WHO'S YOUR DADDY???
( Rachel Blackouttts Challenge )
My name is Ashley Conrad, and this is my story:
It all started when my mother Barbara, married Steven Harper, an insurance salesman from Arkansas. My real dad died over five years ago, from a heart attack. Mom thought it would be good for me to have a father figure in my life...
I didn't like Steven much, he was too strict on me. Never having children of his own, he really didn't know how to be a father. My mother spent too much time in the church, she was a minister, and was totally dedicated to the gospel. She lived, and breathed the commandments. Which is OK for her, but I didn't want to dedicate my life to the church. I had bigger plans. One of them being getting the hell out of Texas, as soon as I was old enough.
My stepfather had been sexually abusing me since I was thirteen. He threatened to hurt my mother if I ever told, so it left me resentful, and angry. My mother had no idea he was doing things to me, and blamed my attitude on peer pressure. Steven wasn't getting the attention his body desired from my mother, so he fulfilled his desire upon me. It had become a routine for him to have sex with me. I was too scared to turn him down...
It was on a Sunday. I dragged myself out of bed, like so many Sundays before. My mother had been calling me for twenty minutes. " We're going to be late, Ashley! Now for the last time, get dressed." Her voice was stern, and impatient. " Why do we have to go through this every week? "
" Because I don't want to go! " I hissed back at her. She gave me that, "Or else, Look! " I knew by that look, I wouldn't get my way. I was getting dressed, when suddenly I could hear a noise coming from behind my bedroom wall. " Mother! " I yelled,"I think we have rats! " Shivering with disgust, from the thought of the little rascals, I finished getting dressed.
I sat down for breakfast,and asked mom where Steven was.
" He was here a second ago," Mother yawned, as she took a bite of bacon.
" Ewww! How can you eat that? " I asked her, " it's flesh! Gross! "As I turned up my nose.
I took a sip of my orange juice,when Steven came in and poured a cup of coffee. He wasn't dressed, " aren't you coming with us? " I asked him, in a jealous tone.
" Not this morning, I have repairs to do around the house," he hummed, as he reached over to mom, and gave her a kiss.
" How disgusting! " I told them, sticking out my tongue. " That's not fair mom, he gets to stay home, why cant I? "
" Because you need it more than he does," she looked at me smiling.
I shook my head, and went to brush my teeth. My bathroom, adjoined moms room. So when I had to use it, I had to lock the door that led to their bedroom. I hated the idea, but that's how dad built it. When he built the house, he wasn't thinking about additions to it. Steven promised he would build me my very own bathroom, but he never did.
After we arrived at church, I decided to sit in the back row, moms sermons were usually long, and boring. I had heard them all anyway, and she was pretty long winded.
I found a good spot behind a woman with a large hat on her head. " Perfect! " I thought,. as I settled down. Bobby Dupree saw me, and sat down beside me.
" Good hiding spot," he laughed, as he scooted closer to me.
" Mom will kill you, if she sees you," I smiled.
Bobby looked into my eyes and whispered, " we could sneak out and hide behind the church, I know a good hiding spot," trying to talk me into it.
I was tempted, really tempted. But I knew if we were caught, I would be grounded for life.
Mom was getting into her sermon, and suddenly I didn't exist to her anymore. " OK! Lets go,"I whispered. " You first, and I will follow you."
Bobby got up slowly, and walked out. I waited a few minutes, and then I got up, and follow him. We ran to the back of the church. I giggled, as he led me to a rundown tool shed, just beyond the church. Next to the shed was an old grave yard, that hadn't been kept up. It was almost hidden by overgrown bushes.
" Oh my god! " I shivered, "a grave yard."
" Are you scared? " Bobby asked, laughing.
" No! I'm not scared, " I scolded him, and punched him in the arm. Our eyes met, and I began to have tingles throughout my body. I liked the feeling I got when he kissed me.
" Come on! " he said, as he dragged me behind the shed.
We lay there, both of us not saying anything at first, then he started to unbutton my blouse. " Have you ever did this before? " His voice changed, and his eyes looked funny.
" Did what? " I asked, as if I didn't know.
" You know! Had sex! " he smiled.
" No, never! "I lied. I wanted to tell him my secret, but I was afraid of how he would take it. It was something I haven't told anyone, not even my mom, it would have destroy her. Bobby started to pull my skirt up, when we heard something in the bushes. " Oh my god! " I thought to myself. I buttoned my blouse, straightened my hair, and took off running back to the church. After he saw it was just a rabbit, Bobby, yelled to me.
" We're going to finish this! "
I went inside, service was almost over, and mom noticed me coming through the doors.
" Where have you been? " Her eyes wondered to the door,just asBobby slipped in. " Have you been with that boy? " Her voice was a little hoarse, but quite demanding.
" We were just talking mother! Don't have a cow! "
" Don't you talk to me that way, young lady! " She said angrily. " We'll discuss this when we get home." As she started shaking hands with the congregation.
Mom was quiet all the way home, I could tell she was upset. " Ashley," she finally spoke, " I haven't really talked to you about boys, and I think its time we had a girl to girl talk." She sounded a little bashful. " After dinner tonight, we'll sit down, and have a good talk."
I looked at her, surprised. " Mom, I don't want to talk to you about sex! Gross! "
After we made it home, I ran to my room, to get out of my church clothes, and slipped on my tank top and shorts. I was in the mood for Good Charlotte. I put my head phones on, and drifted away from reality for awhile.
I guess I had been sleeping for a while, when I heard that noise again, behind my wall. This time my eyes caught a tiny speck of light coming from a small hole in the wall. I hadn't noticed it before, but Isaw movement on the other side. It was coming from moms room.
Suddenly I heard her car start up, so I ran to the window. Sure enough she was leaving. I raised the window, and yelled. " Mom! Where are you going? "
" I have to run to the store, I'll be right back! "She yelled as she pulled away. A few minutes later,Steven came into my room.
I looked at him terrified, " Get out! " I screamed, " I'll tell mom! "I ran to my bed, and covered myself with my comforter.
He looked at me with his lustful eyes, " Oh, come on," he sneered at me. " Who's your daddy? Don't you want to make daddy happy!" He grabbed my arms and threw me back on the bed. "He yanked the comforter off me, and sneered. " See how you dress around me, you know you want me, just as much as I want you."
I jumped out of bed, and ran to the bathroom. He started beating on the door, " daddy's little girl," he whispered from the other side.
I was so frightened. " Mom will be back soon, you better leave me alone." I screamed in tears.
" No she wont, I gave her a list of things to get, she'll have a time finding them," he laughed in an evil tone. " Now come on, give daddy what he wants!"
I knew he wouldn't leave me alone, til I gave into him. I slowly opened the door, and there he was, with an evil grin on his face. " Your mother told me about the boy at church today," he said,biting his lips." You want it don't you? " He threw me on the bed, and made me take my clothes off. " I don't want you giving it to anybody but me,"then he savagely raped me.
Four months had passed, and Steven continued to abuse me. I had become rebellious, and uncontrollable. I started sneaking out at night, meeting Bobby. He had become my only retreat from the monster, that lived in my home. I was so depressed, holding everything in, I decided to tell Bobby everything. The rapes, the abuse, the violation of my privacy, by making holes in the walls.. Everything!
Bobby was fighting mad, he wanted to kill my step dad. " How could you put up with him? " His eyes were full of tears. " Please let me help you! " He begged.
" No! I cant, it would destroy my mom." I told him." Cant you just be here for me? " I cried.
" You know I will, but how much more of this can you take? " He put his arms around me, and told me he would always be there for me.
I was climbing back in my window, when the bedroom light came on. It was my mom, standing there with a hurtful expression on her face.
' Where have you been? "
" Out! I've been out! "I yelled. " You want let me go, whenI ask you, so i slipped out." Giving my mom a hateful look.
" Do you know how dangerous it is out there at night, especially for a young girl! " She scolded.
I looked in moms eyes, " Not near as dangerous, as it is here," I stopped myself.... Realizing I had let that slip.
" What are you talking about, Ashley? " She looked at me puzzled.
About that time Steven walked in. He realized we were having an argument, so he turned to leave. " No! " I called to him. " You can stay, this concerns you too, daddy! " I yelled.
My mom had a strange look on her face, " Whats going on? " She asked in a broken voice. I decided not to tell mom about the sexual abuse, the pregnancy was enough...
" Sit down, mom. I have something to tell you both." I sat down beside her, and blurted out. " I'm pregnant! "As I lowered my head in shame, mom broke down in tears. Steven had a look of relief on his face, as he took my mom in his arms.
Mom screamed, " Its that boys... Isn't it? I'm so disappointed in you! I cant stand the site of you right now! " She stormed out of the room. Steven just stood there, and shook his head. Then he turned, and ran after her.
As the months came and went, my mom never would forgive me. And me... Well, I had gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, "Amber." I no longer live with my parents. My step dad? Well, lets just say. Amber is the spitting image of her daddy.