Made To Be Broken

Made To Be Broken

Status: Finished

Genre: Gay and Lesbian

Details

Status: Finished

Genre: Gay and Lesbian

Summary

At age 14, Noble Richmond becomes devastatingly aware that he is gay. Being raised in a Christian home and church, Noble believes that being gay is a sin, and desperately seeks God's healing and deliverance – telling no one of his secret. Now, nine years later, Noble is engaged to a Christian girl, Rebecca, who he believes he is genuinely in love with. Convinced that God has answered his prayers and delivered him from the sin of homosexuality, Noble sees his future with Rebecca as bright and promising. But when Rebecca's step-brother, Jonah, shows up at their engagement party – Noble is forced to question his deliverance and finds himself struggling with emotions and desires he insists is not natural for one man to feel for another.

Summary

At age 14, Noble Richmond becomes devastatingly aware that he is gay. Being raised in a Christian home and church, Noble believes that being gay is a sin, and desperately seeks God's healing and deliverance – telling no one of his secret. Now, nine years later, Noble is engaged to a Christian girl, Rebecca, who he believes he is genuinely in love with. Convinced that God has answered his prayers and delivered him from the sin of homosexuality, Noble sees his future with Rebecca as bright and promising. But when Rebecca's step-brother, Jonah, shows up at their engagement party – Noble is forced to question his deliverance and finds himself struggling with emotions and desires he insists is not natural for one man to feel for another.

Chapter3 (v.1) - Moments Of Weakness

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: September 20, 2013

Reads: 893

Comments: 5

A A A | A A A

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: September 20, 2013

A A A

A A A

Moments Of Weakness

 

When you're around my defenses go down

Feelings get stronger, looks get longer

The closer you come, the weaker I get

If it ain't happened now, it just ain't happened yet.

 

- I'm Not Strong Enough To Say No, BLACKHAWK

__________________________________

 

When the arm slid around Noble's body from behind and the hand flattened against his chest, he was still half submerged in the dream. He and Jonah were back in the wine cellar, but this time when he pleaded for Jonah to kiss him...the man had given him his wish. Kissing him hard, and long. Their warm, velvet tongues dancing sinfully within one another's mouths, battling for dominance. Jonah's hard body had crushed Noble against the wine rack, his strong hands boldly exploring Noble as if he were a land undiscovered.

Exploding breaths and whimpering moans filled the cellar as the two men had grabbed and ripped at each other's clothes, exposing heated skin, until there was nothing between them but air and sweat. Jonah had grabbed Noble by the back of his thighs and lifted him off the floor as Noble's legs wrapped around Jonah's waist. A sharp whimper had burst from Noble's trembling lips when he'd felt the plump, leaking tip of Jonah's hard member probing between his butt cheeks.

“Tell me to fuck you, Noble.” Jonah's hot breath scorched Noble's ear, the man's lips sucking at his earlobe. “Tell me you want me inside you.”

Noble had clung to him in desperation, his strong thighs tightening around Jonah's waist, squeezing hard. “Fuck me, Jonah...please.” He'd begged without reservation or shame. “Please...I want to feel you inside me...I want it so bad, baby.”

“Tell me you're not ashamed to want me, Noble.” Jonah panted against his neck, his body shaking with the need to enter him, take possession of him.

Noble's fingers had dug into Jonah's back, gripping fiercely as he'd pressed his trembling lips to Jonah's shoulder. “I'm not ashamed.” he'd cried softly, and to his shock – there had truly been no shame.

Pressing tighter against him, Jonah had kissed his neck, spread open his butt cheeks with his fingers as he held Noble in place, and began to slowly squeeze his hardness inside Noble's willing body.

When the hand gripped his chest, Noble whimpered aloud, outside the dream, Jonah's name trembling on his lips, about to scream it out loud as inside the dream, Jonah steadily made Noble his own.

Lips touched his ear and Noble shuddered. He grasped the hand and pressed it hard against his chest, about to whisper Jonah's name when a soft voice murmured, “You awake, baby?”

A female voice.

Rebecca.

Noble gasped and his eyes snapped open, unable to stop the rush of disappointment that swept through him when he realized it was Rebecca – not Jonah – holding him. Whatever lack of shame he'd achieved in the dream, remained in the dream as now a tidal wave of shame and guilt crashed down on him, nearly drowning him.

A low, strangled cry lodged in his throat as he tried hard to swallow it before it announced itself. “Uh, yeah.” he mumbled. Noble didn't roll over and face her, he didn't want her to see or feel his massive erection. God, it ached so bad he longed to reach down and stroke himself. Tears stung his eyes and he wanted to cry from the urge to relieve himself. How could he have such an immense relapse so suddenly? Just because of a chance encounter with one man? Even if he felt free enough to date men – it wouldn't be a man like Jonah. He wasn't even Noble's type.

“You feel better, hon?” Rebecca murmured close to his ear. Her arm tightened around him and hugged him.

No. But he lied instead. “Yeah...I do.” He wanted to roll over, hold her against him, caress her body, prove to himself she was still the one he desired. That he could feel desire for her at all. But as her hand caressed his chest and her lips kissed the curve of his shoulder...he felt nothing. Only when he closed his eyes and imagined it was Jonah's lips and hands on him did his groin begin to ache more fiercely and his pulse quicken.

Please, God, I'll do anything. Just don't let this happen to me. Don't let me fall.

“Baby?” Rebecca said quietly, with concern. “You're shaking. Noble, what's wrong?”

He couldn't stop the tears from falling. Noble turned over and grabbed a hold of her, pulling her tight into his arms, burying his face in her neck, crying.

“Sweetheart, what is it?” Rebecca whispered, stroking the back of his head. “Why're you crying?'

“I'm scared, Becca.” He choked out unsteadily.

“Scared of what?” Rebecca drew back and held Noble's face in her hands. “What, Noble?”

He gazed into her eyes. It broke him to see how much she believed in his love for her, how much she trusted that he wanted no one but her. Already he'd betrayed her by begging Jonah to kiss him. How far would he have went with the man...had Jonah wished to take it further? Noble knew the answer, though he couldn't yet admit it to himself.

“I'm scared of hurting you, Becca.” he cried softly. “I'm so afraid I won't be the husband you want and need me to be. I don't want to let you down.”

“Baby.” Rebecca kissed his brow then pressed her forehead to his. “Everyone gets scared when they take this step. It's natural. I'm scared too. But I know as long as we're together, there's nothing we can't overcome.”

Nothing? Noble wished he could believe that. But what would she say if he told her right here and now that he was gay? One of them? The homosexuals she was so embarrassed to be associated with? What would she say if he told her how desperately he'd wanted Jonah to kiss him, touch him in ways that weren't natural for one man to touch another? Would she still believe that there was nothing they couldn't overcome?

“I know.” he said thickly. “I just don't want to fail you.”

“You won't.” Rebecca kissed his lips softly and he closed his eyes, willing the tingling sensations to come that should be there when the woman you're about to marry kisses you. But again, there was nothing. Just dead air. Her soft lips didn't begin to affect him as Jonah's had done in the cellar when his entire being sizzled and ached as he'd waited for the man to really kiss him.

Why hadn't he? Why had he just walked out? Did it give him an ego boost to bring Noble to the brink of surrender where he would do anything for that one kiss...and then just walk away, leaving Noble unfulfilled? Did he think Noble would seek him out later? Come begging for it? Was that what Jonah was really trying to do – get Noble to pursue him? Well the man would be waiting a long time, because Noble would never sacrifice his dignity to go chasing after a man.

Damned if he would!

 

........................

 

“Who is the fifth place setting for?”

Noble was only half hearing Rebecca and Colleen in the dining room across the hall as Mason clamped his strong hand on Noble's shoulder and smiled. He was a man Noble would be proud to call his father-in-law. Deep down, he wished today had been the wedding, rather than just the engagement party. He and Rebecca would be married now. Husband and wife. Together forever.

The two shall be one.

He needed to be married. He needed that bond, that link to Rebecca. The ring on his finger reminding him every second of every day how much he loved her and wanted to be with her. Her – and no one else.

“I just want you to know, Noble.” Mason squeezed his shoulder with affection. “I think you're a good man. And I don't think Rebecca could have made a better choice had she searched the world over.” His hand slid away. “She's a very lucky woman.”

Noble smiled weakly, struggling to make it genuine. “I'm a lucky man.” His words were sincere, even if his smile wasn't. He was a lucky man. Rebecca was a wonderful woman. She had captivated him from the moment they'd met. He'd fallen for her almost instantly. Had known she was the one. So what was wrong now? Why had all that seemed to change in an instant-

“Am I late?”

Noble's heart came to a stop as hard and sudden as if it had hit a brick wall. Jonah's voice burned his ears, sizzled his mind. Rebecca had said Jonah had left.

A bright grin cut across Mason's face. “Right on time, son.” Noble didn't turn around. He didn't want to face Jonah, couldn't bring himself to look in those piercing, violet eyes that seemed to rip open his soul and scatter his sins for all to see.

No, he didn't want to look at Jonah, but Mason's arm went around his shoulder, squeezed lightly and turned him against his will. “You met my future son-in-law at the party.” Mason spoke to his son.

Noble painstakingly avoided Jonah's stare, not trusting himself to speak as their encounter in the cellar raced through his head in extreme detail. A sense of horror and disgust swept through him when his groin began to tingle and throb lightly at the recent memory.

“Yes.” Jonah said, then his hand was once again thrust out to Noble. “Noble, wasn't it? Noble Richman?”

The nonchalance in his voice raked at Noble. The bastard was going to stand there and act as if he hadn't shoved Noble to edge of hell and left him teetering there, the heat burning his skin until it blistered. Rather than shake his hand, Noble had to suppress the urge to punch him. Still, his hand remained outstretched, and yet again, Noble had no choice but to accept it without seeming rude.

He slid his palm across Jonah's, the heat in the other man's skin instantly setting his senses ablaze. An involuntary shudder rippled through him and he was certain Jonah felt it through their clasped hands.

“It's good to see you again, Noble.” Jonah spoke low, his voice as tantalizing as it had been the first time he'd spoken to Noble earlier.

Noble only allowed his eyes to raise as far as the man's throat. “You too.” he mumbled as he stared at the man's neck and collar bone. The top few buttons of his tux shirt was unfastened and the tie undone and hanging loose around his neck. The slight swell of pec muscles pressed against the white fabric, betraying his hard body underneath.

An uneven breath stuck in Noble's throat and he realized he was squeezing Jonah's hand – hard. He released quickly and started to pull back when Jonah's hand tightened briefly, holding him in place. Noble's eyes jumped unwittingly to Jonah's face and were caught in the trap of the man's intense stare. Like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming semi, Noble could just stand and stare at the man, paralyzed. His heart thumped against his ribs and breathing suddenly seemed an act of pure will.

“Welcome to the family.” Jonah smiled, his probing eyes boring into Noble. “We're glad to...” His gaze suddenly swept down Noble's body and back up again. “...have you.”

His jaw tightening, Noble discreetly pulled against Jonah's grip. What the hell was the guy trying to prove? Whatever he was doing, Noble was getting pissed. His eyes hardened, face tightening. He gave one small, unnoticeable jerk of his hand and Jonah released him.

Mason was oblivious to the silent exchange between the two young men. He patted Noble's back in a fatherly manner. “Noble here is an artist. Did he tell you that?”

The corner of Jonah's mouth twitched and tugged, pulling Noble's eyes to the man's lips like a flint of steel to a powerful magnet.

“No.” Jonah murmured. “He didn't.”

Noble watched the corner of his mouth stretch a little more. The slight tingling in his crotch began to burn a little.

Please kiss me.

He had begged the man to kiss him. It couldn't be taken back. Jonah would always have that over him. Why had he begged him? He had no desire to kiss a man. He didn't want that anymore. He couldn't want that.

“Maybe we should hook up.”

Jonah's words snapped Noble out of his thoughts so forcefully he nearly gasped. His eyes widened a bit as he realized Jonah was staring at him so intensely Noble was certain he could hear his thoughts loud and clear. A flush warmed his cheeks and Jonah smiled.

“What?”

Mason chuckled. “Jonah owns an art gallery in upstate New York.”

“I could take a look at your work sometime.” Jonah's lips twitched with that secret smile that Noble now despised – because now...there really was a secret between them.

Noble swallowed tightly then shook his head. “Thanks, but no.” He mumbled. “It isn't that good. It's just a hobby. I'm not looking to sell.”

“Don't let him fool you.” Mason's hand clamped firmly on Noble's shoulder, startling him. “He does beautiful work. He's just being modest.”

Modest. The last thing Noble felt right now was modest.

“I'm sure he is.” Jonah smiled and studied Noble quietly until it seemed every nerve in his body surfaced and sizzled his skin. That funny, unwelcome tickle in his stomach returned and he had to physically force himself not to shiver.

Mason was saying something to Jonah concerning Noble's talent, but the ring in his ears distorted the man's words. A cold heat gripped him and he wanted to tear open the neck of his dress shirt. But he just stood unmoving beside Mason, as if Jonah weren't affecting him in the worst way.

“Will your parents be at the wedding?”

It took a moment for the words to get through or for Noble to realize Jonah was speaking to him. Jonah gazed at him, that secret glint in his transfixing eyes.

“Uh...yes.” Noble cleared his throat and forced himself to look away from Jonah's face. It disturbed him how difficult it was to pull his gaze off the man.

“I was surprised they weren't at the engagement party.” Jonah said.

“They couldn't make it in.” Noble struggled to keep his voice even, smooth. Not allow the man to know just what he was doing to him. But the sparkle in Jonah's eyes revealed he knew damn well his effect on Noble.

Shit, how could he not know? You begged the man to kiss you, dumb ass! You might be fooling everyone else, but you're not fooling him. And now you're shit out of luck because now – he's got your number!

“My dad.” Noble continued, a bit too rushed he realized. “He had business. He couldn't get away.”

A slight nod to Jonah's head and his eyes rested too easily on Noble's face. “I take it they're in favor of your impending...union?” A soft laugh emitted, sending a sudden shiver through Noble's body. “Of course they're in favor. Who wouldn't love Rebecca?”

The sincerity in Jonah's voice startled Noble. There was no lacing of sarcasm where he had expected there to be.

“Uh...yes.” Noble mumbled. “They're very much in favor.”

“Have you met them?” Jonah's question was directed at Mason.

Mason nodded and smiled. “Yes, a few times.” he said. “Lovely people.”

Lovely people. Noble was at least half certain Mason only said that for his benefit, and because the man was good hearted and tried to see the best in others. But lovely was not exactly how Noble would describe his parents. Alan and Tessa Richman weren't the easiest parents to grow up with. Nor were they the type a confused kid could go to with his...problem. They knew nothing of it. No one did.

Jonah's gaze felt heavy but he refused to look at the man directly.

Almost no one.

“Well, sounds like we're all going to be one big happy family.” Jonah smiled, but it drained away quickly when Rebecca's low voice sifted across the hall.

“Mom, why is he here? I don't want him here. This is supposed to be my day.”

Jonah stared at the floor and slowly rubbed a hand over his mouth.

A flicker of pity wisped through Noble but he quickly extinguished it. The last thing he needed was to feel sorry for the man. Jonah was the type to take advantage of that.

Jonah raised his eyes to his dad. “I can go. It's no problem. Becca's right, this is her day. And if she don't want me here...I don't want to ruin it for her.”

“You don't have to go.” Mason said. “I'll talk to Rebecca.”

“No.” Jonah shook his head. “It's okay, dad.” But Mason was already leaving the room.

Every nerve in Noble's body rose to the surface the instant Mason disappeared through the doorway. He didn't want to be here alone with Jonah. He couldn't be. Turning and keeping his back to the other man, Noble moved slowly towards the fireplace.

Every breath, every tiny shift in movement that Jonah made, Noble felt it like tiny needles stabbing all over his body.

“So.”

A knot swelled in Noble's throat so suddenly it nearly choked him. His body stiffened and tensed.

“Maybe you're smart to stay in the closet.” Jonah chuckled low but it lacked humor. “One black sheep of the family is enough, I suppose.” He went silent as if giving Noble the opportunity to respond. Noble let the opportunity pass. Jonah cleared his throat and he was a few steps closer. Noble gripped the edge of the mantle, his fingers whitening. “Then again, if you came out...guess you wouldn't be part of the family, would you?”

The unspoken conversation passing between them beneath the verbal one was deafening. A low throb settled in the center of Noble's forehead. He longed to flee the room, Jonah's presence. He closed his eyes and tried to pray away the unwelcome feelings beginning to swirl deep in his lower stomach.

God, please...please...make it stop...I don't want this...I don't...

Jonah's hand clamped onto Noble's shoulder and his knees nearly buckled at the shot of electricity that snapped through him. His breath caught and he flinched hard.

“I do hope they don't start referring to us as brothers, though.” His hand gripped lightly and slowly crept towards the nape of Noble's neck. “Under the current circumstances.”

Noble shuddered and wanted to shake off his hand, but he stood unmoving, his eyes locked onto a photo of Mason and Colleen on their wedding day. An unbearable heat poured out of Jonah's hand and into Noble's body. He swallowed tightly and shifted his shoulders but Jonah's hand remained, his fingertips twisting into the tips of Noble's dark hair, curling the strands and lightly tickling the sensitive skin at the nape. His thumb rubbed against the smooth skin behind Noble's ear. Noble's pulse hammered against his chest wall and his breath began to stagger and puff unevenly from between his lips. The dream of him and Jonah exploded in his head and hardened his crotch so suddenly it made him gasp. His jaw clenched tight, he ground his teeth until his face began to ache.

Jonah's fingers delved deeper into Noble's hair, cupping the back of his head. Noble's chest heaved. Stop touching me! Tears stung his eyes. The ache in his crotch was unbearable and burned like the fires of hell.

A whimper caught behind Noble's lips when Jonah leaned in and his mouth touched his ear. Panic stabbed him and he jerked away from Jonah so suddenly he nearly stumbled. His jaw clenched as he glared at the man. “What the fuck are you doing?” He hissed low and tight. “Keep your fucking hands off me. I'm not gay.”

“You asked me to kiss you.” Jonah said. “You begged me.”

Noble closed his eyes tight and turned away from the man.

“You want me to now.”

“No.” Noble said tightly. “I don't.” Summoning his courage, he turned back to face Jonah then gasped sharply when Jonah's hands caught his face and held it secure as his mouth descended towards Noble's. “Don't.” Noble whimpered, while every fiber of his being screamed for the kiss.

Jonah paused just millimeters from Noble's lips. His violet eyes held Noble's fearful, longing stare, unrelenting. He blew his warm breath lightly across Noble's lips, sending a fierce shudder spiraling through Noble's body and coiling in his groin, tightening the crotch of his trousers.

Another whimper squeezed up through Noble's tight throat when the tip of Jonah's tongue slid across Noble's lower lip. He trembled and closed his eyes, his lips parting on their own. Jonah moved in a breath closer and let his tongue venture just inside Noble's mouth, teasing Noble's tongue. A shaky breath burst from Noble's throat and his body came alive so suddenly he nearly cried out. His tongue wrapped around Jonah's to pull it in deeper – when Jonah withdrew and released Noble's face.

Noble's eyes opened slowly, heavily, and he knew there was no disguising the lust and desire burning in their depths. He could feel it resonating out of them. Jonah was a bleary haze before him, but he didn't miss the satisfied smile jerking at the corner of the man's mouth.

“No, you're right.” Jonah murmured. “You don't want my kiss.”

The voices from the dining room drifted across the hall. Though hushed, Rebecca was still resisting Jonah's presence at their dinner table.

Jonah sighed and shrugged. “Guess that's my cue to exit.”

He looked at Noble and Noble was certain he saw a shadow of hurt in the man's eyes, but again he resisted pity. Why should Rebecca want him here? The man showed no shame for his sinful lifestyle. In fact, he embraced it.

“What?” Jonah asked quietly. “You're not going to tell me it's okay if I stay?”

Dryness invaded Noble's throat, he swallowed with effort. “Maybe...” He swallowed again, but the dryness remained. “Maybe it is better if you leave.”

“I see.” Jonah nodded slowly, and Noble sensed an unexpected regret for his words. But he left them out there and made no attempt to draw them back. “So Rebecca's got an ally in her war against me.” His heavy eyes settled on Noble's face. “Good for her.” His lips twitched. “I'm sure you'll stand strong by her side...without wavering.”

Noble shuddered at the veiled implication. “I will.” He said quietly, yet with an edge of defiance.

Nodding slowly, Jonah rubbed his hand over his mouth and shrugged. “Well then, in that case, I guess it's time for me to go.”

The tension squeezing Noble's mind and body began to release it's suffocating grip as Jonah glanced towards the door. Go. Just leave.

“Just one more thing.” Jonah turned back and grabbed Noble's head tight in his hands and crushed his mouth down on Noble's lips.

Noble's legs weakened so suddenly he nearly dropped to the floor. A wailing whimper swelled in his throat as Jonah's kiss drowned him. He clutched the man's wrists fiercely as his mouth opened, allowing Jonah's tongue to thrust inside. Jonah's fingertips dug into his scalp as a low groan rolled up the man's throat and he pushed Noble back over against the fireplace, his hard body pinning Noble to the bricks.

A heavy fog dropped over Noble's mind as his body screamed for so much more than just a kiss. He released Jonah's wrists and his fingertips raked at the front of Jonah's shirt, his mind blocking out the reality that Rebecca and her parents were just across the hall. One fingertip hooked in the opening between two buttons and he yanked hard, snapping the button loose, jerking Jonah tighter against him.

Then suddenly he was left panting, his chest heaving, eyes heavy with sexual hunger, as Jonah released him and walked away, not so much as casting a glance back at him as he exited through the door and left the house.

Noble rubbed a shaky hand over his mouth, his eyes burning. A sob lodged in his throat, choking him. But was he upset because he'd once again succumbed to Jonah...or because Jonah had once more left him unfulfilled and in desperate need to be fucked by the man?

 


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