Shark Beach

Reads: 241  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 6

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksiesilk Classic Group

Featured Review on this writing by samnash


Shark Beach

Not to return, she left her pail

Upon the glistening sand.

Then crashed into the mighty break,

With all its dazzling spray,

And heard her father's voice call out,

Then hastened back for shore, but riptide

Bound, she found herself beyond the

coral edges, where sharks will

Glide and paint the foam, far from those

Blind beach blankets. For seabirds circling

O're the fray, bore witness to

That summer's day.


Submitted: June 01, 2022

© Copyright 2022 Laird. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

Spyguy

A sad commentary on an all too possible fate!

Wed, June 1st, 2022 5:17pm

Author
Reply

That'd be one way to ruin an otherwise promising day. Thank for reading, Spyguy!

Wed, June 1st, 2022 10:22am

Spyguy

A sad commentary on an all too possible fate!

Wed, June 1st, 2022 5:17pm

samnash

She should have read the “shark alert” signs. Interesting tale of sadness well told.

Sat, June 4th, 2022 9:14pm

DampKitten

Love your use of alliteration and your focus on the moment. I’m a fan of short poetry that’s direct and unexpected.

There’s a subtle hint about the artistry of carnivores. I’d like you to elaborate on the imagery of that.

Sat, June 4th, 2022 10:35pm

DampKitten

Love your use of alliteration and your focus on the moment. I’m a fan of short poetry that’s direct and unexpected.

There’s a subtle hint about the artistry of carnivores. I’d like you to elaborate on the imagery of that.

Sat, June 4th, 2022 10:35pm

Author
Reply

Thanks again, DampKitten. This is totally free verse. Just watching it develop. So I wrote this, originally for seals. You're correct about the artistry of carnivores. My exact point. Here's the initial effort, sticking to ten syllables per line, but then I saw more. Struggling in line four.


Abandoned lairs on pebbled shores, with tides

That threw a dazzling spray for mammal

Babes with parents strayed beyond the surf

To become the prey of gliding sharks that

Paint the foam. With seabirds, o're the fray.

Sat, June 4th, 2022 5:27pm

DampKitten

Oh, I see that. Then you decided to move away from discovery channel and go to Jaws. My suggestion would be to elaborate on the ocean tapestry

Sun, June 5th, 2022 4:35am

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