"It doesn't sound like
you spent much time with him at all." Albear said referring to
Alexsander. Lourdes didn't see any point in telling him about
Lita...and Pullo...and the gun...
"Well there was never
any intention for it to be more than it was on both our parts."
She said. "At least, that was how we felt in the beginning. But
then he started wanting more, and I didn't think that I did,
"But he said
jump and you said how
"If you want to look
at it that way."
"There is no other way
to look at it. Why did you see him again, if it was only going to
be a one time thing?"
remembering her phone call with Gabriel...
"Where are you, when
are you coming home?" Lourdes asked Gabe. He had called her three
times that day, something he never did when he was out of
"I'm stuck at a train
station and I have a 2 hour delay." He said. "Look, do you think
you can do me a favor?"
"Yeah, what do you
"The last time I
talked to Alex, the wanker sounded as if he was shit faced. And I
got the feeling that he was two days into being five day drunk.
Will you go over to his place and check on
"I don't know Gabe,
you know how he gets when he's in one of those
"Yeah, I know, but
when I talked to him he wouldn't tell me what the problem was,
and then I hear from his brother that he lost a part that could
make or break his career. I'm just a little worried about him. I
was hoping you could help stop him from spiraling out of control
before it gets worst."
"Gabe, I'll try, but I
have a busy day too."
"See what you can do
love, I promise I'll make it up to you."
Lourdes punched in the
number to Alex's gate. She slowly walked up the driveway leading
to the house. One of the car's was parked at a strange angle and
the trunk was open. The front double doors were slightly open
also. Lourdes walked slowly past the doors and tried the knob on
the main door. It was unlocked.
She walked into the
house. It was slightly messy, torn papers on the floor, a chair
was knocked over. She was a little nervous. She couldn't tell if
Alexsander had a hard night or if there was a
called out. She jumped as she heard something crash to the floor
far away. She stood there, still for a moment, contemplating what
to do. She turned and looked at the front door, wondering if she
should leave. When she turned back around, she saw a tall
silhouette passing by.
"Alex!" She called
running after him.
Alexsander stopped by
the atrium and turned to face her. He was a mess. He was wearing
dirty white converse shoes, that had mud all over them. One shoe
had blue strings and the other had red shoe strings. His shorts
were stained with unidentifiable substances and he was shirtless.
His hair was all over the place and his eyes were
"Alex, what's going on
I thought you had been robbed!"
He turned and walked
into the atrium and stopped in front of a chair as if he was
going to sit down, but instead plopped down on the ground and
leaned his body up against the wall.
Lourdes dropped her
stuff and went and sat down next to him.
then?" He asked with the suttle Swedish accent that he almost
never used. He began rubbing his nose clumsily. "Where the fuck
have you been, I been calling you
Yeah he was wasted. He
also smelled flammable. He almost never talked like a like that,
except for when he was too far gone to control himself. And,
except for when they were in bed...
"Gabe called me to
come and check on you, he was worried."
"Yeah good guy...he
"Alex what's wrong?"
"You and I are fucking
over!" He yelled. "That's what's wrong!"
"Been calling you for
days!" He pulled his phone out of his pocket and held it high
above his head as if it was some kind of proof. "Calling!" He
said, throwing it across the room. It shattered loudly against
Lourdes looked across
the room, sighing. "Alex what was the point in doing
"Why would Gabe need
to call you to check on me? Huh?" He asked slurring his
"He said you were
upset about losing a part."
"Fifteen fucking times
they made me audition!" He yelled. "Had it in the bag! And they
gave it to some cunt who can't act. And do you know
"No." She said softly.
But she could guess, the part probably went to an American
"Yeah of course you
don't know! You don't know anything because you don't talk to me
anymore. You're a shitty fucking friend!" He was starting to slur
his words again. "And I did intercourse on another girl the other
night when you stood me up...a peerrrfect 10, it was very
Lourdes rolled her
eyes shaking her head. She tried not to
"But you don't know
that either, because suddenly you're too busy for
"I know, I'm sorry."
She rubbed his head and he rested it on her shoulder. "It's just
been hard to talk like we use to, when things are so different
between us now."
"Because you don't
love me anymore. Nobody does. I'm never going to make it." His
eyes were closed as if he was starting to fall
she sighed wrapping her arms around him, "you have so many great
things in your life. You're surrounded by people who love you
very much, you have great friends, a nice life, this is just one
part that didn't work out. You've never
gotten this down before
over losing something."
"This was important to
me." He muttered.
be other roles, better roles, and baby," she said taking her arms
from around him so she could face him, "you've
already made it. The world
loves you, the camera loves you and you have tons of adoring
fans, it's only a matter of time before you become a superstar,
and then I'll be able to say I knew you
"Why, where are you
going?" He asked confused.
"Nowhere," she said
wrapping her arms around him again, "I'm not going
into his pockets. "I should call
agent, been calling...for days. What the
hell did I do with my
"You just trashed it."
She said pointing across the room.
"Right." He said. Alex
looked at her with his eyes glazed over. "I should go home," he
tried to drag himself up off the floor, "sorry for dropping in on
you like this."
"No Alex," Lourdes
said jumping up after him as he moved quickly through the house,
"you're already home, let's just put you to
"Right." He said
again, but he stood in place not sure where to go
Lourdes grabbed his
hand and guided him to a sofa. He sat down looking drained and
tired. She knelt down on the floor and pulled off his muddy shoes
and socks. She tossed them to the side as he swung his long legs
up on the sofa and stretched out.
"Don't know why you're
doing this." He muttered. "Not going to
"What's not?" She
asked half listening, opening up a throw cover to put on
"You taking care of
"Oh Alex," she said
sighing again. "Baby, just try and get some sleep, you won't even
remember this tomorrow."
"I will," he said,
"don't talk to me like that."
"Not a child..." He
muttered, closing his eyes.
"I know baby." She
said. She turned, sat still on the floor and leaned her back
against the sofa. They were silent for what seemed like forever.
She thought that Alex had finally gone to sleep. She got up to
"You don't trust me."
He said, with his eyes still closed. "You don't trust me, I don't
trust you. Crap friend."
Lourdes sat back down
on the floor. Alex reached out from where he was still laying and
he cupped his arm around the front of her neck and shoulders.
"Convince me...otherwise..." he said.
"It was easy wasn't
it?" Lourdes asked. "You and me. What we did. It was much easier
than I ever thought it would be."
Alex snorted. "Will
that be your excuse if Gabe ever found out?"
Lourdes stifled back a
laugh. "No, I'll just tell him that your beauty and the moonlight
"I don't know what he
will hate worse."
"Maybe this is our
chance," Lourdes paused, "we can stop right now. No one will ever
Alex said nothing. She
wasn't sure if he was awake or even listening, but with him so
intoxicated, this was the best possible time for her to get this
off her chest.
"Do you wanna stop?"
She went silent too.
Their emotions were not apart of the deal, and they were braking
every rule that they agreed not to brake. She hated feeling this
vulnerable. His breathing had slowed, it was probably a good idea
to take off now. He still had his arm wrapped around her. She
pressed her chin into his muscle and let her lips graze his
"When we're alone," he
said giving her a fright, "when it's just you and I. You make me
feel like I'm all that you need. And no other
Lourdes said nothing,
she only listened.
"Gabe is always going
to keep us at a distance," he went on, "but you keep me
persistent. One day your going to have to make a
"I think that is an
unrealistic request." Lourdes spoke softly. "I mean, don't you?
Given the life you live?"
"What am I to you?" He
you?" She asked
"You first." He
that type of shite that does my
head in," he said, "when you shut down like that. What a fuckin'
idiot I've been about
"Alex-" she tried to
stop him before he said something they both weren't prepared to
"You won't even
consider the possibility, will you?" He was starting to sound
"That wasn't part of
"Why? Because nobody
can measure up to your perfect Gabriel?"
"I just wanted you to
comfort me, when I called you late last night. That's all I
wanted. It wasn't about the other...I was crashing hard and I
just needed my mate."
Lourdes couldn't face
him. He may had needed a friend in the beginning, but it wouldn't
have ended up that way.
"I think about all the
words you say to me, about life and truth and being free..." he
paused, "and the next day it's like you don't know me! But I know
how I make you feel and you know how you make me feel. So why do
I have to question all this being real?"
"Don't what?" He
asked. "Why are you so afraid to confront what's in front of
"Because we're just
not there yet. And I don't know if I ever will
"You're a liar." He
said. "You're just afraid to tell me what I want to
"Maybe that's your
problem," she said, "maybe you're too use to girls falling in
love with you instantly."
said, "I don't see it...but I
"I have to go." She
"I just want to know
where I stand with you?"
"We'll talk in the
clear light of day."
Lourdes stood up to
get her stuff.
Alex sat up on the
sofa. "I promise you," he said, "next time, you will feel
Lourdes stop. She
turned and faced him. God he was beautiful. Beautiful fucked up
man. Eyes bloodshot and a mess, and he was still breaking her
"Will you stay," he
said, "for just a bit longer?"
"How did you leave
it?" Albear asked.
"I stayed until he
"I didn't have the
words to express what he wanted me to say. So I picked a song
that I thought would say it all for me. And I phrased it in the
form of a poem. This way I could tell him how I felt, and he
could have some piece of mind."
"I bet it was brutal."
"So what song?" He
"What Am I To
Jones." She said.
"How fitting. Tell it
Lourdes reached for
her purse and pulled out her first draft letter of the song. She
handed it to him. "Read away."
Alby read slowly, when
he was done, he looked at Lourdes.
"And the rest was
history." Lourdes said. "Somehow we saw each other one way or
another, practically everyday." She paused and looked at Albear.
"Now you're caught up."
"Yeah, shit." She
"I bet he didn't
expect you to go balls out."
expect me to go balls
out, it just befitted the
"Cut the shit." He
said. "Yes, he may be trying to trick you into confessing true
feelings for him, and yes, he may be an arrogant asshole who
commands all of your attention-"
"Sounds like somebody
else I know." She said smiling.
"But he's an actor.
They're all like that!"
"And some big shot
lawyers, I might add." Lourdes cracked.
"But you...your trying
to make this boy fall in love with you."
is not what I'm
doing!" She exclaimed.
the fuck are you
"I just want us to be
on even footing. On the same page. So nobody get's
"What fucking fairy
tale are you living in? Somebody always gets
"Well I'm sure you can
give me pointers Albear, being that you've had tons of
"Lourdes, it's an
unavoidable situation. Someone always ends up wanting more than
the other person can give them, and someone always
"That's great!" She
said. "That's what I want, for all of this to run it's coarse and
then we can all go back to normal."
"And you think that
when it's all said and done, that you will be able to walk away
"You bet your sweet
ass I do." She said. "Just watch me."