Snow Blind (Winterhaven BK 6)

Snow Blind (Winterhaven BK 6)

Status: In Progress

Genre: Gay and Lesbian

Details

Status: In Progress

Genre: Gay and Lesbian

Summary

"Being an ass - can get your ass in trouble." Nolan both anticipates and dreads hotshot skier Lane Cassiter's annual appearance at the Winterhaven ski lodge where Nolan works. His natural physical attraction to the guy is offset by his internal disdain of Lane's bigot attitude. When Nolan is caught in the cross-hairs of Lane and his friends, a wager is made that might just get him the one thing he never dreamed possible - Lane Cassiter in his bed. But when circumstances arise that instigate Nolan to propose a counter-offer that involves both his and Lane's best friends, events take an unexpected turn that catches them all in a whirlwind of confused emotions and unacceptable realities.

Summary

"Being an ass - can get your ass in trouble."

Nolan both anticipates and dreads hotshot skier Lane Cassiter's annual appearance at the Winterhaven ski lodge where Nolan works. His natural physical attraction to the guy is offset by his internal disdain of Lane's bigot attitude. When Nolan is caught in the cross-hairs of Lane and his friends, a wager is made that might just get him the one thing he never dreamed possible - Lane Cassiter in his bed.

But when circumstances arise that instigate Nolan to propose a counter-offer that involves both his and Lane's best friends, events take an unexpected turn that catches them all in a whirlwind of confused emotions and unacceptable realities.

Chapter3 (v.1) - Chapter 3

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: April 20, 2017

Reads: 383

A A A | A A A

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: April 20, 2017

A A A

A A A

Silence settled between Lane and Todd during the trek up to their room. Lane’s disappearance into the back room with Nolan wasn’t lost on Todd, nor his reemergence with Lizzy. As far as he knew, no one else had noticed. Lane was getting bolder when it came to Nolan. And usually, that meant they were becoming less and less concerned about getting caught.

Todd remained concerned. Tonya had basically caught him with Drew. Maybe she hadn’t seen them kissing, but she had overheard enough to indict him. For whatever reason, she hadn’t used the literal evidence against him, even though she and Rodney had made their blatant implications in the billiard room. Behind closed doors, Todd felt safe with Drew, shielded from prying eyes. Out in the open, he felt conspicuous even when he wasn’t near Drew. Maybe going out to the bar and hanging out with Nolan and Drew hadn’t been the best way to debunk Rodney and Tonya’s insinuations.

While rearranging the lounge, he’d noticed Jude casting Lane and Nolan curious glances, even shot a few of those glances toward Todd and Drew. If he did know, or suspect something, he hadn’t said so. And Darren…Todd didn’t know what was going on with him. There was much more to his and Rodney’s history than he’d told them, of that much Todd was certain.

Todd was jerked from his thoughts when he bumped into Lane’s back. Lane’s steps had slowed as they started down the east wing hallway on the second floor. “What…” Todd started then stopped when he saw Tonya and a couple of her friends lingering and talking to two of the guys who had been with Rodney in the dining room. The cool look Tonya shot Todd twisted up his guts. Being raised by an abusive, manipulative woman, it was his instinct to cower in the face of any such women. Although he had resisted Tonya the last time she’d come to his room, it was Lane who had ultimately made her leave.

The small group all looked their way, talking low, snickering as their eyes glowed with accusation and contempt. Lane and Todd had to pass by them to get to their room. Lane ignored them. Todd tried to.

“So who’s the giver and who’s the taker?” one of the guys smirked.

“Oh, Todd’s definitely the taker,” Tonya smiled. “He’d have to have something to give for it to be the other way around.”

Todd stiffened and started to snap back when Lane grabbed his arm. “Ignore them,” he murmured tightly. “Don’t give them the satisfaction of pissing you off.”

Swallowing the forming knot in his throat, Todd held his peace and followed Lane.

“How does it feel being the girl, Toddy?” Tonya snickered, and her friends giggled. “Feel good having your ass pounding by a thick manly cock? You know it makes you walk bowlegged. It makes you look like a cowboy who got banged by his horse.”

“Fuck, girl,” one the guys busted up.

Todd could feel the heat rising up his neck, flushing his face, as rage bubbled through his veins. His hands clenched into fists at his sides, and he turned. “Look, you fucking bitch-” He grunted suddenly as Lane shoved him into the room and shut the door. Hot air surged through his nostrils.

“They’re ignorant assholes,” Lane said. “You can’t argue with them. That’s what they want—to get under your skin. They’re not worth your time or energy.”

He was right, and Todd knew that by getting pissed, he was playing right into Tonya’s game, but he didn’t know how not to let their embarrassing, humiliating words get to him. When such slur was flung at him, he heard it all in his mother’s degrading voice, insisting he wasn’t a man at all and never would be.

Was this how it would be…out there? Constantly having to “deal” with bullshit attitudes and slander? How long could he handle it before he couldn’t take it anymore?

He turned his back to Lane and walked to the window, gripping the frame. The late afternoon light was fading faster than usual as the storm continued to rage. It had hardly calmed since early that morning. Snow spun against the glass, the swaying trees beginning to disappear into the early twilight. They were scheduled to leave the lodge tomorrow, but if the storm held through another night, they would likely have to postpone their departure at least one more day.

One more day to spend with Drew. Todd didn’t know if that was a good thing or bad thing. Right now, with memories of him and Drew so fresh and vivid in his mind, it felt like a good thing. But if he couldn’t do this, if he couldn’t be this person out there in the world…then the sooner he and Drew parted ways, the better; for both their sakes.

“Don’t let their shit talk bug you.” Lane sat down on his bed. “You know how Tonya is. She thrives on drama and bullshit.”

Todd nodded slowly and stared out at the storm. “I know,” he whispered.

Lane went quiet a moment then murmured, “Did you ever imagine it could feel like this?”

“What?”

“Falling for a guy.”

“I didn’t think about it before now,” Todd mumbled, his gut hurting.

 Lane fell silent again.

Rubbing his eyes, Todd leaned against the window frame and rested his head on his arm.

“Why do you like him?” Lane spoke up, his voice low.

Todd frowned. “Who?”

“Who do you think?”

“What do you mean why do I like him?” he murmured.

“I mean what do you like about him?” Lane asked. “What makes you think about him or want to be around him?”

Todd turned his head and looked at him. “I don’t know,” he mumbled.

“I think you do,” Lane countered. “There has to be something about him that appeals to you. Besides just his hot body.”

Todd’s face pinched. “This is weird.”

“What?”

“This,” Todd turned around. “Talking about…”

“Why is it weird?” Lane asked. “We used to talk about girls, about what we did or didn’t like about them. Why is this any different?”

“Because…” Todd let out a hard breath and faced the window again. “They’re…guys.”

Lane chuckled. “Yeah. So?”

“It just…” Todd shook his head. “It feels strange.” He looked at Lane. “You know, to…to like a guy this way. It doesn’t feel weird at all to you?”

Lane shrugged. “A little, yeah.”

“Just a little?”

“It takes some getting used to. But we’ll adjust.”

Todd sighed and shifted his stare to the storm outside. “Maybe.”

“Come on,” Lane said quietly with a smile in his voice. “Just tell me what you like about him. He seems like a pretty cool guy. Tell me some stuff.”

Todd closed his eyes. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “I like the way he looks at me. Like…I’m somebody. Like I’m…” He swallowed thickly. “Like I’m worth something.” He swallowed again as a lump rose in his throat. “Like he sees something in me to…to be proud of.” He shook his head. “I didn’t grow up on that, you know? I was a worthless disappoint to my mom. And my dad…” he shrugged. “…while he still lived with us, he was weak. He never stood up to my mom. I don’t know,” he whispered unsteadily. “Maybe he was as much a victim as I was. Then he was gone, and I was left alone with my mom, and things just got worse. I didn’t know how it felt to have someone just accept me for who I was. Or look at me, really look at me, without disappointment and distaste in their eyes.” His damp gaze drifted to Lane. “Until Drew.”

Licking his lips slowly, Lane murmured, “I didn’t realize it had been that bad for you growing up.”

Nodding, Todd said, “She mostly slapped me a lot. It was the things she said, the way she made me feel about myself, and believe about myself…that’s what fucked me up. And now, all this stuff with Drew…it makes me feel like I’m just proving her right. Like…” his eyes filled. “Like I’m not a real man. ‘Cause real men aren’t…fags.”

Lane dragged an unsteady hand across his eyes and stood up. “Forgive my lack of respect,” he said thickly. “But fuck your mom. I mean, look at Drew. Do you really think a guy like that would fall for a weak sissy boy? He sees something of worth in you because you’re fucking worth something, Todd.”

Shaking, Todd leaned back against the window frame, tears rising.

“Look,” Lane said quietly. “Trust me, I know how parents can fuck up their kids. And I know it isn’t something you can just turn it off. Some of us will have to fight against it all our lives, to some degree. But when you finally find someone who makes you feel good about yourself, who sees something good in you…” he shook his head. “You can’t let them get away.” He moved closer to Todd. “Drew does that for you, right?”

Todd nodded slowly and wiped his eyes. “When I’m with him,” he whispered. “When he…when he holds me, I feel safe. Like nothing in this world can touch me. Like…” his chin trembled. “Like everything my mom ever said and did to me was just a bad dream and never really happened. And I feel…free.” His breath shaky, he looked at Lane. “Is that how Nolan makes you feel?”

Lane blinked back dampness. “That’s exactly how he makes me feel. Safe and free.”

“But that’s here,” Todd said. “What happens when we leave this place, and they’re not with us? I don’t know if I can do this…out there. I don’t…I don’t know if I can, Lane.” His throat worked as he stared at Lane. “Can you?”

“I don’t know,” Lane admitted quietly. “I don’t know how it’ll feel to go back to our world like this. I don’t know what our friends will think, or what my sponsors or fans will think. I’m scared shitless,” he said thickly. “Not just about all that, but that maybe I’ll be too weak to stand up to it and in the end…let go of Nolan and lose the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Hanging his head, feeling the shame, Todd whispered, “I know I’m too weak. I can’t even handle the shit that my ex-girlfriend flicks at me. How am I supposed to go out there and face a homophobic world? I don’t think I can do it, Lane.”

Todd was startled when Lane hugged him. “You don’t know unless you try,” he murmured against his hair. “Neither of us do.”

Trembling, Todd tentatively hugged him back. “But once we’re out…there’s no taking it back. If we can’t handle it, then…then what’re we supposed to do?”

“I don’t know.” Lane tightened his arms around Todd. “But whatever happens, we’re in it together.”

 


© Copyright 2020 AMS1971. All rights reserved.

Chapters

Add Your Comments:

Other Content by AMS1971

More Great Reading

Popular Tags