot, he thought. From the angle he couldn’t yet see her breasts, but continued to hope she’d turn toward him and give him a good sight to whack to. Not a small event in his life—this would be the first time he masturbated while thinking about a girl. Adi sat down on a bench and seemed to calm a bit. He could tell she was distraught over something and part of him wanted to go and offer a little bit of the shoulder-to-cry-on to her, but she did scare him a bit too much.

As he began to masturbate, peering hard through the night at the silhouette of her breasts, he was even more scared she would catch him. On a scale of 1-10 she was an 8 and the hottest creature he had ever seen. She arched her back for moment and leaned up off the bench. Her waist and body were so thin and, unlike his stuffed bra, he was given proof again that her breasts were the most lovely he had ever seen. His eyes moved up and down her body.

He wasn’t that concerned he would eventually have to give her his virginity (his man-with-woman virginity; he had had sex with transvestites, countless men, robots and thirteen Taco Larrys, but never a 100% human woman) as payment for the Go Fish lessons. A woman like Adi had never been in his life. If there were a lot of women like her in the world before the war he could see why there used to be so many people, you know, because of all the fucking. He couldn’t believe that she had requested his cock as payment. Sure, he was nervous, but seriously, he was excited too. His ejaculate was a strong hefty steam, which shot into the air and then landed on his leg and slipped down his leg onto the deck.


The next morning Alexa kicked him awake as he slept in his corner. He’d snuck back in and only was able to sleep a few minutes before the rest of the girls were up getting ready for the day. She told him that Adi was gone.

“Like forever? Oh no! My lessons!”

“No, she headed into the town.”

“Oh, okay.”

“I was just messing with you. You love her!”

Later, Zoot caught him waiting on the deck outside Adi’s door. “Did that mean old girl leave my handsome boy waiting here all day long?”

Golly, how embarrassing, Meth thought. “No, ma’am, is this Adi’s room? I thought it was mine. Oops.”

She grinned at Meth.

“Okay, yeah, well do you really not know where she went?”

“You never know with Adi. She’s sneaky. She’s also good out in the world, she can take care of herself.”

“Yeah, I don’t care really.”

Zoot’s eyes revealed unspoken doubt. “Have you started your lessons yet?”

“Funny you should mention it,” Meth said, “The answer to the question is no, but she said she would to teach me.”

“Interesting,” Zoot said and peered knowingly into Meth’s eyes. “I’m surprised to see Adi agree to such a thing. I’m curious to know what she is charging you.”

“I’m going to pay her when I win in Cincinnati, of course, silly lady.”

“And if you don’t win, I assume, you get off free?”

“Yep. My favorite way to get off!”

Zoot took to Meth, she reminded him of a son she never had, or actually a friend of a son she never had, a good-looking friend of a son who she could be intimate with when her son went to sleep. “You know it’s been passed down to us from our ancestors that the mo’ money one has the mo’ problems one inevitably is faced with.”

“And did you ever consider that without money you probably cannot solve any problems?”

“I don’t know. Quit asking me questions,” Zoot said, spying Adi strutting up the deck toward them. “Here comes Adi. Don’t fall in love.” Zoot took up Meth’s hand and sucked on his index finger. “Toodles!” she said dropping his hand and walking off.

He stood up just as Adi stepped up to him. “Hi!” he said in a tone which was way too friendly. “I’m ready to learn!” Still too cheery. “I’m so excited about learning Go Fish!” he said rubbing his hands together.

Adi bit her tongue.

“It’s like you teach me and I will like win so much money like you do and I’ll be so super rich,” Meth continued.

“I’d rather be hung and fucked in the ass and pussy by broomsticks with razor blades than teach you cards.”

“Well, I do declare!”

Adi unlocked her room and stepped in leaving the door open. Inside Meth watched her throw her jacket on the bed. “Come on then, Miss Sichael! And close the door.”

Meth stepped in and closed the door.

“Are you ready for your lesson?” Adi asked unbuttoning her shirt half way down her body.

“What sort of lessons do you speak of?”

Adi slid her finger down the opening in her shirt, moving her shirt just wide enough for him to see her cleavage.

Meth shook a bit and steeled himself as Adi stepped up to him.

“I think you know,” Adi said looking down at Meth’s crotch. “Go Fish.”

“Oh, yeah, of course.”

Adi stepped to her dresser and took out a deck of cards.

Meth relaxed momentarily and could smell sweet potpourri and cinnamon. Noticeably absent was any manly musk. The walls were bare, the bed perfectly made up, over half of its length covered in frilly pillows. Adi sat down at a table on the opposite side of the room.

“Come, sit.”

Meth sat down opposite of Adi.

“First I’d like to know what you know about cards.”

“Um, they are like square papery things.”

Adi thought his naiveté was cute, but scowled. “More like rectangles, Meth.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a shape.”

“Hm, okay?”

“What else do you know? Anything that’s accurate?”

“Yeah, they are.” Meth peered over at the cards in Adi’s hand. “I mean they have stuff written on them?”

Adi took the top card off the deck and after looking at it showed Meth.

“What is this?”

“One card.”

“What kind of card?”

“One with things written in red?”

“What are these things?” Adi pointed to one of the diamonds on the card.

Meth studied the card. He felt like he was in school. He felt anxious. His leg began shaking. Come on, York! Pay attention! York, eyes up here!

“Got it, that’s easy. It’s a sideways slanty square?”

“Don’t dick around with me.”

“I came to you for lessons!” He said and cried a little bit.

“You really don’t know what shape this is?”

A thick tear rolled from the corner of his eye down his cheek and dropped off onto the table. “No.”

“It’s a diamond.”

“Okay, I’ve heard that word. That’s a diamond. Got it,” he wiped the wetness off his face.

“And what is this?” Adi asked pointing to the four.

“A number.”

Adi exhaled loudly. “Yes, which number?”

“Like a million? No, a thousand!”

Adi laughed, it caught her so off guard. She couldn’t remember the last time she laughed. “Are you fucking serious?”

Meth laughed. “No,” he said smiling.

Since they’d met the only emotions shared between them had been lust and anger. Now they shared a moment of levity which they both needed.

“I know what it is. I remember numbers, for sure.”

“I won’t be satisfied until you answer me.”

“Four. I know what cards are. I’m not a complete idiot. I’d forgotten what a rectangle is though. The diamond too, but I got the rest.”

“What’s this?” Adi flipped the next card in the deck down on the table.

“Ace of spades.”

“And this?”

“Ten of clubs. See I knows my shit.”

“And this?”

The king of hearts dropped to the table. The vapors set upon them like a pack of wild humans on a shipment of Oat-Sub. The whole world fell silent. Meth’s eyes met Adi’s. He didn’t know what to say. He watched her throat move as she swallowed. His heart beat faster and he could hear it in his ears. Adi took the card back up and hid it in the middle of the deck.

“Let’s get started,” she said.

“I know that one.”

“Don’t worry about it, let’s get started.”

“It’s the king of hearts.”


Adi swallowed the vapors as they built inside. She stood and took a drink of water from the tap. “Good job, that’s good. That concludes today’s lesson.”

“But I didn’t learn anything.”

“It’s fine. We’ll pick it up tomorrow.”

Meth stood up and adjusted his bra. “Yeah okay, you know we don’t have a lot of time. And if every lesson is going to be five minutes I might as well give up on…”

“On what Miss Sichael?”

“Nothing. On having money and stuff.”

“Just go. At this moment I have no intention of backing out of our agreement.”

Adi had been pushed to the edge by Meth. She couldn’t figure out if she liked him or hated him. He was infuriating and loveable at the same time. She picked up the cards on the table and put them back in the deck. It’d been years since she felt like this. After all the people who had shared her bed she hadn’t felt vapors like this since…


The Ophiuchus Five pulled out of the dock at dawn. She was headed to Portsmouth next; they would get there later in the morning. Meth had slept in as late as he could and ended up being late for his first shift. But he knew Captain Morgan liked him so he doubted if anything would be said. When he made it to the restaurant there wasn’t anyone for him to wait on anyways. He stood at an open window and watched for people to come in for breakfast. The sweet chemical smell of the river burned pleasantly in his nostrils. The morning summer air gave him a sense of being renewed.

“You’re a mighty hard working fella, aren’t you?” Zoot asked him.

“I try, Ms. Zoot.”

“I’ve been curious as to how the lessons went yesterday.”

“Ah, so-so. Pretty basic stuff, but there’s nothing wrong with starting at the beginning. Adi gets distracted easily and she wasn’t that into it, really.”

“She needs someone like you in her life. Give it a chance.”

“Trust me, I am giving her plenty of chances. Tell her to give me a chance. You know her. Just be like, teach this dude some cards and be done with it.”

Zoot looked past Meth and said, “Morning, Adi. We won’t be in Portsmouth for a while, perfect time for you to sit down with your star pupil for the next lesson.”

Meth turned. Adi walked toward them wearing one of her brown suits. Her breasts pushed out against the buttons of her shirt and bounced ever so lightly with every step.

“Excuse me. I’m sure you two have some card lessons to attend to. I’ll be on my way.”

Meth had hoped Zoot would step up for her and give Adi more of a kick in the rear. Instead she left him alone with Adi.

“You two are becoming close. Do you like older women or something? Zoot is a lesbian anyways. So the only reason I can think she would be into you is because she thinks you are a woman.”

Meth almost let slip that Zoot was well aware of his manliness since she’d only just recently jerked him off. He collected his thoughts and deflected. “She’s been a perfect lady to me.”

“That just shows how out of your environment you are. A woman like Zoot wouldn’t be considered a lady by anyone who knew anything about life on the rivers.”

Meth couldn’t help but give into the vapors. Adi was perfect in every way. If he hadn’t already experienced some of her humanness he could have sworn she was a robot. He turned from her and looked around the restaurant, “Damn you vapors,” he whispered to himself. “Well?” he asked turning back to find Adi right up on him.

She snuggled in close, with her lips on the side of his neck as she exhaled and moved to his ear. She used her tongue to pull his ear lobe into her mouth and suck on it for a moment. Then, so lightly hot, she whispered to him, “Ready for your next lesson?”

Meth knew his penis had broken the tape and escaped off his leg in uncontrollable hardness. He pushed the vapors down and responded, “Oh sure, now is a perfect time.”


They were both sitting back at the table in his room. It was rare for a man to escape her room without giving her some sort of satisfaction. Meth had done it once and Adi couldn’t help but concede that he would again leave her wet and unpenetrated. Adi realized that Zoot had really taken to Meth and she didn’t quite get why the woman who taught her Go Fish shouldn’t also be the one to teach Meth. This would make life a lot easier for her.

“What are we going to do today?” Meth asked, taking a pen and folded piece of paper from between his fake breasts.

“Let’s get right to it. Each player is dealt five cards. Now there are different versions, but I’m going to teach you the kind we play on the river.” Adi dealt five cards to Meth and five to herself. “Remember each table will have different amounts to join and the winner takes all. Say you are at a $5,000-per-player table and there are six players, how much would the winner get?”

After writing all of what Adi said down he picked up the cards and held them in his hand awkwardly. “Like $500,000?”

Adi watched him as she adjusted hers in her hand. He wasn’t getting it. She laid her cards down. “Thirty thousand dollars and you could be holding a lot of cards during the game. You have to make sure you keep them spread out so you can see what you have, here,” she said and helped him with the proper technique. “And keep your cards down as much as possible. Robots can read reflections in your eyes and see what you are holding.”

“I didn’t think robots came up this far north?”

“That’s typically true, but you never know for sure. Security isn’t as good as it should be, especially on this ship. Now we both have our cards. I’ll go first.”

“Can I go first?”

“I’m teaching you. Just let me go first.”

“I like going first.”

Adi covered her eyes with her hands and bent over and placed her forehead on the table. “Okay, go.”

“Thanks! What do I do?”

“You want to make a set of the same rank, for example you want four tens, four queens, four aces, got it? Once you have the four you lay them down. If you guess right on your turn, you go again. If you ask me for a card and I don’t have it, I will tell you to ‘go fish.’ At that point you take a card from the top of the pile here or sometimes the dealer will give you the card it just depends on the dealer. You can only ask for a card that you have.”

“Hum, hum, hum. Well, how do you know what cards I have? Like why couldn’t I ask for a king even if I didn’t have any, how would anyone know?”

“A player could call you out, and if you are caught doing this you forfeit and are thrown overboard.”

“Okay, I won’t do that.”

“The goal is to have the most sets at the end of the game. The game ends when any player runs out of cards or the draw pile is empty.

“Okay, got it.”

“I’m glad you wrote that down. Now study that and we will pick this up again in a couple days.”

“I think I got it. I’ll be ready tomorrow. Thanks!”

“You act all chipper, but you do realize amateurs like you have kept me rolling in the cash for many years.”

“But you won’t be beating me, now will you? ‘Cause if you do you won’t get my sausage in your vagina!” Meth said and left before Adi could say anything.

Adi didn’t quite understand what was happening. How was Meth so delusional? Why did he think he could learn a game and a few weeks later beat seasoned pros? This boy was testing her limits. She hadn’t allowed anyone this close since the incident. She couldn’t afford these kinds of distractions. If she hadn’t enjoyed being around him so much it would be easy to end it.

Those vapors. How refreshing.


Adi watched the townsfolk of Portsmouth make their way from the town to the dock and up the escalators. The men in their best sweat pants and t-shirts, the women with their hair done up and squeezed into jeans they wore in high school. She watched their excited faces in the bright lights of the ship. Most would leave with their cüzdans much lighter. The person or robot who Adi sought was nameless and faceless to her. The images of him came to her from conflicting rumors. He could be anyone. The facts were few. But she would chase each possible lead until she died. Her mind went back and forth from picking marks from the new gamblers to finding the murderer to Meth.

Soon enough the crowd filling the boat had made their way inside and Adi decided to make her entrance. She picked one with the best dressed, hoping after a few games they wouldn’t be scared upping the stakes.

“Evening folks,” Adi said, “Reckon if I may join you’ins this evening?”

A handsome young lady with a mohawk and a good-looking young woman standing by her shoulder was the first to answer, “Yeah, reckon so, with that fancy suit I’m sure you have plenty of money. Since you obviously think you’re better then everyone dressing like that.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”
Adi took her seat and seconds later saw Meth strolling around the room in that red dress. As the game started she saw Meth slink off and pull a piece of paper from his bra and read it. She was glad to see him studying. It mostly proved that he was taking this seriously.

The smell hit her first—Wild Country. There was only one man who’d cover himself in that much cologne. They were in Portsmouth, Adi should have known he’d show up, but she hadn’t even thought about him. But she could sense him beside her, waiting for the game to end. He wouldn’t make a nuisance of himself like Meth would have. He knew to wait his turn, for all his faults he at least knew his role.






Chapter Six


Meth stood back toward the bathroom and counted his money. Including the money back in his room, he had made $10,700 since he started dressing like a woman. Still far from the $500,000 entry fee, but more than enough to get him into a few games of Go Fish.

“I thought I smelled Wild Country,” Alexa said.

“Huh?” Meth asked stuffing his money back into his bra.

Alexa gave a discreet point in the direction of Adi.

Standing behind Adi was the most succulent man Meth had ever seen. He stood at a reasonable height – closer to five feet than six feet, had luscious, curly green hair and was built like a muscular model. The mysterious man wore a white cropped jacket with tassels under the arms. Underneath the jacket he was shirtless, just his tight bronzed skin reflecting the ship’s lights and his tight pants proved that he had an impressive package. With one hand on his hip he watched the game.

Meth felt like a hand-rolled ball of feces next to this guy. Meth was too tall by the current standards and didn’t look like he belonged in his own skin. He moved awkwardly and ran like a one-legged robotic ostrich.

Meth choked when he first tried to talk, then said, “So who’s that robot?”

“That, Meth, is no robot. He is the fabulous Mr. Horatio Alphonso Magnamonious the negative one-thousand-and-sixteenth.”

“A robot?”

Alexa laughed, “No sugar, he’s a man cloned from DNA thousands of years old. Supposedly from an Egyptian pharaoh.”

He couldn’t tell if Alexa felt disgusted by the man or if her tone was that of one spoken while being afflicted with the vapors.

“Well, I don’t care much for clones. I lump them in the same category as robots anyways.”

“Don’t be so racist, Meth.”

“What is he to Adi, friend, lover?

“Lover—for sure lovers. I’ve heard them going at it. He gets on top of Adi every chance he gets.”

“Yeah, well good for them!”

“Calm down Meth.”

“Yeah, like I care if she has lovers. I don’t care. I know she does. I’ve seen her with another man. It doesn’t fucking bother me, you know? It doesn’t. I don’t have the vapors at all when I see her. I haven’t ever had the vapors. I don’t really even know what they are! You know, maybe I’ve heard of them, but I have no idea what they are. I don’t know if they make you feel dizzy! How in the world would I know that?”

Meth wasn’t feeling the vapors at all at this time. What he was feeling was a deep hollow suction on his throat and chest pulling his heart into a black hole.

“Right…” Alexa said.

“But he’s married, right? I see a ring, but I can’t really figure out which hand it’s on.”

“Oh sure, he’s married to the clone of Rupert Murdoch, but he doesn’t care what he does. Horatio will ride the gambling ships, travel the world, I hear he even spends time with the robots. Rupert Murdoch doesn’t care much what he does, just as long as they make appearances together.”

“Watch this. I care so little that I’m just going to ignore them both and that whole side of the room all together. Sure, I have customers over there. I’m ignoring that whole side so much that those people no longer exist. Looks like my shift is over because all of the customers have gone away. And I care so little it’s funny. Wait where are they going?”

“I don’t know Meth, maybe out to the deck to talk.”

“Well, if they are lovers and go make the love it might keep Adi’s hands off me and she’ll do better teaching me Go Fish. I’ll have you know she fingered my butt.”

“Maybe you’re right. Adi might just need some release.”

“Fuck yeah, I’m right. I don’t care what she does as long as she teaches me Go Fish. That’s it.”


Horatio held his hand on the back of Adi’s neck and massaged it. With his other hand he rubbed her breasts. “I’m so hard right now.”

Adi wasn’t getting wet. This was rare for her, since it never took much to arouse her and usually the thought of Horatio was enough for some moisture to develop. She felt his hand easing ever closer down to her dry pussy. Still nothing. Her mind wanted her to say yes, but something deep inside, perhaps the place where vapors come from, was telling her no. She tried to look into his eyes for a message (since eyes always give elaborate messages in these types of situations) but she saw nothing.

“Not tonight, baby,” Adi said stepping back out of his grasp.

Horatio had never been told no, but his desire for Adi was strong enough that he didn’t press further.

“If not tonight, when?” his voice purred.

Adi leaned down and softly kissed Horatio on the lips. “Soon, I have unfinished business to attend to. I don’t have a wildly rich husband to provide for me. I gotta earn half-a-mil’ to enter the tourney.”

Of course this wasn’t true. Adi had enough money to pay for half the humans in Ohio to enter the tournament.

“If you’re having money problems all you have to do is ask.”

“You know I like to make my own way, but thanks,” Adi said and kissed Horatio’s lips again.

“I’ve booked a room for the whole trip to Cincinnati. So we have plenty of time.”

“Good night,” she said then turned away, but heard him say her name. She couldn’t resist the opportunity to see him again. She turned. Horatio was bathed in soft moonlight. He slowly took off his jacket exposing his bronzed torso. Adi felt so lost in this moment. She felt even more lost when, using his protruding penis as a coat hook, he hung the jacket on it.

“I’m going to go masturbate and think about you the entire time,” Horatio said and walked off to his room, penis coat rack and all.

Adi headed back to the tables but with her foggy mind she didn’t want to risk losing any money and went to her room to splash water on her face and try to make herself wet. In the back of her mind she worried if something was broken.


The next morning Meth was up early and after trying to peep through the windows in Adi’s room gave up and began pacing in front of her door. He never saw her again after she left with the cloned guy. It was obvious what had happened behind the door in front of which he paced. Adi took the fake person back to her room and they fucked all night. Since he’d been on the ship Adi had never slept this late. He thought about knocking, but he remembered what’d happed the last time. Part of him was curious as to what the fake person looked like naked, but no, no, none of him did. Seriously. If a part of him did it was a small part anyways. So what if he wanted to see the cloned guy’s bottom? He did have the gay gene after all. And to think about what the two had done the night before set his vapors in reverse.

“Fuck it,” he said and began pounding on the door with both fists. “Adi Something!” he shouted over and over.

“What is it?”

Meth shook to a stop. He turned around to face Adi who stood on the deck shaking her head at him. “Good morning, ma’am. It is time for my next lesson.”

Adi grinned at him.

“Well don’t just grin at me. Let’s get going,” Meth said. The reverse vapors switched direction. This abrupt vapor switch made him anxious.

Adi went around him and opened the door. As they entered Meth stole sneaky glances around the room looking for the fake person. Obviously they’d done it in his room. But he didn’t care. Not one bit. Maybe just a little.

Adi took the cards from a drawer and took her seat at the table. “Come on over.”

Meth sat down at the table, “I’m ready. I got all the stuff from yesterday. I said I would and I fucking did!”

“Speaking of fucking,” Adi said as she ran her foot along the inside of Meth’s leg. She had started doing this just to play around, but after Horatio had failed to make her wet, then even she had failed to make her own self wet, she could finally feel the warmth and wetness commence as her toes brushed along Meth’s girly, sexy legs.

Meth knew she was reminding him about the deal. She’d fuck him and he’d fuck her. His virginity with a woman would be worth it to save his daddy. “You don’t have to bring it up. I know what I agreed to. Let’s get to it.”

Adi jumped from the table and came toward Meth ready to accept his payment early, but the vapors had just temporarily taken control. Attempting to play it off she veered away from him and arranged some of the trinkets on her nightstand.

“Okay, that’s better,” Adi said and sat back down. “That was bugging me.”

Meth had pen and paper out on the table ready to write down everything she said.

Adi dealt them each five cards. “I think it helps to learn by playing. I know you like to go first, so please, after you.”

“Do you have any eights?”

“Go fish.”

“But I already got three! If I get one more I’ll have a set.”

“Okay, stop. Shit, you’re volunteering information. Never do that. Write that down. What’s wrong with you?”


“Let’s keep going. Do you have any jacks?”


Adi waited a few seconds, “If you have them you have to give them to me.”

“Oh, right,” Meth said and handed her his jack.

“Now you know I have at least two jacks, so if you ever get two you’ll want to remember that and ask me for them. Everyone else at the table will be trying to remember what the answers are when someone is asked.”

“Okay, I have a super good memory.”

“And watch your tells. I can already see you giggling when you have three of a kind and you know where the forth is. That’s going to ruin the game for you. Keep your emotions under control.”

“Oh I get I it, tells tell what I have even though I didn’t actually tell it.”

“Okay that’s enough for today.”

“Fuck! That was like five minutes.”

“It was five minutes. I’m tired.” Adi walked to and opened the door, “Until tomorrow.”

Meth huffed and stomped out the door.

Adi grabbed and spun him around as he passed. She pushed him firmly against the doorframe. “You have to watch your tells. I can already see you losing everything you have because of them.”

“Whatever,” Meth said and swallowed to give himself a second to adjust to talking while his penis hardened, “I probably don’t have any anyways.” He choked a bit and couldn’t believe someone as beautiful as Adi wanted his sausage in her.

“You do,” Adi said and leaned in close to his lips.

Adi felt Meth’s penis push against her. For a second her body melted into his. If vapors were like smoke, people on the ship to people miles away would have thought it was on fire.

“When you think you’re being sneaky,” she said touching his mouth, “The corner of your mouth goes up.”

He was approaching levels of hardness he had never felt before, “I’ll work on that. Bye.” He squeezed out from between Adi’s body and the doorframe to go to his room.


That boy was pushing Adi over the edge. She closed the door to her room and dropped back onto the bed. For some reason she found herself kicking her feet in the air. A noise briefly escaped her lips, a noise that sounded almost like a giggle.

“I’m losing it,” she said to herself.

Not wanting to waste the wetness on her vagina she masturbated, achieving a great orgasm in only two and a half minutes.

The ship was still in Portsmouth. It’d been a year since she was in this town, last year on the Ophiuchus Five’s Pittsburgh-to-Cincinnati run. Maybe this time she could find someone who knew. With her fingers still wet, she slid them under the pillows until she felt the cold steel of her pistol. Owning a gun was illegal, but she would carry it until she found what she was looking for. She tucked the gun in the back of her breeches under her jacket. Even more illegal than the gun was the taser she carrier inside her jacket, in case she needed to hurt a human or fry a robot. She didn’t worry about being caught with the weapons because if she ever had to draw them no one would be left alive to tell.

She asked everyone she saw in Portsmouth the same questions. So many times the words left her mouth that it almost didn’t feel real. Every time it reminded her of what she had lost.

The Mushy Pit, a run-down restaurant, was the last place she went. She had gone to every building, stopping short of going to homes. Maybe next year. The Mushy Pit had a reputation for serving alcohol and the smell of brew was strong when Adi entered. It even had a proper bar, a rare site. There was a man there she had heard about but could never find on any of her previous trips there. His reputation was that of a man who could get you whatever you wanted—drugs, drink, guns, Taco Larrys—but these luxuries came at a steep price. Someone had told her earlier to ask One-Armed Felix. If anyone in the town could get that kind of information it was him.

Adi approached the bartender, a huge man with only one arm, so she felt silly asking because there really couldn’t be more than one one-armed man in the bar. “I’m looking for One-Armed Felix.”

A few patrons gasped.

The bartender took a rag off the counter and blew his nose in it. “Who’s asking?” he asked.

“I’m looking for someone and I heard he might be able to help me.”

The bartender stood silent like a fat one-armed gargoyle.

Adi knew what he wanted. Was it worth it?

“You gotta give me a kiss first. I’ll tell you after.”

Adi gave him what he asked for. His tongue tasted like stale beer. His smell made it clear he hadn’t touched soap in a long time.

“Where is he?” Adi said, wiping his saliva off her chin.

“I’m One-Armed Felix,” he said with a wide grin, his teeth surprisingly intact and white.

“I’m looking for someone, a man.”

“I don’t want to sound too forward, ma’am, but I’m a single hard-working fella. No doubt you are one fine woman. But I know I can make ya happy.”

“Not as a partner.”

“Oh, well I never really reckoned you’d be interested,” he said. “I can tell you back when I was younger you’d of given me the time of day.” One-Armed Felix began tearing up. “Excuse me, miss.”

One-Armed Felix ran to the bathroom. She knew men like him needed a good hug. She went to the bathroom locking the door behind her. One-Armed Felix sat in the corner of the counter against the wall.

A smooth turd sat on the floor.

Adi stepped over the turd on her way to him. She sat down beside him. “Sorry, but this is important to me,” she said patting his leg.

“I just feel so alone. I lost everyone I loved during the war. People don’t have enough money to buy much weed anymore. I almost got to give it away.”

“Did you fight during the war?”

“Hell yeah, I did. Army. I hate those fucking robots. I lost the arm before that though. I was sitting on my mom’s lap on our riding lawn mower. Somehow it bucked

© Copyright 2018 Derik Taylor. All rights reserved.


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