I was molested by my father starting at an early age. Five years old is the earliest recollection I have. When I was 12 I had an abortion, a week before my thirteenth birthday.
People would call what he did to me " rape". But when you think of rape, don't you also think of violence ? My dad was never violent and in fact was always gentle with me. See what I mean by circumstances ? I don't consider what he did as rape, I suppose because he was my father and never hurtful.
Because of my introduction at such an early age to sex, I became very much addicted to the attention of older men .......fathers of friends. Was it rape when these men didn't say " no " to me ? Most likely, but there again.....circumstances. Even though I was friends to their daughters they were just men and they have no control, right ? I do now know better and I would consider this rape if it were in the news today .
At 14 I ran away and would have sex with many older men under the guise of prostitute. Those men who pimped me, or paid those men to have sex with me ? Was that rape ?
I know rape. Rape is being forced, and for the life of me I can't fix it in my mind to call any of the above rape. Although I have been a hostage to sex all my life it seems.
I was held for days by one man I thought was my friend and was taking me to get help. That was rape.
Years later, after four years of beatings and rape after I'd escaped that relationship I let him back in. He held me captive for a week and sodomized me throughout the day. That was the one instance I consider myself raped.
It damaged me in more ways than one. And all of it sticks to my memory's.
I've been in a loving relationship now for 27 years , and because of such memory's, as much as I may deny it........they have made me feel still, a hostage to sex when I don't feel like I can respond to s / o's advances.