I stared out the bus window at the falling rain as we passed the cars in the busy street and rushing sidewalk of people hurrying to get to where they needed to go. The only sound I heard was Slipknot playing in my headphones from my iPod as I leaned my forehead on the cool window. Thankfully there weren't that many people on the bus today as there was every other morning of the week. I don't think I would be able to keep my cool with people nudging me or if I ran into Josh and his pack. I really didn't want to put up with their immature name calling me fag, freak, weirdo, or the papers and spit wads getting thrown at the back and side of my head this morning. I'd probably explode say something stupid and get my ass kicked before I got to school. So today I'm just grateful I could enjoy my music and have some peace before I got there.
It was Monday and I made it through another weekend that felt like forever with my mom. I'm also glad that this week was a full week of school. Of course this morning she had told me to get my ass home as soon as school let out. And I wasn't going to even think about disobeying although I wasn't too anxious to get home. I was hoping that the school day today was going to be a long one. I wasn't ready to get home to that woman. I already got backhanded twice this morning and yelled at not to mention the vodka bottle that just missed my head that I had to clean up before leaving. And I know for a fact that it isn't over. I'm going to endure more once I got home. She was stuck at home all day today and I bet she was going to make a mess that I would be forced to clean up. Hopefully my sister Mikaylah got home early today instead of staying after school for the book club like she did four times a week Monday through Thursday. I was hoping that they cancel it today so I wouldn't be totally alone with my mom.
How pathetic is that, to be scared of your own mom. Well I am. She's not exactly the nicest women when it's just us. Well she hasn't since our dad walked out three years ago when Mikaylah and I were 12 and she started drinking and doing drugs. Now she takes everything out on us. Often when she's high and or drunk she calls me by his name and she turns more abusive. She's more abusive to me than my sister when we're together and when she's not around it's even worse for me. She doesn't hold back. But I don't ever say anything to anyone. Some things I don't even mention to my sister and keep to myself. Like the time when she shoved me because she couldn't find her stash and thought I took it. I fell down the stairs at our old house and fractured my leg that time. I told my sister and the doctor and basically anyone that asked that I tripped over the rug in the upstairs hallway even though it wasn't that close to trip down the stairs. But they believed it and she did put on the whole worried mom act. She's good at acting like the good mother that she is completely not. Since the incident we had to move to a smaller house with two bedrooms. Her master bedroom and mine and my sisters room, there is also two bathrooms one in the master and one down the hall from our room. Only us three live there and we put on the image of a normal happy family so everyone is oblivious to the amount of the diverse types of abuse we bear.
Although our mom is abusive she's still our mom. She's the only thing we have left of family besides each other. I've tried hating her for the numerous horrible things she has done to me but I can't. She's my mom and I guess it's in my nature to love her. I love her but damn do I fear her.
I looked up from my short nap and quickly looked around panicking that I missed my stop and I was going to be late for school. But luckily I hadn't. I woke up just in time to get off at the next stop. I opened my phone and checked the time catching my breath from the minor heart attack I almost endured. It was 7:45AM that left me about fifteen minutes to use the bathroom get my shit out of my locker and get to class. Ugh! Today is probably going to be a day full of damn note taking. I thought as I grabbed my bag ready to get off. The bus made a squeaky stop and opened the doors. I quickly got up stuffing my iPod and phone into my pants pocket. I pulled down my sweat-shit to cover my pockets so my stuff wouldn't get wet then pulled up my hood so my hair wouldn't get completely soaked. I jumped off the bus across the gutter filled with water to the curb nearly going backwards. I caught my balance and hastily walked to school.
The thunder crashed and the rain started to come down harder. I grabbed onto my bag tightening the straps and ran towards school. I decided to cut through the bushes and run across the nearby park. I made it there two minutes earlier than I thought. I opened the side door and ran in nearly sliding into four girls who had locked arms. I fell on my ass with a thud and looked up at the four pair of eyes staring down at me. I got up slowly my tailbone hurting a little and put down my hood. I took one of my earphones out of my ear and moved my hair out of my eyes. I looked at them a little pissed because they were still staring at me like I was crazy or something, like it was a crime for me to almost run into them. I moved around them because they were standing there not budging or taking a clue to unlock arms and move the hell out of the way. I started walking to class when I stopped and turned around to them still standing there staring at me with the same look on their faces.
"No, No, It's okay. I'm fine." I said with an obvious fake smile and my arms up.
I put back in my earphone and continued to walk down the hallway away from those stuck-up bitches. I swear they could have at least pretended to care and ask "are you okay" instead of just standing there staring at me like I wasn't human or something. But you know what? Whatever! I turned the corner and sped up my pace to the guy's bathroom. I walked in and saw Josh and his four buds that always fallowed him around, like wolves a pack leader, standing by the sink and a couple using the restroom. I turned to leave but I was too far in and they noticed me.