Maybe...Who Knows

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Adult Romance  |  House: Booksiesilk Classic Group

Losing someone special, because you didn't know what loving someone meant.

I remember you telling me that you’d always be there for me, and I’m sorry that at that particular moment I laughed, thinking that that day would never come.  Don’t hold that against me, please. There was so much I didn’t understand, and I hope you understood that.

 I remember you smiling as I laughed because you saw through me. You never did let it bother you, because you knew.  Damn you, you knew…and now I know. Now I’m forced to know and to recognize the truth. I’m sorry for what I am, or for what I've turned out to be, whichever one is worse. I’m sorry for not seeing when I should have, for not trying to perceive the legitimacy of my actions. I guess your eyes sometimes can’t see what your heart most assuredly can feel, and sometimes you have to close off one to fully see with the other.

I always knew but never wanted to see what you meant to me, and now it’s for naught, because you’re gone and I’m left alone to ponder over what might have been - what could have been. If I could cry I would, only the well as long since gone dry and left me without a means of release. Don’t worry I know. I don’t need someone to tell me that I deserve the fate set for me. I don’t need someone to explain to me what I’ve lost, and why. I don’t need the empathy and sympathetic shoulder that is most often longed for at a moment like this. I don’t want any of it.

I played the game and I lost. Only I should have learned the rules first. Life seldom gives you a second kick at the can. Your aim has to be true the first time. Chalk one up for ignorance. Chalk one up for audacity.

All this just to say that…I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being the beautiful person you wanted me to be, if even only for a short while… if even only for a time. I’ll see you in my dreams. There I may have a chance to make amends, maybe… who knows.


Submitted: October 20, 2020

© Copyright 2022 Darian. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

VanillaEssence

Life just happens.
It moves along ahead of us.
At the best of times we all are just "chasing".
I Think anyway!

Wed, October 21st, 2020 1:16am

Author
Reply

Sometimes though, I think we would like it to slow down...just a little, so we don't happen to blink and have it pass us by. Thanks for reading.

Thu, October 22nd, 2020 7:21am

DampKitten

Your narrative reminds me of "Dreams" by Stevie Nicks (Fleetwood Mac) - largely because it has suddenly become so popular again along with Cran-Grape. But also because it's the same line of thinking, only reversed. It's her break up song to Lindsey Buckingham, telling him essentially what you're saying.

I will say that as long as we live, we have the opportunity to start over and be different. To see things in the light you portray is to have grown and seasoned. Heartache and mistakes follow everyone. We tuck them away, find a new beginning, make better choices...

Fri, October 23rd, 2020 2:35am

Author
Reply

Nicely said. As long we can acknowledge our mistakes we can start again and do it differently the second time around. Only, chances are, it won't be with the same person.

Thanks, and take care.

Mon, November 2nd, 2020 1:31pm

Trixie

Hindsight is 20/20 and I feel this. Well written and thoughtful. Much along the lines of anyone in their younger years looking back and wondering what if. There are days where you wonder if it was meant to be and you're the one that dropped the ball. Your writing seems to speak to the reader, as if they are reading their own personal diary they never bothered to write. I believe you have a lot of talent and I don't know why I haven't read all your stuff but you can bet I will be. Keep up the great work.

Fri, November 13th, 2020 6:04pm

Author
Reply

Thank you Trixie. Sometimes we don't get a "head's up" before meeting a certain fate. We then tell ourselves if we knew, we would have changed. Many of those times we are simply lying to ourselves - too stuck in our ways to make the effort. But it's something to think about.

Thanks for commenting. I can tell by your comment that you express yourself well. I'll be giving your work a read.

Fri, November 13th, 2020 11:49am

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