Some Days

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksiesilk Classic Group

starting over

Some Days
 
Some days are rainy seasons.
Some days seem to have no reason.
Some days you try to stop the flood
From your very deepest lesions.
 
Some days no one hears you.
Some days no one sees you.
Some days you can stand and scream
But the prison cell won’t free you.
 
Some days all you wear are tears.
Some days all you breathe are fears.
Some days you know you’ll be alone
If you live a billion years.
 
~


Submitted: September 02, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Gavin A. Momstretcher. All rights reserved.

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Comments

DampKitten

Repetition is your primary poetic element. Rhyme is secondary, though prominent. This lacks the depth of the previous pieces I've read, but that's okay. Poetry, above all, is about emotion.

Looking at your rhyme scheme, if you chose to rhyme the 3rd lines in each of your stanzas, it would emphasize uniformity.

In other words; (a,a,b,a -c,c,b,c-d,d,b,d)

Fri, September 3rd, 2021 4:32pm

Author
Reply

Yes. The repetition of the first word in each of the first three lines of each stanza is meant to approximate obsessive thinking as is common in states of depression. The complete dropping of the end rhyme on the third line of each stanza was meant to de-emphasize the line break & to let the third flow into the fourth - perhaps I should have made the first word of each fourth line lower case as well. Thanks for your feedback!

Fri, September 3rd, 2021 7:43pm

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