"I do" I said, looking straight into the eyes of Zach, the
man I'd loved since our first kiss in grade 11.
"You may now kiss the bride," the priest told my
He moved forward and I was brought into the magic of a kiss
from my husband.
Our family and friends stood up and clapped when he moved
back from me. He smiled and grabbed my hand and we walked down
the isle, smiling the whole way.
He held my hand tightly as we walked, almost as if he was
showing me he'd never let me go.
He brought me to where we'd been told to go; just outside
the doors of the room. He grabbed my body and kissed me
"From now on until forever, you will be my husband," I
"From now on until forever, you will be my wife. From now
on until forever, you will always be in my heart; I'll always be
with you. I love you." He whispered back.
I kissed him again before we realized we better get moving.
The guests were getting up from their seats and moments later;
the hall way would be filled with people.
A friendly usher told everyone goodbye as they left for the
dinner and dance.
"Congratulations!" He told us as we walked out the door,
hand in hand.
We walked to the limo that was waiting for us just meters
away from the front doors of the church. The driver smiled as he
opened the door and we got into the back seat. He closed the door
behind us, but waited for the friends who we'd invited to share
The door opened again and some of our best friends
excitedly jumped into the car.
"Congratulations!" My best friend, Bess, yelled as she
The dinner was a party of food, dancing and laughing. But
that wasn't what I was looking forward to…. It was the party we
had planned together afterward that I was waiting most
At 2:30, almost everyone had cleared out of the hall. Our
friends had always been a group of late-night-partyers so it was
no surprise that all that was left was a bunch of people in their
twenties. I spotted my friend Andrea from across the room and
walked towards her. My dress was seeming more heavy and the veil
was just driving me crazy. She smiled at me but I could tell
she'd been drinking. Her boyfriend waved from across the room and
she stood up saying, "my ride".
I walked back to my husband when she left and grabbed his
"Can you believe it, it's all over?" I said.
"The best part is still to come" he whispered into my
I held his hand tighter and he walked me to the limo, which
had been waiting there for the last half hour. My parents had
already packed up everything else and brought it to my apartment,
so we were free to go to the hotel we'd rented for the
The limo drove slowly through the dark streets until it
came to the hotel, which was only a few blocks away from the
hall. The driver got out and opened the door, while Zach helped
me out. We walked through the silent hotel lobby to the checkout
desk. It looked like the attendant was half-asleep, but her eyes
widened when she looked up from the book she was reading.
"Newly weds!" she exclaimed.
Zach did the talking since I was already half-asleep as
well. We'd been up late last night doing last minute
preparations. Making it even harder, we weren't allowed to see
each other, so we were on the phone from different friends
houses, enjoying our last night apart.
He took the key out of the woman's hand and started walking
from the desk.
"I'd suggest you take the elevator, that dress doesn't look
like it's easy to walk up the stairs in" the attendant yelled
"Will do!" Zach yelled back
We stepped into the old, creaky elevator and Zach pressed
the button for floor 5. We stayed silent as it moved up, maybe
because we were both thinking about what would happen next or
maybe because we were both wondering whether this old thing would
get us up alive.
The doors opened and we stood staring into an empty
hallway. I'd already realized this was a pretty old hotel. The
lights were dimmed and the walls were dark. It was comforting,
but at the same time it was a little spooky.
Zach walked confidently towards room 203 and put the key in
the lock. As he opened the door, my heart skipped a beat, I'd
been expected more than an empty hotel room. He grabbed my hand
and let me into the room as he turned the light on. I looked
around, it was a small room with a comfy-looking bed, some
candles, two heart shaped lights and pretty curtains. It was not
like the rest of the hotel which looked old and uncared
Zach sat on the bed, "is it good enough?"
"Yeah, it's fine, it's kind of cute" I told him, sitting
next to him on the bed.
He leaned over and kissed me softly. He rubbed my back and
undid my dress. I knew it wasn't going to be easy getting out of
it, it was big and bulky, yet beautiful.
He started sliding it off, it seemed to come off easier
than it was to put it on. He dropped it on the floor and I
suddenly wondered if I should put it on a hanger.
He smiled at me in the darkness but said nothing as he
began undoing his own clothing. I grabbed him and kissed him
"Whoa, baby!' he said,"let me get undressed, then we'll
have our fun."
He slid off his suit, piece by piece and dropped it beside
my dress. I fell onto the pillow, tired as hell.
He came beside me and we lay there for a few seconds in
just our undergarments.
He wrapped his arms around me, kissed me softly as he undid
my bra. He threw it down and I could hear it land on the fabric
of my dress. He pulled me against him and I reached over, running
my hands up and down his chest.
He started easing down my underwear, so I reached over and
did the same to his.
After our long preparation, we were laying there, naked
against each other. I kissed him softly and looked into his deep
He broke the silence, "Are you ready?"
When I woke up, the sun was shining in the large windows of
my apartment. I could hear the shower running and I assumed Zach
was already awake. I rubbed my eyes and glanced at the clock, it
was 7:00. I yawned remembering that I had to be at work for 8:30.
I crawled out of bed and found my slippers that were sitting on
the floor where I'd left them the night before.
I opened the closet to find something formal for my meeting
today. Just then, Zach came out of the bathroom wrapped in only a
towel with another on his head.
"Morning sweetie" He gave me a quick kiss before rummaging
through our already-messy closet to find something for him to
When he went back into the bathroom, I went though what I
had on hangers. My fingers slipped over my wedding dress which
was hanging neatly on its hanger. I smiled, remembering the day I
became Zach's wife. It had been almost a year since that
Zach came back into the room and saw me staring at the ring
on my finger.
"Our anniversary is next week!" He smiled.
"I know," I said, giving him a romantic hug.
In a way, I couldn't believe we'd gotten through the last
year and still loved each other. Money was really tight and we
were living pay check to pay check. We were still living in my
small apartment, which was hard to hold all of our belongings and
he was still in school, trying to become a doctor. Despite all
things stressful, Zach always found time to love me. He was
always happy to see me and he always found time to be with me,
in-between work and school. We rarely fought and when we did we
always laughed about it after anyways.
"Well, I'll be back," He said, "I have to go get the mail,
then I'll be back."
He kissed me goodbye and told me he loved me before walking
out the door. Never before had he left the house without me
knowing he loved me.
I jumped in the shower and got dressed before he got back.
I was eating breakfast when he walked in. He had a very angry
look on his face and for a second it looked like he was going to
"Are you okay?" I asked, walking up to him,
He walked by me and into our bedroom, slamming the door
I gave him a few minutes before knocking on the door. I'd
never seen him this angry before and I was worried something was
"What?" He said angrily.
"Can I come in?" I asked softly
"I'd rather you didn't" he said in the same tone.
"Are you okay? Did something happen?"
"No and yes"
"Can we talk?"
"No!" He screamed
I walked from the door, completely unsure what to do. I had
to leave for work in 25 minutes and I didn't want to leave
without knowing what was wrong. But if he wasn't going to tell
me, I couldn't wait, I'd been late for work so many times my boss
had already warned me I might get fired. I knew we couldn't deal
I walked up to our bedroom door again and knocked
"What do you want now?" He yelled.
"Why can't you tell me what's wrong?" I asked, trying not
to sound impatient.
"It's none of your business!" He screamed back
"Maybe not, but you seem really upset, you should talk
about it," I said, trying to remain calm.
"Honey, we can't do this anymore…" his voice drifted
"Can I come in?" I asked
I opened the door and found him lying on our bed.
"What do you mean?"
"We can't afford to live!" He screamed at me.
"What? We're doing fine?"
"I just lost my fucking job, I just got the bill from the
fucking school and then there's the bill for this apartment which
came in the mail today too. Not to mention the fucking credit
card bill. Oh, and before I forget, our fucking wedding bill that
still isn't paid!"
"It's okay, we'll get through this," I said more calmly
than I was.
"No! We can't. Do you know how much money we owe? It wasn't
even worth it for the wedding!"
"It was so!" I was mad then.
"Well… You go to your fucking job; maybe you can be good
enough and get a promotion. Then again, I doubt you'll be good
enough, you haven't even been able to pay for this little
apartment without my help!" He yelled
Tears came to my eyes, "It's not like you're going to work,
you got fired, so you must not be good enough either."
"I got laid off because my employer couldn't afford to pay
me," He said defensively.
"Oh," I didn't know what else to say.
"Get to work, we need all the money we can get. I'll be
here when you get back, since I have no work or school to go to."
He yelled at me.
"I can't afford to go to school, so I guess I'll just have
to drop out"
"Zach, don't do this. We can get through this. You'll get
another job. Get up go to school." I said trying to sound
"Get up, get to work, and make some money girl!"
I stared coldly at him and wondered why he was treating me
like this, I'd never seen him like this before.
"GOOD BYE!" He yelled at me.
I walked out the door fighting back the river of tears that
was coming. I looked back and he was still lying there. I slammed
the door behind me and headed for the front door where I grabbed
my keys and ran for the bus, hoping I'd be on time.
"I'm sorry, Miss, he's dead," The doctor said, looking very
I looked up from my hands, which were wet from my tears and
into his eyes for truth. I saw no lie, he was telling the truth;
Zach was dead.
More tears come to my eyes almost instantly and the doctor
told me he would give me a minute alone. I looked around the
waiting room, there were only a few people there, but I didn't
It had been around 1:30 when I got the call to come in. My
boss had called me to her office and told me there was a call for
me on line two. I didn't know who would be calling me here but
assumed it was probably Zach calling to apologize. When I picked
up the phone, I realized it was definitely not Zach. Before the
man said anything, I knew something was wrong.
He told me that Zach had been walking to school when a
drunk driver was driving down the street. The driver took a wrong
turn and hit Zach who was walking on the sidewalk,
I'd rushed to the hospital, only to be told Zach was dead.
They'd tried to save him, but he'd lost too much blood.
The doctor came back after I'd been crying a few
"Do you want to go say goodbye?" He said, looking
I couldn't talk, there was a lump in my throat, but I
nodded my head and he motioned for me to follow him. He brought
me to a small, plain white room and pointed to the bed. He left
in an instant and said he'd be back in a few minutes.
I looked at the bed where Zach lay. All I could see was his
head, as the doctors had covered the rest of his body. His head
had a series of bloody scrapes and I could only imagine how bad
the rest of his body was. His eyes were closed and I knew I would
never get to look into those beautiful green eyes again.
I slowly made my way towards him. He looked as if something
was missing. He wasn't there anymore; it was just his body. Zach
was in heaven now.
I grabbed his hand and sat down beside him on the bed. The
tears flowed heavily, blurring my vision of my lost
I started remembering this morning, the fight, the tears,
the forgotten I love you.
"I didn't even get to say goodbye," I whispered to his
body, "Zach, I love you. I love you so much baby. Why did you
leave me? I love you, we were meant together. We were going to
have a family together. We were going to get through our
troubles. We were going to die together," I cried
I kissed his bloody cheek and my tears fell on his face,
creating a salty mix of blood and tears.
"I love you, forever, Zach" I whispered.
The doctor walked into the room then. I looked at him
through my tears then I turned my head back to Zach for one last
"Are you ready?" He asked me
"I'm deeply sorry" He told me.
I sat in my apartment looking through pictures of us, when
he was here.
I found our high school pictures. His looked like he was
holding back laughter while mine looked like I just wanted it to
be over. I found some pictures of when we were together. Some we
were being crazy, others were just plain romantic and sweet.
Looking at them just made my heart hurt, but the memories made me
want to laugh, cry or smile.
Then I found our wedding album. We'd bound and put it
together so carefully one night afterward. As I flipped through
the pages, I remembered the perfect day that we became one. Then
I remembered the night, when we finally came together.
Tears fell down my face and my heart ached for him. But I
knew he was gone, I knew he was never coming back.
It had been almost a week since he left me. My mother had
suggested looking through our memories to help ease the pain. It
only made it worse, so I put the pictures away.
I was laying in bed on the night after Zach's funeral
crying my eyes out. The burial was the hardest thing I've been
through. Seeing his beautiful body dropped into the ground, never
to be seen again, I hated it.
I decided to take a shower to ease my mind. As I got out, I
had the feeling I wasn't alone. I glanced around the small
bathroom, but no one was there. So I wrapped a towel around me
and opened the bathroom door.
There was rustling in the bedroom and I ran to check the
scene. I glanced around the room but couldn't determine where it
was coming from.
Suddenly the picture of Zach and my wedding kiss came
flying off my end table and smashed to pieces on the ground. I
ran towards it, but stepped back, realizing that someone must
have done it and it wasn't me.
"Whose here?" I yelled
There was no answer, just the frightening sound of
"Who did that, tell me?!" I screamed again,
No one said anything, but I realized it got my mind of
mourning Zach. I walked back to the bathroom to get into my PJs.
I looked into the mirror to check my hair and noticed the words,
"it was Zach" written into the condensation.
A shiver went up and down my spine. I knew too well that it
was not Zach. Zach was dead.
Almost immediately tears came to my eyes, but I laughed out
loud and said, "Zach's dead, that's impossible". But the tears
I slid under the warm covers of my bed and turned out the
"It's not impossible" I heard someone whisper.
I jumped out of bed and turned on my light.
"Who said that?" I screeched, more than frightened.
"I did, Zach" a whisper said again,
"Stop saying that, who are you really?"
"Sweetie, it's me, Zach"
"Zach?" I whispered back, "Zach, where are you?"
"I'm sitting right beside you,"
I looked around the room, there was no one there, yet I
still felt someone's presence
"I can't see you?"
"No, but I can see you." He said quietly, "put your hand
I reached out into the empty room and looked around
"I'm holding your hand"
"I can't feel…" I said. Somehow, I knew it was him, but I
"I know, but I'm here. Baby, I promise, I'm here… I'll
always be here."
"Kiss me" I said.
"Close your eyes, pretend I'm here. Maybe you'll feel
I closed my eyes and moments later I could feel something
against my lips. It was just a brush and then suddenly, it was so
real. It was almost as if his lips were really there. Or maybe
I opened my eyes and the feeling stopped, I was kissing
"I felt it, but you're not there"
"I know, you can't see me sweetie, but I'm here, I
Tears started flowing down my face and I couldn't stop
them, "Why?" was all I could say, but it wasn't all I
"Why did I die? I had no choice. Why did I leave you? I had
no choice. Why am I still here? I had no choice."
I wanted to be taken into his warm embrace and brought to
his world. I wanted to be with him.
"Baby, I love you" He said
"I love you more…" I said through my tears, "is this
"I don't know. I would stay here forever if I could, but I
don't think I can."
Suddenly I wondered if my mind was playing tricks on me,
but somehow I knew it was real.
"Take me with you,"
"I can't. You have to stay here, you have to live your
life, you can do it without me," He told me.
"I can't," I mumbled.
"Baby, I'll always be here, I'll always be by your side,
and I'll always love you. From now until forever, I'll be in your
And he was gone. Somehow I knew he was gone, there was an
overwhelming feeling of loneliness. I knew he would never come
I cried out loud, "Zach, Zach, why? Why do you have to go?
We were supposed to be together forever, now I'm all alone." I
fell onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. I waited, but no
tears came, I realized I was going to be okay.
"I'll always be in your heart" Rang in my ears. This time,
he wasn't sitting beside me; he said it from my heart.
�2009 Bailey Thompson