Freedom Found in Restraint
Poem by: Random thoughts maybe poetry
Reads: 299 | Likes: 1 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 2
Waking up exhausted, rubbing her wrists.
Still slightly sore from the night before.
The imprint left by the rope binding
that bound her wrists together, still there.
Feeling the depth of the impression ignites
her mind’s replay of the previous evening.
Heart palpitating, her back arching against
the restraints, she returns near to the edge.
Finding a liberation she’ll never relinquish,
the feeling of control while being vulnerable
turns her on, knowing it ends when she says.
Once she came close, right before she came.
Biting her lip until she feels the skin breaking,
since the pain calms her, causing her to smile
while still biting down on her throbbing lip,
her lips begin throbbing, thinking of tonight.
Submitted: June 25, 2022
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DampKitten
You know, Mr. Random, I'm all about restraints. Let's talk about this piece, though, as I rub this ice cube where you like it...
Sat, June 25th, 2022 4:07pmI want to mention tense. Look back at your piece and specifically look at your verbs. What I love about this poem is that it lends itself to retrospective analysis by the protagonist. (Are there protagonists of poetry?)
Do you see what I'm getting at? You start in present tense, but the subject of your poem is largely thinking about the past - be it ever so recent. Your tense is not consistently placing your reader into the past within the body of the piece. That's where we need to be, at least until the very last sentence when we consider the future (tonight). She's not feeling her skin break right now. That happened last night. She felt liberated last night. She arched her back last night.
The thing is, you're toying with a powerful literary tool, and you're not taking full advantage. Move your reader in and out of the time warp at will, Mr. Random. Use time to emphasize emotion. Show how memory plays with the mind.