Chapter 1: Tables Turned

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: General Erotica  |  House: Stripping and Humiliation

Reads: 604
Comments: 2


You shouldn't pick up hitch-hikers of course. You never know who they may be. So I didn't. They were usually hairy blokes with battered rucksacks anyway, and who wants them in their car.


But these were different. There were two of them for a start. They weren't hairy. And they were female. Two sexy girls. And probably a bit adventurous as well or they wouldn't be out hitch-hiking!


I stopped to pick them up.


"Where to?" I asked.


"Fort William, Babes," they replied in unison.


Only about forty miles out my way, but then they really did look sexy.


"Hop in," I said, "it's where I'm going."


They were both medium height, fake sun-tanned, pretty, big bosoms, short shorts, blonde hair in a pony tail. They talked in that Estuary English that you associate with girls from Essex. Essex girls! You couldn't want for better as hitch-hikers,


Those of you from the planet Zog or America may not know what an Essex girl is.


The Times says:


"In the typology of the British, there is a special place reserved for Essex Girl - a young female from London's eastern suburbs who dresses in white strappy sandals and suntan oil, streaks her hair blond, has a command of Spanish that runs only to the word Ibiza, and perfects an air of tarty prettiness."


That was them to a 'T' or is that a 'Tee' - I'm never quite sure which.


"Why are you goin' to Fort William then? You goin' for the festival too Babes?"


In place of the letter 'T' in their speech you must imagine that sort of guttural glitch known as a glottal stop.


"What festival?"


"Wot' festival. You don' know wot festival. Wot'r you like! Wot's 'e like Chardonnay!"


"Shut up Sapphire! You know wot 'es like. 'Es like the sort wot picks up girls wot's 'itch-'iking!"


"Shut up!"


"Shut up!"


You must not imagine that for an Essex girl the expletive 'Shut up' expresses a desire for the other person to cease talking. It is simply an indication that you believe the speaker to be saying something a little outrageous.


"Wot'r you like!"


It appeared that there was a rock festival at Fort William. Though a more God forsaken spot for a festival in August would be harder to imagine. It rained continuously in the north-west in August and the midgies would be out in force.


"You like rolling naked in the mud then?"


Not the sort of question I would normally ask a lady, but these were Essex girls after all.


"Naked in the mud. Did you 'ear that Chardonnay! Wot's 'e like. Wot'r you like!"


"Shut up! 'Es a nice boy 'e is. 'Undred percent. Definitely!"


"Shut up! You been to Ibiza then Babes?"


She pronounced it Eye-beetha.


"Well yes."


"You go nuddie-dipping then Babes? Me and Chardonnay went nuddie-dippin' in Ibiza didn't we Chardonnay?"


"Shut up! Omigahd yes!"


"No I didn't, but I did see it was popular."


"I bet you went to see the girls in the nuddie didn't you Babes. 'Ere - do you think 'e saw us in the nuddie Chardonnay?"


"Omigahd! Shut up!"


"You'd like to see us in the nuddie wouldn't you Babes?"


I felt my face go a little red.


"'Ere 'e would. Wot'r you like! Wot's 'e like Chardonnay!"


"Shut up!"


"'Ere - you remember the day those blokes nicked our things and we 'ad to walk back to the 'otel in the altogether. You remember Chardonnay?"


"Omigahd! Shut up!"


"We wos well embarrassed. Wosn't we Chardonnay?"


"Shut up! One 'undred percent. Definitely!"


"Still - got us fixed for a few nights."




"Yeah! You know. Them Spanish blokes know 'ow to give a girl a good time. Three in a bed weren't it Chardonnay?"


"Shut up!"


"'Ere. 'E's gone bright red. Wot'r you like! Wot's 'e like eh Chardonnay."


"Nice bloke 'e is Sapphire. 'Undred percent! Definitely!"


"'Ere, I need a pee. You need a pee Chardonnay?"


"'Yeah. Undred percent! Definitely!"


"'Ere, look at that sign, there's like a picnic place coming up. We can stop there Babes."


"I don't think there are any conveniences there."


"Conveniences! Wot'r you like! Wot's 'e like! Me and Chardonnay'll just nip in the bushes won't we Chardonnay?"


"Shut up!"


So I pulled into the picnic spot car park. There were half a dozen cars and people sitting round the picnic tables.


"Me and Chardonnay'll just nip in the woods like. You comin' with us then Babes?"




"You comin' with us Babes? You need a pee as well?"


It was still two hours to Fort William. It seemed sensible.


The girls marched in front of me into the woods, their feet flopping in their sling-back sandals, half their bums visible under their high cut shorts. We got a few hundred yards into the woods.


"'Ere, this'll do."


"'Undred percent! Definitely!"


And the girls pulled their shorts down. My God! They were just going to pee there in the open - not even hiding behind a bush!


I turned my back and put my hands over my face.


"'Ere, wot's 'e like! 'E's gone all red Chardonnay! Wot's 'e like!"


"You not goin' to pee then Babes?"


"Er... No thank you."


"Wot's he like! 'Ere, Chardonnay, look over there. There's a sort of like lake. Fancy a swim'?"


"One 'undred percent. Definitely!"


"They call it a loch round here," I still had my hands over my eyes.


"A lock! Wot'r they like!"


And I turned round to see the girls running towards one of those small mountain lochs that are scattered around the western highlands.


"You comin' in then Babes?"


Sapphire already had her top off. She was wearing a sports bra and underneath her two giant watermelons stood out with no visible means of support.


"You like 'em Babes? All my own too!" And she stuck her chest out as if to accentuate the fact.


Chardonnay stuck hers out too. They were if anything slightly bigger.


"Sure you don't want to join us Babes? Big boy like you. We're three in a bed girls we are, aren't we Chardonnay?"


She had unfastened her shorts and was wiggling her hips to slide them down to the ground.


"Er... No thank you," I said. Strip to my undies in front of girls! Eek! Chardonnay was wearing a pair of tight pink sports panties on under her shorts. My eyes were fixed on her, bending over, legs straight, pulling her shorts down below her knees. She had the most magnificent bottom I'd ever seen.


"You sure Babes? 'Ere, Chardonnay, you coming?'


"‘Undred percent!"


I took off my jacket in the hot sunshine and sat down to watch. Girls in their bra and knickers.  The sexiest I’d ever seen.  Not that I'd seen many. Or indeed any.


Their bodies were magnificent. Nut brown. Somebody must have had fun spraying it on! All smooth, sleek and rounded.


My eyes were drawn to their bodies, each back decorated with a little tattoo just above their bums. Well they would be wouldn't they. 


"Ere, 'e's enjoying the view Chardonnay! You like the view Babes? Wot's 'e like Chardonnay!"


The girls ran screaming to the water. As well they might. Those mountain lochs are freezing cold. They got about as far as dipping their toes in and ran screaming back out.


It was then that I had the mad idea. Maybe it had been the giant watermelons, or possible the magnificent behind or more likely the little tattoos, but I was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to play a prank on them.


They had told me how some bloke had stolen their clothes on Ibiza when they were skinny dipping. Why shouldn't I do the same! They'd have to run back to the car in their barely respectable underwear. All the way across the crowded picnic site. It would be a laugh. Sorry - a larf!


I picked up their things.


"See you back at the car girls!"


"'Ere, wot'r you doin' Babes?"


"See you back at the car girls!"


"'Ere, wot'r you doin' Babes?"


"Omigahd! 'E's nicking our clothes Sapphire! Wot's 'e like! Wot'r you like Babes?"


"Shut up!"


"Just borrowing them. See you back in the car park girls."


It was so funny watching them run back to the car.


They were holding their boobs with their hands - and when you've got boobs that big it's a losing battle to stop them bouncing when you run.


I laughed, nearly as much as all the picnickers laughed, watching the girls in their undies running across the hard ground in their bare feet, boobs bouncing, bums wobbling. It really was funny.


"Wot's 'e like! Wot'r you like," gasped Sapphire as she climbed back in the car and pulled up her shorts, "Omigahd! Wot's 'e like Chardonnay."


"Did you enjoy that girls?"


"Not as much as I'm going to enjoy this Babes," and she opened her hand to show me my car keys.


"You left 'em in your jacket Babes!"


How could I have been so stupid as to leave them there.


"Give them here Sapphire!"


"Little forfeit for them Babes!" And she dropped them down the front of her tee shirt so that they nestled between her capacious bosoms. Not a place from which I could extract them by force.


"Wot shall we do with 'im Chardonnay? Same as we did with that bloke in Ibiza shall we."


"Omigahd! Wot'r you like. One 'undred percent. Definitely!"


"Bloke in Ibiza?" I looked from one to the other. What had they made the bloke in Ibiza do?


"Yeah Babes. 'E went nuddie dipping. After we told 'im to of course."




"No buts Babes," she climbed out the car, "you comin' Chardonnay, this we gotta see!"


I followed them back up the path to the loch. Were they really going to make me go for a swim in my underwear like them!


"Come on Babes. Get them off. Fair's fair! Tit for tat. You've seen our tits Babes. We see your tat. That right Chardonnay?"


"'Undred percent! Definitely!"


I didn't have much choice. I started to take my clothes off. It had seemed so funny when the girls had done it. Seeing them prancing around in their undies. It was a bit different now. It suddenly seemed obvious it was out in the open. Only ten minutes from a picnic spot. Anybody could come along any time. And I was going to have to swim in my underpants with two girls watching.


"Come on Babes. We're waiting," Sapphire patted her ample bosoms to indicate the location of those keys which I needed so urgently.


I looked round nervously. I was standing in my underpants at the side of the loch in the cool afternoon breeze. What if somebody came along! I felt my legs trembling. I had enjoyed my silly prank, but the boot was on the other foot now. The girls had the whip hand.


I set off for the loch.


"Wot did we make that bloke do in Ibiza Chardonnay?"


"We made ‘im swim in the altogether didn’t we Sapphire?"


"That’s right Babes.  'E 'ad to show us 'is Crown Jewels 'e did.  So..."


"So... er..." I gasped.


"So...  get your panties off babes.  Me and Chardonnay want a look."


"But...  I can’t...  I mean you didn’t...  I mean..."


"Panties off Babes..." she stood hands on hips.


I didn’t know what to do.  I just had to get those keys.  It seemed the only way.


I pulled my underpants down. What else was I to do?


And there I was standing out in the open air. Completely nude.  


What had I done!  Why had I done it!  I was completely nude.  Not a stitch on.


Have you ever been out in the open.  In public.  In the nude.  Completely in the nude?  Where everyone can see you?


My face burned, my legs shook, my mouth went dry.


"Omigahd Chardonnay! Wot's 'e like."


"Shut up! E's like our little slave now.  That's wot e's like.  Wot are you like Babes?"


I was so naked, so embarrassed, so humiliated.  I was so subservient,  I was..."


"I'm your little slave Miss."


"That's right.  Do you do as you're told.  In you go Babes. Right the way in."


"But it's freezing Miss.  You only dipped your toes in."


"You didn't 'ave our car keys did you!"


Hikers could come round the corner any moment. I ran into the water. What else could I do?


"Nice bum! Wot you think Chardonnay?"


"One 'undred percent. Definitely!"


The girls could see me naked! I'd never been so embarrassed in my life, and the water was freezing.



"Please Miss. Can I come out now."


"Oh Babes! No way. You've been a naughty boy. All the way in that's wot I reckon. Wot you think Chardonnay?"


"Shut up! One 'undred percent. Definitely!"


I was up to my thighs. I looked round pleadingly. Icy water on my danglies. It didn't bear thinking about.


"Go on Babes," and Sapphire tapped her bosom where the keys were secreted.


I waded out until I was up to my waist. I thought my danglieds would drop off with the cold and my willy had gone completely numb.


I looked on in horror as the girls picked up my clothes.


"No, no , please Miss!"


"Tit for tat Babes. Wot did you say. See you back at the car."


"No please Miss.  You can't make me do that. Not in the nude Miss!"


"Shut up! Wot's 'e like. See you back at the car Babes!"


I would have run after them, but at that moment the thing I dreaded most happened. Two hikers appeared. Women. Perhaps in their thirties. Thank God the water was over my waist! I waited for them to go away, but they sat down by the side of the loch and got out their sandwiches.


They stared out at me standing in the water shivering. They were set for a while and I was going to have to get out now if my penis wasn't going to drop off.


I thought I ought to warn them, but I was too embarrassed to say anything, in fact I was too embarrassed to get out, too embarrassed to do anything. It was a battle between acute embarrassment on one side and the risk of my penis dropping off on the other. In the end my penis won. I was going to have to get out.


I waded towards the shore, and as I did so the water level dropped and my penis came into view.


Now, imagine you're a lady hiker and you see a nude man emerging from a freezing loch. What is the polite thing to do? I'll tell you. You should ignore the fact that he is in the nude, nod in a friendly manner and wish him a good day.


What you should not do is...


"Good God, I've never seen one that small before..."


...make a rude comment about the size of his penis.


Of course it was small. It had been immersed in freezing cold water for twenty minutes.


I nearly died of embarrassment. All I could think to say was...




Although whether I was apologizing for my nudity or the size of my penis wasn't clear."


"Don't worry dear," said the lady, "not everybody can have a big one."


What was I doing! Standing stark naked out in the open discussing the size of my penis.


"It's the cold..." I gabbled.


"That," said the lady, "is what they all say," and she went back to eating her sandwich, "Don't you agree Morag?"


"Definitely," said Morag, but she didn't add 'One hundred percent'.


There was nothing for it. I clapped my hands over my willy and ran as best I could back to the car park. The big ordeal was yet to come. The nude walk across the picnic site. I'd put the girls through it, and now they were about to put me through it. Me and my silly pranks. The tables had been well and truly turned.


I stared out over the picnic area. I'd moved the car right over to the far side to give the girls the longest walk in the open possible. Hoist by my own petard as the saying goes. It was a walk I was going to have to do now. Completely nude. With everybody watching.


What would people say? What would people do? Everybody had laughed at the girls. It was odds on they were going to laugh at me.


I remembered the way their boobies had bounced up and down as they scampered across the stony ground. I guessed what my willy would do if I tried the same thing. It would bounce up and down or swing round and round like a pendulum. And you look such a fool trying to hide your willy with your hands, as if everyone didn't know that you had one!


So I decided to walk across. Look unconcerned. As if it were perfectly natural to be strolling naked across a picnic site. It was a sensible decision. It was just difficult to do. My face was burning, my legs were trembling. I was about to be exposed nude and there was nothing I could do about it.


In the end I just had to pluck up courage and walk across. I kept my eyes glued straight ahead, knowing that all eyes on the picnic sight would be glued on my naked body.


My legs were trembling more and more; I could feel my face getting redder and redder. It was no good. I couldn't bear it any longer. I ran. My balls bounced and my willy flapped and I ran, but I reached the car.


I pulled at the door handle.  It wouldn’t open.  I pulled and pulled more and more frantically.  I could feel all the eyes fixed on me.  Out there in the open.  In the nude with everybody watching.  I could hear the giggles starting.


Chardonnay wound down the window.


"Let me in Miss.  Please Miss."


"Sorry Babes.  We gave the keys to them girls over there.  Didn’t we Sapphire."


"'Undred percent.  Them girls.  You'll 'ave to go and ask nicely for them."


"But...  but..."


"But wot Babes?"


"I’ve got no clothes on Miss."


"That's why we done it.  Didn’t we Chardonnay?"


"Definitely.  "Undred percent.  Now you go and ask them girls nicely.  And they might just give you your keys."


'Them girls' was a group of six girl hikers sitting at a table.


"But Miss..."


"Them girls Babes..."


"Yes Miss."


I scampered over to the table with the grinning girls and stood in front of them in the posture of the embarrassed nude, knock kneed, hands clasped over private parts.


"You don’t have to hide it," sad the one that seemed to be the leader, in a posh voice, "we've all seen one haven’t we girls."


There was a murmur of assent.


"Yes Miss," I stammered, "can I have my keys please Miss."


"I said you don’t have to hide it.  The girls want to see it.  Don’t you girls?"


"Yes Samantha," they chorused.


"Yes Miss... I..." there was nothing for it.  I took my hands away to reveal my penis.


"I think we want to see everything.  I think we want everybody to see everything. Don’t we girls?"


This time there was a loud cry of "Yes!"


"So, up on the table with you..."




"Up on the table and hands on your head.  We want to be sure everyone has a good view."


"But..." it was a big round wooden table.  Standing on it would display me nude to the whole picnic site.


"Up you go...  that’s right.  Everybody wants to see.  You’ve been a naughty boy and you have to be punished."


"Yes Miss."


I climbed onto the table.


"Hands on head," said the posh voice, with the hint of command, dangling the keys in front of me, "so everyone can see..."


"Yes Miss."


"And give a little twirl so everyone can see everything."


And I stood there and did as I was told.  On the table.  Completely nude and everyone did see everything.


"Here you are then... catch!" and she threw the keys over my head.  I jumped as the keys flew over my head.  Back and forth.  Girl to girl.  And a jumped and leapt in vain.  My bare willy flapping and swinging, my bare balls bouncing, and the girls laughed and laughed as I became ever more desperate.


Until I caught them.  I looked at them.  They weren’t even mine.


"Ere!" shouted Chardonnay, "Wot you makin' an exhibition of yourself like that for Babes.  You don’t think I’d give them posh tarts your keys do you."


The car door was open.  And with the laughter of the girls ringing in my ears I rushed over.


Sapphire opened the door and I leapt in.


"Awesome Babes," said Sapphire, "wot's 'e like Chardonnay?"


"Awesome," said Chardonnay, "one 'undred percent definitely!"


"Better get driving Babes."


The key was in the ignition.   I started the engine and set off.


It was only when I got onto the road that it dawned on me that I was driving the car naked.

Submitted: September 23, 2020

© Copyright 2021 Joex. All rights reserved.


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Good fun!

Wed, September 23rd, 2020 2:44pm


Great story! Loved the description of going into the cold water and the ensuing SPH. Would be even better if one of the girls got a camera/phone out and they made him pose for some pictures, being immortalised like that adds to the humiliation.

Wed, September 23rd, 2020 6:18pm

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