Bedroom Talk with Emma

This is intended for lonely housewives who are looking to spice it up in the romance department.  I am a 47 year old hetrosexual woman who was completely dead inside and outside. Until recently when I met my online mystery man who has awoken my sensitivety in more ways than one. I hope you enjoy and participate in conversation. P.S. If you have any critical or mean comments just keep themself and move onto another story. Thank-you, Emma

This will be a daily column intended for lonely housewives who are looking to spice it up in the romance department.  I am a 47 year old heterosexual woman who was completely dead inside and outside. Until recently when I met my online mystery man who has awoken my sensitivity in more ways than one. I hope you enjoy and participate in the conversation regarding the topic of the day.

CANDID BACKGROUND INFORMATION ON ME:

Ten months ago I became an unemployed after a horrible work experience and soon became an extremely depressed housewife.  Towards the 5 month mark my total routine was to wake up at 6 am run a couple of errands and go back to bed for a nap at 9-11a.m. Then I would sit for a while on the internet, mostly Facebook.  By 2p.m. it was time for another two hour nap. The house remained a wreck and the family ate whatever and started packing on additional pounds.  Hubby was getting incredibly fed up with me.  Soon our only form of communication was in the form of blood curdling screaming matches.

I cried all the time and was incredibly miserable.  I realized we were either going to seriously hurt each other or get a divorce.  Finally I began venting on Facebook and people suggested Bible verses for me to read.  This really helped me calm down and focus on healing.  I let go of my anger towards previous boss, telling me that I am useless and not employable anywhere.  No, this is not a direct quote but, a summary of being tortured by her for over two full years.  I took a leap of faith and landed the first job I applied for.  This really boosted my self-esteem giving me a spark inside to let me know I am still living. 

During my hiatus I began chatting with my friends “girls” about their intimate lives.  It turns out that the ones under thirty-five were extremely active with their spouse.  However, a few friends “girls” my age 47, who confided in me that, they have totally stopped having sex altogether.  I really did not want to have a platonic marriage.  Why?  Because, each year when I go for my ladies exam and fill out my form it asks: Do you have sexual intercourse?  I did not want to check, no. Therefore I kept my lady parts active enough to justify making the yes, box.  Also, I just am not ready to admit that I have no womanly feelings by admitting to strangers that I am not sexually stimulated.  Plus, I had to check no on the box asking if I have a monthly self-breast exam. I did not respond on the next box that said: Why don’t you give self-breast exam? There was not enough room to write:  My breasts are just a large mass of stretched out flesh with nasty red marks and nipples so large they would tempt a baby elephant.  Seriously even the squish test results confirm that the results for cancer are inconclusive.  Oh well, I go every year anyway. After all it gets me out of the house for the afternoon.  

If you have not figured it out by now in addition to zero sexual arousal, I lacked self-confidence that makes woman desired by their man.  Still I had a twinge of wanting to feel special, even if it meant rubbing my lady parts alone in the bed.  After trying that a couple of times I became very bored when I still could not come to an explosion.  Then just before Valentine’s Day I met my mystery man while reading erotic porn on this website.  My mystery man was the first person who has taken a real interest in me, in a long time.  By reading his works and not knowing anything about his personality a person may think my mystery man is just a dirty horn dog.  I must admit my mystery man is a bit of both with an extremely large, warming heart.  We began corresponding privately by email and have developed quite the friendship with one another.  He is encouraging me to explore my body, take control of myself, and reconnect with my hubby again.  He gives me sexy homework to do.  Or at least that is my take on it.  His first assignment sounds easy and can be non-sexual or sexy as all get out! It was simply to: GIVE MORE THAN YOU TAKE!  Yes, this must be emphasized in all ways. 

Perhaps you are thinking: I cook, clean, taxi the kids everywhere, soccer mom,  PTO, Scouts Leader, volunteer at school, watch friends kids (for free), and so much more.  Still, he comes home and retrieves a beer or heads down to the man cave, where he stays for the night.  Maybe, you play the doting family and go everywhere together except his side of the bed at night. Maybe you quit caring about your love life after you had kids or perhaps it died shortly after you were married.  Perhaps it feels as though there is absolutely no reason to go through the motions of undressing, shaving, showering, only to know you must fake your own orgasm because, he will not give you one.

But you must do more to make your hubby know he is the one for you.  Give up the notion that stay at home moms are too busy to shower much less get it on.  You must woo your hubby with your entire mind, body, and soul.  Throw yourself on him and do not give him a chance to turn you down.  Chances are if you are in your mid-forties your kids are teenagers or at least old enough to entertain themselves for twenty minutes.  Take advantage of him right when he walks in the door.  Do not give him a chance to ignore you. Trust me if you follow my directions you will grow as a woman and soon meet a new man. Yes, I am so surprised by my hubby now that I am opening up with him.  In closing, I want you to toss out your old attitude of poor me and replace it with a can do spirit.  You should start experiencing immediate results.

Sincerely, Emma

Homework Corner,

Ladies the first assignment is to arouse your man’s appetite for wanting to have intercourse with you tonight with a 70% rate of success. 

You must take a shower and shave arms, legs, and toes, too.  If you shave your lady parts you must refresh that area too.  Then splash on your good perfume under your breasts and on or near your lady area.  When he walks in the door to a clean house and the smell of dinner cooking, grab him in a big bear hug and whisper “I love you” in his ear.

By now you should have his attention that you are still his lady.  But, you’re not finished yet.  Take his hand and lead him to the couch or his favorite chair and push in it and straddle his legs.  With your minty fresh breath (from brushing and flossing) lick his neck and then kiss him hard without your tongue.  Gaze into his eyes and lovingly tell him you love him again. Then lick his neck and whisper that you want to be pleased tonight! Finally, go in for the kill and French kiss him hard as you grind him.  Then casually get up and tell him dinner will be ready in a few.

Please let me know the results.  Emma!

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