So, here we go.

So, here we go. So, here we go.

Status: Finished

Genre: Other

Details

Status: Finished

Genre: Other

Summary

A part of my story.

Summary

A part of my story.

Content

Submitted: January 04, 2012

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Content

Submitted: January 04, 2012

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When I was a freshman in highschool, I was 15, I had my first boyfriend. He was my best friend *at the time* brother, he was 17 and named Michael, we dated for about 6 months and he was my first love, or at least I think so and hope so… In the 6 months we dated we never did anything sexual, I was a virgin completely, never even kissed a boy, and we never kissed either, since we never really saw each other… Thinking back on it, I wonder if we just had a strange friendship where we really cared about each other… In may of 2009 we took a break, and he was going overseas for a short while, and whenever he got back home we were going to get back together…

He never came home.

Five days after we started our break, I found out he committed suicide, May 30,2009 was the day my life changed. 

I told my parents what had happened, and my mom made me go to a therapist… I went to summer school every day, even though this had all happened, I met a girl named Courtney while I was in summer school and even though we went to the same highschool we never really hung out, until that summer, she invited me places with her and her friends, and I just wanted to be somewhere with people, through her I met another girl named Alexis, and she became my best friend… or so I thought. Through these group of ” friends” I fell into drinking and drugs, smoking weed, rolling, and popping pills, I poisoned myself twice *accidentally* and almost overdosed on prescription pills, my ” friends” didn’t let me sleep that night in fear that I wouldn’t wake up. 

About two or three weeks after Michael died, and I was hanging out with this group of people, I met a guy named Justin, he was Alexis’ friend, and one day he asked me to come over, again, I was a virgin, never kissed a boy, never even seen a penis. At first we were just casually hanging out and talking and then that’s whenever everything changed… That’s the day I was raped. 

I never told anyone… Not even Alexis, not even my therapist, not even my parents, I just started popping more pills, and cutting even more as if nothing happened. 

Whenever people say the girl ” asked to be raped”, well how could that be? that day I was wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a regular shirt, I didn’t even wear thongs back then… 

I lost so much more than just my virginity, which I was saving for the guy I married, I lost my self worth, and confidence, I lost myself. 

I’m almost 18 now, and since that summer, I have grown, I don’t drink or do any drugs, I don’t even take motrin or smoke anything, I’ve had three boyfriends since Michael… And yes, I’ve had sex with three boys, the first two… Was cuz I felt like I had to for them to love me… 

There is so much more I have to say, but I’ll save it for another post…

I think I’m done talking now…


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