I have been writing now for more years than I care to recall. As a boy I wrote lyrics for songs no one would hear especially as I caouldn't write a tune let alone play a musical instrument.
Later in life I decided to write about issues events and people I knew Booksie gave me the chance yo bring these to an audience.
I have been married to Kate for a couple of years now and infact it is our anniversary next month. She has stood by me through thick and thin. I believe we are happy although some say our happiness would be complete with children, we don't care.
I first wrote about the issue in a long story depicting the events, issues problems and sadness of a friend. He despises the issue and the bullting and as he gets older age does not calm his disgust at the discrimination and refusual to accept the injustice that exists.
Singlism is the name given to this discrimination by an American social scientist Bella DePaulo. She has written numerous books on the issue notable Singled Out and Singlism What It Is, Why It Matters, and How to Stop It.
Singlism is the discrimnation, negative stereotyping, stigmatizing, bullying and patronizing of people who are single whether by circumstances or desire. In my definition I go further than Bella. It is mostly practiced by couples many who don't believe it exists, even worse the victims are equally unaware or pass it off as "thats life".
Single people or Singletons came in different packages, Those who have been single all their life some through choice but the majority if they are honest due to unjust circumstances. They are born and die single,
Those who are sometimes singe other times part of a couple serial singletons
Then other circumstances create singletons, death, divorce the dumped, victims.
Also their are different viewpoins from wher to see the issue for singletons the majority want a partner a soul mate to make them happy and complete. The numerous pictures on dating sites and their is not one dailly newspaper that today doesn't have a lonely hearts advertising for that special one. It bears testimony even though many don't admit their true feelings.
Some singles genuinlingly are happy to stay single these are in the minority believ me
Couples wether married, dating living in sin they have a view point and are often the ones looking down, bullying or patronizing in a vein attempt to play down the sense of importance they feel.
Why is this discrimination allowed to excists what everyday examples have we?
Their is no law against Singlism the only attempt to bring any law to the English statute book goes as far back as 1985
This bill was brought to the commons by Bill ordered to be brought in by Mr. Greville Janner, Mr. Gerry Bermingham, Miss Betty Boothroyd, Mr. Gordon Brown, Mr. Jim Craigen, Mr. Michael Foot, Mr. John Home Robertson, Mr. Ian Mikardo, Mr. Merlyn Rees, Ms. Jo Richardson, and Mr. David Marshall.
One later Prime Minister an opposition leader and many notable politicians it failed.
Later updated discrimination law has been passed but none to protect the singletons of the UK while Marrieds and couples are protected.Despite this it is still questioned whether the issue eists
Power couples especially like to down while others who feel the need to bully use it as a weapon
Ignorance others are ignorant through the desire not to believe or they do not want to believe
Ease Its so easy to pratice singlism when you're looking for a modern form of discrimination
It is probable the single holiday maker or traveler who faces the worst and most costly forms of discrimination. Some will say itd basic economics untrue I say as one person is half the mess, eats half the food and spends less time in their hotel room than a couple would. Without a partner to snuggle up to when the excitment of a new bright city with much to see awaits the brave singleton ventures out from the warm duveut.
Shows how one singleton is treated when seeking a holiday and yes there are solo and single holidays but the majority of destinations are for families while no travel company feels the need to provide a couples holiday. Is their a gap in the market or no demand!?.
Xmas and birthday parties the story told by a friend about a staff party he was expected to attend on his own. The secretary who was organising the xmas lunch told him the manager wanted all the staff to attend.
How many is that in total he asked she couldn't or more likely would not answer the simple question which required the total number of staff.
The staff want to go with partbers he was told and so he repeated the question adding do the two numbers differ.
No he was told
ah you do know the answer he responded and in a huff the secretary walked off with her final words ringing out "I invited you!"
The nmanager wanted everyone except the friend to go with partbner as he the manager would do.
The staff didn't care as long as they all went with partners the secretary wanted to be able to say to the manager she had asked my friend who refused (a lie)
And my friend wanted to go with someone he wanted to go with.
February 14th card shops Is there a St Singletons day If their was a market the card shops would invent it!
Weddings Another friend remains totally muffed at an insult she recieved when a relative was due to get married. Without being asked she was required to go with a sibling!
Work place who is more likely to get promoted infact look at the top ranks of politics how many Prime Ministers have been batchelors why did Gordon Brown get married what happens to the unmarried MP's
All year round
Have you seen the advert for save the children a dying child would ask for your help of she could!
And do you remember the uproar when Glen Hoddle the England football manager said people are born eothout arms and legs for a reason.
Imagine if he said singletons don't have partners for a reason or Bib Geldolf salling for couples to ensure all singlrtons had a partner.
No I couldn't see it happening either!
Couples, employers business supermarkets, dating sites.
Couples are the worse Do they keep in touch with single friends when married
When one friend gets a boy friend while the other remains a spinster the second is called Jealous.
What kind of friend is that selfish I say why not help the friend ask what the frind wants.
When I was unemployed my mother sought to help me get a job (without asking what I wanted) while I remained single and unhappy she did nowt atall.
Bella examines the issue from her single and be happy respective. Enjoy being single and live the single life. Kim Calvers has set up a magazine and organises event specifically for singles. Bella is a fifty something lady some unkindly descrime her appearance as not deserving of a partner. I bet she is a warm and loveable person and I believe everyone deserves a partner.
Kim is younger and attractive with flowing blonde hair. She could easily win a beauty contest in her age catogry. She chooses to live encourage and enjoy the single life.
The prespective I view it from is that majority who even though they will not always admit it they desire a steady long term partner.
So what are the Cause & Solutions of the problem
Due to lack of education, understanding and Legislation. Their is a freat lack of desire in preventing the situation occuring. For the perputrator the pleasure is in the power and bullying of victims.
What causes it and What is the solution
Education All bullies are uneducated often they bully too make up for their lack in the brain area. It also gives them the feeling of power by discrimination against singles. When a person in a relationship sees a singleton they feel more important even when the relationship is in the doldroms. They know they enjoy something the singleton more often than not desires. They can patronize say nice things about the situation aah and coo. It is the bully who looks good while the singleton victim feels doomed and weak.
Legislation Well we have none to defend and support even the Court of human rights which should support the right to a partner doesn't.
Understanding well does a married person know how a singleton feels especially when they say looking down on the singleton It doesn't matter! you vcan on your own No one will mind! its patronizing bull!
negotiation well that should be the answer have you tried negotiating a solution with someone in power whose only desire is to ensure the haves keep what they have and the have nots get shafted? No
Who is responsible and who should solve it
So everyone is responsible and should ensure discrimination ends and those that want a partner achieve their aim. Question just because we have a glutton of food is that alright shouln't we transfer the surplus to those who lack basic needs food and water? thats what charity organisations do
We have discrimination legislative to cover gender, sexual orientation, ability race religion. I say discrimination laws should cover all forms of discrimination do you agree?
Companies, when the annual christmas party season is in full force what does you company do?
encourage and allow bullying expect some to sacrifice their rights each year. If a company expects hard work and dillegence all year round then surely they should sure all their staff receive eqiuall and all benefits at the Xmas party irrespective of Gender, sexual orientation, race marital status, religion or beliefs and any other form of discrimination.
which solution is best
I've concentrated on my belief that everyone deserves a partner and that we should be helping achieve this. Singlism in other forms are well reviewed by Bella.
So the Internet and dating sites are popular but how many genuine people are on these sites. What about meeting at pub/library/work/chance. Yes it is down to chance and you have to go for other reasons probable with another person. Then you meet that person and want to leave your friend alone Is that fair or mean.
Arranged, well arranged marriages have their good points especially in a society that believes in the importance it delievers to society!
Those who are against this never shout or complain when a person is forced to attend a party/social event alone. They say nothing when a person is FORCEd not to attend because they are expected AGAINST their will to turn up alone. Thats life some say, it doesn't matter another or selfish a third point. Then if you believe in any of these arguments do as you say turn up alone give up a partner and become a life long singleton by choice.
No thought not well the chances of a friend the best option I believe is an introduction from a friend, equivalent to a reference chances just above zero. why
I don't know anyone they so their is only one singleton in the world
No one wants them or go else where they sugest.
I don't know haw too says the friend with a partner and was the person who introduced her friends.
It doesn't matter you are too nice you are far to active as if all or any of these are good reasons fir a person to be denied a partner!
The age old problem of rejection. Common practice is to nip it in the bud early with praise for the asker being nice. This denies the opportunty for both parties to see the problem and despite the best intention the person (usually male) inviting the second party always feels down with the "what might have been". It can also create more tention as the first party may try harder and getting more frustrated while the other party is pestered more!
If a person is genuinlingly nice and liked give it a go boost their confidence in a proper way consider it charity work yes you run the risk later. Most people appreciate more the making an effort than being denied especially when they view it dishonest.
Being told your nice is meaningless to the person who has lost out as Is "you deserve someone better". If you believe that you ill introduce the person to the better person!
This is cruel
I believe that anyone who knows a single friend should first ask does that person want to be single. If it is through choice then leave it if not are you a good samiritan? If your child was unemployed would you want them to get a job when you see a starving child on the TV news do you want to give or see Bob Geldof calling for your money. Does the same apply to a lonely single person I will lead by example as will my wife!
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