My name was formerly Courtney Ocean but I now go by the name Natalia Merlo.
My life as Courtney Ocean was a simple one. My hair was mousy brown, my skin was pale and my body was the only thing I was comfortable with - I was very fit since whenever I wasn't at work I was at the gym.
I was born -1976- in Harlem, New York and by the time I was twenty five years old I was the 'Spencer Reid' of my time - I was known as the best profiler and greatest asset to the FBI. I loved my job but there was always one man's name that kept cropping up and really putting a big downer on my cases. Every case in which his name popped up - no matter how much evidence - we wouldn't be able to charge him because of his connections.
That man's name was Carlos Merlo. I watched him, who knows how many times to analysis him and each time I knew he had committed the crime.
The connections he had were too great. Carlos Merlo was the biggest most powerful mob boss of New York and I became obsessed with nailing him for the crimes he'd committed and the cases of mine he'd messed up.
I followed him out of hours one night; I'd pulled his file and got some of my fellow FBI colleagues to give me the idea of where he'd be.
I ended up at his nightclub and walked right into his office and talked to him face to face for the first time outside of a federal building. He was impressed by me and - to my at the time horror - I was charmed by him. After that night I came to his night club frequently and our relationship went from me trying to get him jailed, to me and him dating. Nobody knew anything of our relationship, which wasn't hard - I wasn't very friendly and didn't speak to many people at work. I had no idea how it happened but it happened, and it happened fast. After time his crimes, didn't seem horrible and they no longer mattered. I fell in love.
I fell in love with a Mob Boss.
Carlos was 6ft 4" to my 5ft 3". He came from New York himself and was well built with beautiful brown eyes and a shaved head. He was gorgeous - in fact he still is. Carlos, like me was self made. He worked his way up into the mob and became successful in every way.
I was totally fascinated by him and he was totally fascinated by me. Of course his 'family' were not too pleased with me and assumed I was working 'undercover' but after they carried out their own investigations they realised I was genuine. It was difficult to them as one of the many rules is to keep clear of those with police connections. I still believe the only reason I was allowed to stay in the 'family' was because Carlos himself was in charge of the most powerful Mob in America and what he said was law.
I wasn't just a shocking choice, but a choice that was taboo. I was the ultimate sin.
By 1993 I quit my Job as an FBI worker. Those who still thought of me as a 'double agent' were, well, shall we say silenced?
(Carlos is very protective)
My life was suddenly glamorous and full of excitement and Carlos treated me well and made sure I knew as little as possible about his life as 'Boss', which was difficult and I knew more than he thought.
I was an only child and I was the only living member of my family left. I came from nothing and left my home as soon as I was able. I really was rags to riches. I was self made which is one of the main things that made Carlos fall for me. He thought I was very strong and level headed.
I was ignorant at the time of my life and had new true idea or knowledge of the mob, now it's a different story.
In 1994 Carlos proposed to me and we were married in 1995, I changed my name the day I became his wife. As soon as I became his wife I decided I was too part of his Mob. He welcomed this feeling of mine with open arms and much to the - anger of some - surprise to others, in our 'family' Carlos made me Underboss and I've not looked back.
Since he made me underboss - those many - years ago the 'family' is now my family. They respect my position as I respect there's and I love everything about my boys. Surprisingly, I' am the only women in my husband's mob who has an actual role. Many of the men have wives - of course - but none of them have any role, apart from being a 'gangster's' wife.
All of the wives respect me very much; however I do not like many of the wives. Some pretend to know little about their husbands work and some are very supported. It depends very much on the wife of the man and not the 'rank' of the husband.