Created: April 18,2023
07 Sep 2021 - Rendezvous
Two a-cup beauties,
topped by after dinner mints
that beg for biting.
Her silken see-thru,
single arching eyebrow smile,
have my heart racing.
High heels. Black stockings
leave her love nest space to breathe -
two lips which whisper.
Ten weeks of talking.
Rendezvous, we meet at last,
and we're consenting.
That's not the whiskey,
that's not her perfume I smell,
but burning bridges.
~
Submitted: September 07, 2021
© Copyright 2023 Gavin A. Momstretcher. All rights reserved.
Comments
You had me to the last line...(which I don't understand in this context)
Burning bridges generally suggests you are destroying a relationship which can never be repaired. We have no preface for that in the poem unless you want to add something. I suppose it could be a reference to another relationship (perhaps the speaker is married and this is an affair), but I think you'd at least want to mention that.
Otherwise, I love this opening imagery with the after dinner mints and the alliteration in your second stanza - again, great imagery. If you change the last line in the 3rd stanza - "two lips to whisper" - it might sound more poetic due to repetition. See what you think.
I really love this piece. The last line throws me, and I think you were inferring this is an affair. If you had a stanza in there where you explore infidelity or guilt in some superficial way, it would totally make bring this home.
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Ivy B Pane
Wow, you got a great voice for this. Wow, nice piece of work.
Tue, September 7th, 2021 11:13pmAuthor
Reply
Thank you dear lady!
Tue, September 7th, 2021 4:16pm